Distortion

6:00am. Wake up, vitals, bloodwork. 8:00am. Breakfast that tastes similar to rubber. 9:30am. A visit from the therapist and distributed morning meds. 10:00am. Free time; the techs will do what they can to keep us entertained, but it's usually just sitting around with journals and coloring books. 11:30am. Lunchtime. 12:30pm. Group therapy, always half-assed. 1:30pm. Discharge planning, more free time, probably watching some ridiculous movie. 3:30pm. Some lousy group activity. 4:30pm. Dinner, almost always the most disgusting meal of the day. 5:30pm. Even more boring free time. 7:30pm. Visitation, and when there's nothing left to talk about, you usually just play cards. 8:30pm. Wrap-up group. How was your day? Did you meet your goal? 10:00pm. Bedtime, and more meds.

This is my cycle. Every day, the same routine. Jack hardly comes to visit me anymore. I'm here indefinitely, until I'm "fixed." It's been a few months since they put me in this place. The food is worse than what it was in my junior high school, so I'm always hungry. And in the "free time" they give us, I mostly just stare out the window. But the worst thing...the worst thing is how alone I feel. I'm so incredibly depressed, all the time, and no amount of medication can help me. I lie awake every night; not feeling the guilt of what I've done, but drowning in the sorrow and loneliness of being here. They do what they can to distract us. They give us books to read, paper to draw on, journals to fill, and animated TV shows to watch. But I find myself wandering off, thinking about everything that's happened to lead me here.

But I will always know that if I had the chance to go back and change things, I wouldn't change a thing. People always get what they deserve.