Love Me Until My Heart Stops

52: You Did That On Your Own

Standing outside of the familiar door, Gerard let out a small breath, trying to calm himself before he knocked on the door. It had been a quiet journey, Gerard had spent most of it planning out what he wanted to say to the man who was on the other side of the door, but he doubted that it would be of much use. He had a tendency to let his mind go blank when he got upset and he had little doubt that Cesc would say something that got to him. Running a hand back through his hair, he took a pace forwards and rang the bell, waiting quietly for a few moments before Emily pulled it open, her eyes widening a little at the sight of the defender. “You’re Gerard” she murmured.

“I am” the defender returned stiffly.

“You’re the guy who betrayed my boyfriend” she huffed.

“And you’re the puta who couldn’t keep her hands off of someone else’s boyfriend” Gerard retorted, causing her face to fall slightly “If I were you, I’d keep your mouth shut for now. Is he here?” he added.

Emily pursed her lips, but nodded, shuffling out of his way. “He’s in the kitchen” she noted, moving to collect her jacket “Though, I wouldn’t expect the warmest of welcomes” she added.

“I am not here on a social call” Gerard replied sharply “And I would much prefer it if you could keep your opinions to yourself. You hardly have the moral high ground” he added a little meanly. He knew his fight wasn’t with Emily, Cesc was the one who was preventing him from moving forwards, but that didn’t mean he didn’t hold any animosity towards the girl who stood ahead of him. Above all else, he was Esmé’s best friend and Emily was the reason that she had gotten hurt in the first place.

Emily scoffed. “You’re worse than Cesc makes out” she muttered.

Gerard snorted. “I have little interest in your opinions” he mumbled before he moved to step past her “I wonder what it is he saw in you” he added bitterly before he padded into the kitchen. Emily rolled her eyes. She could see why Cesc disliked the defender so much.

Gerard paused for a second on the threshold, his blue eyes peeking over at the smaller man, before he cleared his throat. It had to be done, even if his relationship with Esmé was irreparable, and he knew that that was the moment. It was his shot, his time to attempt to make things better and to clear the air and he had to take it, even if it did scare him. It was just something he had to do. “Cesc?” he noted.

The midfielder, who had been leafing through the paper, stopped, his ears resonating with the last voice he’d anticipated. “Gerard” he mumbled.

“I know you probably weren’t expecting to hear from me” the defender mused, trying with all his might to come up with the words that he had meticulously crafted on the trip to London “And I know that I am the last person you want to hear from, but I need to talk to you” he added.

Cesc stretched his neck a little before he turned his head, his dark eyes studying the taller man. “You fucked up, didn’t you?” he muttered.

“What makes you think that?” Gerard posed “Talking from experience?” he added, a little cattily.

“You wouldn’t have made the trip here if you didn’t have to. I know Esmé can be convincing when she wants to be…”

“Don’t talk about her” Gerard interjected, his voice sharp.

Cesc smirked. “You always were so protective of her” he mumbled “That should have been my first indication that you wanted nothing more than to get her underneath you” he taunted.

Gerard shook his head. “It’s not my fault you screwed up” he noted.

Cesc snorted. “You’re not here to tell me off for screwing up, Gerard” he noted “If anything, me sleeping with Emily got you precisely what you wanted, so why are you here?” he quipped.

Gerard looked around for a moment, something which made Cesc shake his head. “She’s really done a number on you, hasn’t she?” he taunted, a little amused by his friend’s tentative nature.

Gerard shook his head. “Not at all” he mused “I am just trying to stifle the urge I have to hit you in the face right now” he added.

Cesc snorted. “Punching me won’t solve a thing” he noted “If anything, it will only serve to convince Esmé that you’re nothing more than a petty little boy who can’t get over the fact that I got there first. I kissed her before you did, Gerard, I touched her, I made love to her, and there is nothing you can to change that” he pointed out.

Gerard tensed his jaw.

“What do you want from me, Gerard?” the midfielder quipped “You already took her from me, so why are you here?” he posed.

Gerard took a breath before he looked up. “I want to be able to look at her and not see you” he noted.

Cesc shook his head. “That’s not my problem” he noted as he attempted to walk past the defender, something which Gerard was quick to stop, his hand wrapping tightly around the smaller man’s bicep.

“It’s precisely your problem. She got closure from you, when she came here, and she can move on, but I can’t, not when I know that you’re still lurking around. I want to know that you’re done with her, that you’re not going to get involved, and then I should be able to move on with my life with her. I know that you think what I did was underhanded, I know you think I waited for you to fuck up, but I didn’t. Cesc, hombre, if I had a choice, I would have steered myself away from her, but I can’t. I love her, and whilst I know that that must be shitty for you…”

“She wants you” Cesc interjected, his dark eyes staring up at Gerard’s blues.

Gerard’s grip slackened slightly, encouraging the smaller man to carry on. “Gerard, all she wants is you and whilst I hate it, I know I can’t change it and I have resolved not to try. I haven’t done a thing to you since the turn of the year and if you fucked your relationship up over me, then you did that on your own” Cesc noted.

Gerard shook his head, something which made Cesc chuckle a little. “I can’t compete with you, Gerard, not after what I did and I learnt that after Esmé showed up here and told me that no one is a better fit for her than you. I hate it, of course I do, but I am not that bad a guy that I would go out of my way to ruin it for her. Do I want another shot? Absolutely. Do I think I will get one? Not if you get your act together” he mused.

Gerard let his grip on Cesc’s arm fall away.

“You have a wonderful girl there, Gerard, one that I know I won’t be over for a while properly, but she doesn’t want me and if that is what made you fly out here, you’re more of a moron than I give you credit for. I love her, but that’s wasted, because she loves you” he informed him gently.

“I fucked up” Gerard murmured.

Cesc snorted. “At least you will probably get another shot” he muttered, allowing his bitterness to show for a brief second before he quietly shook his head. “I am not a threat to you, Gerard, not now, but should you make another mistake, a proper one, then yeah, I’ll be there. But I am not going to compete in a race that I am destined to lose” he muttered.

“For what it is worth, I am sorry” Gerard noted, trying to get his head around the midfielder’s words.

Cesc shook his head. “Just don’t make the mistake I did and get complacent. She’s a wonderful girl and deserves to know it” he muttered before he padded away.

Gerard swallowed and watched him go, a little amazed by the midfielder’s words.
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Thanks to FootieJo, Jayme112234 and petitmonstre for the comments :)