Chasing Cars

A few hours later, I completely gave up on trying not to cry in front of Chris. It got to the point where I was cursing and swearing every few minutes, and I may have said some mean things. Finally, Chris just told his mom to hang out in the waiting room because she kept crossing herself every time I entered a contraction, and a bunch of really colorful words spewed out of my mouth.

I felt like death would probably be more welcome at that moment than giving birth. I was still sitting in the bed, clutching the bars they'd put up beside me and half squatting every few minutes because it was the only position that didn't make me feel like my body was being ripped to shreds from the inside out. Chris had attempted to put my hair up out of my face, but it was falling out and frizzy, and I was sweaty and angry. The contractions were only a minute or two apart, and when the last one ended, Chris was right by my side like my own personal cheerleader.

"C'mon, babe. Just a little bit longer," he said when I flopped back onto the bed and groaned. "We're almost there."

"It hurts," I whined.

"I know, babe. I know."

"We're never having sex. Ever again. It's not worth it." He gave me a sympathetic smile, probably knowing I was full of shit.

"I'm sorry, alright? We just have to be more cautious with the condoms. But I promise you won't regret it when you meet her." Then he looked like he'd said too much, and my eyes widened.

"Girl? It's a little girl?" He nodded slowly.

"Sorry, it slipped. I didn't get much sleep." I gave a half laugh, half cry.

"A girl. Oh my god."

"Just keep going strong. You'll see her soon." I nodded.

"Okay."

Finding out we were having a girl seemed to motivate me for a while. But an hour later, I hadn't moved from my position, my legs were nearly numb, and I was ready for it to end.

"I want to push!" I yelled at my nurse as she checked my vitals instead of me. "I want to fucking push!"

"It's not time yet, sweetheart," she told me.

"The hell it isn't!"

"Honey, I know it's rough, but you still have a while to go. This isn't a quick process."

"I know my own body, and I know it's time to push. Just look, please?" She sighed but made no move to examine me. So I turned to Chris. "Look and tell me I'm not ready to go," I asked him.

"I honestly have no idea what I'm looking for," he told me.

"A baby, for starters." He let go of my hand, and I laid back down. He went to the foot of my bed, lifted the blanket, and then shot back up straight like he'd just seen a ghost.

"Shit," he breathed out.

"What?" I asked, trying to scramble back up.

"There's a foot."

"What?" The nurse pushed him out of the way and examined me like she should have in the first place.

"Your baby is breech," she said.

"What do you mean breech?"

"I'll send your doctor in right away. Normally, we deliver breech babies by cesarean, but it's already too late. It's already coming down the birth canal. That must be why your water broke. So you'll have to deliver breech." She left the room without another word.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Chris took my hand again.

"It means the baby is coming out feet first," he said.

"Is that bad?"

"It's not exactly good. But they should have figured it out when you came in. It's not like she flipped herself over in the last half hour." I started sniffling again, and he took my face to ground me. "Hey, she's gonna be fine. Babies are born breech all the time. She'll be okay. They're just going to have to get her out faster than we thought."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"How do you know?"

"Honestly, you never read the books?" I blinked a few times.

"I forgot about the books. You read them?"

"I wanted to be prepared."

"See—you're already better at this than I am." I sniffed, and he kissed me again.

"Don't say that. You knew something was wrong before your nurse did."

"I know. I just…." I started to go into another contraction and gripped him tightly. He held me until it faded. And when I was done yelling out in pain, he looked at me again.

"Remember when I told you I wanted us to have a family? This is our family. You and me and our little girl." I smiled through my tears.

"Alright, Doctor Phil." He just smiled and kissed the side of my head.