You Are in Love
1/1
Inspired by You Are In Love by Taylor Swift.
-----------------
Rian never really understood when people talked about being "in love." Sometimes he worried he might be a sociopath or something. He knew that wasn't true because it wasn't that he never felt anything or that he didn't love anyone. He loved his family and he loved his friends and his boyfriend. He cared about them a lot. But being in love with someone? That was different. At least, he thought it was. He wouldn't know.
Rian wondered sometimes if he would ever fall in love with his boyfriend, Alex. He almost never seriously dated anyone, but he liked Alex a lot. He liked spending time with him and kissing him and all those things couples do. He wondered how you knew when you were in love with someone. He figured he would know it when he felt it. If he ever did.
-----------------
Alex loved being in love. He was always quite the romantic. With every girl or boy he dated, he was always willing and hoping to fall in love, because he loved the feeling. And even though so far he had his heart broken 100% of the time, it was okay. He knew that falling in love comes with it's risks, and something about that made it seem like even more of a romantic thing.
Alex had been falling for Rian since day one. Usually he didn't start really falling until after he knew them for a while, but with Rian it was different. The very first time he saw Rian, he couldn't stop thinking about him. And when it turned out that Rian liked guys, Alex jumped on that as soon as he could. One thing led to another, and after a miraculous chain of events, the two had been officially dating for several months. They hadn't come out to their fans yet, but Alex swore some of those motherfuckers were onto them. Not that he minded. It was Rian who cared.
As much as Alex wished he could tell the whole world that he had the best boyfriend ever, he respected Rian's desire to keep it between friends and family. He didn't know the exact reason, and he didn't need to. Rian was his and that was enough.
Well, it was almost enough. Alex knew Rian had never been in love. Rian had told him that. Alex wasn't too worried that Rian would never return his feelings, because never say never, right?
If Alex had known from the very beginning that he would be in love with Rian someday, surely Rian would catch on soon. He was a smart guy. Even though Alex hadn't actually told him exactly how he felt, he knew Rian had to feel it too. It felt so real to Alex. He felt it in every touch, no matter how mundane or brief. He felt it in every look between them. He even felt it when they were apart. And maybe it was really cliche and cheesy to feel like that. But being overly romantic was one of Alex's best qualities. It was just hard sometimes when he knew Rian didn't feel the same way.
Alex knew that really falling in love is a process that takes time. And he was willing to wait on Rian for however long it took.
-----------------
The longer Rian was with Alex, the more he liked him. And being in the same band meant they were together a lot. All was well.
Rian's relationship with Alex had lasted longer than any of his previous relationships. That wasn't saying much because they had lasted only a few weeks. But things were so easy with Alex that he never felt like he needed to get out. Which was a good thing. It was nice to have someone.
And he was glad it was Alex, because Alex was really hot.
Not that that's the only reason Rian liked him, but it was a very nice bonus. It was what made Rian interested in Alex in the first place. He just wanted him in his bed, inside of him. And then after that happened he realized he wanted to keep seeing Alex. So he did.
-----------------
As romantic as Alex was, he still had some of the same opinions as Rian when it came to relationships. Neither of them thought of sex as a sign of love. It was something that people do to make each other feel good, simple as that. It wasn't the be-all and end-all of relationships. Alex liked having sex almost as much as he liked being in love. (That was not something he had in common with Rian.)
Another thing they both believed was that there is no such thing as one soul mate. The idea that there is only one person in the entire world for you seemed ridiculous to Alex. He had been in love countless times, and even though none of those relationships had worked out, that didn't mean they weren't "meant to be." If they weren't meant to be together in some way then they wouldn't have met. Each person Alex had dated had changed him a little bit, somehow, and Rian was no exception.
Alex was used to people not returning his feelings. It happened more often than not. But for the first time, Alex really really wanted Rian to love him back. Rian was becoming Alex's whole world, and Alex knew that could be a dangerous thing, because when they left, your world would come crashing down. That was never fun. But Alex believed in Rian. At least, he wanted to.
It didn't help Alex's cause that he hadn't told Rian exactly how he felt. He was almost nervous to, because he didn't want Rian to get scared off too soon. Rian needed to sort out his feelings on his own, without feeling any pressure to love Alex back. Alex only hoped it would work.
-----------------
Rian had always thought he could deal with change.
He traveled around the world for a living, for god's sake, he could handle the unexpected. He was flexible, he could go with the flow. Nothing could phase Rian Dawson, no way. He was cool as shit.
And then Alex happened. And suddenly he found himself Skyping him at three in the morning even though he would much rather be asleep. Alex would randomly text him pictures of his dogs, as if Rian cared. And then he did find himself caring. He never particularly liked superhero movies or comic books, yet he would let Alex talk his ear off about them as much as he wanted to. Something would remind him of Alex and he would just smile like an idiot before catching himself.
If there was anything Rian felt toward Alex besides fondness, it was infatuation. Everything about Alex turned him on. He way he walked, the way he smiled, even the way his voice sounded when he was just talking. It made Rian want him more and more.
He wasn't sure when it started, because these things don't have a set starting point. They just happen. Alex was changing him. He made Rian almost wish he loved Alex. And something about that felt very strange, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.
-----------------
They were in Alex's bed one night when Rian had a revelation. It was one of the first days in a long time that they were able to just be lazy around Alex's apartment all day, eating and drinking and watching movies and just hanging out. And ending the day with sex. After all that, the dark room seemed more still and silent than it was.
They were laying opposite each other, and Alex could just make out Rian's face. He couldn't tell what he was thinking, but he didn't ask.
Suddenly, Rian sat up. Alex was confused, but neither of them said anything. Rian seemed to be searching for the right words, so Alex let him. Finally, with a strange look on his face, Rian said the phrase that he couldn't get out of his head.
Alex just smiled. He knew what Rian meant, even if Rian himself didn't know. They were getting somewhere, slowly but surely.
-----------------
"You're my best friend."
-----------------
Rian had one picture on the wall of his bunk. It was a picture that Jack had taken of him and Alex without their knowledge at the time. They were walking somewhere (Rian didn't really remember where or when) and Rian had suddenly stopped to kiss Alex on the sidewalk. Jack took the picture for proof that Rian was whipped. Rian denied it, yet there the picture was on his bunk. The first thing he saw when he woke up and the last thing he saw before he fell asleep. It seemed fitting, since Alex was all he thought about anyway.
Maybe he was whipped. Maybe it was deeper than that.
Maybe that wasn't as bad as it should've been.
-----------------
Alex was getting tired. He hated to even think it, but he thought Rian might never feel the same way Alex felt about him. Maybe Rian was one of those people that couldn't fall in love. Maybe they just weren't meant to be together. Either way, Alex felt like their relationship wasn't going anywhere and he was really sad about that.
Rian was everything he wanted and more. He could see himself spending the rest of his life with him. But Rian didn't see that, or at least he didn't care enough to talk about it. The thought of not being with Rian anymore made Alex want to curl up in a ball and cry forever, but it was time to face the facts. Rian was never going to feel the same way that Alex did.
-----------------
Rian had always liked to surprise Alex. Usually it was with little things. Nothing like this.
They had just finished a tour, and Rian was coming back to Alex's apartment after months of being on the road. When he went inside, Alex didn't run to meet him and jump into his arms like he usually did. He sat Rian down and told him there was something he'd been thinking about on tour, but hadn't told him then so that the tour wouldn't be ruined.
Alex launched into a big speech about how much he loved Rian, and how he didn't think Rian felt the same way, and how much that hurt and how he couldn't go on like that anymore. Rian was taken aback. Alex had never mentioned anything about this. He had no idea Alex felt that way.
Rian thought about all the months they'd spent together and everything they had been through. He thought about that feeling in his gut that he couldn't place, the one that acted up every time he looked at Alex. And then he thought about what would happen if he and Alex broke up right then and there. Rian realized why Alex was different to him. He realized how much happier he'd been since he got together with Alex, and he realized why he had stayed with Alex for as long as he did, despite the hardships.
Rian finally understood why people practically went crazy when they were in love. He understood why people would give up everything just to be with someone. He understood every love song he had ever heard, every love poem he had ever read. He understood what it meant to be in love.
And yeah, it was scary, and yeah, he had no fucking clue what he was doing, but it was okay, because Alex felt the same. And they were supposed to be together.
Rian took Alex's hand and said, in the most sincere way possible, three words he had said a million times, but with a different meaning than what he felt now.
And all Alex could do was stand there and try to process what Rian just said. And then he smiled, and said five words he didn't think he'd ever been able to say.
-----------------
"I love you too, Rian."
-----------------
Rian never really understood when people talked about being "in love." Sometimes he worried he might be a sociopath or something. He knew that wasn't true because it wasn't that he never felt anything or that he didn't love anyone. He loved his family and he loved his friends and his boyfriend. He cared about them a lot. But being in love with someone? That was different. At least, he thought it was. He wouldn't know.
Rian wondered sometimes if he would ever fall in love with his boyfriend, Alex. He almost never seriously dated anyone, but he liked Alex a lot. He liked spending time with him and kissing him and all those things couples do. He wondered how you knew when you were in love with someone. He figured he would know it when he felt it. If he ever did.
-----------------
Alex loved being in love. He was always quite the romantic. With every girl or boy he dated, he was always willing and hoping to fall in love, because he loved the feeling. And even though so far he had his heart broken 100% of the time, it was okay. He knew that falling in love comes with it's risks, and something about that made it seem like even more of a romantic thing.
Alex had been falling for Rian since day one. Usually he didn't start really falling until after he knew them for a while, but with Rian it was different. The very first time he saw Rian, he couldn't stop thinking about him. And when it turned out that Rian liked guys, Alex jumped on that as soon as he could. One thing led to another, and after a miraculous chain of events, the two had been officially dating for several months. They hadn't come out to their fans yet, but Alex swore some of those motherfuckers were onto them. Not that he minded. It was Rian who cared.
As much as Alex wished he could tell the whole world that he had the best boyfriend ever, he respected Rian's desire to keep it between friends and family. He didn't know the exact reason, and he didn't need to. Rian was his and that was enough.
Well, it was almost enough. Alex knew Rian had never been in love. Rian had told him that. Alex wasn't too worried that Rian would never return his feelings, because never say never, right?
If Alex had known from the very beginning that he would be in love with Rian someday, surely Rian would catch on soon. He was a smart guy. Even though Alex hadn't actually told him exactly how he felt, he knew Rian had to feel it too. It felt so real to Alex. He felt it in every touch, no matter how mundane or brief. He felt it in every look between them. He even felt it when they were apart. And maybe it was really cliche and cheesy to feel like that. But being overly romantic was one of Alex's best qualities. It was just hard sometimes when he knew Rian didn't feel the same way.
Alex knew that really falling in love is a process that takes time. And he was willing to wait on Rian for however long it took.
-----------------
The longer Rian was with Alex, the more he liked him. And being in the same band meant they were together a lot. All was well.
Rian's relationship with Alex had lasted longer than any of his previous relationships. That wasn't saying much because they had lasted only a few weeks. But things were so easy with Alex that he never felt like he needed to get out. Which was a good thing. It was nice to have someone.
And he was glad it was Alex, because Alex was really hot.
Not that that's the only reason Rian liked him, but it was a very nice bonus. It was what made Rian interested in Alex in the first place. He just wanted him in his bed, inside of him. And then after that happened he realized he wanted to keep seeing Alex. So he did.
-----------------
As romantic as Alex was, he still had some of the same opinions as Rian when it came to relationships. Neither of them thought of sex as a sign of love. It was something that people do to make each other feel good, simple as that. It wasn't the be-all and end-all of relationships. Alex liked having sex almost as much as he liked being in love. (That was not something he had in common with Rian.)
Another thing they both believed was that there is no such thing as one soul mate. The idea that there is only one person in the entire world for you seemed ridiculous to Alex. He had been in love countless times, and even though none of those relationships had worked out, that didn't mean they weren't "meant to be." If they weren't meant to be together in some way then they wouldn't have met. Each person Alex had dated had changed him a little bit, somehow, and Rian was no exception.
Alex was used to people not returning his feelings. It happened more often than not. But for the first time, Alex really really wanted Rian to love him back. Rian was becoming Alex's whole world, and Alex knew that could be a dangerous thing, because when they left, your world would come crashing down. That was never fun. But Alex believed in Rian. At least, he wanted to.
It didn't help Alex's cause that he hadn't told Rian exactly how he felt. He was almost nervous to, because he didn't want Rian to get scared off too soon. Rian needed to sort out his feelings on his own, without feeling any pressure to love Alex back. Alex only hoped it would work.
-----------------
Rian had always thought he could deal with change.
He traveled around the world for a living, for god's sake, he could handle the unexpected. He was flexible, he could go with the flow. Nothing could phase Rian Dawson, no way. He was cool as shit.
And then Alex happened. And suddenly he found himself Skyping him at three in the morning even though he would much rather be asleep. Alex would randomly text him pictures of his dogs, as if Rian cared. And then he did find himself caring. He never particularly liked superhero movies or comic books, yet he would let Alex talk his ear off about them as much as he wanted to. Something would remind him of Alex and he would just smile like an idiot before catching himself.
If there was anything Rian felt toward Alex besides fondness, it was infatuation. Everything about Alex turned him on. He way he walked, the way he smiled, even the way his voice sounded when he was just talking. It made Rian want him more and more.
He wasn't sure when it started, because these things don't have a set starting point. They just happen. Alex was changing him. He made Rian almost wish he loved Alex. And something about that felt very strange, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.
-----------------
They were in Alex's bed one night when Rian had a revelation. It was one of the first days in a long time that they were able to just be lazy around Alex's apartment all day, eating and drinking and watching movies and just hanging out. And ending the day with sex. After all that, the dark room seemed more still and silent than it was.
They were laying opposite each other, and Alex could just make out Rian's face. He couldn't tell what he was thinking, but he didn't ask.
Suddenly, Rian sat up. Alex was confused, but neither of them said anything. Rian seemed to be searching for the right words, so Alex let him. Finally, with a strange look on his face, Rian said the phrase that he couldn't get out of his head.
Alex just smiled. He knew what Rian meant, even if Rian himself didn't know. They were getting somewhere, slowly but surely.
-----------------
"You're my best friend."
-----------------
Rian had one picture on the wall of his bunk. It was a picture that Jack had taken of him and Alex without their knowledge at the time. They were walking somewhere (Rian didn't really remember where or when) and Rian had suddenly stopped to kiss Alex on the sidewalk. Jack took the picture for proof that Rian was whipped. Rian denied it, yet there the picture was on his bunk. The first thing he saw when he woke up and the last thing he saw before he fell asleep. It seemed fitting, since Alex was all he thought about anyway.
Maybe he was whipped. Maybe it was deeper than that.
Maybe that wasn't as bad as it should've been.
-----------------
Alex was getting tired. He hated to even think it, but he thought Rian might never feel the same way Alex felt about him. Maybe Rian was one of those people that couldn't fall in love. Maybe they just weren't meant to be together. Either way, Alex felt like their relationship wasn't going anywhere and he was really sad about that.
Rian was everything he wanted and more. He could see himself spending the rest of his life with him. But Rian didn't see that, or at least he didn't care enough to talk about it. The thought of not being with Rian anymore made Alex want to curl up in a ball and cry forever, but it was time to face the facts. Rian was never going to feel the same way that Alex did.
-----------------
Rian had always liked to surprise Alex. Usually it was with little things. Nothing like this.
They had just finished a tour, and Rian was coming back to Alex's apartment after months of being on the road. When he went inside, Alex didn't run to meet him and jump into his arms like he usually did. He sat Rian down and told him there was something he'd been thinking about on tour, but hadn't told him then so that the tour wouldn't be ruined.
Alex launched into a big speech about how much he loved Rian, and how he didn't think Rian felt the same way, and how much that hurt and how he couldn't go on like that anymore. Rian was taken aback. Alex had never mentioned anything about this. He had no idea Alex felt that way.
Rian thought about all the months they'd spent together and everything they had been through. He thought about that feeling in his gut that he couldn't place, the one that acted up every time he looked at Alex. And then he thought about what would happen if he and Alex broke up right then and there. Rian realized why Alex was different to him. He realized how much happier he'd been since he got together with Alex, and he realized why he had stayed with Alex for as long as he did, despite the hardships.
Rian finally understood why people practically went crazy when they were in love. He understood why people would give up everything just to be with someone. He understood every love song he had ever heard, every love poem he had ever read. He understood what it meant to be in love.
And yeah, it was scary, and yeah, he had no fucking clue what he was doing, but it was okay, because Alex felt the same. And they were supposed to be together.
Rian took Alex's hand and said, in the most sincere way possible, three words he had said a million times, but with a different meaning than what he felt now.
And all Alex could do was stand there and try to process what Rian just said. And then he smiled, and said five words he didn't think he'd ever been able to say.
-----------------
"I love you too, Rian."
♠ ♠ ♠
A/N: It's really hard to write an entire fic about being in love when I've never been in a relationship, much less in love. (nor do I have any desire to be.) But I'm a huge sucker for romance movies and novels and love songs, so I did my best to write about what those people write about. (and I picked this song because it was stuck in my head.) And I mixed up the pairing! The world needs more rilex. Also, I wanted to try writing an entire short story without dialogue (except for two lines lol), because I usually depend on dialogue to tell my stories. I thought I'd try a new writing style, and I enjoyed doing it I probably won't write anything else like this, but tell me what you think of it!(also, I'm working on a chaptered callakarth fic that I'll hopefully post soon. Stay tuned!)