Dear Olive

Sunlight trickled through the old Venetian blinds and spilled onto my living room couch. It was a patched threadbare piece of furniture with lumpy cushions. I ran my hand down one of the arms and then picked up a throw pillow.

When I threw it across the room, it thudded reassuringly against the wall. As it fell down beside the TV, I let out a deep breath. Then I looked at the clock on the wall.

It was just after 6:00 AM. I would have to eat breakfast quickly if I was going to make it to school on time. So I hurried to the kitchen and yanked open the fridge.

There wasn’t much to choose from. Grocery shopping wasn’t one of my strong points just yet. I still struggled to remember staples like milk and bread.

I did buy eggs though and there was a little butter. Gathering what I needed to whip up an omelet, I started walking to the stove. That was when I heard the kitchen door handle wiggle.

I wasn’t expecting Doug (My Lawyer) to come over, but maybe he was just checking in. He did that fairly regularly. I placed my breakfast supplies down and waited patiently for the door to swing open.

I’d see if Doug was hungry or wanted a cup of coffee before I started cooking. It wasn’t Doug who walked though the door though. My Nan entered the kitchen with several grocery bags on one arm and her purse hanging on the other.

She almost dropped her bags when she saw me. She clutched her chest in surprise and gasped, “Oh Charlie, my sweet boy. What are you doing here?”

“I don’t understand…” I faltered as I reached out for something to hold onto. My grandmother was dead. She was cold and buried beneath several feet of dirt.

Abandoning her shopping bags on the ground, my Nan marched toward me.
Her voice was high and thin when she asked again, “What are you doing here, Charlie. I thought you were safe. You didn’t want to change and I…I thought you were safe.”

I raised up a hand to stop her and said, “ Nan, I think your confused. Why don’t you sit down? Would you like some breakfast?”

She ignored my offers of food and drink, but she did pull out one of the kitchen chairs. Once she was settled, she looked at me with wide shimmering eyes.

“Charlie, I died. You know that I died. You went to my funeral. I saw you there, alone except for that frightful priest. I didn’t want to leave you. It wasn’t right to leave someone so young with no one to turn to.”

She started to cry and I rushed to her side. My Nan put a soft wrinkled hand on my cheek and I fought the urge to cry with her. I had no idea what was going on, but I missed her.

I missed her so much. It was so good to hear her voice and see her face again. It made me not want to question the circumstances, but she wouldn’t leave it alone. My Nan said what I suspected, but did not want to acknowledge.

“You died too, Charlie. You went to them and they killed you, didn’t they? They killed you just as dead as I am. Only they will bring you back. They will rip you from this resting place and thrust your sweet soul into a body that no longer belongs to you.”

I knew that by” They” she meant the clinic. I remembered going there and then what? What happened while I was there?

“Nan,” I asked, “How could they do that? How could even the best doctor do that?”

“Charles wake up. Open your eyes,” Dr. Edelstein said. He may have been shouting, but his voice sounded very far away. It echoed in the place that I was trying to come back from.

“Do you think we lost him?” a female voice asked. (Was it Allie, the MA?”)

“They normally don’t take this long,” the doctor replied. “Lets wait another hour before we call it.”

“Should we try more adrenaline in the IV?”

“It’s pointless if the soul doesn’t reestablish. I’ve only seen this happen a few times with children who were very young.”

“The legal age is sixteen though,” The female voice remarked, “They couldn’t have been younger than that.”

“They were terminally ill, Allie. The parents had no choice, but to try the change earlier than is normally recommended. There was a girl name Ella. She was only eight years old…I tried to save her, but she wouldn’t come back. The poor little thing stayed wherever the dead go to rest. That was before we knew there are certain genetic issues we can not change or fix. We serve a population of the reasonably healthy and at least moderately wealthy.”

“I wish there was more we could do,” Allie said softly.

“We are building people who can do more. Strong, beautiful, focused people. Perfect people who don’t need to be afraid or unhappy. People that can change this world without distraction or remorse,” Dr. Edelstein insisted with a slight edge to his voice.

“Of course ,” Charlotte replied quickly. “I can’t say that I’ve been unhappy about anything in a long time. I remember what it was like. I remember screaming and fighting with my old boyfriend. He’s changed now too and we never argue anymore. He actually proposed last month.”

“That is such good news,” Dr. Edelstein said blandly, but he sounded a bit bored with the conversation.

Footsteps sounded off the floor as someone left the room. The person who remained put their hand on my shoulder. I thought I felt the slight pressure of it resting on my collar bone.

A soft voice whispered to me in the void, “You don’t have to come back, Charles. It’s not like they say it is out here in this new world. It’s true I never feel sad, but I never feel much of anything. Did you hear I’m getting married soon? Well, I’ll tell you a secret. I never loved him, and now I’m afraid that I’m never going to feel what love is like. Isn’t that stupid? Being unhappy for not being unhappy, I guess and that doesn’t even make sense. Not a lot makes sense these days though, so you take all the time you need.”