Secrets and Temptations

A week has come and gone since the day I left my mother's house. Cosmos and Micah had to return to New York and Danny was working on getting jobs. I'd love to say that I was spending the past week indulging in some distractions by working, but I had to tell my boss about what had happened to get a good healing session. I didn't want to- and even fought everyone about going back to work- but when I can't even lift boxes without gasping in pain, I had to. Thankfully I'm getting paid for my days off… sadly, it's going to take a while to properly heal.

I've been staying with Leana and Jimmy (without any open relationship happenings) while the guys were still hunting for some place for me. I offered to look, but they're being stubborn and not allowing me to help. Actually, minus necessary human functions and going to the studio, I don't get to do much anymore. The only saving grace I have would probably be when I have visitors.

“You look….” Zack trailed off as he entered to see me laying on my queen size bed with my limbs flailed out and my hair fanning around my head like a halo.

“Bored?” I supplied as I flipped through the channels. “I'm going fucking insane Zacky! My friends went back to New York- well Danny is either job hunting or working- and I'm stuck here doing nothing. It fucking sucks major donkey dick.” I whined as he walked closer to the bed.

“One,” He started drawing on my exposed stomach. “I can see your bra.” A shiver racked my body as I felt him drawing the outline of a switchblade. I bit my cheek to suppress the moan building up inside of me while thanking whoever decided girls didn't need a penis to show the world that they're getting turned on.

“I don't believe you.” I shoved his hand over and he pouted.

“I wasn't done. And your bra is a navy blue and your skin is showing right here.” He traced the part of my bra that showed my under bust before the cloth that covers my nipple. I felt my breath get caught in my throat and my heart began pounding. I could feel my body tingling and getting hot at his touch. His finger dipped into the satin part of my bra. He curled it before pulling the fabric and letting it fall into place. “Move over, you're taking up all the space.” He joked, but his jade eyes turned into a darker and mossy color. If he was anyone else, I would make a comment with a sexual innuendo, but I can't with him. I've seen firsthand just how much he cares about Gena.

“You act like it's a fucking twin size bed.” I huffed as I rolled over and fixed my top; I do not need him activating my hormones again.

“Nah, you're just fat.” He jested as he plopped on my bed. “The room is nice.” He complimented as he surveyed the area.

A portion of the walls were a solid gray and the other sides of the walls were a marble design gray. The floor is a light gray tile with a dark gray throw rug on it. The bed is a queen size with black and silver decal on the head board and base board. The comforter is a dark gray- that matches the gray pillows- and a silver runner and pillow. The nightstands, dresser, and armoire are all black and silver. The lamps are either clear or white and the plasma big screen television hung on the wall across from my bed.

“I would be fine without the mirrors.” I motioned to the mirror on the armoire and over the dresser.

“What? Please don't tell me you don't think you're beautiful.” He groaned and I laughed.

“Oh, no. I'm fucking fabulous. No, mirrors in the bedroom just freak me out. I think it stems from my horror movie addiction… and one of my childhood favorite shows being A Haunting. I pretty much assume something is watching me through it.” I laughed before he rolled on top of me. “OH MY GAWD YOU WHALE! GET OFFA ME!” I shrieked.

“Never. You're comfy, and I'm holding a grudge over the whale comment.” He laughed before I punched him in the side and he rolled off of me. “Ow. That hurt.” He smiled so I knew that it was okay. “So, what are we watching?”

“Mm. I don't know.” I tossed him the remote and curled into a ball on the bed. “You decide.”

“Eh, a movie then.” He mumbled before putting on some lame movie. “I don't know, just for back ground noise.” He supplied before sitting up and tapping my arm until I agreed to sit opposite of him.

“Uhg! Fine.” I groaned as I got my lazy ass up and sat cross-legged in front of him. “Are you my babysitter?” I questioned and he laughed.

“Yes. I'm the only one available to keep you safe today.” He flexed and I rolled my eyes.

“You're fired.” I jested and he threw a pillow at me. “Ow! Now you're doubly fired.” I laughed before he grabbed me and started tickling me. “Hey!” I screeched and he laughed.

“Am I fired now?” He screamed over me as I twisted in his arms in an attempt to escape. “Huh Banshee?”

“N-no!” I screamed and he stopped. I fell into him while still giggling and trying to catch my breath. “I hate you.” I breathed as my arms wrapped around his neck and his one hand rested on my lower back as the other squeezed my leg.

“Don't hate me.” His breath was on my neck sending shivers up and down my spine. “Sin, I-”

“Honey! I'm home!” Jimmy's voice rang throughout the house, causing Zack and I to spring apart. When there was space between us, I felt the guilt washing over me. I didn't like Gena, but I wouldn't do anything with Zack due to their marriage. “Sin! Come down here!”

“This… what just happened… it can never happen again.” I said before getting up and walking out of the room.

”You're such sluts!” My mom screamed as she went around the house angry at her job. My sister and I didn't really flinch or anything. We were so used to it by now that we just continued playing with our dolls. All the adults in our house took their anger out on us.

“When I'm a mom, I'll be better.” My sister's words shocked me, but I didn't really show it. We never talk about kids in the future, but I always assumed we both weren't going to risk having any.

“I'm not having kids.” I shrugged as I watched her pluck the end of her black dress. I looked down to my baggy jeans and began feeling insecure at the idea of my thin and beautiful sister sitting across from me.

I was never thin and never confident in my looks. At sixteen (yes, at age sixteen she forces me to play dolls with her) she can wear skin tight clothes and get scouted by modeling agencies so easily while eating non-stop… but she's always been that way and I haven’t. I was always the heavier kid. I was the fatty that my mother could never be proud of because I could never get a modeling agency to spare me a glance. I wore jeans and loose clothing in an attempt to hide myself.

“Why not? We can do better… have happier children.” She whispered over my mother yelling. “Create a life we never had.”

“I'm too messed up. No one will love someone like me… and I'll mess up my kids if I were to ever have any.” I shrugged as I wrapped my arms around my stomach. “Plus, no one likes a fat girl.”

I wrapped my arms around my waist and began feeling that I was still that fat little girl with confidence issues. When I reached college, I joined a gym and lost all that fat and baby fat. It was supposed to be a new image to my new life… but it ended up being a sham. My mother had introduced us to Jack when I was losing weight, so he never noticed the fat girl, but I always felt awkward around him. Gena calling me a fat groupie opened up the flood gates of depression… and I never told them about the texts I'd get from her through Zack’s phone… nor how when I feel really down, I sit and read them.

I will always be that fat child that no one likes… I can't be anything more. I tried to banish the thought from my mind when I felt Zack's presence behind me and could hear everyone else ahead of me.

“Hey guys!” My tone sounded patronizing to me, but it doesn't seem like they really noticed. I watched Zack rush past me and scoop Gena into his arms. He kissed her passionately and I felt my heart drop at the realization that he really does love her and I do need to step back.

“Hey princess, we-”

“WE FOUND YOU SOME PLACE AND LEANA ALREADY DECORATED IT!” Jimmy interrupted Matt while bouncing up and down with his wife. I gave the small girl a look of interest and she smiled.

“I felt like if they decorated it, they'd fuck up. We spend more time together and I feel like I've decoded you enough to decorate your dream house.” She clapped and I sighed with a shake of my head.

“So, I need to get dressed?”

“Well, we've already moved everything into the place except for your clothes, so Lea is going to go help you pack.” Matt said before Val stepped up.

“I'll help too.” I was hesitant, but accepted her offer.

We ascended the stairs with the two women following behind me in excited prattle. For the past few days Val has been trying to befriend me, but I still find it uncomfortable and hard to be around her. I always get the sense that there's something she's not telling me, but I wasn't going to push the issue. Leana was more than happy to have one of her friends accepting me, so for her I will attempt to put aside my trust issues.

“If Lee decorated it, you're going to love it.” Val beamed behind me and I just nodded. “How hard is it to contain your excitement?”

“I've learned to not get my hopes up with things. I'm sure it's nice, but I can't picture someone really decoding me.” I shrugged as we made our way to my door. “I'll get dressed and then join you so we can pack my clothes.” I stared at their excited faces and turned the knob.

“You're very callous, aren't you?” Val inquired and I shrugged.

“Based on the sudden interest in talking to me and putting behind what you and the others said about me-”

“I didn't say anything.” She interrupted.

“Exactly, you didn't say anything. You may not have taken part in their games, but you didn't speak out and tell them to stop. That's worse than joining in. You obviously have the leadership presence to get them to stop, but you sat in the back and let it continue. I'm guessing the only reason why you're being so nice to me now is because Matt told you what had happened to me and you got disgusted because you do have some shred of humanity in you.” I snapped and she looked away. “Exactly. Listen, I don't need fake friends, nor do I want them, so if there is an actual chance that you want to truly be my friend, then you're going to have to prove yourself to me.” I gathered the clothes I had set aside for tomorrow so that I could wear them instead.

“And how am I supposed to show you that I really want to try being your friend?” She argued like trusting her should have been an easy thing to do.

“If I told you, there wouldn't be a point.” I shrugged before entering my adjoined bathroom.

I heard her telling Lee that I was confusing her and that I’m not making anything easier, but I don’t know how to make things easier. I’ve never had someone to show me how to trust people. My mother used to always drill into my head “you can forgive, but never ever forget;” which is ironic with how she’s had a hand in damaging me. Anyone who showed me that I could trust them, has left me before I could prepare myself. I’ve only ever been hurt and broken. The covered scars (and fresh ones) pulsate and the memories are scratching to the surface of my mind.

I woke up to the sound of screaming. Through my groggy state, I can hear that the voice is male. Deeper than my uncle’s voice, so that meant my father. I look at the clock and see that it’s still morning, meaning it’s rare that he would be awake since he work nights.

“No.” I pleaded as I grabbed the sink and leaned my head against the cool mirror.

”Fucking piece of shit kids! Why do I even stay here?” I felt my heart breaking at my father’s words since I’ve only ever wanted to be a ‘daddy’s girl,’ but he never gave me the time of day. “Every fucking day, it’s always something with them.” He growled as I pushed the covers off of me and swung my little legs over the edge of the bed. He continued on with his tirade about how useless we were as I opened my door and moved my six-year-old body into the hallway. I followed his yelling and found myself in the kitchen doorway looking at him with a beer in hand. “What the fuck do you want?” He bellowed and I jumped afraid to answer.

“Please, go away.” I begged as I felt the tears breaking through my efforts to hold them back.

”Go away!” He screamed and I whimpered.

“Dad…” I squeaked when he stomped closer to me and grabbed my fragile arms.

“I’m not your father! You’re real dad died of aids!” My senses swam in the stench of alcohol on his breath, but I understood perfectly clear that this man didn’t want anything to do with me now… or did he ever want anything to do with me?

“Stop it… please.” I grabbed my head on the left side and began punching my dominate fist against the mirror. “I don’t want to remember.” But that’s all it took. All the memories of rejection hitting me all at once.

I searched my eyes as I ran the blade across my wrists. I was hoping to find the answer inside of me. Why does everyone cheat on me? Why can’t I find one person to love me and want to be with only me? What about me made me so unloveable? Is it because of my eyes? Hair? Body? Is it because I’m depressed nine months out of the year? Is it because I’m shy at times? Is it because I’m bad with words and fall short in conversations?

“No, no, NO!” I screamed through ragged breaths.

“Sin! Sweetie, open this door!” I heard Lea’s voice, but I could only concentrate on my fist colliding with the glass. The cracks stretching as the scenes exploded to life.

”Miss Harlot, I have some bad news for you.” My heart stopped as I waited for the gynecologist to continue. “I’m afraid that with the ulcers on your uterus and the makeup of your body, if you were to get pregnant, there would be some complications… you’ll either miscarry or if you can hold a baby full term, you and the baby would have a low possibility of surviving the birthing process.”

I can’t have babies… I can’t even have babies… I thought as the doctor continued to explain that I would have a period, I just shouldn’t ever try to conceive a baby.

“Stop it!” I hollered as I felt my knuckles tear open and the blood slide down my hands.

”I wish I had went with my gut instinct and aborted you.” My mother sneered the day after her husband first raped me. “Such a disgusting little demon you are.”

“Sin!” The glass shattered the same time Matt and Brian busted the door open.

“I’m sorry.” I whimpered as I moved back and covered my face to hide my shame. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean… I didn’t mean to…” I broke off as I realized that I couldn’t cover up this kind of crazy.

“Gena! Let go of me!” I heard Zack scream before there was pounding on the floor. I moved my hand to see him rushing over to me with this look of concern on his face. He grabbed the nearby towel and grabbed my bleeding hand. “Someone get a first aid kit.” He ordered and Jimmy rushed out the door. Val ushered Gena and the other girls out when they tried opening their mouths. “Don’t pay attention to them, look only at me.” His voice was rough and kind of sexy at the same time.

“I didn’t mean to break the glass.” I whispered so that he could hear me.

“I know. What happened though?” He nudged my knees apart until I spread my legs, then he moved so close that if I were to just lift my ass a little, I’d be sitting on him. I opened my mouth, but then closed it at the audience. “Thanks Jimmy.” He said when the kit was placed next to him. “Do you guys mind leaving? We need to talk in private.” They look hesitant- even made sure to give each other glances of concern- but left anyway. “It’s just us now.” He gave me a half smile and I felt myself melting on the inside.

“Just a bit of crazy.” I smirked and he shook his head. “I’m a handful.” I murmured, but squeaked when I felt him grab my ass and bring me onto his lap.

“I guess it’s a good thing I have two hands.” He growled lightly before giving me a firm kiss.

I know the right thing to do is to push him away and smack him across the face. I know that his wife is right down stairs and that this is wrong. I know that I should be reminding him of his marriage and playing the good girl… but his lips felt way too good against mine. I decided that it was okay to play naughty this one time and kissed him back.

I felt him smile against my lips before he sat up, causing my body to be pushed into the wall. A small moan traveled from my mouth to his which fueled him to grind his body against mine. My arms wrapped around his shoulders and his hand traveled along my body until they cupped my breast. Not only was his kneading and squeezing of my boobs turning me on, but the bulge rubbing into me was driving me insane.

“Zack…” I broke our mouths apart and kept dodging his attempts to kiss me again. “Z-Zee…” I breathed as he settled on kissing and nibbling on my neck.

“Please don’t ask me to behave.” He begged between kisses. “I’m going insane. I keep picturing you every time I fuck Gena and I can’t even jack-off unless I’m thinking about you.” I blushed at his words, but not because they were vulgar or anything that I should be blushing about.

“I think about you too.” I whispered as I ran my fingers through his hair. “When I play with myself, all I can think about is your lips and hands touching every inch of my body; erasing everything else from the world. I think about your cock and how good it would feel inside of me.” He groaned at my admission. “Zacky.” I mewled as I took his hand and guided it into my pants and underwear. I shivered as his calloused fingers brushed over my clit before entering me. “Thinking of you always makes me this wet.” I moaned as he worked his fingers in and out of me.

“Fuck, Sin, please let me inside of you.” He begged and I nodded. That was all the permission he needed before he slid his fingers out of my pants and began working on his belt and unbuckling his pants. I stood up and quickly stripped of my clothes, but stopped when I noticed he was staring at my body. I looked down to see the once black and blue marks turning into an ugly yellow color. “Stop.” He breathed as he grabbed my arms when I tried covering my body.

“I know; my body looks hideous.” I whispered when he was standing in front of me.

“No, I’m not staring because I think you look hideous.” He moved my arms from my body to around his shoulders. “I’m staring because you’re so beautiful.” I blushed, but smiled at his words. “And you’re so innocent apparently… that’s actually a shock.” I giggled at his smirk.

“I’m not innocent… I’m just not used to being called beautiful.” I admitted and he clicked his tongue before kissing me.

The kiss was slow at first- almost as if he was trying to maintain a sense of innocence between us- but it soon picked up in heat as I unbuttoned his shirt. He bit my lip, causing me to gasp and allowing him to slide his tongue in my mouth. We fought for dominance for a bit, but I quickly succumbed to him while sliding his shirt off of his arms.
“You’re just trying to distract me to undress me.” He teased with his lips still on mine. I laughed, but nodded. “I know your game.” He teased before picking me up and sitting me on the counter with him between my legs. “Slow or…” He trailed off as he motioned for me to look to see how big and thick he was.

“Oh god.” I moaned at the thought of his dick inside of me. “At once… I don’t think having them- and mainly your wife- waiting on us for long is a good idea.” I breathed as he slid the tip from my clit to my entrance.

“I don’t care about them… I don’t want to hurt you.” I smiled at his words before kissing him deeply.

He took that as his cue and slid his cock all the way inside of me. I yelped a little into the kiss, but relaxed so that I could adjust to him. He pulled from the kiss and waited for me to give him the okay to move his body. My nails traced a path from his wrist to his shoulders before my body was ready for him to continue. When I felt ready, I nodded and that was all he needed.

He was gentle at first, but I think my begging him to go harder and faster unleashed something in us both. His movements were getting rougher with each thrust and he’d vary between pulling all the way out or pulling half way out. My nails dug into his back deep enough to leave red marks, but not to break the skin. Our breaths were echoing and there were times that he had to cover my mouth either with his or his hands.

“Fuck me.” I moaned when he found my sensitive spot under my ear.

“I am.” He growled and slammed into me to prove his point. “Lower your voice.” He ordered as his hand wrapped around my throat and squeezed slightly. I moaned as I felt myself getting close to an orgasm.

“Fuck me into oblivion.” I breathed and he moaned before moving his other hand to my clit and rubbing it. “Oh shit. Zacky…ahh.” I closed my eyes and began thrusting my pelvis a little. “Z-Za-ck-yyyyy!” I tried to control the volume of my voice as the shivers took over my body and my mind literally went blank at the force of the orgasm.

“Sin…Sin.” I felt lips kissing my neck and lips. “Sin, baby, open your eyes.” I fluttered my eyes open to see Zack’s mossy green eyes staring into mine. “Welcome back to Earth.” He grinned before kissing me.

“That was… incredible.” I breathed before feeling something wet on my stomach. I heard the sink running and recognized the feeling of his hand on me. “What are you doing?”

“I wasn’t wearing a condom, so I kind of released on your stomach.” He blushed. “I’m done cleaning it now.” He’s so cute.

“You’re so cute.” I giggled before kissing him.