Love Me Until My Heart Stops

“You know that you have to talk to him sometime, don’t you?” Gerard murmured as he moved to sit in the seat beside Esmé, his eyes drawn to the phone which, for what felt like the thousandth time that morning, buzzed with Cesc’s name etched onto the screen. It wasn’t the greatest surprise, after Esmé had stormed away the previous night, the midfielder was bound to want to get in contact, but the brunette seemed dead set against answering the phone, something Gerard couldn’t blame her for. Like him, Esmé had thought that she and Cesc were in a good place, that things had finally fully settled down following his move to Chelsea, and the events of the previous night had only made her look naïve, something Esmé was not fond of looking.

“I really don’t” Esmé replied, rejecting the call once more “I think I saw everything I needed to see last night and I have little intention of letting him try and persuade me that I didn’t see what I saw” she added.

“I agree with you, Esmé” Gerard sighed, lowering his voice as one of his teammates wandered up the aisle of the coach that was taking them to their airport “But I think you need to at least think about calling him. Even if it is just to tell him that the pair of you are over, you need to do that for you” he reasoned gently. He understood it, her desire to avoid Cesc like the plague, but he knew she would regret it if she didn’t ever speak to him again. Their relationship seemed doomed, Esmé’s expression had confided it since she had admitted her concern, but she needed to closure of saying it was over. She needed to say the words.

Esmé shook her head. “I don’t think I can hack hearing his voice right now, Gerard” she murmured, resting her head against the window “I’ll either end up crying again or screaming at him and that is something that can probably wait until I am in the privacy of my home” she added gently.

Gerard sighed and reached out, taking her hand and offering it another comforting squeeze. “You know that I am here for you, right?” he posed, offering her a small smile.

Esmé nodded. “I know that, Geri, and I am very grateful for that fact right now” she returned, smiling a little.

Gerard returned her smile happily before her phone made another sound, causing him to slip it out of her pocket and switch it off. “That should give him the message” he commented, stowing the phone back in her pocket. Esmé shook her head and moved to lean against Gerard’s shoulder. She didn’t quite know how she would have made it through that morning without him.

~#~
Setting her bags down beside the door, Esmé padded into her apartment, breathing out a little sigh. It had been a long morning, between her conversation with Gerard and the trip back to Barcelona, Esmé was exhausted, but she knew that she had something else to do before she relaxed. As much as she wanted to avoid it, she knew that eventually, she would need to speak to Cesc and the longer she left it, the harder it would get, something she wanted to avoid. She was under no illusions, as far as she was concerned, there was probably going to be no way back for them, but she knew that Gerard had a point. It was probably something that she needed to do.

Swallowing a little, she padded into her living room and set her laptop on the coffee table, using the blank screen to check her reflection before she switched it on. Checking that Cesc was available, she hesitated for a second before she made the call, her stomach tightening at every slight noise which emanated away from the machine before Cesc’s face appeared ahead of her, an almost pained expression on his face. “Esmé” he breathed out, his voice distinctly hurt.

“Cesc” she replied curtly.

“You refuse my calls all day and that is all you have to say?” the midfielder quipped.

“Don’t even try and take the high ground on me, Fabregas” Esmé countered sharply “You know full well why I have been avoiding you” she added.

Cesc sighed and dropped his head a little, mumbling to himself.

“Speak up” Esmé demanded.

“I said that I didn’t mean for you to see what you saw last night, amor” he repeated, looking into the camera “I didn’t mean for any of it to happen, and I am so sorry for it. Esmé, you know that I love you…”

“Stop” Esmé muttered “Stop spouting that shit and be honest with me, if that is something you can even manage” she spat.

“Esmé…”

“There was a girl in your room, Cesc, a girl I don’t recognize, and that isn’t going to be explained away by you acting all mushy and sentimental. There’s a story to be told and I want you to tell it to me before I tell you where you can stuff your pitiful claims to love me” she added, wiping her eyes as a few tears escaped.

Cesc swallowed. “Her name is Emily” he murmured.

“Cesc, I swear…”

“It was once” the midfielder interjected, cutting off whatever threat Esmé was about to offer.

Esmé stilled a little before she slumped back into the couch, feeling as though the air had been knocked out of her.

“I was stupid, last night, things hit me hard and I brought her home with me, but I swear, it was a onetime thing, a mistake” Cesc rambled.

Esmé swallowed, trying to rid the lump from her throat, before she sat up a little more, her dark eyes narrowed on the screen. “Things?” she muttered “What do you mean things hit you hard?” she added.

“Esmé…”

“Don’t lie to me” the brunette interrupted.

“I missed you” Cesc replied “And I got lost in the resentment I have towards your choice to stay in Barcelona instead of coming here with me. That, topped with the Arsenal fans booing and the game which was shit, meant that I did something unbelievably dumb and something I wish I could take back” he insisted.

Esmé shook her head. “You’re going to put this on me?” she murmured.

“It was your choice to stay” Cesc returned “I gave you a chance to come with me” he added.

Esmé shook her head. “You’re even more pathetic than I thought you were. Cheating is one thing Cesc, and it is something that I could have overlooked one day, but trying to pin it on me and my choice to stay here, doing a job that I love, that’s a low blow” she muttered.

“Esmé, I made a mistake” he protested, a sudden panic in his voice.

“I did too” Esmé replied “I thought I could trust you, and look what that got me” she murmured.

“Don’t do it, Esmé” Cesc insisted.

“You did it, Cesc” she replied “I am merely going to be the one that makes it official. We’re done, over, finished, and that is my final word on it. I thought I could trust you, I did trust you, and look what that did for me” she mumbled before she closed the laptop down, allowing her the chance to slump back into the couch, crying quietly to herself.