Love Me Until My Heart Stops

Things seemed to be in slow motion as they stood there, their lips pressed together. It hadn’t been in either of their head, Gerard had followed her with the express purpose of trying to cheer her up and Esmé had let him stay in search of comfort, but after it had started, neither had wanted to be the one who put an end to it first. It was steady, Gerard’s hands were firmly placed on her hips and Esmé’s hands tightly held the material of his shirt that she had used to pull him back to her, but neither of them was pressing the other. No one wanted to demand more from the other.

Shifting his stance a little, Gerard slipped his hand over her bottom, earning a slight squeak from Esmé who jumped, pulling herself away from him briefly. It was odd, she was acutely aware of the fact that it was Gerard who was stood in front of her, that it was Gerard whose hand had brushed against her backside, but she didn’t feel the inclination to pull away that she always had assumed she would. It had crossed her mind once or twice since the start of their friendship, the idea that things could take a more romantic turn at some point, but she’d always assumed that she would push him back. Gerard was Gerard, the goofy idiot who she would have trusted with her life, he wasn’t the type of man she could say she was attracted to.

“Esmé?” Gerard whispered, his eyes staring down at her.

The brunette thought for a second before she stepped back towards him, planting her lips on his. Gerard reacted swiftly, his hands steadying her as she leant into him, using his stance for support. With one slow and deliberate action, he gripped the hem of her shirt, pulling it off of her with little resistance before he discarded it onto the living room floor, his blue eyes taking in the sheer amount of exposed skin that was visible to him. It wasn’t like it was the first time, he had seen her in swimsuits and even in her underwear once or twice, but it felt different, it filled him with anticipation. Taking a long gander, he quirked a grin before Esmé’s hands were on the back of his neck, pulling him into another kiss.

Esmé kissed him warmly before she dropped her hands, working at the belt which he sported around his waist.

“You’re shaking” Gerard murmured, his fingers taking over from hers and loosening the belt, quickly pulling it out of its place.

Esmé nodded. “It’s not like we do this all of the time” she returned, helping him get his shirt over his head.

Gerard sighed and gently pulled away from her, creating a little distance between them. “Esmé” he whispered “Are you sure that you want to do this?” he posed gently. He knew what she would say, she would say that she did, but he knew that that was a lie. She didn’t want him, she didn’t want to ruin what they had together, but she wanted someone, anyone who could take her mind off of Cesc and in that moment, he fitted the criteria of being anyone.

Esmé tilted her head. “You don’t want to?” she posed.

“It’s not that” Gerard mused, gripping her hands tightly “Esmé, if I could be sure that I was what you wanted, there is no doubt that I would take you back there right now, but I don’t think that is the case, is it?” he posed, his expression probing.

Esmé opened her mouth, trying to insist that she wanted it, but the words failed her, something which made Gerard smile. “It is OK, you know” he mused, quickly moving to find the shirt that she had tossed aside before he had come to his senses “I wasn’t exactly fighting it, in fact, I probably instigated it and that is on me, but we are right to stop here” he assured her, pulling the shirt on over his head and fixing his belt.

“I am sorry” Esmé whispered.

Gerard shook his head and stepped towards her, his hands resting on her back as his arms slipped around her. “Esmeralda, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for” he insisted, smirking a little at the flinch that she gave as he used her name. It was a fool-proof technique to lightening the mood and Gerard liked knowing that he had it up his sleeve. “We both did something pretty stupid, but we had the wherewithal to stop before we did something even stupider. It was a moment of weakness, Esmé, one which is perfectly acceptable given the situation” he smiled.

Esmé shook her head. “How can you not be freaking out right now?” she squeaked.

Gerard shrugged. “I’m just that fantastic” he noted.

“But we almost…”

“But we didn’t” Gerard noted.

Esmé sighed. “You should probably go” she murmured gently.

Gerard nodded his head. “I probably should, but I will be back tomorrow and every day after until you are yourself again, Esmé. One slip up between us doesn’t mean that I don’t still want to be there for you” he insisted, reluctantly pulling out of the hug that they had been wrapped in “I am still going to work on putting you back together again” he smiled.

Esmé shook her head. “That’s not on you” she murmured, her brown eyes peeking into his blues.

“I know” he smiled “I know that I am not responsible for making you better, but I want to, even despite this. It was a mistake now, Esmé, but who know what it could be someday, when you’re not still raw and I would not look like a complete ass for taking advantage of someone who is clearly vulnerable” he explained, leaning in a little closer so that he could place another kiss on her lips. Esmé leant into it, relishing his touch, before he pulled himself back, offering another infectious smile. “Get some sleep, Esmé” he cooed softly, pushing the dark hair out of her eyes.

Esmé nodded her head and stepped back, allowing him to make his way to the door before she padded towards the couch, her head falling into her hands as she sat down. It was bad, she knew it, but she couldn’t help but regret letting him walk out. Part of her, even if it was only slight, had wanted him to stay and spend the night with her and she knew that that was not a good sign. Breaking up with Cesc was one thing, but developing any sort of feeling for Gerard, the man that was not only her friend, but Cesc’s, that had danger written all over it.