You're the One Who Shot Me

Kellin

I watched him.

The rain fell around him. It was night time and he stood beside Jesse's grave. The hole hadn't been covered yet and he could see the casket was covered in roses. But he stood alone.

He was in his wedding tux and he held a single white rose in his hand. It pricked his hand and he had blood running down his thumb, but he didn't care. He was getting blood on the white rose and as he lifted it to see it, I notice the blood on it.

The pureness of the white rose tainted because of Vic.

Then suddenly, we're at a different grave. The rain started falling harder and we couldn't make out the name. Vic squinted his eyes, but couldn't read it.

He was soaked at this point, but he didn't care and when he looks at the rose, it's the same one he had tainted. I didn't know who this grave belonged to, but out of respect, Vic lifted his hand over the hole and let the rose fall from his hand.

And slowly, it lands on the casket with a soft thud.

Then suddenly, a lightning bolt strikes and lights up the tombstone and I can read it.

Here lies Kellin Quinn Bostwick
Beloved Father, Son, and Friend
1986-2010

Before the same lightning bolt wakes me up.

I sit up in bed panting. I was covered in a cold sweat, and I was shaking. I sat in my bed, breathing heavily until a knock on the door makes me jump, reminding me all too much of the lightning in my dream.

"Kellin?" Oli opens the door, poking his head in. "I wanted to tell you that I'm - hey, are you okay?" I could only imagine how bad I looked, but nod.

He walks farther into the room and comes up beside me. I clutched my bedsheets, willing the trembling to stop. He sits on the bed and watches me worriedly, "Hey, what's wrong?"

I shake my head, "N-Nothing."

He placed a hand over my shaking one, "Kellin," he spoke softly, "You're as pale as a ghost, your eyes are swollen, as if you've been crying, and you're trembling. Please, tell me what's wrong."

I turn to face him and see him staring at me gently, worriedly, and kindly. I nod at him slowly, "Okay," and I explain to him what happened in my dream. He listened to me intently and didn't wave me off like Vic did when I told him about Rowan's imaginary turtle friend that took him places.

Rowan, my baby. My mood saddened again as I remembered all three of my babies. Who knew when I'd see them again. How were they handling my abduction? Were they eating enough? Was Vic teaching Cope how to use the bathroom?

My babies, my kids, my life. And I feel tears build up in my eyes again. I feel one tear spill before they're all spilling. "Kellin, what happened? What's wrong?"

"My kids. I miss them."

"You have kids?"

I nod, "Three." My tears kept falling, silently. I hear Oli curse under his breath. "I had no idea."

"How could you have? Kidnappers don't exactly ask about the family member's of who they're kidnapping." It wasn't snarky, it was numb. He stayed silent.

"Sorry, you probably don't care about them." I mumble huriedly and wipe my eyes and tears away. He grabs my hands and stops me. I look up at him to see him staring back at me.

"I do care. What are their names?"

"Copeland, Rowan, and Liam."

"How old are they?"

"Cope is one, Rowan is nine now, and Liam, eleven."

"You have a one year old daughter?"

I nod, smiling a bit as I remember my baby girl. He mumbled something to himself again, and when he looked back at me, he looked pain. "Oli? Are you okay?"

"Y-Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure," I ask worriedly.

"Yeah, yeah. Back to your kids, what are they like?"

I smile as I begin to talk about them, starting with eldest. Liam was a strong spirit, he wasn't afraid to stand up for what's wrong. But he was a little teddy bear on the inside who just needed some love since he never got any his whole life. He wanted a parent and I became that.

Rowan was next. He was still very much a child, he didn't have that maturity that Liam had, mostly because Liam was forced to be the adult without even trying. They only ever had their mother. Rowan had his creepy imaginary turtle friend and I always tried humor his crazy antics.

Then there's Cope. Cope was the youngest of them all at one year old. I found her as a new born and watched as her mother died. She learned how to walk a couple months ago and if all is going well, Vic should be teaching her how to pee and poo in the toilet. She can speak a bit better now, but I will always be Mama to her.

He smiles as I speak about them, "They sound amazing."

I nod, "They are." Then I sigh, "I miss them so much. This isn't the first time I've been separated from them."

"What happened the first time?"

And it's almost as if I couldn't hear him, I was back in my uncle's torture chamber. I was back to getting beat to a bloody pulp again. I was getting burned and cut and tortured again. I was away from Vic, away from my kids.

My whole body ached and burned. I couldn't move without it hurting. The word on my torso began to burn, Worthless, it began to bleed, I felt the life leaving my body like it did all those months ago. I was going to die and there was no dad to save me this time.

"Kellin? Kellin!"

I feel Oli shaking shoulders and I snap out of it. My eyes focus back on him and he breathes a sigh of relief when he makes eye-contact. We stare into each other's and I watch as he lifts a hand to wipe away the tears that fell.

"Kellin, my God, you've been through so much and I'm just adding to it."

I shake my head. I grab his hand. "I'm not going to deny that I have been through a lot, but don't feel bad, I knew marrying a gang leader wasn't the safest thing, but I chose to do it. It's no one's fault, I'd prefer it be me over my family any day."

He sighs. "I'm sorry. I really am."

"I know."

None of spoke after that. But it wasn't tense or uncomfortable. It was soothing, calming, nice even. "Oli?"

"Yeah?"

"We should get out of bed."

"Yeah, we should."

But none of us made a move to get up. We stayed on the bed beside each other, I lift my head to stare into his eyes. He stared back. He had brown eyes, but they could pass off as hazel. They were nice to look at and I felt calm. Almost, at peace.

A knock on the door interrupts our... whatever that was. "Boss? You in there?"

"Yeah!"

"I need to speak to you."

"Now?"

"Yes."

"Okay. I'll be right out." He turns back to face me. "I have to go."

I chuckle, "It's okay. I'll see you later."

"Yeah, see you later." He gets up hesitantly and walks to the door, and stops for a second. He slowly opens the door, but before walks out, he smiles at me once more, then he leaves. It made me feel warm inside. And that scared me.

I get out of bed and change out of my pijamas to something more appropriate for the day. I walk to the dressers and pull some sweats and a tank top out. I get out of the British flag shirt I'm in and change.

I put socks on and walk into the bathroom, getting ready for the day. When I finish, I walk back out and begin to make the bed.

I slowly walk out of my room, smiling at the two guards by my door before walking down the stairs. I see of Bring Me's members watching tv, eating cereal, and some not eating at all. I bite my lip.

I walk into the kitchen and begin to look through the cabinets and fridge, freezer. I take out the pancake batter, milk, and eggs. Then I begin to look through the kitchen for a bowl and pan, finally finding them in the dish washer.

I wash my hands before I start making the pancakes. As I went along, I noticed some of the gang members watching me. I tried to not let my uneasiness show. I got a plate to stack the pancakes that were ready on.

I knew some of the members were going to want some, so I made pancakes until the whole box was finished. I grabbed two for myself before looking at the others nervously, "Um, you can have some if you'd like. I try to make enough for most of you." They looked shocked, but most began grabbing plates until there were no more pancakes. I made sure to save two for Oli.

I set my plate down and grab the ice cream, placing one scoop on each pancake, then got caramel syrup to pour onto them. Then liquid jelly, and finally maple syrup. I could feel them staring at me, but I take a seat on the couch and watch as the others come out of the kitchen with ice cream on their pancakes. I smiled.

I eat slowly and watch as most of the males scarf down their pancakes. "Holy shit! This is amazing!" I heard so many shouts. After a while, Oli came down the stairs and Matt Nichols goes up to him. "Oli, mate, Kellin is a God's sent, he just made some of the best pancakes we've ever had, they had ice cream!"

I blush at the compliment and continue eating silently until I finish. "Is that so? He did make me some food yesterday."

I walk by them as they talk about my cooking trying to go put my plate in the sink when Matt pulls me back and wraps an arm around my shoulder, "Kellin, mate, promise me you'll cook every meal for us. Please."

I chuckle and nod, "Yeah, it's no problem. But what happens when you run out of food?"

"We'll take you to buy more!"

I laugh, but nod and manage to escape his grasp as I go wash the dishes. I was surprised the kitchen wasn't messy, but then again, no one ever cooked. I feel someone come up behind me. "I take it you won over the gang."

"No, my cooking did." He chuckles. "Speaking of, do you want some," I ask.

"Yeah, that'd be nice." I nod and tell him to go sit as I begin to prepare the pancakes the way I ate them. I grab a fork and place the food in front of Oli. He smiles at me and I smile back. "Thank you, Kellin."

"You're welcome."

I walk out of the dining room into the hallway just as I hear the front door being opened and an energetic man enters. He looked strangely a lot like Oli. Oh, wait. This must be his brother.

"Oliver! Oh, sweet brother o' mine!"

I turn back to face Oli who groans when he hears his brother, I had to giggle. "He's in the dining room." Oli gave me a fake glare and I smiled innocently.

"Thank you, stranger," Oli's brother said as he skipped into the dining room then he freezes. "Wait - stranger, I don't know you. What's your name?"

"Kellin."

He takes my hand and shakes enthusiastically. "Nice to meet you, Kellin, I'm Tom. What's your position in the gang?"

"A hostage?" Did that count as a position? He gasps. "My brother has a hostage? He kidnapped you?" I nod, confusedly until he's squealing excitedly. "Oh, my God! Do you know what this means?"

"No?"

"You and Oli are going to fall in love! Hostage and Gang leader! Oh, my God! It's a match made in Heaven. The big, bad gang leader and the innocent, little hostage! Awwww!"

"Tom!" Oli yelled.

My eyes were wide at what Tom had said. I didn't know how to react, he didn't know how right his statements were, just a different gang leader. "Uh, I'm engaged to another gang leader."

Tom's eyes widen and they sparkled excitedly, "Even better! Forbidden love! Oh, this is so romantic!"

"Tom!" Oli yelled. "Stop it!"

"Oh, geez, killjoy!" Tom shouts back at him and Oli rubs a hand down his face. "Tom, why are you here?"

"What? Can't I visit my favorite brother?"

"I'm your only brother." Oli looked annoyed, and while he was brother was a little weird, it was entertaining to watch them interract. "Pssh, and? I could hate you, but I don't."

"Tom, why are you here honestly?"

"Mom wants to invite you over to dinner." Oli looked angry for a second. "Why?"

"She says she wants to see you."

"No."

"Oli, come on, please. It's been so long since you've been home."

"This is my home." Oli's eyes were hard as he said that sentence and I knew it hurt him to hurt his brother. It was obvious how much he cared for him.

"Please, Oli. Mom really wants you to come."

"So she can insult me more?" Tom looked defeated and I instantly felt bad. His happy demeanor fell. Oli stared him down. "If that's all you wanted to say, you can go now." Tom looked as if Oli had punched him. I knew all too well how Tom felt.

"If you change your mind, you know how to find me."

Oli didn't respond as he glared. Tom left but not before telling me bye. I look back at Oli who could only stare at his empty plate and Tom who walked away heartbroken. I chased after Tom.

"Tom!"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about Oli."

"It's okay. He and Mom never did get along and she always brings out the worst in him. But she really does love him. I wish he'd go."

"I'm going to try to convince him to."

"What? Really?"

"Yeah. He's lucky that his mom is still alive."

"Thank you so much." He hugs me once more before running off. I smile softly after him before walking back inside. When I check the dining room for Oli, but see he's not there. I look around until I see Jordan.

"Jordan? Do you know where Oli's at?"

"Yeah, his bedroom. Why?"

"Thank you!" I rush up the stairs and into our little section to his bedroom. I knock once before speaking, "Oli! Can we talk?"

He opens the door. He looked unimpressed to see me, but opens the door wider to let me in. I hear the door close behind me as I turn to face him. "Oli, are you okay?"

"Fine. Why?"

I bit my lip. I was walking on thin ice here. I didn't want to get him angry or have him snap at me. "Oli, why won't you go to your mom's dinner?"

I see his eyes harden and he wouldn't face me. "I don't want to talk about this," he spoke in a low tone.

I pause. There was always the possibility that Oli could get angry with me. I was still his captive, and he was still my captor. Who's to say he wouldn't hurt me in his blind rage?

But, he doesn't realize what he has. I'd kill for my mom to be with me again. I missed her so much. I still miss her. Oli needs to open his eyes and see what's standing right in front of him. I needed to help him see at least that.

"Oli, why won't you visit your mother?"

"Kellin, I really don't want to talk about this," he growled.

"She wants to see you, Oli. And from what I saw, Tom wants you to visit her as well. He wants you home."

"Kellin, this is my home."

I sigh, "No, Oli, this is your job."

He glared at me fearcely, I'm surprised I'm not dead. "How dare you come in here and tell me what you think you know?"

I back away in fear. "I'm not. I'm telling you what I know. And I know you should go visit her."

"Why does this even matter to you? I don't want to see her and that's final."

"Oli - "

"Kellin, I'm serious. This conversation is over."

"No, Oli, this conversation is not over. You need to talk about this. You can't bottle up all this anger. It's not healthy. It'll only cause you pain."

"Don't you dare come in here and talk about pain! I know pain, Kellin! More than you will ever face!"

My mouth drops in shock. I felt something hot go under my skin, I felt it flow through my veins. More than I'll ever face? He doesn't even know the half of it! Is this what anger was?

"More than you'll ever face? Do you not see where I am? I am in my captor's home! I was kidnapped on my wedding day! This isn't my first time being kidnapped! I've been tortured! I was separated from my kids! My father! My family! I was ab - " I pause he doesn't need to know anything personal. "I've been through a lot more than you think. So, don't you dare tell me you'll face more pain than I ever will because you don't even know the half of what I've been through."

"Why do you want me to visit her so badly? I owe that woman nothing."

"That woman, she's your mother! She gave you life! She loves you unconditionally! Oliver, you don't know what you have! I'd kill to see my mom again! I'd kill for her to still be alive! So the fact that you won't visit your mother is pathetic and sad because I want nothing more than to be in your shoes."

We glared each other down.

"Me, pathetic? You're the one who fell in love with his captor!"

"At least I know love! I love my mother! My father! My kids! My brother-in-law! I know how to love people who don't even deserve it. And you, you can't even love your mother who does deserve your love!"

"That bitch doesn't deserve anything!"

"What has she done?" I yelled.

"That woman has never showed me any love! She never cared about me! She hated me! I wouldn't be surprised if she still does."

"She's trying now! How long has it been since you've seen her?"

He stays quiet, "Long enough," he murmurs.

"Exactly. You haven't even given her a chance!"

"You have no right coming in here and telling me how to run my life! You don't know! I don't want to see her, then I don't want to see her! That's my choice and my right! Isn't that what you Americans always say?" he taunted.

We glared each other down. He was panting heavily and looked ready to kill me. I had never felt anger like this, it was freeing. I'd never been mad, except once when I yelled at my father. But it wasn't like this.

I never before wanted to keep yelling like this. I never before wanted to win like this. It was all too knew, but revealing. It revealed the life I'd been missing.

I stalk towards him until we're chest to chest. I look up and glare into his eyes, "Rights? Gangs don't have rights. Is it my right to get kidnapped?" I spoke lowly and dangerously. "Aren't you suppose to be better than me? Isn't that what you Brits say?"

His glare intensified, but I didn't feel afraid. Had Vic glared at me like this, I'd never be able to stare him in the eyes. In fact, I probably never would have spoken to him like this for fear of what he would have done.

Yet, here I was, in a screaming match with Oli. I wasn't afraid of fighting back. For some reason, I knew he wouldn't hurt me. And that fact alone was enough for me to fight back, enough for me to express how I feel, enough for me to feel anger.

He took a step forward causing me to step back, but we never broke eye-contact. I stared him down, unafraid. He kept moving forward until the back of legs touched the foot of his bed.

"I'm not going to visit Carol."

I didn't know who Carol was, but I'd assumed it was his mother. She was who we were talking about in the first place.

"You are."

"What part of, 'I won't' don't you understand? What's so hard to grasp?"

"All of it! I can't fathom why you can't just forgive your mother! She's trying to be a part of your life and you're just pushing her away! Do you know how cruel that is on your part?!"

He chuckles darkly, "I'm a cruel man."

And that's when my anger vanished. That one sentence changed everything. I stare into his eyes before speaking, "No, you're not."

And that one sentence seemed to make his anger disappear. He stops glaring at me and only stared into my eyes. He was no longer angry, just hurting. I saw it in his eyes. His mother had hurt him, but as someone who lost his mother, I know that he needs to forgive her.

Because if something were to happen to her, he'd never forgive himself.

His whole demeanor changed and he looked defeated.

"I am," he said, sadly.

"No, Oli, you're not."

He gives me a sad smile. "I'll visit my mom."

"Good," I breathed.

"But you have to come with me." I nodded. That wasn't too bad. It sounded fair enough. I might also be able to see why Oli hates his mother so much.

"Okay."

Then we just stood there. Just staring at each other. No anger, not anymore.

He places his hands on my shoulders before moving them up until he was cupping my face. He looks into my eyes, searching my face before he makes up his mind.

I was confused as to what he was doing until he does it.

I freeze in shock. And my eyes widen. But I see his eyes close. I couldn't belive he'd done this. Never would I have imagined it. We were only arguing a few minutes ago.

And the worst part was, I liked it. I didn't push him away. I returned it. But I didn't feel guilty.

Oli kissed me.

And I kissed back.