A Girl I Don't Know

" I hate you!" I scream pushing dad away.
"all you care about are tours and whores! You promised you would be home for my birthday and Halloween and Christmas!"
"I'm sorry Jaime. I cant tell them when I can tour and when I cant!" His blue eyes shone with hurt "You know it doesn't work like that" he said shaking his head looking away to get his composure. "You really think I like missing your birthday." He said softly, tears building in his eyes.
Slowly he moved around the island towards me, I knew his plan. He was gonna wrap his arms around me to calm me down. I didn't want calmed down. I wanted my dad home for my birthday I didn't want to fly out to see him I wanted him here. He doesn't want to be near you the evil thoughts were out in full force.
"Bud just calm down so I can call the doctor and tell him your meds are not working. Ok" He said coming even closer.
Yanking my hair.
"Dont touch me!" I ran to the back door and out into the night. I heard dad yelling for me to come back but I kept going, the poisoning thoughts swirling in my mind.

It took forever for me to get the thoughts under control. Collapsing on a bench i ran my fingers through my hair. Guilt eating me alive. Why did i have to be this way. I should go apologize to dad he didn't deserve this. He always took care of me no matter what and what do i do make his life difficult.
"Im so fucked up" i sigh standing up and heading for home. I hope dad will forgive me.
It didn't take me that long to get home. My uncles cars were in the driveway except dad's. It was probably in the garage.

"Dad!" I yelled closing the front door, continuing down the hall i found everyone in the living room. Aunt Val looked upset she kept wiping her face. What was going on? They were used to my outbursts?
"What's going on?"
Papa Gates stood looking at everyone before returning his gaze to me.
"Listen Jaime. Please just keep calm ok." His whiskey colored eyes filled with unshed tears "Can you do that for me?"
"What's going? Where's dad? I have to tell him im sorry." an uneasy feeling came over me.
"Your dad went looking for you jaime" He took a tentative step towards me like i was a frightened animal.
"Ok let me use your phone to call him." I reached a hand out, instead of handing me his phone he took my hand in a tight grip.
"He wont answer Jaime. He was in a car accident." Tears ran down his cheeks. "your dad was going through a green light and a guy blew trough a red light and wrecked into his car. He's in critical condition."

"No! If this is some kind of payback for earlier. I understand. I won't be a child anymore. I'll be ok with tours and him missing my birthday! Just please tell him to come home!" I can feel uncle Matt wrap his arms around me as I sink to the ground.
"It's not payback bud. He's telling the truth." He whispered in my ear.
" I did this."