#Ficman

Hold My Heart, It's Beating For You Anyways

Credit: Caraphernelia by Pierce the Veil

All I'm going to say is Ficman is love, Ficman is life. 

Listening To: Guys Like You Make Us Look Bad by Blessthefall

Ryan's POV

"She's pregnant, Ryan."

"Who?"

"My ex, Jennifer."

"And it's yours?" Ron nods, and I blink away the tears that are threatening to spill over. "What the actual fuck Ron!?"

"The night we were fighting over the fact that we went out and we got drunk and some guy grabbed my ass and I did nothing about it. When I stormed out of the bar, I was still drunk and I woke up the next morning naked and sleeping next to Jennifer."

"I can't fucking believe you!"

"That's still my baby though! I'm not just going to abandon a child like that! And I'm talking to Ronnie later. I'm quitting the band because I need to find a stable job to support my child."

"All I'm saying is that you think with your dick way too much and I have fucking had it." I growl.

"Fuck you!"

"YOU ALREADY DID ASSHOLE!" I yell, shooting Ron a death glare.

"So I'm a prick for raising my child?"

"YOU'RE A PRICK FOR CHEATING IN THE FIRST PLACE DICKWAD!" I scream, beginning to pack my shit. There is no way in hell I'm staying in Ron's apartment now.

"Where in the hell do you think you're going!?"

"Anywhere but here." I start bringing my stuff down to my car. Once the last bag's in my  trunk, I walk back upstairs to grab my keys.

"Ryan. Please."

"Maybe if you would have kept it in your pants, I wouldn't be leaving." I tell him, now beginning to cry. I throw the ring he proposed to me with not even two fucking months ago down on the table and I walk out the door. I should have told him a fricking month ago but I'm two months pregnant. It starts raining but I manage to get through traffic and to a hotel without some crazy guy killing me. I grab a bag out of my trunk and I pay the guy at the front desk for three days and I go to room 28. Maybe I should call Jacky, Derek, or Ronnie? Yeah. I'll call Ronnie. He's my voice of reason in times like these.

"Hey."

"Can you come down to the Red Roof Inn?"

"Why?"

"I need you. Ron and I broke up."

"I know. We just talked, and he quit the band. Are you crying?"

"Did he tell you why?"

"No, but are you crying Ryan?"

"Yeah. You'll understand when you get here. Room 28." I tell Ronnie and he hangs up. I look at my home screen. I really need to change it now but it's a picture of Ron and I that I had Jacky take at Warped Tour 2012. I can't do it. I am not changing my fucking home screen.

"Ryan, I'm here." Ronnie mutters outside. I open the door and he closes it behind him. "You need a hug." He tells me and hugs me. "Now you have some explaining to do. Why in the fuck did Ficarro make you cry?"

"Three months ago we went to a bar and some guy grabbed his ass and Ron smiled as if he weren't in a relationship and I got pissed and he walked out and slept with his ex girlfriend who's now pregnant with his baby." I sob bitterly.

Ronnie places his hand on my abdomen. "Have you told him about this yet?"

"No. I chickened out each time and I was going to today but I was too pissed to tell him."

"He's gonna be a dad to two children in less than a year. You have to tell him Ryan."

"Not only did he sleep with her, but he lied to me about where he was from the time he left the bar until the time he got home. He told me he was at his mom's house, and I bought it."

"He's a douche. Not as bad as Mika, but still a douche." (Mika's cool and all. I like him just as much as I do anyone else who has been in or who still is in Falling in Reverse~A.N.)

"I'm in love with an asshole."

"I have a few things to do but I'm gonna ask Jacky to come keep you company, okay?"

"That's fine." I'm moving back to Oxnard. It's the city I was born in and the city where my parents and my sister live, so why the hell not? Yeah, we all live in L.A., but I'll only be twenty minutes away.

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Ronnie's POV

"Ron! Open the door! We need to talk. Now."

"What?" I walk in the house and he shuts the door. "If you're here to harp on me about how I'm a dick for sleeping with my ex and making Ryan cry, then get the fuck out."

"Are you even sure it's yours?"

"Well no but the time frame matches and-"

"Was it Jennifer?" Ron stays silent. "Did you get Jennifer pregnant?"

"Yes..."

"Ron you know how much of a slut she is. You were the one who said that if dicks had wings her mouth would be an airport!"

"I know. I was drunk as all hell when I fucked her but Ronnie I can't just leave. That's my child she's carrying for fuck's sakes!"

"It's also your child that Ryan's carrying. He's two months pregnant with your baby and crying his eyes out fifteen minutes away at the Red Roof Inn. But do you give a shit? Obviously not." 

"How was I supposed to know that Ryan's carrying my child!? He never fucking told me. And I do give a shit. That's the man I'm in love with and I made him cry!"

"You sure do have a funny way of showing how much you love someone." 

"Ron I'm back!" A high pitched voice squeals. Jennifer Carter. She is one of the many sluts I wished I'd never have to see again but great. Looks like I have to. She comes around the corner and her stomach is as flat as a piece of paper. There is no way in hell that she's pregnant. At least not three months like she supposedly is. Jennifer walks upstairs.

"Ron, she isn't pregnant."

"How do you know?"

"Her stomach's flat. Ryan's two months and he's got a baby bump already."

"She just got back from getting an ultrasound done. I'll ask." He goes upstairs and comes back down ten minutes later.

"She refuses to show me the picture. Luckily I have the doctor's number." Ron calls the doctor and comes back into the room with a mortified face. "Jennifer told me that she went to him a month ago and he told her that she's pregnant."

"Okay...and?"

"There's absolutely no record of her ever going there."

"I fucking told you."

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Ron's POV

"Jennifer, can we talk?"

"About what!?" She snaps.

"You're not really pregnant, are you?"

"Where in the hell did you get that impression?"

"I called the doctor you went to. He has no records of you ever visiting his clinic. Stop with the bullshit. Now. Are you pregnant or not?"

"No."

"Why the fuck would you lie about something like that!?"

"I WANTED YOU BACK AND YOU WERE DATING RYAN!"

"AND JUST WHAT IN THE HELL WERE YOU GOING TO DO WHEN I SAW THAT YOU LOOKED NORMAL AT SIX MONTHS PREGNANT!?"

"FEIGN MISCARRIAGE THAT'S WHAT!"

"YOU FUCKING DISGUST ME. GO BACK TO WHATEVER CORNER OF HELL YOU CRAWLED OUT OF!" Jennifer slaps me and leaves, taking her shit with her. I knew I shouldn't have trusted her slutty ass. Now what the hell am I going to do!? Ryan hates me. The love of my life hates me and I can't do shit about it. Wait, yes I fucking can.

"RONNIE!" I yell, running downstairs and tackling a halfway out the door Radke.

"What!?"

"That whore's not pregnant."

"Well I knew that. I heard the screaming. Let's just hope she takes a liking to that corner of hell."

"It doesn't change the fact that I'm still going to be a father. Dammit. What the hell have I done!?"

"You can still fix this Ron."

"NO I FUCKING CAN'T! THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS CARRYING MY CHILD AND HE ABSOLUTELY HATES ME!" 

"No I don't." I hear a weak voice say behind me. I turn around and I come face to face with Ryan. He looks like hell. His skin's deathly pale but it's all blotchy around his eyes from crying. "But it doesn't mean I'm going to forgive you like that." He mumbles, unable to speak very loud. "I came here because I wanted to tell you that I'm pregnant, but Ronnie obviously beat me to it. But you're probably busy with Jennifer, so I'll go now. This is goodbye I guess. Just know that I'll always love you no matter what." Ryan tells me, tears beginning to fall again. Instead of letting him walk away, I spin him back around and I kiss him.
 
"Never say that again. I can't fucking lose you."

"You have her."

"Yeah, but I don't love her. She fucking lied about being pregnant. The first child I'm going to father is ours Ryan. Not one with Jennifer. She's had more balls in her mouth than a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos. I love you so fucking much and I understand how much of an asshole I was to you."

"I promise you that our baby is 100 percent real. I love you too Ron. But I swear the next time you fuck up I am gone for good, you got that?"

"Yes. I completely understand. I will never hurt you or our baby again, I swear."

"Good. I guess I could move back in." Ryan says, smiling. "My stuff's still in my car but that can wait. Ronnie, here's my room key. You and Max have today and the next two days to use my hotel room. Have fun. Use condoms." 

"Dude, I'm not with Max. I'm with Crissy."

"We all know you don't want to be with her anymore, and haven't since she lost the baby. I also know that you've been sleeping with Max since January." He hands Ronnie the key to the room and Ronnie calls Max. Ronnie's eyes go wide, he hangs up, and I shit you not, Ronnie teleports to his car. "But moving my stuff can wait. I am about ready to pass the fuck out."

"So Ryan, does this mean the engagement's back on?"

"Hell yeah it does. I not be your biggest fan right now but I'm still marrying you. You mean too much to me for me to just throw you away like there was never an us."

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Ryan's POV

"We're having a baby Ryan. A living, breathing, baby. We created a child together. I didn't think it was possible and all since we're both guys, but now that we know it's possible, well, let's just say I'll be hitting Walgreens up for condoms because I know how horny pregnant people get. When my mom was pregnant with my little sister, I was four and for nearly all of my mom's pregnancy I heard thumping from upstairs and my parents were never not in their bedroom if they could help it."

"Thank Lucifer because there's no way in hell I'm going another seven months without sex. Not fucking happening." Ron laughs at my response and places his hand on my exposed flesh. If you saw me, you'd think that I just gained twenty pounds and that I'm not two months pregnant. But I am. Ron starts nipping and sucking on my neck. I let out a small moan. "Jesus Ron, either you want sex or you're attempting to eat my neck. Is it the first one?"

"How did you know?" He smirks.

"I just did, little man."

"Hey! I am not little!"

"Dude, you're 5'9. I'm 6'1."

"I know I'm four inches shorter than you. But you of all people know where I'm NOT little at all."

"Ron! Stop talking about the size of your dick!"

"Relax. The baby's not paying attention. It's not like they're gonna go to their kindergarten teacher and say 'My daddy says he has a big dick!'."

"Ron!" I swat his arm again.

"What? You know it's true."

"Okay yes I know about your dick but wow did you just kill the mood. There is no way in hell I'm having sex with you now."

"Oh really?" He whispers, placing his hand on my thigh.

"Nope." He begins sliding his hand up my leg until it's hovering over 'home base'. My breath hitches.

"How about now?"

"No." He brings his hand down and I fail miserably at trying not to get a boner.

"Are you sure? You're looking pretty damn uncomfortable..." He says, smirking. "Want me to do something about that?" Ron asks. I nod. 

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Ryan's POV

"Ron!" Ron didn't rejoin Falling in Reverse. He decided that he was going to be a stay at home dad. Now, Ronnie's boyfriend Max is our bassist. They dated from 2005 to 2008 but they broke up because Max slept with Craig after Ronnie went to jail but they got back together in August of 2013 and Ronnie proposed to Max a month ago in April. Ron and I decided to hold off on getting married at least until our twins are born, which is going to be soon because my water just broke. Luckily the guys are just down the road at the APMA after party. 

"What!?" He yells from the kitchen.

"EMERALD AND ERIN ARE COMING!"

"SHIT!" Ron yells, turning off the stove and running into the living room at breakneck speed. He helps me get out the door and into the car. Once we're on the road, he calls the guys and our siblings and parents. 

"We need a doctor now!" Ron yells at the receptionist. She puts up her finger and continues talking to someone on the phone.

"And then she called me a-" She gets cut off by Ron grabbing her phone and ending the call. He sets down the phone and yells again.

"He's in labor. Have some fucking respect and call a damn doctor." She rolls her eyes but calls a doctor anyways. 

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Ron's POV

"Ron, I'm scared. I'm only six and a half months pregnant. They shouldn't be coming this early."

"Emerald and Erin are going to be fine. Just breathe." I instruct. The doctor and a few nurses come flying down the hall with a wheelchair. 

"How far along are you?"

"I'm only six and a half months. I shouldn't be in labor!" 

"I'll take a look in a minute. Nurse, get him to the maternity ward stat." The doctor says and the nurse wheels Ryan away. "How many babies are you two expecting?"

"Twins."

"I see. Early births are common with multiples, but not two and a half months early. I'll come get you if we do in fact have to deliver your children tonight."

"Okay." The doctor nods sympathetically and walks away in the direction the nurse went.

"Ron!" I hear Derek yell. I turn around and I see Derek, Ronnie, Max, and Jacky. "How is he?"

"Emerald and Erin might be born two and a half months early."

"He's only six and a half months pregnant!?"

"Yeah." 

"The fans were practically rioting when they found out we couldn't do a signing. But I explained on Twitter and they understand."

"Thanks Ronnie." Honestly? I'm scared to death. What if one or both of the girls don't make it? What if Ryan doesn't make it? What if all three of them don't make it? After only five minutes of me spouting off my concerns to the guys, the doctor comes back.

"Ron, right?"

"Yeah."

"Come quick. He's having those twins tonight whether we like it or not. When I went in, the nurse said that's he's already eight centimeters." The guys wish me good luck and I go flying down the hall with the doctor.

"It's time." The nurse tells us as soon as we walk in. Ryan has a sheer look of terror on his face. 

I rush over to his side and I grab his hand. "It's going to be okay babe. You're going to be fine, and the girls will be fine." I whisper over and over again. The nurse looks at us and Ryan nods at her. I give his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Alright Ryan. On the count of three, I need you to push. Ready?" 

"Yes." He locks my hand in a death grip and I wince.

"One, two, three!" The nurse counts down and Ryan screams. "We can see the head! Again!" Ryan pushes again and our first baby girl is born. 

"Emerald is here. A few more pushes and Erin will be born as well. You can do it." I attempt to encourage him. He uses a towel to wipe the sweat off of his forehead and he nods at the nurse again.

"This should be easy since your second baby is already crowning. Push!" Ryan pushes again and Erin is born.

"Doctor, the first baby is three pounds, six ounces and the second is two pounds, nine ounces."

"Bring them to the NICU!" The two nurses take our daughters to where they're instructed to.

I wrap my free arm around Ryan, still holding his hand. "What's going to happen to Emerald and Erin?" Ryan asks, petrified.

"They're going to have to stay here in the NICU for two months. You only have to stay here tonight and the you can go home." Ryan tenses up at this and almost cries. "And if you really want to Ron, you can stay overnight with Ryan." Ryan calms down a bit, knowing that I'm allowed to stay here with him. The doctor smiles sympathetically and walks out of the room. I lay down in the bed next to Ryan after I text all of the guys about everything and I let them know that they can leave.

"We have to be strong for them Ryan. I promise you, they'll be okay. If the doctor will let us, then tomorrow we can go down to the NICU to see them." Ryan nods and I kiss him. I wrap my arms around him and we both fall asleep.

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Ryan's POV

It's been a two months since I gave birth to the twins and they're still in the NICU. I cry myself to sleep sometimes, knowing that because I gave birth to them early, it's my fucking fault that Emerald and Erin are in the NICU. Also, Ronnie, Jacky, Max, Ron, Derek, and I moved to Oxnard because A. Ron and I needed a bigger house since we're having twins and all, B. Crissy dumped Ronnie so he and Max moved in next door to us, and C. Jacky and Derek moved in on the other side of us for the hell of it. 

"Ryan we need to go to the hospital right the hell now."

"Why?"

"The doctor called. Emerald and Erin were cleared to come home, Ryan."

"Oh my god." I smile and I engulf Ron in a bone crushing hug. He grabs their car seats and we leave. On our way to the hospital, some guy nearly crashes into us.

"What can I do for you?"

"Our daughters are being released from the NICU today."

"Let me check...Emerald and Erin Ficarro?"

"Yes."

"Are you two Ryan Seaman and Ron Ficarro?"

"Yes."

"And finally, Mr. Seaman, you gave birth to Emerald and Erin, correct?"

"Yes."

"I believe you two know where to go." The receptionist smiles and Ron and I follow the all too familiar route to the NICU.

"Doctor?"

"Ah yes. Ryan and Ron. Right this way." The doctor leads us to our giggling daughters. "They've come a long way in such a short while. These two girls may end up being very advanced for their age when they reach elementary school."

"That's great news. So we finally get to take them home today?"

"Yes. They're already dressed and fed and their diapers have been changed. All you have to do is put them in car seats and sign their discharge papers."

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