Chasing Cars

After breakfast, Chris walked me out to my car to say goodbye. For some reason, it didn’t seem as painful that time. We laughed and joked around in the driveway, and then he pinned me up against the car and kissed me.

“I have something for you,” he told me when he pulled away.

“Oh yeah?” I said.

“Mm-hmm. But you have to wait until Monday to get it.”

“Why Monday?”

“Because that’s when I’m taking you to lunch.” I smiled.

“Okay. I will wait patiently then.” He kissed me again.

“I’ll call you later.”

“Okay. Bye.” I kissed him one more time and then slipped into the car.

But when I got home, the pain came back. I took one step into the apartment and realized just how fucking lonely it was without him there. I hated it, and I wanted him to come home. But it was my own stupid fault. So I sighed heavily and went to take a nap.

Chris called later on, and we talked for a little while. Though it seemed like he went back to being depressed again too. I could hear it in his voice. He called me on Sunday and said his mom invited us down for the weekend, but he turned her down. I wasn’t sure why. I knew he’d told them I was pregnant, and she’d sent me a get-well card when I was in the hospital. But I hadn’t seen her or talked to anyone in his family since before I’d found out. So I wasn’t sure if he told them he might be raising their grandbaby on his own.

On Monday, I was feeling a little bit less depressed. I knew I was going to see Chris again and that he was going to give me something. I was a sucker for presents. And Chris too, obviously. I woke up early and tried to make myself look pretty, but I also didn’t want it to look like I was trying too hard. It was just lunch, and we had lunch together all the time. But I was nervous at work, and I hated that I was always nervous when I was anticipating seeing Chris. Usually, it was because I knew how much it would hurt when he had to leave again. And whenever he was around, I thought about just going “To hell with it” and begging him to take me back. But I knew I had to stick it out until I knew for sure. My baby deserved to know I’d chosen it because I loved it. Not because I didn’t want to lose its daddy.

At noon I was going through a box of miniature Star Wars action figures on the counter. They had been donated and were out of their original packaging. The only problem is that the guy who collected them didn’t realize their value WITH the boxes and had mixed in a lot of other creatures in there as well. So I also came across many Star Trek and Lord of the Rings characters.

Suddenly someone leaned on the counter in front of me. He put his chin on his hands and looked at me. Smiling. I looked up at him and smiled back.

“You look beautiful this morning,” he said. “Not that you don’t look beautiful every morning. Just something particularly beautiful this morning.”

“It’s the glow of miniature action figures,” I told him. He laughed.

“What’s that?” He motioned toward the box.

“A Romulan.” His eyebrows rose.

“Is there a specific reason you’re holding a tiny Romulan?”

“The Romulan doesn’t belong in this box. Neither does Smaug the Dragon.” I lifted him up too.

“Where do the Romulan and Smaug the Dragon belong then?”

“The Romulan belongs with the other Star Trek action figures. Smaug belongs with the Tolkien characters, duh.”

“Of course.” He smiled. I put them in their boxes.

“Are you here to take me to lunch?” I asked.

“No, I came to watch you sort Romulans.”

“It’s pretty boring, actually. Mostly I just keep getting Han Solo.”

“That’s too bad.”

“It’s a good thing he’s cute.” He laughed.

“I thought you leaned more toward Indiana Jones in terms of attractiveness?”

“Well, I do. But Harrison Ford is still Harrison Ford.”

“If you say so.” I smiled and rolled my eyes.

“Let me get my bag.”

“I’ll be waiting.” I went to the back to grab my bag, and when I came back out, I found Chris examining an Ewok.

“The Ewoks are in the right box,” I told him.

“I figured.” He tossed it back into the box and led me out to his car.

“So, what did you have in mind for today?” He shrugged.

“Whatever you want. I don’t mind. I’m buying.”

“Whatever you say, Captain.”

“So, what do you want?”

“I don’t know. Why are you asking me? I hate when you ask me.” He laughed.

“Fine. How about the uh—Olive Garden or something?”

“Fancy.” He laughed again.

“Trust me, if I wanted to do fancy, I wouldn’t be taking you to the Olive Garden. I just want some fucking breadsticks.”

“Mm, that sounds amazing.”

“Olive Garden it is then.”

We joked around for a while until we got there. Luckily, it wasn’t swamped, so we didn’t have to wait for very long. We got our table and breadsticks before I finally decided to ask about the supposed gift he had for me.

“So—you said you had something for me,” I reminded him as I tore apart a breadstick.

“I do,” he said. I looked at him, and he smiled. “You want it?”

“Absolutely not. I’m here for the breadsticks.” He smiled again and reached into his back pocket.

“Close your eyes.” I pinched them shut. I heard his chair scoot out, and he kissed my cheek. Then he wrapped something around my neck and let it fall against my chest.

“Can I open my eyes yet?”

“Not yet.” I heard him sit back down. “Now you can.” I opened my eyes and looked down. It was a small heart-shaped locket.

“Oh wow,” I said. “It’s pretty.”

“It was my grandmother’s.” He went back to eating as if it was perfectly normal for him to be handing out family heirlooms at the Olive Garden.

“It’s special.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Then why are you giving it to me?” He took a moment to chew on a breadstick. Then I waited patiently for him to take a sip of soda. Finally, he focused on me.

“Because—I wanted it to be a reminder for you,” he said. My eyebrows rose in confusion.

“A reminder of what?”

“That no matter what happens or what you choose to do, I’ll always love you. And you’ll always have a home and a family with me.” I took a moment to let that sink in. I had been in such a good mood, but now I could feel it slipping away.

“Goddamn it, Chris.” He gave me a confused expression.

“That’s not quite the reaction I was hoping for.” I sniffled and put my hand on my face to stop myself from crying. He seemed to understand and got up to come to my side. “Hey, why are you crying?” he asked as he ran his hand through my hair.

“Because I don’t deserve it,” I whined. He hugged me close to him, and I rested my head on his shoulder.

“I’ve never met anyone more deserving. That’s why I gave it to you,” he explained.

“But I’ve been horrible to you.”

“You haven’t been horrible. You’re just—confused. Having a rough time.”

“I don’t think I can accept this.”

“You can and you will. I’m not taking it back.”

“Why me?”

“Because I love you, you dork.”

“So? You’ve been in love before. You were with Heidi or whatever for like a million years before you even met me.” He sighed.

“I’ve been with you longer.” I blinked and rubbed my nose. Was that true? It was. “And I’ve never loved anyone like I love you. I never wanted to have a family with anyone before you.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t exactly have a choice. I just got pregnant.”

“Fine, let me rephrase that. I’ve never wanted to marry anyone before you.” I was silent again. That caught me off guard too.

“Marry?” I asked.

“Yes, marry,” he confirmed.

“But—but why?”

“Because I love you. And you’re my best friend. You’re my partner. I want to be with you for the rest of my life.”

“But—I don’t know. You never said anything about marriage.”

“I never said anything because I knew how you felt about it. I want to marry you, but I don’t mean like—tomorrow. I can wait.”

“But—why?”

“Marley.” He pulled me away from him so that he could hold my face in his hands. “Why is that so hard for you to believe? I thought it was pretty obvious.”

“Well—I guess—I don’t know. I just—couldn’t figure out how I got so lucky. I’ve been waiting for you to change your mind all this time.” He smiled, but his eyebrows furrowed.

“Why would I change my mind?”

“I don’t know. Because you’re attractive and perfect.” He laughed softly.

“I’m not perfect, Marley.”

“Pretty damn close.” He laughed again.

“How about—we talk about this another time?”

“When?”

“When you’ve made up your mind.” I nodded in understanding.

“Okay, that sounds reasonable,” I said.

“And for the record, I think you’re pretty damn near perfect too,” he said. “And I love you, and I’m giving you the necklace because I want you to remember that.” I nodded.

“Okay. Thank you.” He kissed my lips.

“No problem, babe.”