Love Me Until My Heart Stops

“I have missed you” Gerard mumbled as he rested back against his pillow, his blue eyes staring aimlessly at the ceiling above his head. It had gone to plan, when Esmé had arrived home, she had welcomed his gesture with open arms, and Gerard doubted that it could have gone better. He wasn’t naïve, he knew that there was still a lot of work to be done with regards to their relationship, but he felt better about it, something which made him smile a little. It had only been a few days, barely 3 had passed since Esmé had decided to take a time out from them, but he had missed it, he had missed her and he wasn’t prepared to let them go without a fight. He loved her too much for that.

Esmé, who laid beside him, smiled. “I tried not to, but you’re pretty hard not to miss” she teased.

Gerard shook his head. “You know you missed me” he pouted softly.

Esmé giggled and turned onto her side, her hands gently pulling up the blankets a little. “Of course I missed you” she mused “I may have asked for a break, Gerard, but that doesn’t mean that I just forgot how I felt about you. It’s going to take more than one fight to do that” she smiled gently, her fingertips lightly tracing patterns onto his chest.

Gerard nodded. “I don’t want to go in circles anymore, Esmé” he noted softly as he watched her hand. He knew that it was done with, his visit to Cesc was the final point on the issue between them, but he wanted to make it clear. He didn’t want to be insecure anymore, he didn’t want to be jealous, and he wanted Esmé to be the same. He wanted to make a real go of them, one that wasn’t marred by feelings of unworthiness, and he wanted to know that she wanted the same thing. “I don’t want us to be determined by anyone else. I’ll admit, I haven’t exactly been great in these last 7 months with regards to your past, but you were no angel when it came to mine and I want to be sure that that is all behind us” he explained gently.

Esmé nodded her head softly. “It’s what I want too” she mused gently.

“Then look at me and tell me that you’re not still worried that I am just going to up and leave you, Esmé. I know that you’re not going to do it to me now, Cesc made his position remarkably clear, but I don’t want you to have doubts either. We’re good together, we both know it, and I want to start moving forwards” he mused softly, his hand moving to take hers which had fallen flat against his chest “I don’t want you to doubt us” he murmured as he moved to place a kiss on her temple.

Esmé leant into the touch gently and closed her eyes. “I just don’t understand it at times” she murmured.

“Understand what?” Gerard posed, his thumb gently tracing the line of her jaw in an attempt to convince her to talk. He knew what she was going to say, it was the same doubt he’d seen on her face when Shakira had reappeared, but he wanted her to say it. He wanted her to admit that he wasn’t the only one of them having trouble forgetting their past mistakes.

“You know what” Esmé mumbled “Your last girlfriend was Shakira who’s undoubtedly wonderful. She’s beautiful, talented, and I am just me” she rambled gently.

Gerard shook his head. “Don’t you see that’s precisely what I love about you?” he mused.

“What are you talking about?” Esmé mumbled, hugging the blankets ever closer to her.

“Shakira was lovely, I loved her, but she hasn’t got a patch on you. I could never be me around her, I always had to try to be something else, something I am not, and being with you has made me realize what effort that was. In my mind, relationships should be simple. If you love someone, then being around them should be fun, not feel like work, and that’s precisely what I feel when I look at you. You make me smile, even if you don’t always mean to, you give me butterflies, and whilst I may not make it abundantly clear all of the time, I do love you, Esmé” he insisted, his eyes staring down at her “I don’t have to work when I am with you, I don’t have to go out of my way to be something I am not. I am me and I love that I can be me around you” he mused as he pressed a kiss to her nose.

Esmé stared at him for a moment, a little baffled by his words, before she shook her head. “You’re remarkably sweet” she enthused softly.

Gerard smiled. “I try” he quipped “But I mean what I say. I don’t want to doubt anything with us anymore” he insisted gently.

Esmé nodded her head. “I don’t want to either. I don’t want to fall apart again” she whispered,

Gerard smiled and moved to kiss her cheek. “What are your feelings about July this year?” he posed, his hands gently moving the blankets away from her.

“It’s a lovely month of the year. What else do you want me to say about it?” Esmé returned, her eyebrows furrowed a little.

Gerard chuckled. “I was thinking, you’ve got 3 ready-made wedding planners just waiting to get their hands on our wedding day. I know that my mother would love to be a help. What if we brought the wedding date forwards?” he posed, his fingers gently trailing down her sides, leaving behind a small trail of goosebumps on the pale skin.

Esmé blinked. “You know that that is in 3 months, don’t you?” she squeaked.

Gerard nodded. “I had done the maths. But with Ella, Eloisa and both of our mothers, I don’t think the time should be a problem. The only question is whether or not you’d want to take the risk and be married to me after 11 months of dating” he quipped, his stare mirroring hers.

Esmé swallowed.

“It’s fast, I know that, but I am surer than ever that I want to be with you, Esmeralda. I want to get married, I want to start thinking about starting a family, and I want you to be on the same page as me. I want to go at this head first” Gerard reasoned softly.

Esmé thought for a second, Gerard could see her mind working, before she spared a little smile “You’re a risk I’d be willing to take” she smiled softly.

Gerard blinked. “That’s a yes?” he squeaked.

Esmé nodded her head. “Yes” she smiled.

Gerard bowed his head, letting out a small breathy laugh, before he ducked down, pressing his lips to hers. It was a risk, he knew that there was still a good chance that they could find a way of messing things up again, but he was tired of waiting around.