Secrets and Temptations

My body jolts upward into a sitting position as I wake with freight and adrenaline coursing through my veins. I can feel my heart pounding so hard like it’s trying to break through the chest plate and rip its way out of my skin. I can hear the blood rushing in my body to the lungs who are working triple time in failed attempts to calm my breathing. My breaths are ragged and painful to swallow. My eyes burn with tears and I realize it was another nightmare. I pull my legs up to my chest and tuck my head into my lap in attempts of calming myself. It doesn't work as I recall the images.

A dark room with the stench of iron. Normally I would attribute the smell to the rusted water pipes and the dripping sound to water leaking from them, but I know the smell of blood all too well. I recognize the smell of death in the air. I would've been more confused if I didn't cut myself or had to visit the hospital a lot when I was younger.

“Help!” I screamed… but no sound came out. I brought my fingers to my throat and began scratching at the flesh… before I realized there were chains bound to my wrist and ankles. I brought the bondage up to my nose and sniffed. I tried shoving the metal away from my face as the overwhelming stench of death invaded my nose. “Someone! Please help me!” I begged before the door opened.

I tried to look at the figure in the doorway, but all I could do was focus on the scraping on the walls and floor. The figure stayed as a shadow in the door, but that didn't stop something from plunging it's hand in my chest cavity and ripping my heart out. I didn't die right away. I lasted a few painful seconds before my body collapsed into the pool of blood around me.

“I have to go for a walk.” I murmured as I threw my covers off of me.

I went over to my closet and pulled out a pair of sneakers and a hoodie to pull over my clothes. I walked back over to my bed and put on my glasses before unplugging my phone and grabbing my wallet. I silently made my way out of my room and to the bathroom so that I could brush my teeth. I had this weird habit of always brushing my teeth before leaving my house. After my teeth were brushed, I walked to the entrance of my house quietly and out my front door. When I was on the porch I slipped on my shoes and hoodie before heading out. I didn't have a destination so I just started randomly walking around.

I felt my body still shaking with every step I took, but I know it's from the lingering stench of blood filling my senses, not the night breeze. I've had too many night terrors to know that even though it feels real, it's not. I've had them since I was a kid and I've always woken up in the same panic ridden state. I've always wanted to scream out and cry for help, but sleep paralysis is a bitch to fight through. Normally, I just cry myself back to sleep or curl into a ball and attempt to sleep, but the idea of being in a confined space is really not tempting.

“Sin?” I felt someone's hand touch my arm and jerked away before seeing a pair of concerned jade eyes. “Hey, it's okay.” Zacky said as he tried rubbing my arm. I let him as I tried coming up with words. It's been about two weeks since I blew up about the dresser. I still haven't found the proper way to apologize. “What are you doing out here?” He asked.

“Walking.” I whispered before I felt my stomach churning. I knew it wasn't real, but the stench of that room invaded my senses again and making me fight to control my balance… and the sudden urge to vomit.

“You're walking?” I nodded. “In that?” He pointed to my hoodie covering my nightie. Again, I nodded. “Are you o-” He didn't even finish his sentence before I was bent over and barfing in the drain under the sidewalk. “Shit.” He hissed as he patted my back.

I could tell he was trying to talk to me and see if I was okay, but I just couldn't focus on him right now. For some stupid reason, I kept picturing the nightmare. I kept hearing the sound of something dripping, smelling the mix of blood and death in the room, and feeling the creature ripping out my heart. My body shook with the force I was using to release stomach acid now.

“I should call someone.” H said I finished vomiting.

“No.” I breathed as I stood up straight. My legs were shaky and I could taste the acid still in my breath. I felt weak, but I refused to show it. “Thank you, but I'm okay.” I whispered since my esophagus was on fire.

“Sure.” He smiled as he wiped away my tears. “Then let me at least get you food.” I was going to turn down the offer, but my stomach growled at the mention of food. “I insist.”

“Thank you.” I whispered as he took my hand and guided me back to the direction of our houses. “Why are you out here? It's like three in the morning.”

“Matt thinks that since he's going on an exercise kick we all should. I go for walks to do my part.” He grinned and I smiled up at him. “So why were you out here?”

“I had a nightmare and I couldn't stand being confined in the house.” I answered and he nodded as he opened his garage. “Where are we going to eat?”

“To a twenty-four hour diner.” He said before opening his back seat and pulling out a gym bag. “But, do me a favor and put these on.” He tossed me one of shorts and one of his hoodies.

“I have a hoodie on...” I said as I pulled on the shorts. He looked away to give me some privacy.

“It has throw up on it.” I looked down to see that even though it wasn't much, it did indeed have vomit on it.

“Oh, thank you.” I blushed before taking off my hoodie and putting his on. He nodded just as his scent from his clothes invaded my nose. “Do you bathe in Axe?” I teased when we got into his car.

“Actually...” He smiled while starting the engine. “Is it bad?”

“No. Strong, but not bad.” I giggled as I curled into a ball in the front seat so that I could hide in his clothes.



The diner he took us to reminded me of Alexis Diner just down the street from where I used to work. It made me feel slightly home sick, but it also calmed my nerves down a bit. I was really happy that the imprint of the nightmare was going away.

“Thank you.” I said as Zack and I finished ordering our food.

“It's no problem. I think after your dry heaving spell, you needed food.” He laughed and I shook my head.

“Not just for the food.” I said as he took a sip of the complimentary water. “I never thanked you guys for the dresser.” I reminded him.

“Yeah, about that.” He said before handing me an envelope. I opened it to see the money I was putting in his mailbox after each check. “You don't need to pay us back.” I blushed while nodding.

“Sorry, I'm not good with… human interaction?” It's sad when I have to question if it's interacting with others that I'm not good at, or just life in general. “But I do love the dresser… and I feel bad that I said that stuff to you guys.”

“Jimmy was hurt the most.” I felt my heart drop at that. “But Matt did bring up a good point; it was a gift from people you barely knew.” I shook my head at his comment.

“It's not just that. I'm not used to receiving gifts; I can give them to others just fine though.” I said and he just tilted his head. “Receiving small gifts- even accepting this meal- takes a lot of effort on my part. I've always been this way and my family has resorted to just giving me money as gifts for special occasions. Actually, it took me a while to just accept my sister's proposal to buy me a new tattoo.” I shrugged.

“What would you have liked instead then?” He asked as the waitress put his pancakes in front of him and gave me my eggs and french toast.

“Honestly?” He nodded and I bit my lip. “I like personal items.”

“Like a pair of our underwear?” He jested and I giggled before shaking my head.

“No, dip shit. Like… Oh, like this one time my friend couldn't afford to give me anything for my birthday, so she took one of the albums her family had lying around and made a scrap book for me. It had all the pictures of her and me and of moments with our friends and silly captions.” I smiled at the idea and made a mental note to text Cosmos later.

“But, minus the picture of one of our shows, we don't have pictures with you.”

“I would have been happy hanging out with you guys. Hell, I think anyone would be happy to just hang out with the members of their favorite band.” I replied before putting a piece of the French toast in my mouth.

“Wow.” He laughed and I gave him a questioning look since my mouth was full. “Don't get me wrong, we love our wives and they work for their own money, but they have a tendency to be a bit…materialistic. Maybe that's why we thought buying you the expensive gift was a good idea.” He shrugged before giving my a sly grin. “But you can explain to the guys about everything later when you come over to meet our girls.” He plotted and I shook my head.

“No. I don't do well with people… especially girls. Plus, I have work today.” Thank God for work.

“You have to meet them one day.” He argued.

“But not today.” I countered and he huffed like a child. It was kind of cute.

“I'll see about dropping by your place after work.” I felt weak as I caved into his antics and went back to eating.

“Deal.” He grinned before digging into his pancakes again.

“God, you're fat. I'm telling Matt you're not even attempting to lose weight.” I jested in a tone that I hoped conveyed that I really didn't think he was fat.

“You're jealous.” He stuck his tongue out. We spent the rest of our meal either in silence or just teasing each other.



After the diner, Zack took me to the park- per my request- and we spent a good amount of time on the swings and just being silly. We talked a little more about our personal lives and learned a bit more about each other. I found out that he has two siblings- a brother and sister- that he's very close with and a nephew that he spoils like no tomorrow. I told him that I have an older sister back in New York and a niece that calls me 'mama' while she calls my sister 'mommy.' We talked a bit about when we were in high school- how his love for baseball made him moderately popular and how I've always been fine not fitting in- and a bit about his music.

“Everything okay?” I asked as I noticed him checking his phone for the fifth time. He sighed before giving me a coy smile.

“You noticed?”

“It's pretty obvious when you're checking your phone every other minute.” I teased as I bumped my swing into his. “So, what's up?” I asked and he sighed again.

“Gena is blowing up my phone asking where I am. I guess she didn't get my text saying we were at the diner.” I was honestly shocked he told his wife he was with me. From my experiences, no one told their partner they were with me unless their partner personally knew me.

“Maybe she doesn't like that you're out with some other woman.” I prompted and he shook his head.

“Nah, Gena's cool. She probably just wants to cuddle before she has to work.” He smiled and I nodded, even though my gut told me I was right. “Well, shall we go?” He asked and held his hand out for me.

“Yeah, I have to get ready for work anyways.” I smiled as I placed my hand in his.

We walked back to his car in silence. I don't know exactly what he had on his mind, but judging from the clenched jaw it was something serious. I did feel guilty that I've spent so much time with him today and his wife has yet to meet me. Normally I'd be the one to bring up meeting the spouse, but I'm still getting used to the idea of actually meeting and talking to the Avenged guys. I mean, their songs are my go-to songs when I'm in a bad state. I watch videos of them on youtube when I'm feeling down. For fuck's sake, I have the biggest crush on Jimmy just because of how out there he is and his antics make me laugh. So yeah, I need time to let all of this sink in before meeting their girls… oh well.

“You're still stopping by today, right?” Zack asked as we were half way to our houses.

“I told you I would.” I playfully rolled my eyes before giving him a smile. “I promise I will come by and apologize to the guys for my behavior the last time we met and meet the girls.” I said and he flashed me a smile.

“You're a little shit.” He said as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and brought me into a hug.

“I've been called worse.” I laughed.

“With the last name you have, I'm sure you have been called worse.” He chuckled and I smacked his side playfully.

“Yo, that was a horrid experience in high school. Imagine sitting in class and having a teacher call out 'Harlot… Sin Harlot.' It doesn't help with the reputation I had.” I sighed and he laughed.

“You can't tell me you were a virgin in high school.” He stopped laughing when he saw my serious expression. “Wait, seriously?”

“I was a virgin until I was nineteen. And to top it off, I haven't had sex in three years.” I said and he gave a pained expression.

“That is too long! How do you survive?”

“Flirting and teasing people who think I'm going to have sex with them helps. But in reality, I never had a partner that made sex worth it… wait, no. My ex-girlfriend, she made sex fun.” I smiled at his shocked expression.

“You're bi?” I nodded and he whistled. “Well, as long as your lover treats you right.” Awe, why couldn't my family be this accepting of my sexuality. “But, we need to find you someone. Three years without sex… damn.” He said as we pulled into my driveway. “You must be really frustrated.”

“Not really.” I said as I got out of his car. I bent down to look inside the open door. “Toys make for fun nights.” I winked before walking away.

I walked into the house and ran into Dan and my mom talking in the living room. I said a quick hello and told them- mostly my mom- where I was just in case they were worrying. After noticing the time on the cable box, I ran upstairs to gather my clothes for the day and to take a shower.

I really didn't take long in the shower and was out in a record breaking time of twenty minutes… I usually take a half hour. When I got out, I wrapped my fluffy black towel around my body and used another towel to try to get the water out of my hair. When there was enough out, I plugged in the hair dyer and straightener so I could do my hair. After my hair was straightened, I pulled the back half and the right side into a messy, yet nice, bun while letting my left side hang loose. I put hair ornament sticks in the bun before integrating a clip with dangling feathers into the middle of the part of my hair I kept loose.

After I got my hair to agree with the plan, I brushed my teeth again and put in my contacts. I outlined my eyes in black and attempted to give myself smoky eyes (surprisingly it worked). I changed my lip stud into an actual lip ring before putting on my light pink lip gloss. I changed the small horseshoe earrings for my dagger ones in my second hole and my skull earrings in my third hole. I also replaced my black industrial for my silver one with spikes on the end. I'm a hundred percent sure that I needed the extra mental armor my jewelry provided today. With all my piercings in, my body was dry enough for me to put on my clothes. After shimmying my skinny jeans on, I put my towels in the hamper and made my way to my room.

Once inside my room, I began running around looking for the proper shoes. I found my boots sticking out from under the dresser… I don't know when I kicked them under there. After I pulled my boots on and fixed them over my pants, I went to my jewelery box on my desk and pulled out my cross armband and my black choker with chains passing through the rings. I went into my top drawer and pulled out the belt with the handcuffs on it and my lacy arm warmers.

“Who are you trying to impress?” I heard Zack's voice from my door and jumped. “Sorry, didn't mean to scare you.” He chuckled and I just glared.

“How can I help you?” I asked with my arms crossed under my chest.

“Actually, I'm here to help you.” He said as he held up my phone. “I found it in my car… well Gena found it.”

“Oh, sorry. Thanks though.” I smiled as I held my hand out for it. He placed it in my palm before inspecting my face. “What?”

“You look like you're wearing war paint.” He laughed and I felt the blood rushing to my face.

“Fuck off.” I mumbled while stepping back. “I've seen pictures of the girls and some of them- Gena included- wears more makeup than this.”

“Yeah, but you look prettier with less.” He went over to my desk and took a wipe from my makeup remover container before walking up to me and grabbing my chin. “Hold still.” He breathed before wiping at my eyes. “There.” He stepped back and threw away the wipe. “Now you look like you.”

“I still have makeup on.” I said as I checked my reflection in my phone screen.

“But the proper amount for you.” He said before walking back towards the door. “See you after work.”

“Oh, I'll return your clothes after I wash them.” I called to him before he left my room.

“Eh, hold onto them for the next time you need to go for a walk at five in the morning. If I really start to miss them I'll just cross the street.” He grinned before leaving my room.

“… Jerk. It took me three tries to get the makeup perfect.” I pouted before gathering my shit and leaving.



I pulled into an empty spot of the blue building Zack had told me to meet them at. The only reason why I came was to yell at him for going through my phone. During my break at work I decided to go and contact my sister, Zoey, when I saw Zack's name… I got worried. Going further into my phone I saw that in the brief time that Gena had found my phone and he had returned it, he had taken selfies.

“Sin.” Zack beamed when I marched up to him, Brian, and Johnny… and camera people. “Guys, this is my new neighbor Sin!”

“Not to be confused with me.” Brian smiled before grabbing me and pulling me into his lap. “Hey buttercup.”

“No cameras.” I groaned as I hid my face.

“I'll take them inside.” Johnny said as he patted my back. “Come on guys, let's leave the child alone.”

“Fuck you Chirst! I'm one year younger than you.” He laughed at my outburst as he went into the building. I turned to Brian laughing at me. “So… Hi.” I said before taking his fedora and jumping out of his lap.

“Hey!” He screamed, but made no attempt to even get up.

“So… am I forgiven?” I asked as I crouched in front of them.

“For?” Brian raised his brow and Zack was laughing behind his hand.

“You didn't tell him?” I asked and he shook his head. “Wait, so you can go through my phone and take ridiculous selfies, but you can't tell the guys about our conversation at the diner?”

“Wait, you and Zack went out to eat together?” I heard Matt's voice at the door, causing me to jump, squeak, and scrape my hands on the asphalt. “Shit, are you okay?” He asked as he helped me up.

“Dandy.” I murmured while picking up the gravel particles from my hands. “Where can I wash my hands?” I asked as I looked up at Matt.

“Around back with the hose.” Zack teased and I picked up a small water bottle and chucked it at his face in response. “Damn, no sleep makes you hostile.”

“Brian.” I whined and Bri slapped Zacky's arm. “Thanks.” I beamed.

“No problem. Now, let's go get your hands washed.” He walked ahead of us while Matt took my arm gently and guided me into the blue building.

“So, you and Zack went out to eat?” Matt asked and I nodded.

“We ran into each other while walking the neighborhood this morning and I got sick. I pretty much emptied my stomach and he bought food for me.” I shrugged and the two boys nodded. “He didn't tell you guys?” I asked and they shook their heads. “Oh… I'm sorry for the way I acted the last time we met.” I said as Brian turned on the kitchen faucet.

“It's okay. We figured it was probably just not something you'd expect strangers to give you.” Matt said as he guided my hands under the water.

“It's not just that. I don't do well with receiving big expensive gifts. I do appreciate it, and it was my favorite piece there, but I don't mind something small and really cheap.” I explained while focusing on the water. I was partially trying to get it to bend to my whim while watching it wash away the blood.

“Why not just say that when we were there?” I heard Jimmy ask and I turned to him with a pink tint to my cheeks and ears.

“I'm not good with people. The few people I talk to in New York are people who have spent years decoding me.” I swallowed the lump in my throat as I took the napkin Matt gave me to dry my hands. “I can go from calm and cool to 'holy shit what happened' really quick. I'll either turn really shy or I just shut people out, but half the time no one is at fault. I grew up really shy and had to deal with a lot of shit that made my self esteem unbalanced, but I fell in love with you guys the minute my friend turned on To End The Rapture. I would really love to be your friend.” I bowed after I said 'friend' in my attempt of sincerely begging.

“WE'RE KEEPING HER AND ALL WHO OPPOSE CAN SHOVE IT!” I heard a female voice cry out before I was tackled into the counter. I looked down to see Jimmy's girlfriend Leana resting her head on my boobs.

“Wow.” I breathed when I actually saw how beautiful she truly is.

“Lea, baby, you're scaring her.” Jimmy tried prying her away from me and I instinctively wrapped my arms around her and turned my back on him. “What the fuck?”

“Jimmy, I think I fell in love with your girlfriend at first glance.” I teased… sort of.

“Oh my god, are you into girls?” Leana asked and I shrugged.

“I identify with bisexual 'cause it's easy, but honestly, I don't care about gender identity or what not.” I replied and she giggled as Jimmy tried to paw at us.

“I want my Leana back.” Jimmy whined and I sighed.

“Oh, Jimmy, we can share; that is if Lee doesn't mind.” I will forever put a woman's wishes above my feelings for them.

“Hmmm, maybe.” Leana laughed as she broke away from both Jimmy and I.

“Works for me.” Both Jimmy and I grinned, though we all know that Lee and Jimmy weren't going to get separated from each other so easily.

“So, this is the owner of the phone.” Another girl- Gena- said as she stood next to Zack, sizing me up. Obviously satisfied with whatever she saw, she turned her attention back to my face. “You'd make a poor home-wrecker.” She smiled and I raised a brow.

“Wow, I'm glad since I severely detest cheating. But since you're pointing out how bad people are at things, maybe you should go back to your plastic surgeon and tell him that they fucked up; you're still not pretty.” I tried to keep calm and keep my tone light.

“Maybe I should give you their card. You know, they can fix your boob job.” Her smile tightened and mine just dropped all together.

“Oh sweetie, that's why you were sizing me up? You're insecure about your boobs… or rather lack there of. Unfortunately I can't recommend you to anyone, I'm a natural double D. I'm sorry.” I said as the twins came up behind Gena.

“You're funny.” Val said as she went over to Matt and cuddled into his side.

“More like rude.” Michelle said as her and Lacey stayed by Gena's side.

“Careful, those three are really close.” Leana whispered into my ear.

“Well, I'm more than happy to have you as a friend.” Johnny said with a bear in his hand. All the guys and Val and Lee agreed with him, but I can tell that I'm going to to have so much fun with Gena and her lackeys.