You're My Cure
Chapter 2
''Well hello everybody and welcome to our very first meeting. My name is Rian Dawson and I'll be your therapist for the next few months. I'll be here to help you to get back on the right back and slowly get rid of your dependence that is making your life more difficult than it should be. I know how hard it is to struggle with alcoholism. Nobody's here to judge. I'm here to help while you can also help each other by sharing your personal experience,'' our therapist said as we were all sat in circle, all staring at each other. We were all kind of shy, because most of us didn't know each other. The only thing we knew about everyone was that they were alcoholics.
He seemed to be a pretty nice guy. He didn't seem like a Devil in disguise. Rian wanted what was good for us. I knew all he wanted was to help us, but I didn't want to be saved. I didn't want to stop drinking. It was my only to escape from reality, I didn't have anything else but that. And with Vic being back in the background, I felt like I needed alcohol more than I have ever did. It was so hard seeing him again after all those years. It was so painful to be in the same room as the guy I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. It hit me hard again that Vic and I were over, that I would spend my future without him. I wasn't accepting it, I never was going to.
''For today's meeting, I'm going to ask you to all introduce yourself to the rest of the group. It'll be a good way to get to know each other a little more and break the ice. I'm going to ask you to tell us your name, your age and what made you start drinking in the first place,'' Rian said.
Turn by turn, people introduced themselves. I was barely paying attention to what they were saying, I was only focusing on Vic. I could not keep my eyes off him while he was doing everything to avoid my gaze. I couldn't believe that he was there. Even though it hurt like hell to be in the same room as him, I was glad to know that he was still alive. I was glad to have the chance to at least see him once again before I would have to die. When it finally was Vic's turn to speak, I listened to every single word that he said.
''Well, hi. My name is Victor Fuentes, but you can call me Vic. I'm 25 years old and I'm an artist. Eum, I started drinking two years ago when my young brother Mike killed himself. My mother called me that night saying that she found him in the garage, that he hang himself. Mike was everything to me and losing him was the worst pain that I have ever felt in my life. He was too young to die, I didn't want him to be gone forever. I needed him...so I started drinking to chase the pain away, but it got worst with time. Two years passed and I'm still a huge drinker and I need help. Because Mike wouldn't like to see me that way, he wouldn't be proud of me. That's why I'm here...I want to make my baby brother proud of his big brother,'' Vic explained, not looking at me once.
I remembered Mike, we used to be good friends while Vic and I were dating. We stopped talking after Vic broke up with me. Mike was an amazing humann being. He was always that happy and funny guy, always making jokes about everything. He could cheer up whenever you felt sad, he always knew what to do to make you feel better. He was a very nice guy and Vic loved him like crazy. Unlike most brothers, they never argued and were always there for each other. I knew how hard it must have been for Vic to lose Mike because losing someone you love can be the hardest thing that you'll ever go through in your life.
When it was my turn to speak, a part of me wanted to lie. The part of me who was still madly in love with Vic didn't want him to feel guilty, to feel like he was the one who led me to drinking heavily. A bigger part of needed to tell everything. There were so many things that I have kept inside of me for years, and I needed to let them out. I felt like it would make me feel a little better. Plus, I kind of wanted Vic to know everything that I have been through.
''Hello, my name is Kellin Quinn. Unlike most of you, I don't have any job even though I'm 25 years old. I started drinking 5 years ago when my boyfriend broke up with me. He put an end to a 6 years long relationship and it totally broke up. I was certain that we were forever, but I was wrong. My whole world collapsed, I couldn't picture my future without him. I needed him in my life, but he was gone. I started having suicidal thoughts and the only way I found to push them away was drinking. So here I am, 5 years after. I'm still drinking a lot, I'm depressed and I'm a loser. I don't work and I still live with my mother. I don't have any friends and my life is horrible,'' I said.
For the first time that day, Vic looked at me. In his eyes, I could see a mix of guilt and sadness. It was my turn to avoid his gaze. Looking at him in the eyes reminded me of the past and it was too painful. It reminded me of the times where I would lose myself into his big beautiful brown eyes. It reminded of the time where we used to be happy together. It reminded me of all the promises that we made, of all the things that we shared. It reminded me of the time where the inside of me was still alive unlike today where it was all dead and dull. My past with Vic was the best time of my life and knowing that I could never go back there hurt. I was only hurting, it only caused me more pain. How I wished things could have been different.
For the rest of the meeting, our therapist Rian talked to us about his own drinking experience. He didn't look like it, but he used to be an alcoholic. He started drinking after his girlfriend dumped him. I could relate to his story. He thought that this girl and him were meant to stay together forever, but life didn't want that from them. Unlike me, Rian found his happily ever after. After 3 years of being depressed and turning to alcohol to chase away the tears, he met a girl that changed his life forever. And now, they are married and are even expecting their first child.
By telling us his story, Rian wanted to give us hope that things get better, that every storm has its end. He wanted to encourage us to never give up, that we would be okay again someday. It was hard to believe when I felt like my storm would never have an end, that it would always be constant rain, thunder and lightning. I felt like I would never see the sun again, that my life would always be grey and depressing. The only thing, the only person that could help me see the sun again was Vic... and I was never going to get him back.
Rian gave us some advices on how to resist the temptation of drinking. He told us how he used to deal with the urges because it could help some of us. When he felt like drinking, Rian would go on a run along with his music or he would call his girlfriend since she was the only person who could influence him. She was the only person who motivated him to get better. He wanted to be a better person for her. And he sure did. Rian said that the better way of fighting the urge was doing something that we liked, something that could keep us distracted. I probably was a lost cause since there was nothing that I liked to do except drinking. I was doing nothing with my life, I was just a loser.
When the meeting ended, Rian wished us an excellent week and wished us good luck. I didn't want to be in the room anymore, so I rushed out of it. I went down the stairs rapidly and finally got outside in the hopes that my mother would already be there, but she wasn't. Our house was far away from where the meeting was held so she had to drop me and pick me back since I didn't have a car or my driver's license. I checked my phone and saw that she texted me. She said that she would be 15 minutes late and asked me to wait for her. I sat on the stairs as the other members got out one by one, going back to their own realities: their families, their jobs, etc. They had everything that I didn't have.
Suddenly, someone sat by my side. I turned out around and realized that it was my ex, Vic. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. I could not stop looking at him, at how beautiful he was. He used to be mine, all mine. He gave me a shy smile that I didn't give back. Instead, I went to stand up but he grabbed my hand, pushing me back on the stairs. There were tears in his eyes, just like there was in mine. I wanted this moment to end.
''What do you want, Vic?'' I asked sadly.
''I want to apologize. I never wanted to cause you so much pain, Kellin,'' Vic replied. ''I never wanted this.''
''You did. I loved you like crazy Vic, and I still do. You broke me that night, taking all the good in me with you. I thought that we were infinite, that we were meant to be. I want to move on, but I can't. I can't forget about you and it hurts because I know that you don't think about me anymore. You never contacted me again. You forgot about me quickly and went on with your life. You're probably with someone that is better than me right now while I'm just the biggest loser who can't move on from a breakup,'' I said, as more and more tears filled my eyes.
''If I had known what was happening to you, I wouldn't have let you down like I did. I would have at least tried to help you. I'm sorry that you've been through all of this because of me. I'm sorry that I'm the one who hurt you that bad, that was never my intention. But, I don't deserve that you ruin your life because of me. You are an amazing guy Kellin, and you deserve what is best in life,'' Vic added.
''If I was that amazing, you wouldn't have broken up with me. You just just as well as I do that I'm a pathetic loser, that's why you dumped me. And please, don't say that you would have been there, because you weren't. I've been on my own for five long years and nothing is ever going to change that. I've been on my own for years thinking about you and I can't be fixed. So please, stop lying to me by saying you would have helped me,'' I replied before standing up and rushing to my mother's car that had just arrived.
I didn't look back, I didn't want to see his face again for today. As I got in the car, I bursted into tears. I lied when I said that I could not be fixed. There was a cure, only one. That cure was Vic, but I didn't own the key to let me use it. A cure that would be so close from me, yet so far. I wasn't ready to see Vic again on the following week. It would always bring back my demons into the light. I guess that was the best I deserved in life: pain.
He seemed to be a pretty nice guy. He didn't seem like a Devil in disguise. Rian wanted what was good for us. I knew all he wanted was to help us, but I didn't want to be saved. I didn't want to stop drinking. It was my only to escape from reality, I didn't have anything else but that. And with Vic being back in the background, I felt like I needed alcohol more than I have ever did. It was so hard seeing him again after all those years. It was so painful to be in the same room as the guy I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. It hit me hard again that Vic and I were over, that I would spend my future without him. I wasn't accepting it, I never was going to.
''For today's meeting, I'm going to ask you to all introduce yourself to the rest of the group. It'll be a good way to get to know each other a little more and break the ice. I'm going to ask you to tell us your name, your age and what made you start drinking in the first place,'' Rian said.
Turn by turn, people introduced themselves. I was barely paying attention to what they were saying, I was only focusing on Vic. I could not keep my eyes off him while he was doing everything to avoid my gaze. I couldn't believe that he was there. Even though it hurt like hell to be in the same room as him, I was glad to know that he was still alive. I was glad to have the chance to at least see him once again before I would have to die. When it finally was Vic's turn to speak, I listened to every single word that he said.
''Well, hi. My name is Victor Fuentes, but you can call me Vic. I'm 25 years old and I'm an artist. Eum, I started drinking two years ago when my young brother Mike killed himself. My mother called me that night saying that she found him in the garage, that he hang himself. Mike was everything to me and losing him was the worst pain that I have ever felt in my life. He was too young to die, I didn't want him to be gone forever. I needed him...so I started drinking to chase the pain away, but it got worst with time. Two years passed and I'm still a huge drinker and I need help. Because Mike wouldn't like to see me that way, he wouldn't be proud of me. That's why I'm here...I want to make my baby brother proud of his big brother,'' Vic explained, not looking at me once.
I remembered Mike, we used to be good friends while Vic and I were dating. We stopped talking after Vic broke up with me. Mike was an amazing humann being. He was always that happy and funny guy, always making jokes about everything. He could cheer up whenever you felt sad, he always knew what to do to make you feel better. He was a very nice guy and Vic loved him like crazy. Unlike most brothers, they never argued and were always there for each other. I knew how hard it must have been for Vic to lose Mike because losing someone you love can be the hardest thing that you'll ever go through in your life.
When it was my turn to speak, a part of me wanted to lie. The part of me who was still madly in love with Vic didn't want him to feel guilty, to feel like he was the one who led me to drinking heavily. A bigger part of needed to tell everything. There were so many things that I have kept inside of me for years, and I needed to let them out. I felt like it would make me feel a little better. Plus, I kind of wanted Vic to know everything that I have been through.
''Hello, my name is Kellin Quinn. Unlike most of you, I don't have any job even though I'm 25 years old. I started drinking 5 years ago when my boyfriend broke up with me. He put an end to a 6 years long relationship and it totally broke up. I was certain that we were forever, but I was wrong. My whole world collapsed, I couldn't picture my future without him. I needed him in my life, but he was gone. I started having suicidal thoughts and the only way I found to push them away was drinking. So here I am, 5 years after. I'm still drinking a lot, I'm depressed and I'm a loser. I don't work and I still live with my mother. I don't have any friends and my life is horrible,'' I said.
For the first time that day, Vic looked at me. In his eyes, I could see a mix of guilt and sadness. It was my turn to avoid his gaze. Looking at him in the eyes reminded me of the past and it was too painful. It reminded me of the times where I would lose myself into his big beautiful brown eyes. It reminded of the time where we used to be happy together. It reminded me of all the promises that we made, of all the things that we shared. It reminded me of the time where the inside of me was still alive unlike today where it was all dead and dull. My past with Vic was the best time of my life and knowing that I could never go back there hurt. I was only hurting, it only caused me more pain. How I wished things could have been different.
For the rest of the meeting, our therapist Rian talked to us about his own drinking experience. He didn't look like it, but he used to be an alcoholic. He started drinking after his girlfriend dumped him. I could relate to his story. He thought that this girl and him were meant to stay together forever, but life didn't want that from them. Unlike me, Rian found his happily ever after. After 3 years of being depressed and turning to alcohol to chase away the tears, he met a girl that changed his life forever. And now, they are married and are even expecting their first child.
By telling us his story, Rian wanted to give us hope that things get better, that every storm has its end. He wanted to encourage us to never give up, that we would be okay again someday. It was hard to believe when I felt like my storm would never have an end, that it would always be constant rain, thunder and lightning. I felt like I would never see the sun again, that my life would always be grey and depressing. The only thing, the only person that could help me see the sun again was Vic... and I was never going to get him back.
Rian gave us some advices on how to resist the temptation of drinking. He told us how he used to deal with the urges because it could help some of us. When he felt like drinking, Rian would go on a run along with his music or he would call his girlfriend since she was the only person who could influence him. She was the only person who motivated him to get better. He wanted to be a better person for her. And he sure did. Rian said that the better way of fighting the urge was doing something that we liked, something that could keep us distracted. I probably was a lost cause since there was nothing that I liked to do except drinking. I was doing nothing with my life, I was just a loser.
When the meeting ended, Rian wished us an excellent week and wished us good luck. I didn't want to be in the room anymore, so I rushed out of it. I went down the stairs rapidly and finally got outside in the hopes that my mother would already be there, but she wasn't. Our house was far away from where the meeting was held so she had to drop me and pick me back since I didn't have a car or my driver's license. I checked my phone and saw that she texted me. She said that she would be 15 minutes late and asked me to wait for her. I sat on the stairs as the other members got out one by one, going back to their own realities: their families, their jobs, etc. They had everything that I didn't have.
Suddenly, someone sat by my side. I turned out around and realized that it was my ex, Vic. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. I could not stop looking at him, at how beautiful he was. He used to be mine, all mine. He gave me a shy smile that I didn't give back. Instead, I went to stand up but he grabbed my hand, pushing me back on the stairs. There were tears in his eyes, just like there was in mine. I wanted this moment to end.
''What do you want, Vic?'' I asked sadly.
''I want to apologize. I never wanted to cause you so much pain, Kellin,'' Vic replied. ''I never wanted this.''
''You did. I loved you like crazy Vic, and I still do. You broke me that night, taking all the good in me with you. I thought that we were infinite, that we were meant to be. I want to move on, but I can't. I can't forget about you and it hurts because I know that you don't think about me anymore. You never contacted me again. You forgot about me quickly and went on with your life. You're probably with someone that is better than me right now while I'm just the biggest loser who can't move on from a breakup,'' I said, as more and more tears filled my eyes.
''If I had known what was happening to you, I wouldn't have let you down like I did. I would have at least tried to help you. I'm sorry that you've been through all of this because of me. I'm sorry that I'm the one who hurt you that bad, that was never my intention. But, I don't deserve that you ruin your life because of me. You are an amazing guy Kellin, and you deserve what is best in life,'' Vic added.
''If I was that amazing, you wouldn't have broken up with me. You just just as well as I do that I'm a pathetic loser, that's why you dumped me. And please, don't say that you would have been there, because you weren't. I've been on my own for five long years and nothing is ever going to change that. I've been on my own for years thinking about you and I can't be fixed. So please, stop lying to me by saying you would have helped me,'' I replied before standing up and rushing to my mother's car that had just arrived.
I didn't look back, I didn't want to see his face again for today. As I got in the car, I bursted into tears. I lied when I said that I could not be fixed. There was a cure, only one. That cure was Vic, but I didn't own the key to let me use it. A cure that would be so close from me, yet so far. I wasn't ready to see Vic again on the following week. It would always bring back my demons into the light. I guess that was the best I deserved in life: pain.