Dear Olive

Boxes were piled up around the house. They weren't in any particular order. Some of them were open, waiting for things to be carelessly tossed inside and others were sealed and ready for a trip to the local thrift store.

My Nan hadn't owned a lot, but sorting through another person's life took an unexpected amount of time. There were every day items like cloths and books. Then there were personal things like pictures and letters.

Those were harder to weed through. Even though I knew she was gone, it felt like I was invading my grandmother's privacy.

I tried to work quickly. The people who bought the house wanted to move in by July 20th. That was only six days away.

Night school and some pretty rough work hours had me cutting the moving out process a little close. I knew I should have started days ago, but shit happens... There were only 24 hours in a day and I did need to spend a few of them sleeping

So on my first day off in weeks I started going through the house. I hooked my iPod up to the speakers in the living room and blared Non Point while I cleaned. Something about the rough, brutal lyrics put my mind in a calm place. The sound filled up my head and left absolutely zero space for anything else.

"Everything they say about me
And everything they make me.
Are nothing when they are taking everything away from me
Everyone trying to make it harder.
And everyone saying I would never be.
Your nothing but a name on the bullet I aim."

I didn't realize just how loud I was blasting the rock, until I heard a throat clear behind me.

"Maybe this misunderstood bad boy thing is cute in the city, but where I'm from you'd get your ass kicked for playing your music that loud on a Sunday."

"Well, hello to you too, I shouted (Not because I was angry. The music was just really loud) at the stranger in my kitchen, Do you want a mixer? I couldn't sell it and I don't needed a fucking cake mixer."

She looked at me strangely. I could see the confusion on this intruders plain , but pleasant features. She'd just let herself in, uninvited and angry and my response had been to offer her an appliance.

You're one of them, aren't you?" the girl asked boldly.
I tilted my head and repeated back to her,"Them? I'm not sure what you mean sweetheart. "

"The change isn't quite as popular out in the sticks. A lot of people are too poor. We can't afford our rent. Being perfect is totally out of the question."

"Do I look perfect to you?" I asked leaning casually against the kitchen island.

"Well, you don't look as polished as they normally do. The shaved head is a little out of the ordinary. Why bother being reborn if you don't want to fit in?"

"It's not about fitting in. It's actually more about standing out. You wouldn't have noticed the boy I was before, but you can't help staring at me now."

I watched her pale cheeks flush with embarrassment. She opened her mouth and then snapped it shut again. She'd probably decided that I wasn't even worth the effort of an argument.

"Are you trying to flirt?" she finally demanded after an awkward pause.

I walked slowly toward her and returned her question with another one," What's your name?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well you broke into my house. I feel like you owe me at least an introduction."

"I did not break in," she sputtered indignantly. " You're music was so loud they probably can hear it in the next zip code. My Aunt Rose is very ill and currently trying to sleep, so -"

"You're Natalie," I interrupted her."You used to visit Rose in the summers and at Christmas. I'm sorry I didn't know it was you. It's been a really long time."

Her eyes focused on me hard. They searched my features and form for anything she might recognize. She obviously came up short and had to ask,"I'm sorry, do we know each other? "

"Its Charles Monroe. Ellen's grandson. We played together when we were small. I don't expect you to remember."

"Charlie?" Natalie gasped. "How the hell are you? What's it been, 5 or 6 years?"

"Maybe more? I had kind of a rough patch, but I'm doing a lot better. My grandmother died last November."

Natalie closed the small gap between us and gave me a hug. She squeezed me tight and said, "That must have been so hard for you."

It had been a really long time since someone hugged me in a completely non sexual way. It felt really good and that kind of made me afraid. I didn't like having emotions come up that weren't totally in my control.

When I picked a girl up at the bar that was my decision. So was bringing her home and fucking her on the kitchen table. It was a physical action that didn't require a lot of thought.

I did enough thinking at school and at work. I wanted nothing to do with a real relationship. Especially not with someone who hadn't been changed.

I pulled out of Natalie's arms and said, "It was extremely hard. It's not something I really like talking about."

She nodded understandingly and replied, "Yeah, of course. I get it. So I take it you're getting ready to move?"

I waved at all the half full boxed and said,"I've got a lot of stuff packed up, but there is still so much more. I'm serious about the mixer.If you want it, it's yours."

"How about I take your mixer and I also help you pack. I'm going to have some down time these next few days if Aunt Rose is sleeping. I say "if" because she can only sleep if someone turns his music down."