Love Me Until My Heart Stops

“Do you want to talk about it?” Eloisa posed as she sat down on the end of her sister’s bed, her dark eyes peeking at the younger woman who’d barely made a sound since she had arrived. It had been a surprise, from what everyone else knew, things were still wonderful and rosy between Gerard and Esmé, but one look at the brunette’s face made it clear that they weren’t, something which had come as a surprise to many. They’d made it work for months, they’d made it look easy, and Eloisa couldn’t help but feel for her baby sister. Losing Gerard would have hit her ten times harder than losing Cesc and Eloisa could only hope that things could be fixed. Esmé adored the defender and Eloisa worried what could happen if she had ended things with him.

“No” Esmé replied, resting against the pillows behind her head.

Eloisa sighed. “You’re going to need to give me something, Esmé” she commented, crossing her legs underneath herself “You asked for my spare room out of the blue when everyone assumed that you and Gerard were remarkably loved up. I am going to need something to go on” she mused with a look towards Esmé who merely stared up at the ceiling, an unreadable expression on her face.

“All you need to know is that it is done for now” Esmé mumbled.

“Can I have a hint as to why?” Eloisa pressed. She knew that it had nothing to do with her, any problems that Gerard and Esmé were having were between them, but still she was curious. It would have taken something substantial to push a wedge between her little sister and the defender and she couldn’t help but wonder what it was. She, like other members of their family, had been betting that their wedding would be brought forwards, not pushed back or cancelled all together.

Esmé sighed. “He’s insecure, I am terrified of making the same mistakes twice, he can’t see past Cesc” she rambled softly.

Eloisa furrowed her forehead. “What?” she posed gently.

“He’s terrified of losing me to Cesc” Esmé murmured, sitting up a little “Even after 7 months, he’s still so convinced that I have feelings for him and I am terrified of falling for a guy that’s just going to end up hurting me. He doesn’t get it, he doesn’t understand that he’s all I want, and so I called it quits. He can’t let it go and I haven’t got it in me to watch another one of my relationships fall apart around me” she rambled. She had given it a lot of thought, the reasons why she had asked for a break with Gerard, and she knew that the blame couldn’t be solely laid on him. He was insecure, he had been since the outset, but she was just as bad. She constantly worried about making the same mistakes, about getting hurt again, and she knew she wasn’t blameless in the mess that their relationship had become.

Eloisa sighed. “You got scared” she murmured.

“Terrified” Esmé returned, her hands making fists out of the blanket.

“And you decided to run off?” Eloisa posed.

“I stuck it out last time. Look what that got me” Esmé noted “He knows how I feel about him, Eloisa, I tell him time and time again, and I don’t have it in me to keep going on with it. I love him, I want to be with him, and I thought that that would be enough for him, but as soon as anyone says the word Cesc, he get himself into this mess. He can’t seem to understand that I want him” she rambled gently.

Eloisa shook her head. “You’re the same” she reasoned gently “You wonder all of the time why he wants you when he has had Shakira” she added.

Esmé let out a small sigh. She knew that her sister had a point.

“To you, he may be the perfect thing, but in his head, all he will see is the reasons why you should still want Cesc. It was a mistake, a single moment that ended up throwing you two together and you can’t blame the guy for doubting it sometimes. If it wasn’t for Emily, then we both know that you’d be in London right now preparing to marry your boyfriend of 3 years, not here in Barcelona running away from your best friend and the only man who’s made you smile like that” Eloisa reasoned gently.

“I just want him to stop” Esmé noted softly “I know that I have my faults, I don’t pretend that I don’t, but I can’t have him act like a child every time someone mentions what I had with Cesc, It was my mistake, Cesc and I isn’t something I want to remember, but god does he make it hard. I don’t know how he will act the next time he sees him, I don’t know if he will be mature and take it in his stride, or start throwing punches and acting like an idiot. I just want him to be able to move on like I have and see that what we have, what we could have, it’s pretty special” she explained, her brown eyes peeking at her sister who looked down at her sympathetically.

“I am sure that he will” Eloisa noted, squeezing Esmé’s shoulder gently.

“I really hope so, but right now, I just need to take a time out” Esmé commented.

Eloisa nodded her head gently before she wrapped her arms around her little sister, hugging her gently. She really hoped that Gerard could figure it all out.

~#~
“You’re seriously going to do this?” Lionel posed as he looked up at his friend, a small furrow in his forehead. It had come as a surprise, Gerard’s call had caught the argentine more than a little off guard, but he was more surprised by the request that Gerard had asked of him.

“I think I have to” Gerard replied “I have already spoken to Enrique who’s more than happy to give me a couple of days providing that I am back by Sunday for the game” he added.

“You really think this is a good idea?” the argentine pressed.

Gerard adjusted the bag on his shoulder and nodded, wordlessly insisting that he thought that it was. It wasn’t what he wanted to do, he wanted to avoid Cesc for as long as he could, but the moment called for it. Esmé wasn’t convinced by them anymore, she didn’t believe that they had what it took, and if a trip to visit Cesc and clear the air was what it took to convince her again, then it was what Gerard had to do. “I have to, Leo” he commented gently “I let this mess get like this, I let him get the better of me more than once, and now I want to step up and take it on. This mess is mine and I want to do everything I can to fix it” he explained.

“You could wait” Lionel reasoned “You go away on internationals in a few weeks” he added.

Gerard shook his head. “I haven’t got that long to wait. Esmé’s gone now and I don’t want that to become a more permanent thing” he quipped before the announcement system cracked into life, calling his flight.

“Good luck” Lionel noted.

Gerard nodded his head. “I think I might need it” he mused before he turned on his heel and made his way towards the gate.

Lionel watched him go. He truly hoped that it would work out for his friend.