Dear Olive

Dear Olive,
Are you still my friend? I’m not really sure that you are or that I want you to be. I have no one else though and I don’t think I can handle this alone.
My Nan died in a car accident last week. She was just going to the grocery store to pick up a few things. I still find myself thinking that she’s going to walk through the front door with her arms full of paper bags.
I don’t want to believe that she’s really gone, because that means I have no one left. No uncles or aunts to swoop in and take care of things. Nan’s Lawyer, Doug Wade, has come by a few times to sort through paperwork and make sure I’m okay.
That’s it though. The police thought about placing me in foster care after they told me what happened, but I convinced them to let me go home. I have school and my landscaping job on the weekend.
I can’t just go live with strangers. Doug brought me the paperwork I need to fill out to declare myself an emancipated minor. He says if I sell Nan’s house that I’ll have enough money to pay for an apartment until I graduate.

Anyway, I kind of wandered off topic. What I wanted to tell you was that Nan’s funeral is this Sunday. I really think she would like it if you came.
She almost thought you were as special as I did.

- Charlie

It was a beautiful November day. The air was crisp, but not too cold. I had a light jacket on and that was enough to keep the chill off of me.

The sun was shining brightly overhead and there was no chance of rain. I was grateful for that. I thought my Nan deserved one more lovely day before she was set below the earth.

There was a large hole in the ground prepared for her. I tried not to look into it as I stood alone at her grave site. Well, not totally alone...

There was a priest there to say a few words. He stood tall in a long black coat and spoke in a nasally voice. He recited a speech that he’d probably said a million times before.

Just a bunch of generic platitudes about a women he had never met. There was no sadness in his eyes and his tone sounded bored. He might as well have been commenting on the weather.

In my grief, I was totally alone. I really hadn’t expected Olive to show up to the funeral, but I wanted her to. I wanted someone to share my sorrow with.

It felt so heavy on my chest; like my ribs might crush beneath it’s weight. I thought that maybe if cried it wouldn't hurt so much. The tears refused to come though.

I stood dry eyed with the pain trapped in some cold dark place that it could not escape from.

The priest finished talking and gave me a firm clap on the shoulder. Then he walked back to the gray sedan that he’d shown up in. He did not try to console me or give me any words of wisdom.

I didn't think that he would. The priest was one of them. It was obvious from how immaculate and unruffled his appearance had been.

Can he even feel sad? I wondered. The change seemed to make people function perfectly, almost like machines. I had never seen someone that had been reborn laughing, crying, or showing any kind of intense emotion.

Maybe that was what everyone found so appealing.

Maybe everyone wanted a perfect life that did not involve sadness or heartache.

The concept made more sense to me then than it ever had in the past.