There Must Be a Way

“Reckon I feel guilty more than anything, if I’m to be honest.”

“Things left unsaid?”

“Not that,” he answered. “I said what I had to when father was alive, a bit awkward at times, but we managed and it was s’alright.”

“Then why the guilt?” asked Tom. “Why’d ya show up here in the middle of the bloody night? It’s not that I mind. I don’t, really. This is what mates are for. It’s just . . . I’m worried, is all.”

“Don’t be. I’m fine.”

“If that were true your arse would be in bed, knocked out after having taken one to many Panadols to deal with the crying induced headache. But instead you’re here. Like I said, I don’t mind you being here. We’ve been mates long enough for you to know my door’s always open, no matter the time, but something’s the matter Harry. And you’re here because you need to have a chat, and I’ve given you a cuppa, I’ve the fireplace going, so come on, out with it. What’s the guilt about? Because ya said it wasn’t about leaving things unsaid. So what’s it about?”

“That I’m not as sad as I ought to be.”

At that, Tom raised his brow, questioningly.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Harry continued. “I’m absolutely gutted, I am. All I’ve done all bloody week is cry. Only time I’ve had a break is when I’m in public and I’ve had to keep it together, but as soon as I’ve been away from prying eyes, I’ve broken down. I’m a bloody orphan, Tom!” His voice cracked. “He wasn’t meant to go so young. That is to say, I know he was up there in age, but Gran is over ninety, Grandfather was nearly a hundred when he went. I figured dad had longer, but no. He’s dead, and I do miss him, I am terribly sad. I spent all morning sulking about but then I had to go out into the world and I managed alright, but then I saw her and –”

“Who?” asked Tom. “Who did you see?”

“Paulina.” He couldn’t help it. When he said her name, his lips hitched into a slight smile. “Gran had warned me about being there. Said it wouldn’t look right, she did. But I couldn’t help it though.”

“Harry –”

“I had to see her.” He closed his eyes, recalling the way she’d looked standing there in that corridor. “God, help me, I had to see her. She’d called, you know.”

“Had she?”

Harry opened his eyes and nodded. “Called to offer her condolences she did. It was bloody awkward. I accused her of being from the press because she didn’t talk at first, but then she did, and I lost it, mate. I fucking lost it. Hearing her voice, I don’t know it – it just did something to me. And I cried and cried and cried some bloody more and she was on the phone with me for ages. She didn’t say much, mostly listened to me going on, but it was nice – bloody hell was it nice just to hear her breathing again.” He shook his head. “Sound pathetic, don’t I? I don’t care if I do. It’s the truth. I need her, Tom. And I nearly told her then but she hung up when I started to, then I gave her a ring on the mobile she’d phoned on and it was Alfred, and he loathes me, so he said he was sorry about my dad, but that I was wasting my time if I thought he’d be giving me her mobile. So when Gran said that Paulina was going to be at Buckingham for tea, I knew I had to get there, and I did and –”

“And what?!” Tom practically bellowed. “Don’t be a wanker! Ya can’t bloody stop when you’ve gotten to the best part in the story. Out with it – go on!”

“She loves me.” Harry grinned as he said that.

Tom’s eyes went wide.

“And that’s not the best part.”

“What could be better than her loving you?”

“We snogged.”

“Then what are you doing here, you daft man?” Tom’s entire face lit up. He was genuinely pleased for Harry. “Your arse should be at the hotel of hers! Or she should be at Buckingham! Either way, you lot ought to be together, shagging.”

“Oi!” exclaimed Harry, warningly.

“No disrespect to Paulina, obviously,” he quickly added. “She is a lady. She is your lady, so it goes without saying that I feel a great deal of respect, but you ought to be shagging her, mate. And don’t feel bloody guilty over it. It’s been nearly a decade. You deserve this! Honest, you do. So to hell with guilt! You don’t need to feel guilty about not being as sad as you feel you ought to be. You loved your dad, you’re going to miss him, and you’ve been crying like mad. You deserve this bit of happiness. So take it, mate. Go take it. And – wait? Doesn’t she have a boyfriend?” He didn’t wait for Harry to reply. “She does, doesn’t she? It’s that Irish bloke. You know what? To hell with him! He doesn’t deserve her. You deserve her! And it’s not even like they’re married or engaged or anything like that. If he loved her so much he should’ve proposed by now, so fuck him. He can go fuck himself because you are going to be very happy with her. Just try not to be obvious about her, because she has to break up with him before you lot can go public, and I get why you’re here now and not over there. Ya can’t be over there, not really. So right. Good. Glad that’s settled.”

“It’s not like that though.”

“What do you mean? Are you lot going to go public tomorrow? That’s a bit shady though, isn’t it? She ought to break up with him in person. Not that I want to deny you your happiness, mate. But ya can’t do that to someone over the phone, it’s not right. Then again, who knows, might be for the best. And that way you two can just go all in and maybe by next Spring you’ll be married and there’ll be a little one on the way, but you better not be one of boring wankers that gets married and no one ever hears from again. I will throw a bloody fit if you do!”

“Tom, mate, I appreciate you thinking this all out, but we’re not getting married.”

“Don’t tell me you’re getting married in America! You can’t leave England! How the hell are you going to give all this up? Is she going to stay in politics? She can’t stay in politics. She can’t be a Senator and a Duchess. Make that clear to her, mate. Be firm.”

“See if it were only a matter of that it’d be alright, but the thing of it is that she’s not . . .”

“Not what?”

“We snogged, right?”

Tom nodded.

“Then I reckon she got scared because she was pulled away and was –”

“That’s to be expected though. I’m sure she didn’t go to Buckingham, hoping to snog you and start everything all over again.”

“See that’s what I thought! I even told her as much. I told her not to be scared, that we’d manage, but then she . . . she said she couldn’t do it.”

“What do you mean she couldn’t do it?”

“Said she couldn’t hurt him like that.”

“The Irishman?”

Harry nodded. “So I told her what you said.”

“To hell with him?”

“Yeah.”

“How’d that go?”

“Not well.” Harry’s brow slightly furrowed. “She said she loved him, and I told her she loved me. And she does, she knows she does.”

“Did she say so?”

“Not explicitly.”

“Harry!”

“She said she loves me. She implied that she loves me, because I told her to tell me that she doesn’t love me and I told her to mean it, and she couldn’t. All she could say was that she’d made a life with him.”

“Then what happened?”

“Well, we argued some more. I told her that she hadn’t married him because she knew he’d be a shit husband and because he’s shagging other birds, and that she knows he is because that’s the sort of man he is.”

“How’d she take that?”

“Poorly.”

“How poorly?”

“Fucking smacked me right across the face.” Harry’s hands balled into fist at the thought. “Then she took off in a sprint. Chased after her, I did.”

“Quite right to,” commented Tom.

“But she left before I could reach her. I nearly went after her, to the hotel. I didn’t care if the press saw me chasing after her, but Alistair said I’d be embarrassing my father if I did. Said it’d be disrespectful to his memory and – well, doesn’t matter what else he said, what matters is that I listened and now she’s in that hotel and I don’t know, mate. I don’t bloody well know what I should do.”

“First off, you ought to be pleased.” Tom reached over and patted Harry on the back. “I’m pleased for you, honestly. I mean it’s been eight years and for a long time I thought you were mental to love her like you have, but apparently, she’s been doing the same.”

“That’s hardly true. She’s moved on. She lives with that –”

“Like I said, they’re not married, they’re not engaged. She moved on, because a girl like that isn’t going to be alone forever. She’s beautiful, Harry. Even after the attack, she’s still a beauty and – don’t tell me off for this, but she’s only human, so she’s going to want someone to be with.”

“I don’t want to think of them shagging!”

“I didn’t say anything about them shagging, I just said she’d want someone to be with. You know, to have a cuppa with and chat and share a bed with, while they lay awkwardly rigid with a considerable distance between them.”

At that, Harry smiled slightly.

“Buck up, mate.” He placed his hand on Harry’s shoulder. “You’re hers and she’s yours. It’s as simple as that. So don’t you dare feel guilty about feeling hopeful.”

“It’s just –”

“You deserve to be happy.” Tom squeezed his shoulder. “You will be happy.”

“Alistair said I ought to give it time.”

“Bollocks to that! You give her time and she’s going to go right back to her life in America. And how will you come up with an excuse to get over there? Hmm? What reason would you possibly have to casually bump into her?”

“You don’t have to be a wanker about it.”

“Then don’t say stupid things.” Tom smiled mischievously. “You’re not going to give her time. Not saying that you’re going to fling yourself at her during the funeral, because that would be awkward, to say the least. But you are not going to let her go without a fight. Do you hear me?”

“See this is why I came here! I knew you’d see things my way! Alistair was being far too practical and he was making me practical and cautious. But I can’t be that cautious can I?”

“Hell no!” exclaimed Tom. “The prince never gets the princess by being cautious! And you want your princess, don’t you?”

“She’d actually be a Duchess.”

“Do you want your bloody princess or not?”

“I do.” Harry quickly replied. “And I’ll see her tomorrow. She’ll be at the reception for the dignitaries. It’s only that I . . . I don’t quite know how I’ll get her alone. I can’t just corner her in the room, and I know she’s going to actively be avoiding me.”

“Well who’s there that can help?”

“No one outside the family.”

“And you can’t use them, it’ll be too obvious.”

“Wait.” An idea suddenly dawned on him. “What if I used you?”

“I’m not invited, remember?”

“Leave that to me.”

“Do you want me to show up at the funeral to?”

“Not there. The seats have all been filled, I’m afraid, but at the reception, a chair can easily be added.”

“What’ll you tell your Gran?”

“That I need a familiar face. So what do you say? You up for it?”

“I’m insulted that you think you have to ask, but I do have one condition.”

“Go on then.”

“You better name one of your children after me. Now I know it won’t be a first name, Prince Thomas doesn’t have a ring to it, but it better be the second or third name, not the fourth though.”

“Are you really that confident?”

“Course I am.” He grinned. “Mark my words, you’ll be married in the spring.”