Chasing Cars

One day I was cleaning out my bedroom closet when I found a major stash of Chris’s socks. When I found them, I sat on the closet floor and bawled my eyes out. I was already emotional, and I usually always cried when I found things he’d left behind. But the socks made me lose it.

Once I was done crying, and my hiccups went away, I picked up the phone to let him know I’d found them. I was actually just kind of hoping he would come over so I could convince him to stay with me for a while.

“Hey,” I said when he answered.

“Hey, how are you?” he asked.

“I’m fine. I just found a bunch of your socks, though.”

“Oh really? I was wondering where all my socks went.”

“Well, they’re here. If you want to come by and get them.”

“Alright, I’ll stop by….”

“Christopher, can you hurry up? I need you,” I heard someone say. I froze. It was a woman.

“Uh—yeah, give me a sec,” he replied.

“I have to go,” I said.

“Marley,” he started. But it was too late. I hung up. I put the phone down on the floor where I was still sitting and just sat there.

There was a really tight pressure in my chest. It was hard to breathe through it. I was just trying to comprehend what I’d heard. I mean—it might not have meant anything at all. But it was the way she said it. Like calling him by his actual name was a cute nickname. The way she said she needed him. Like they were close. And Chris only really hung out with the baseball guys.

My phone rang, and Chris’s number flashed across my screen. I ignored it until it went to voicemail. Then it beeped to let me know I had a message. Then it rang again. It only happened a few more times before he stopped calling. But I figured it was probably because he’d gotten in his car to drive over. So I snatched my phone and keys and hurried out of the apartment before he could catch up with me.

I jumped in my car and started driving. I wasn’t sure exactly where to go. Only that I needed to go. I thought about stopping at the shop to visit the guys, but Chris would know to look for me there. So I had to go somewhere else. My phone started ringing when I got on the freeway. It was Chris again. I figured he’d reached our empty apartment. So I ignored that call too. When it finally stopped, I picked up my phone and called my brother Zig.

“Hey, it’s Marley,” I told him as soon as I heard his voice.

“Hey, how are you? Are you driving?” he answered.

“Yeah, um—I was wondering if I could stop by and see you. I’m kind of going to be in your neighborhood—In a few minutes.”

“Yeah, of course. Would you like to stay for dinner?”

“Yeah, that would be great.”

“Is Chris with you?”

“Um, nope. Just me tonight.”

“Alright, I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Okay, bye.”

I put the phone back down on the seat, and it immediately started ringing again. So finally, I just shut it off and headed to my brother’s house. I hadn’t told him I was pregnant yet. In fact, I actually hadn’t told anyone. Not anyone in my family anyway. Well, that’s not entirely true. I just hadn’t told anyone. The people who knew either figured it out on their own or heard from someone else.

It was about five-thirty when I reached my brother’s house. I was sure he wouldn’t mind that my few minutes turned into half an hour. That was kind of how things went in the city. In fact, he probably would have been surprised if I showed up on time. So I parked my car on the hill his house was on and ambled up the steps to his door. His wife answered.

“Marley, hey,” she said as she pulled me into the house and into her arms. She had always been really nice to me. Like, I guess she didn’t have the same resentment issue that my other siblings had. Not that Zig still resented me. Just that it was obvious we didn’t have the best of brother and sister relationships.

“Hey, how are you?” I asked when she let me go.

“I’m good. What about you?” She was holding my arms out as if she was about to give me a once over. And then she did, but she stopped on my stomach. The weather was warming up, so I only wore a light sweater. It was kind of obvious that the roundness of my belly was caused by a baby.

“Long story,” I said. She smiled.

“Must be. How far along are you?”

“Like five months.”

“Zig will be excited. Come on in.” She led me into the house. It was already warm and full of dinner scents. She was an excellent cook at one of the best restaurants on pier 39. And she was also really colorful and artistic. I guess you had to be when your husband’s name was Zig, right? “Hey, Zig,” she said when we reached their living room. “Your sister is here.” He looked up at me and took almost a whole minute to speak.

“Surprise,” I finally said. He smiled.

“Kind of a big surprise, Marley. When were you planning on telling us?” he asked me.

“Right now.” He stood up and took me into a hug.

“Well, congratulations.” I scratched the back of my head.

“Hmm—thanks.”

“What? Did I say something wrong? No congratulations?”

“I’m still kind of—unsure about it. So that’s why I haven’t said anything.”

“What do you mean you’re unsure?”

“I haven’t decided if I’ll keep it or not yet.”

“Well—let me know when you know for sure.”

“I will. Definitely.”

“How is Chris doing?” he asked me, stepping back into the living room. I followed him.

“Um—he’s alright. He moved out. But—we still talk to each other and stuff.”

“What does he think about the adoption thing?”

“Um—I’m not really sure,” I lied.

I was rethinking that myself, actually, because there was no way I would leave Chris to raise our baby with some woman who called him “Christopher.” I mean, I knew he would find someone eventually. He was gorgeous, well-traveled, and made decent money from baseball. But that was EVENTUALLY. Not before the baby was even born. I wasn’t going to have a baby for him to make a family with someone else. Especially someone who called him “Christopher” Ugh, Christopher. Gross.

Zig seemed to sense that this was an uncomfortable subject and let it go.

After dinner with my brother, I drove back home. I thought about going back to my apartment, but I had the feeling that Chris was probably there waiting for me. And when I drove passed the building, I saw the lights on. So he was definitely there. I wasn’t ready to face him yet, so I kept going until I reached the shop. It was closed, but I had a key since Larry didn’t trust Albert to open it when he couldn’t be there. I was sure he wouldn’t mind if I crashed there. So I made myself a bed on the couch in the back with an emergency blanket I kept in my trunk.