Love Me Until My Heart Stops

“You didn’t have to bring me home, you know” Gerard grinned as he flopped down onto the couch, his blue eyes glancing up at Esmé who had helped him home. He had taken the celebrations to heart, after his conversation with Eloisa, he had wanted to distract himself for the night and the winning of the cup had provided the perfect excuse, even if he hadn’t gone overboard, he certainly felt a little brighter than he had when Eloisa had stepped away from him. He knew just how cliché it was, the fact that he had fallen, somewhere along the line, for his best friend, but he couldn’t help it. After years of denying it to everyone, including himself, her break-up with Cesc had provided him with a change of perspective, and in the aftermath of it all, he found himself stuck on her.

Esmé shook her head. “I could have left you there, but the poor waitresses didn’t know what to do with themselves. You were giving them your most flirty smiles” she quipped, moving to hand him a glass of water.

Gerard shook his head. “I wouldn’t do that” he defended, sitting up a little.

“One of them literally tripped over when you looked at them” Esmé pointed out “Did you not notice them coming up two at a time to wait our table?” she posed.

Gerard shook his head. “No, I didn’t” he commented, sipping at the drink she had given to him “But then again, I wasn’t really paying attention” he added.

Esmé tilted her head, but didn’t push it. She knew he had a habit of rambling when he got a little tipsy and most of the stuff he came out with was gibberish and meant very little. “Are you going to be OK if I leave you here? I promised that I wouldn’t be long” she commented, checking her bag for her keys. Gerard watched her, examining each little detail of her, before he pushed himself back to his feet, his fingers gently settling on her hips. “Do you really have to go?” he murmured.

“I promised my madre that I wouldn’t be gone for very long. She took a cab back with Eloisa and she was…” Gerard stopped her talking, his lips planting themselves firmly against hers. Esmé startled and attempted to move back, but the defender’s arms held her in place, encouraging her to give into it. Feeling her relax a little, Gerard smiled. He knew that it was a risk to take, there was a lot riding on his actions in that moment, but he hadn’t been able to refuse the shot. It was possible that it was the last one he was going to get. “Gerard” Esmé murmured, pulling away to breathe.

“I’m sorry” he whispered softly “I…I just needed to get it out of my system” he added, shyly dropping his hands back to his side.

Esmé blinked. “Out of your system?” she posed.

Gerard shifted his feet slightly and moved to scratch the back of his neck, meticulously thinking about the next words he wanted to say. He didn’t want to make a mess of what was quite possibly going to be the biggest conversation he had for a while. “I’ve been thinking about it for a little while” he admitted, moving to sit down once more “More than a little while” he admitted.

“About what?” Esmé posed, sitting down beside him, her brown eyes peeking at his face.

“About us” he murmured “About wanting something a little more than what we have” he added.

Esmé swallowed.

“I didn’t want to say it, not right now when you’re still getting over you-know-who, but seeing as I just kissed you, now seems like a pretty good time to come clean. Esmé” he murmured, turning to look at her “I think I have feelings for you” he noted, his voice the most uncertain she had ever heard it.

“You…you think that?” she squeaked.

Gerard nodded his head, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “Originally, I thought it was the breakup with Shakira that did it. You were there for me when most others weren’t and I thought I had misinterpreted what I was feeling. I thought I was displacing the emotions I had for her onto you” he explained. He had given it a lot of thought, even before Esmé and Cesc had ended, and now that he had started, he wanted to get through it. He was probably only going to get one shot at it. “I swallowed it for a while, you were with Cesc anyway and there was no way I was going to get in the middle of it, but then you two broke up and I wanted to help you through that. I never had any intention of using that breakup to my advantage. I just wanted to make you feel better” he insisted, not wanting her to think badly of him.

“I never thought that you did” Esmé noted, quirking a small smile.

Gerard nodded his head. “I’ve enjoyed the past couple of weeks, Esmé, having you to myself, and it only served to make things clearer in my mind. Esmé, I have feelings for you, strong ones, and I wanted you to know that before anything else happened. I know that you’re not yourself right now, and I would never want to take advantage of that, but I thought I should tell you. Esmé, you’re the most fascinating and wonderful person I have ever met and I know it is a lot to take in, but I wanted you to know” he explained, not looking at her “I wanted you to know that there is a very big chance that I am falling in love with you” he concluded.

Esmé listened to his words, each and every one of them etching themselves onto her mind, before she shook her head. “Gerard…I can’t” she whispered.

“Can’t what?” Gerard replied, turning to look at her.

“I…I can’t do this right now, not with you” she stammered, tears filling her eyes.

“Esmé, please” Gerard sighed “I am not asking you to say you love me, I just want to know that this isn’t a waste. I want to know if there is any chance” he explained.

“And I can’t answer that” Esmé returned, shaking her head “You’ve said such wonderful things, you always do, but I can’t say anything. Gerard, I can’t do this right now” she repeated, pushing herself to her feet.

“Esmé” Gerard pleaded with her, his long strides catching up with her as she made her way towards the door “Hermosa, please, say something, anything that means that this isn’t me falling flat on my face. Please” he insisted.

Esmé peeked up at the expression on his face, her heart wrenching as the pain that was in his eyes, but still she couldn’t muster the words. Sniffling a little, she leant up and pecked his lips gently before she pulled away. “I am sorry, Gerard” she squeaked before she pulled the door open, making her way out of his home.

Gerard watched her go and closed the door, pressing his forehead against it. He was pretty sure that he had just lost someone that meant the most to him.