Silent Shadows

You could practically cut the air, it was so full of tension at dinner. Every few minutes one of the guys would sniff the air and make a face. Finally Matt got tired of it. “Danny, go take a cold shower. Ronnie, come into my office when you’re done eating.” Matt said, getting up and leaving.

“You both reek like pheromones.” Jimmy said as explanation. I scowled at Zinnia before following Matt to his office.

“Close the door and take a seat.” It was still as scary as the first time I’d been in here. I crossed my arms over my chest; I probably looked like a sullen kid about to get yelled at by their mom. My mom would be kicking my ass up and down the house by now. My heart squeezed a little thinking of her. I wished she was still alive. I wished she could meet Danny.

“Zinnia told me what she caught you and Danny doing.” Matt was saying.

“We weren’t doing anything.” Nothing R-rated anyway. It had still been pretty PG-13.

“Whatever you were doing, weren’t doing, not my problem. I’m really happy for you two, its lovely that you’re together, but it’s not safe for you.”

“How is it not safe?” I couldn’t keep the anger out of my voice.

“Have you ever seen two male wolves fighting? Over a female, over territory?” I nodded. I’d seen tons of documentaries with my dad. “He’s gonna get territorial fast, and when male werewolves get caught up in the moment, they lose control. The wolf takes over and he could hurt you badly.”

“Fine.” I grumbled. “Is that it? Don’t sleep with him?”

“Not so fast. I’m putting an order on him. He’s not to touch you in a sexual manner or allow you to touch him in the same manner.”

“Are you serious?” I stared at him incredulously.

“Dead serious Ronnie. I can’t have you getting hurt or pregnant before your first shift. Send Danny in when he’s out of the shower.”

And I was dismissed, just like that. Danny was just coming out of the bathroom when I walked into the hall. I pushed him up against the wall and kissed him.

“He’s about to put an order on you. Make this count.” I murmured around his lips. I didn’t ever want to stop being able to touch him. Thanks to Zinnia, I wouldn’t be able to until I shifted.

My temper flared and I stormed into the living, getting right up into Zinnia’s face. “You're such a fucking hypocrite! You keep me and Danny apart but then you go sneaking around with Jimmy!” I wasn’t even trying to keep my voice down, not like it would have mattered. Jorel, Zacky and Arin were all in the room, along with Jimmy.

Zinnia grew pale. “I...I....” She looked at Jimmy, not knowing what to say. Everyone was staring at us.

“You think you know what's best for me? You're not my fucking mother! Stay out of my goddamn business.”

Her voice got gentle. “I'm not trying to be your mother. I'm just trying to look out for you.”

“I don't need your goddamn help.” My voice was starting to get thick with tears. “You took the one thing that makes me forget how bad it hurts.”

“I was just trying to do what is right. I was not trying to hurt you. I am sorry.” She was too damn calm.

I shook my head. “Fuck you.” I walked out the back door, ignoring Jorel’s reminder that I’m not supposed to go out alone.

Faintly, I could hear Zinnia saying, “I was just trying to protect her, I swear.”
I sank down on a tree stump and let the tears take over. I was crying because I was angry, because I wanted Danny and because my parents would never have done that to me. And because I thought Zinnia was my friend. I didn’t think she’d sell me out like that.

I wanted my parents back more than anything. I missed them like someone might miss an amputated limb. Burying my face in my hands, I let myself cry for everything I had lost.

I felt more than heard Danny sit next to me. I buried my face in his shirt as he pulled me onto his lap. “Shh, its okay.” Danny whispered, rocking me back and forth. By the time I stopped crying the moon had risen fully over the forest. It was waning, moving through its cycle. The moon would rise and fall as it chose. But why did it get to dictate when I shifted? Why did I have to wait until I was 21? What kind of rule was that?

When we finally went back inside, I had to stop just inside the kitchen. Everyone had their serious face on, like someone had just died.

“What happened?” Danny asked Arin.

“Matt just about popped a blood vessel when he heard about Zin and Jimmy. He put an order on Jimmy so he can’t be with Zin anymore and she just nodded and was like, “As you wish, I am only a guest.” Arin’s eyes softened when he saw me. “It’s okay baby girl. It’s only for a couple months.” He hugged me.

“You don’t understand.” I shook my head and walked into the living room. Matt looked livid still, so I figured telling him straight up what I was gonna do was the best choice. “I’m sleeping in Danny’s room. I won’t sleep in Zinnia’s anymore.” I said, trying to keep my voice level. He just nodded. I was expecting him to be okay with it. He did everything but chop Danny’s dick off.

“Are you still allowed to hold me?” I asked when we were getting comfy in the bed.

“Yeah. As long as neither of us is getting naked and we aren’t making out or something I think the order doesn’t kick in.”

“Good.” I snuggled into him and he wrapped his arms around me. He was the only thing that keeps me thinking about something other than my parents. I needed him, as much as I hated to be dependent on him. Rage started to boil in my chest again, thinking about what Zinnia had done. I couldn’t believe she’d done that to us.

“Danny?” I said quietly. I wasn’t sure if he’d gone to sleep or not.

“Mhm?”

“Hold me tighter.” I turned over to face him and buried my face in his neck, inhaling that smell that was pure Danny. I was just lucky Matt hadn’t forbidden us to even hold each other.
--
I thought I’d gotten a glimpse of hell when I’d lost my parents. This was worse.

This whole house was tense. Zinnia and Jimmy drifted around like ghosts. Danny and I had been testing what we could do with the order on him. The answer was pretty much nothing. I could hold onto him and kiss him but once things got more than a PG rating Danny would freeze up. He never pushed me off, but he would pull away and that still hurt.

Needless to say Zacky and Jorel had been making fun of me because I smelled horny. I was goddamn horny. I wanted Danny so badly it almost physically hurt. Matt topped my list of people I was pissed at. Zinnia, however, wasn’t on that list. Once Danny had gotten me calmed down, I realized the gravity of what I’d done.

Zinnia may have separated Danny and me for a couple months, but I’d screwed up her and Jimmy permanently. I think Jimmy may have been her one source of happiness. I’d never seen her so…defeated. I didn’t even know how to apologize to her or Jimmy, so I just kept my distance.

Not that I wasn’t still angry at her. I was still pissed that she’d butted into my business and tried to take control of my actions, but to a far lesser degree.

“Ronnie?” Johnny was trying to get my attention. “I’m gonna go out for a run, do you wanna come?” Matt had been serious about not letting me too far without someone with me.

“Fuck yeah.” I hated being stuck in this house. If I wasn’t being forced to get the crap kicked out of me by Arin, my new sparring partner since Matt thought Zinnia and I might kill each other, I was staring at a wall trying not to lose my mind.

“Then let’s go kid.” Jorel said, bouncing by the door.

It felt so good to stretch my legs and just run. I had to really work to keep up with them, even though they were still in human form. I was tailing Johnny closely, which is why I nearly slammed into him when he stopped dead.

“You smell that?” He said to Jorel, both of them inhaling the air. “Shit, Ronnie, get out of-”

He couldn’t finish his sentence because a large furry blur rammed into him. Jorel was already in the process of shifting. Several more wolves burst into the clearing. Johnny let out a long howl and leapt towards them.

I flicked both of my blades open and readied myself. If I ran, they’d follow me back to the house and that would be a messier fight.

I heard the sound of running paw steps from behind me and hit the ground just as Matt leaped over my head, quickly followed by the rest of the pack. I couldn’t help and I hated it. I was useless to them until I could shift. I circled the edge of the fighting, blades clutched so tightly in my fists my knuckles were white. A wolf bowled me over, knocked out of the fight by one of my pack. I scuttled backwards like a crab, trying to get away from him.

The wolf closed his jaws around my leg and I screamed so loud it echoed inside my head. His teeth sank in like blistering hot shards of glass, rending muscle and skin.

“Danny!” I screamed as the wolf started to drag me away. I heard an angry howl as I scrabbled for my knives. My fingers found the smooth handle of the switchblade and I drove it into the wolf’s neck. He fell, teeth dragging through my leg and opening the wounds up wider.

I watched in horror as the wolf began to change back into a man, who lay still. His pack dragged his body away and the forest was eerily silent, except for the sound of my ragged breathing.

Arin padded over to me and sniffed my leg. He whined and licked my hand, lying next to me. Tears were flowing down my face steadily. It felt like his teeth were still in my leg.

“It’s okay Ronnie, I’ve got you.” Danny picked me up gently and I whimpered when a sharp pain ran up my leg. Every step made my leg hurt so bad I could barely tell what was going on around me. I think I might have actually passed out.

“We’re gonna have to get those jeans off her.” Danny was saying when I came to.

“Danny it hurts.” I whimpered.

“I know baby, I know. I’m gonna make it better.” I felt him roll the leg of my jeans up. “Shit.” I lifted my head and saw the mangled mess that was my calf. I let out a slow breath and lay back down. “I can’t fix that.” Danny’s face was white as a sheet. “Zinnia!”

“I’m here.” Zinnia looked at my leg. “Oh Goddess.”

“I’m pretty sure her eyes rolling back like that is not a good thing.” Arin said worriedly.

“No, it’s not.” Danny pushed my hair off my face. My leg throbbed and burned, the agonizing pain making it almost impossible to focus my eyes. “Will you help her?” I’d never heard Danny sound so desperate. “She’s losing too much blood to even make it to the clinic.”

I honestly wasn’t expecting for her to nod. “Of course.” She moved around the room gathering jars holding various ingredients and putting them in a bowl. She grabbed a knife and cut her finger, adding some of her own blood to the mixture. She whipped everything into a paste and smeared it onto a bandage. “This is going to hurt, I’m sorry.” The wrapping of the bandage over my wounds made me dig my nails into the bed. It hurt almost as much as the wolf’s jaws clamping around my leg had. She pulled the ruby pendant that hung around her neck out from where it was tucked into her shirt and held it from the chain to dangle over my leg. She closed her eyes and begins to chant in a language none of us could understand, the ruby pendant beginning to slowly glow and shimmer.

I think I passed out again, because the next time I was aware Danny and I were the only ones in the room.

“How do you feel?” He asked softly, seeing I was awake.

“My leg feels less like it went nine rounds with a meat grinder.” I shifted experimentally. “Is it all fixed up?”

“She said it was almost healed, not completely. I think she didn’t have enough power left to get it all the way.” He pulled me in close. “Jesus Christ Ronnie. You scared the hell out of me.”

“I killed someone.” I hadn’t really realized it until now. I think with my injury it couldn’t sink in.

“He was gonna drag you away. It was self defense.”

“I took a life Danny.” I buried my face in my hands. “I’m a murderer. He was a person.”

“A person who most likely would have kidnapped and raped you.” He nuzzled his face in my neck. “If I’d lost you…I don’t know what I would have done.”

Not even his presence could calm me.

Murderer.