Kendall
Curious
In English, “Romeo & Juliet,” are getting on my last damn nerve; ALSO, the fact that I’m still playing Juliet’s part?! All I can do is shake my head at Mr. Hayes, feeling like this is some type of revenge for all the times I haven’t paid attention in his class. And Drew has remained as Romeo; which isn’t helping with my concentration at all in any way…not that Mr. H. knows that; or anybody. I don’t even know why I think these things—oh god Drew’s looking at me. This is awkward. I’ll just pretend to be really fascinated with this page and stick my face in the book.
Later during class, when we have silent reading time, I decide to scope the room for one possible “candidate” to be my date Friday. There’s this cute girl, Mandy, with long brunette hair and she likes to smile; a lot I might add. Maybe she could be my date…okay she really won’t stop smiling; onto the next one. Jeeze, nobody looks really appealing at the moment—since we are all practically on the verge of death from sheer boredom. Maybe second period will be a much livelier bunch. I never thought looking for a date could be this challenging.
Throughout the day I see lots of the girls with their arms draped around their boyfriend, and their girlfriends—or just look like they try too hard to get attention. Sometimes I feel like there’s really no one out there for me. It’s a real scary thought. I get tired of looking so I lean against the lockers & look to my left, seeing Drew walking toward my direction. He smiles, maybe not at me, but I couldn’t help feeling a little weak kneed when he came closer. Actually this feeling I get, seems to happen a lot around him—or just any guy; but girls? It’s different. But back to Drew; he’s captain of his soccer team and has the good looks to top it off. But he isn’t arrogant about it. Plus I’ve heard he isn’t much of a ladies man. Kind of like me…coincidence much? Anyways, he gives me a little nod while passing and I catch myself just staring at him. I must seem extremely sketchy…or gay; which I’m so not…but maybe HE is?! Who knows? Never been there OR done that...as I stare at his butt, damn it! Why am I doing this? Did anyone else see me do that? Oh god I have to get out of here. Crap I still have last period left…maybe I could skip it. Not alone, that would suck. I’ll ask Ariana— since Logan needs to keep his school records squeaky clean—I’ll ask/text her.
For about fifteen minutes Ariana and I are walking down the sidewalk that leads to downtown. For some reason I didn’t talk as much as I usually do when I’m with her. Ariana starts to notice how quiet I am.
A: *nudges my shoulder* Everything okay?
Me: *nudge her back & sigh* I dunno…I feel…I feel so different, lately; and confused
A: *shrugs* Confused ‘bout what?
Me: *I look around then lower my voice & lean towards her* Sexuality confused
A: Whoaa *stops walking & holds her hand out to stop me from walking* Hold up. What’cha sayin, boy?
Me: *I raise my hands at her* Shhh, keep walking
A: WELL. What ARE you saying? *widens her eyes*
Me: I’m not sure. I haven’t been sure for a while *I look down at my feet as we walk* Does it mean something when one dude looks at another dudes butt?
A: Ummm, seems pretty harmless to me *lowers her voice* Were you looking at another guys’ ass? *cracks a smile*
Me: Sort of…
A: WHOSE?
Me: *I lower my voice & mumble*
A: I’m sorry but I don’t speak MUMBLE
Me: *I roll my eyes* Drew…Roy
A: *raises her eyebrows* Pfft, well I don’t blame ya. After all, he is a babe *smirks* And ya wanna tell me why you were lookin’ down there specifically?
Me: You see, that’s the problem, I have NO IDEA—and it’s freaking me out!
A: Okay, just calm down. BREATHE *her eyes widen* You know…Drew would actually be a good date for Friday…
Me: Not- helping- heeere
A: Aaah sorry! Uh, well maybe you’re Bi-sexual?
Me: Why would I be that?
A: I don’t think you chose to be it…but it looks like you like the girls…and the fellas *winks at me*
Me: *I fold my arms annoyed*
A: *punches my arm playfully* Hey, be calm. It’s normal for some people to like both genders. Well some people might not think so, but—well it just depends on how that person feels…
Me: THAT’S WHY I’M SO CONFLICTED *I shake my head*
A: Don’t freak out okay!? Let’s think about this, shall we?
Me: *I let out a big breath* Alright. I’m calm now
A: Yes find your “zen” or whatever. Okay, so first let’s remember when you last had a girlfriend or even dated a girl in general
Me: *I put my hands together* Mmm, well…the last time I did anything with a girl was probably…sophomore year
A: Interesting…
Me: *I raise my eyebrow at her* Also, it seems like I’m never satisfied with any of the girls I went out with. And it’s been a while since I’ve been on a date
A: Maybe you should just try going out with a girl then to “test” these new feelings you have?
Me: That’s what I’m doing with Logan for the Carnival this Friday…but it’s harder than I thought
A: Well considering Logan is the straightest dude I’ve ever met—
Me: *I give her an un-amused face* You know what I’m trying to say
A: *smirks* Okay, so just find a “girl date” for Friday and see how you feel—cause its HAS been a while since you’ve…
Me: *I give her a curous look*
A: Well, you know. But anyways, if you still can’t find a date before the Carnival I’ll help you, okay?
Me: *I groan* Fiiiine *I cover my face with my hands then look at her* You can’t tell Logan about this
A: I won’t *pink promise*
Me: *I sigh & smile at her* I know you won’t
A: But YOU better
Me: *I laugh nervously & point at her* HA, good one
A: Dude
Me: I WILL. Jeeeeze lady
A: *laughs then puts her arm around my neck* If you need to talk more, I’m here, kay?
Me: *I smile* I know, I know
When I got home later that afternoon, my mom walks over to me while I’m watching T.V. with a not so pleased facial expression…
Me: Heeey momma…
Mom: Your Principal called me *folds her arms*
Me: Really? Aaand how’s he doin’?
Mom: Kendall. Why weren’t you in your last period class today?
Me: I…I didn’t feel well…so I stayed in the bathroom…for a REEEALLY long time
Mom: Were you doing drugs or something bad?
Me: No mom no. Just… no
Mom: Alright…is that all?
Me: Yup!
Mom: *stares at me for a second* Well, do you feel better?
Me: Yeah, I’m fine now—I mean, like, I’m a little better. But I’m sure I’ll make it
Mom: *chuckles a little* That’s good
Me: *I start to feel uncomfortable* Um, so yeah, I guess I better get goin’ on that homework that I have…every night…see ya! *I rush out of the T.V. room & up to my bedroom. I close my door & lay on my back on my bed & let out a big breath*
The last thing my Mom needs to hear is that I skipped class purposely cause I was freaking out over staring at dudes butts. I dunno what she would say even—I don’t think I wanna know. But I DO know that she wouldn’t be overjoyed by the whole situation. I probably won’t get much sleep tonight with so many thoughts running through my head. So what if I might actually…be…gay; I guess it’s not a bad thing. Well at least not to me…but others? Sounds very risky; and probably something I should sleep on—if I can that is.
Later during class, when we have silent reading time, I decide to scope the room for one possible “candidate” to be my date Friday. There’s this cute girl, Mandy, with long brunette hair and she likes to smile; a lot I might add. Maybe she could be my date…okay she really won’t stop smiling; onto the next one. Jeeze, nobody looks really appealing at the moment—since we are all practically on the verge of death from sheer boredom. Maybe second period will be a much livelier bunch. I never thought looking for a date could be this challenging.
Throughout the day I see lots of the girls with their arms draped around their boyfriend, and their girlfriends—or just look like they try too hard to get attention. Sometimes I feel like there’s really no one out there for me. It’s a real scary thought. I get tired of looking so I lean against the lockers & look to my left, seeing Drew walking toward my direction. He smiles, maybe not at me, but I couldn’t help feeling a little weak kneed when he came closer. Actually this feeling I get, seems to happen a lot around him—or just any guy; but girls? It’s different. But back to Drew; he’s captain of his soccer team and has the good looks to top it off. But he isn’t arrogant about it. Plus I’ve heard he isn’t much of a ladies man. Kind of like me…coincidence much? Anyways, he gives me a little nod while passing and I catch myself just staring at him. I must seem extremely sketchy…or gay; which I’m so not…but maybe HE is?! Who knows? Never been there OR done that...as I stare at his butt, damn it! Why am I doing this? Did anyone else see me do that? Oh god I have to get out of here. Crap I still have last period left…maybe I could skip it. Not alone, that would suck. I’ll ask Ariana— since Logan needs to keep his school records squeaky clean—I’ll ask/text her.
For about fifteen minutes Ariana and I are walking down the sidewalk that leads to downtown. For some reason I didn’t talk as much as I usually do when I’m with her. Ariana starts to notice how quiet I am.
A: *nudges my shoulder* Everything okay?
Me: *nudge her back & sigh* I dunno…I feel…I feel so different, lately; and confused
A: *shrugs* Confused ‘bout what?
Me: *I look around then lower my voice & lean towards her* Sexuality confused
A: Whoaa *stops walking & holds her hand out to stop me from walking* Hold up. What’cha sayin, boy?
Me: *I raise my hands at her* Shhh, keep walking
A: WELL. What ARE you saying? *widens her eyes*
Me: I’m not sure. I haven’t been sure for a while *I look down at my feet as we walk* Does it mean something when one dude looks at another dudes butt?
A: Ummm, seems pretty harmless to me *lowers her voice* Were you looking at another guys’ ass? *cracks a smile*
Me: Sort of…
A: WHOSE?
Me: *I lower my voice & mumble*
A: I’m sorry but I don’t speak MUMBLE
Me: *I roll my eyes* Drew…Roy
A: *raises her eyebrows* Pfft, well I don’t blame ya. After all, he is a babe *smirks* And ya wanna tell me why you were lookin’ down there specifically?
Me: You see, that’s the problem, I have NO IDEA—and it’s freaking me out!
A: Okay, just calm down. BREATHE *her eyes widen* You know…Drew would actually be a good date for Friday…
Me: Not- helping- heeere
A: Aaah sorry! Uh, well maybe you’re Bi-sexual?
Me: Why would I be that?
A: I don’t think you chose to be it…but it looks like you like the girls…and the fellas *winks at me*
Me: *I fold my arms annoyed*
A: *punches my arm playfully* Hey, be calm. It’s normal for some people to like both genders. Well some people might not think so, but—well it just depends on how that person feels…
Me: THAT’S WHY I’M SO CONFLICTED *I shake my head*
A: Don’t freak out okay!? Let’s think about this, shall we?
Me: *I let out a big breath* Alright. I’m calm now
A: Yes find your “zen” or whatever. Okay, so first let’s remember when you last had a girlfriend or even dated a girl in general
Me: *I put my hands together* Mmm, well…the last time I did anything with a girl was probably…sophomore year
A: Interesting…
Me: *I raise my eyebrow at her* Also, it seems like I’m never satisfied with any of the girls I went out with. And it’s been a while since I’ve been on a date
A: Maybe you should just try going out with a girl then to “test” these new feelings you have?
Me: That’s what I’m doing with Logan for the Carnival this Friday…but it’s harder than I thought
A: Well considering Logan is the straightest dude I’ve ever met—
Me: *I give her an un-amused face* You know what I’m trying to say
A: *smirks* Okay, so just find a “girl date” for Friday and see how you feel—cause its HAS been a while since you’ve…
Me: *I give her a curous look*
A: Well, you know. But anyways, if you still can’t find a date before the Carnival I’ll help you, okay?
Me: *I groan* Fiiiine *I cover my face with my hands then look at her* You can’t tell Logan about this
A: I won’t *pink promise*
Me: *I sigh & smile at her* I know you won’t
A: But YOU better
Me: *I laugh nervously & point at her* HA, good one
A: Dude
Me: I WILL. Jeeeeze lady
A: *laughs then puts her arm around my neck* If you need to talk more, I’m here, kay?
Me: *I smile* I know, I know
When I got home later that afternoon, my mom walks over to me while I’m watching T.V. with a not so pleased facial expression…
Me: Heeey momma…
Mom: Your Principal called me *folds her arms*
Me: Really? Aaand how’s he doin’?
Mom: Kendall. Why weren’t you in your last period class today?
Me: I…I didn’t feel well…so I stayed in the bathroom…for a REEEALLY long time
Mom: Were you doing drugs or something bad?
Me: No mom no. Just… no
Mom: Alright…is that all?
Me: Yup!
Mom: *stares at me for a second* Well, do you feel better?
Me: Yeah, I’m fine now—I mean, like, I’m a little better. But I’m sure I’ll make it
Mom: *chuckles a little* That’s good
Me: *I start to feel uncomfortable* Um, so yeah, I guess I better get goin’ on that homework that I have…every night…see ya! *I rush out of the T.V. room & up to my bedroom. I close my door & lay on my back on my bed & let out a big breath*
The last thing my Mom needs to hear is that I skipped class purposely cause I was freaking out over staring at dudes butts. I dunno what she would say even—I don’t think I wanna know. But I DO know that she wouldn’t be overjoyed by the whole situation. I probably won’t get much sleep tonight with so many thoughts running through my head. So what if I might actually…be…gay; I guess it’s not a bad thing. Well at least not to me…but others? Sounds very risky; and probably something I should sleep on—if I can that is.