Kiss Me

They'd been at this a while - the whole kissing when drunk and only whilst drunk - and Alex didn't think that Jack knew how much each kiss meant to him truly.

It felt like he was falling more and more in love with every simple peck of Jack's lips. Alex couldn't stop it, nor did he really want to.

Alex didn't want to be the one to ruin the happiness he could see radiating from Jack's face, but he needed to say something, otherwise he was going to go crazy.

He just needed to find the right moment, Alex reassured himself. That was all.



Two days, one show, two parties and several kisses later (both onstage for the fans and in the relative private of the back lounge when drunk), and Alex still hadn't told Jack.

He blamed it on the lack of 'bonding time' they'd had recently. Normally, Alex would've found an excuse to just cuddle with Jack, watching a movie or some shit like that. But he can't, not when he knew that by telling Jack his big 'secret', he was going to fucking ruin their friendship well beyond repair, and he didn't want to lose Jack as his best friend. He really didn't.



"Hey Alex."

Alex looked up and found Jack staring at him. He wasn't going to lie; it was kind of flattering to have all of Jack's attention. He knew it wouldn't last though - especially once he's told Jack about his love for him - so he knew he had to make the most of it.

"Yeah Jack?" Alex replied, faking being relaxed when in truth he was the exact opposite. He was so (irrationally) nervous, he was almost fucking shaking.

"What's up with you lately?"

"Nothing," Alex lied, "Nothing's wrong."

Jack sighed and sat down on the chair opposite Alex. He said, "That wasn't what I was asking Alex."

Alex tilted his head, playing at being confused when he really wasn't. He knew what Jack was getting at.

"Then what were you asking Jack?"

"Something's been on your mind for the past couple of days, and..." Jack paused briefly, his eyebrows scrunching up with curiosity, "I'd like to know what it is."

The time had come finally for Alex to tell the truth to Jack about how he felt when they kissed, and he wasn’t nervous, he was shit-scared. Alex struggled to find the words to describe the depth of love he felt for Jack – and wasn’t that ironic? The main lyricist of All Time Low having trouble finding words.

Alex gulped before beginning to explain, “Jack, you know how we kiss when we’re drunk as fuck? Well, I feel differently about you because of that, it’s like I need you in my life to make me happy. Fuck, you make me feel loved, even if I know that you don’t fucking love me back, and you can ignore everything I just said if you want, I just needed to say them before they consumed me completely, not that they haven’t already.”

Jack blinked wordlessly. He hadn’t expected that…whatever that was.

Alex gulped forcefully, trying to quell the urge to start bawling. He couldn’t, not in front of Jack, not when he’d just basically confessed his love for the younger and he’d just looked at him. Quickly, Alex walked off the bus, into the fresh air, ignoring the calls of Rian and Zack.



As Alex left the bus, Jack went to his bunk in a daze. He lay down on his bunk, pulling the curtain closed and staring up at the bunk above him.

Alex loved him? Jack Barakat? Why? There was nothing in him that was worthy of Alex's unfailing love, nothing. But he had the love anyway.

Why did that thought that make him happy inside?

Jack thought about the times they had kisses onstage - because they were the only ones he could remember - and recalled the way his stomach flipped with excitement when Alex's lips pressed against his own. He could brush that feeling off as an accident, as a result of the best experience of his life.

But...the feeling had been there when Alex had kissed him backstage that night when Jack had been sober, and Alex had been drunk; a change from the normal. Jack didn't feel like he could blame that swooping in his stomach on being onstage, performing for their rabid fans.

Now that he had the time and a reason to closely examine the feelings that he'd been feeling around Alex, especially when they kissed, Jack could believe that he, while not in love with Alex, could learn to love Alex.

That was a scary thought for Jack, as before now, he'd always believed himself to be straight, but maybe he wasn't. Not completely.



It’d been three days since Alex had (stupidly) told Jack about his feelings of love towards him, and Jack had said nothing to him, which made Alex so goddamn terrified he couldn’t even explain. And it wasn’t like he could confide in Rian or Zack, because that’d mean explaining what had happened between him and Jack. He wasn’t sure if he could relive the heartache all over again.

He knew that Rian and Zack suspected something was wrong with him. It was obvious, Alex was sure, in the way that the last show hadn’t been as full of energy from him, and he felt kind of guilty for the fans, but he couldn’t talk to and joke around with Jack as though he hadn’t torn his heart out. He just couldn’t.



“Hey Alex.”

Alex looked up from his position of lying down on his bunk. It was Jack. Sighing mentally, he replied reluctantly, “Hi.”

As he tapped his finger on the wall, Jack asked quickly, “D’you wanna maybe…go out?”

Alex gaped, mouth moving uselessly for a few minutes before he pulled himself together and he said, “Wait, what?”

To Alex's immense shock, Jack blushed and shrugged, saying almost too quiet to be heard, "Well, I just kinda thought that you'd wanna get out of your bunk, and maybe like stretch your legs and get some food at this cute cafe I found while we were driving here. It'd be cool, but you don't have to come, if you don't want."

"I... Yeah, that'd be ok." Alex managed to say, still in shock.

Jack's smile lit up his whole face, his brown eyes shining with happiness.

What Alex couldn't figure out was why Jack would be so pleased about going out with him. After all, Alex had told Jack that he loved him, which was, to Alex, a dick move, especially when he knew (he fucking knew) that Jack didn't love him back and wouldn't know what to say.



When they got to the cafe Jack had found, Alex discovered that Jack had called ahead and organised a suitable table for them to share. They were seated by their server (who introduced himself as "Jerry") at one of the tables near the back of the cafe.

As he looked through the menu - which was mainly made up of salads, warm sandwiches that Alex could smell from the kitchen, and soups - Alex asked the question that had been weighing on his mind since Jack asked him here.

"So Jack, why the sudden desire to ask me out?"

Jack's eyes went wide and he stammered uselessly for a few minutes before eventually replying, "I just kinda wanted to..."

"Wanted to?" Alex said, feeling his eyebrows draw together in confusion. Why would Jack (of all people) want to ask him out?

"I... Yeah." Jack looked down at his menu just as their server came over, and took their drink order.

As the server walked away, holding his little notepad in his left hand, Alex thought about how long he'd felt the way he did about his next friend.

It'd been this way ever since they'd began touring as All Time Low. At first, Alex had brushed the feelings off as irrelevant and unimportant; maybe he was just so pleased that they'd got a record deal and a tour, and was simply transferring those feelings onto the nearest familiar person, and in the band's early days he'd spent most of his time with Jack. But as the years wore on, and the fans yelled at them to kiss onstage more and more often, Alex couldn't deny the fluttering in his stomach whenever he thought about kissing the younger. He was totally head over heels for Jack, but after three years of almost straight touring, he simply couldn't deny it any longer.

The sound of Jack's voice saying, "Alex, you're thinking again," shocked Alex out of his internal monologue. He blinked for a moment before his eyes focussed on Jack's slightly concerned look.

He smiled, but before Alex could answer, their server came back with their drinks - diet coke for Alex, and lemonade for Jack. Their server then asked what they wanted to eat. With a brief glance at his menu, Alex decided to have a ham sandwich with fries. He watched as Jack ordered a cheese and onion sandwich with tomato soup.

"I... I was just thinking..." Alex stuttered, taking a sip of his ice cold drink, feeling it slip down his throat.

Jack shrugged, smiling slightly, "About what?"

Alex's mouth moved uselessly for a second before he pulled himself together, and said, with a small smile playing on his lips, "I was just thinking about when I realised that I liked you."

"And when was that?" Jack asked, titling his head to the right.

"About four years ago."

"Huh."

After pondering for a minute, Alex decided to take the conversation back to its original beginning.

"Jack, you never answered my question fully." He said.

"Oh yeah?"

"Why did you ask me out? Kind of out of the blue, don't you think?" Alex said, smiling a little. Although he was nervous about the outcome of this question; it would probably ruin him for the rest of the tour and beyond, but he wanted to know regardless. It wasn't like Jack liked him, in no more than a friendly way. Alex hoped that they could remain friends, even if they couldn't remain best friends. After all, there was the band and the fans to consider.

"Cause I wanted to?" Jack said, making his answer sound more like a question.

"You've told me that." Alex replied as their server arrived at their table with their food. He waited until the server has gone before continuing, "And I don't think that it's the proper answer."

Jack looked up from his sandwich, swallowing his mouthful. He then took a drink of his lemonade, and Alex wasn't stupid, he knew Jack was stalling, but he didn't know why.

When Jack didn't speak for a few more minutes, Alex cajoled gently, "C'mon Jack, you can tell me. I'm your best friend."

Jack blinked slowly, breathing in and out slowly. It seemed to Alex that Jack was preparing himself for confession of some sort. It was quiet between the two men for several minutes, apart from the sounds of them eating their respective sandwiches, until Jack finally spoke haltingly.

"Alex, I'm not going to sugarcoat anything for you," Jack began, "I don't love you..."

Alex's world crashed down like a card tower in the wind. Even though he already knew that, it still hurt to hear. His heartbeat thundering in his ears was the only thing that he could hear, so he missed the next part of Jack's sentence. Alex felt tears leak out of his eyes and he scrubbed at them with the back of his hand, wishing that he didn't have to deal with this. He'd been ok when he knew Jack didn't know about his feelings. Why did he have to fuck it all up?

"Alex? I thought you'd be happy." Jack said, his face showing his confusion.

"Why would I be happy?!" Alex spat, his heartbreak making him angry at Jack, "When you just told me that you don't love me? I'm not happy, I'm heartbroken Jack!"

With that, Alex stood up and stormed out of the cafe, refusing to cry anymore in front of Jack. He'd already made a fool of himself by thinking that Jack would ever have the same feelings, and he didn't want to increase his feelings of foolishness.

As he watched Alex leave, Jack's shoulders slumped and he thought that maybe Alex didn't want to be with him. But as Alex had already confessed his love for Jack, that made Jack think that he'd done something wrong.

He pondered Alex's parting words as he paid the bill for their meal, even though they hadn't finished. Jack didn't feel like eating when he knew he had to do something about Alex.

He had to tell Alex in a better way, in a way that made him got through to the elder.



On his way back to the tour bus, Jack brought a card with a red heart on and wrote what he'd said in the cafe in it. He could only hope that Alex would read it, not tear it up into pieces.

When he got back to the bus, Rian and Zack dragged him to sit in between them on the couch.

"Alex came in crying and muttering your name," Zack said, placing a hand on Jack's shoulder, "Do you know why?"

Jack gulped, "Y-yes."

"What happened then?" Rian asked, looking sympathetic.

Jack didn't want to answer, but he knew he had to. Maybe they would help him. But first he needed to ask them to give the card to Alex. He knew instinctively that Alex wouldn't want to see him, and that thought made him want to cry but he didn't. He wouldn't fucking cry until he knew for certain that he had no chance with Alex.

"Could - could one of you give this to Alex?" Jack asked, dragging the slightly crumpled card out of his pocket and holding it out to his friends, "He - he won't want to see me."

"I'll do it," Rian said, taking the card off Jack, "What is it?"

"Just give it to him."

Rian stood up and went to where the bunks were.



"Alex?"

"G'way." Alex said, muffling his tears in his pillow. He heard whoever it was stop outside his bunk; they clearly hadn't listened to his instruction.

A hand swung the curtain aside and Rian's face pushed through, saying, "Alex, I've got something for you."

Rian held out a simple card with a red heart on. Alex could feel his hopes going up and cursed himself silently. It wouldn't be from Jack, it'd be from a fan or something. He took it from the drummer, opening it quickly, bending the already crumpled card.

His brown eyes scanning quickly over the card, Alex read:



"Alex?" Rian said.

"Is - is Jack out there?" Alex asked urgently, climbing out of his bunk.

"Yes," Rian responded, "What was in the card?"



"Jack, what's going on between you and Alex?" Zack asked, curiously.

"Something, nothing," Jack mumbled, putting his head in his hands, "I don't fucking know."

"What d'you mean you don't know?"

Jack sighed, resigning himself to tell the whole sorry tale, from Alex confessing his love for him to their talk in the cafe earlier on. Specifically, him fucking it up. Majorly.

"So that card was telling Alex that you could learn to love him?" Zack said.

Jack nodded, "But I don't think he'll read it."

Jack heard someone's footsteps and then they stopped. He looked up to find Alex in the doorway, smiling softly.

"I read it."

"You - you..." Jack stuttered, "Y-you did?"

Alex nodded, stepping forward into the room fully, still smiling. He said, "I did. And I couldn't be happier."

Jack stood up and went over to Alex, pulling him into a hug. He then, uncaring of the audience they had consisting of Zack and Rian, who'd come in just after Alex, placed a deep kiss on Alex's lips.

Alex responded enthusiastically, sliding his tongue over Jack's bottom lip and smiling when Jack's lips parted, just a little, but enough to let Alex's tongue in. He remembered why kissing Jack is his favourite thing.

Rian turned to Zack, saying, "They've worked it out then?"

Zack laughed, "What do you think?"

"The evidence points to the fact that they have."

Jack pulled away from Alex long enough to say, "Damn straight we've worked it out," and then continued kissing the man who he'd never thought of kissing before now, except when drunk or onstage. What a mistake that'd been.

Oh well, Jack thought, he was rectifying that now.