Belonging to Lust

The rest of the sleepover went amazingly well considering how severe it began. The girls watched movies after dinner and snacked away on the goodies Heath had dropped off. As the night grew late, the girls strolled upstairs to change into their pajamas and jumbled in the center of the room on a plethora of pillows and blankets to gossip about the cute boys at school, and silly stories from their childhood. They all began to fall asleep one by one until no one was conscious anymore.

But when Zaiyia woke up with her mouth parched, she sighted while skulking around the slumbering bodies that one was missing. It made her halt and recount the forms with a frown. Yes, one was missing. Deciding to look for them downstairs, Zaiyia crept down and comb the dark for any signs of them. She found none. Wondering where the heck they went, Zaiyia poured herself a glass of water to sip on as she migrated further towards the living room. It was near the dining room table that she spotted Alice through her back sliding door. She was sitting on an outdoor armchair on the tiny patio wrapped in her blanket. Her eyes stared impassively at the tall back wooden fence as she chewed anxiously on her nails.

Now what the hell is wrong with her, Zaiyia pondered groggily to herself. Not wanting to frighten the already jittery girl, she reached out to tap her nails against the cool glass of the back door to notify her to her presence. Startled, Alice jumped in her seat anway and snapped her blue frightful eyes around to gape up at her. Upon recognizing her, she relaxed back into her seat. Sliding the door open a few inches, Zaiyia whispered out to her. “Yo, what are you doing out here in the dark?”

Alice shrugged, diverting her eyes to the small table between her chair and it’s identical twin. “Couldn’t sleep.”

Zaiyia’s brown eyes flitted to the only other chair out there. “Do you mind any company?”

Glancing back over her shoulder to Zaiyia, Alice shook her head. “No, please. You can sit.”

Zaiyia does, and as soon as she’s cozy she turns her eyes to the left to scrutinize Alice. Thanks to the moonlight coming out from behind a dark cloud she could see what she hadn’t seen before. Alice had been crying out here alone in the dark. “Alright Alice, what’s really going with you tonight? And don’t give me any excuses that you couldn’t sleep because I didn’t fall for it the first time and I ain’t gonna fall for it a second time.”

Alice struggled to smile with amusement, her blues eyes roving all over the backyard except in Zaiyia’s direction. “What are you talking about?”

“I can see your tears.” Zaiyia reported, gesturing with a finger to her face. “You’ve obviously been crying over something. So what is it?”

Alice’s smile plummeted into a scowl as she rolled her eyes at her own idiocy. Lifting a hand, she began to erase the last remnants of tears away. “It’s nothing, Zaiyia. Really.”

“Oh it’s something alright! But that’s perfectly fine if you’re not ready to gh there right now.” Zaiyia assuaged as she shuffled in her chair so she was facing Alice with her legs dangling over the arm of her chair. “I got all night so there’s no need to rush.”

At first, Alice thought she was kidding and so the couple fell into silence...but then the pause lengthen and lengthened. Curious, blue eyes locked with brown orbs and then she realized she meant it. Zaiyia was really going to sit here all night until Alice finally spilled the beans! No, no she couldn’t! She couldn't just open up and tell her everything. She wasn’t ready to talk about it and it was that simple. But the longer the silence spanned, the faster Alice felt herself become more defenseless until the dam within her cracked. Fighting to keep herself together was a losing battle, and she found herself breaking down into tears. Shielding her face with a quaking hand, Alice took shelter behind her long blonde hair. “I-I’m sorry! I-I didn’t mean to c-cry again!”

“It’s cool, Alice. You don’t have to say sorry for crying. It's healthy to do.” Zaiyia soothed her, swinging her legs down and sitting properly in her chair. The tears, whether fake or true, were thawing her icy heart a bit. She was actually beginning to feel bad for the poor girl even though she had no idea why she was so upset. “In fact, if it’ll make you feel better you can safely cry out here to your heart’s content and no one will bother you.”

Alice found herself floored that Zaiyia wasn’t calling her a big baby right now for weeping. Instead, she was speaking gently to her, and seemed to be understanding of her quandary despite the fiasco she was put through. Zaiyia was a better person than Alice could ever be for that. The feeling that she owed her honesty after all the bullying she was put through in the name of Alice White was overpowering. It didn’t matter whether or not she knew what her friends were doing to Zaiyia or not. She owed her. Taking a deep breath to compose herself, Alice used all her strength to meet Zaiyia’s eyes as she whimpered. “I was so upset when Alan left me for you those many months ago. It feels like centuries ago now. I was so damn enraged with you that I...I put all the blame on you instead of confronting Alan on his reasons for ending our relationship. Alan was...is the best thing life could have ever thrown my way, and it seemed like in the blink of an eye he was gone before I knew what was happening.” Closing her eyes, Alice used her hand to subdue a sob before speaking again with shame. “I wanted vengeance for what I believed you did to me. Of course, that’s when the fight in the locker room took place.”

Zaiyia nodded in remembrance then gave Alice an affable smile. “How could one forget?”

“After that fight, my father found out what happened. I’ll just chalk it up as I learned my lesson pretty quick to never do that again.” Alice cut off, not wishing to go back to that particularly painful beating. Moving on, she took another deep breath as the tears leaked down. “As much as I wanted to torment you some more...I didn’t want to take the risk of him finding out again. It was a hard pill to swallow but I gradually learned to accept that I was fated to die alone and miserable without Alan.”

Zaiyia was unduly grateful that Alice wasn’t looking at her anymore and was spacing out on the patio beneath her feet. If not, she would have caught sight of her rolling her eyes at the mention of her life basically ending without Alan who wasn’t worth anyone’s time! Zaiyia wished Alice could see that, but she was too indifferent to what she called ‘love.’ Sighing, Zaiyia once again clarified. “Look, Alice, I’ve never wanted to be with Alan. I don’t want the guy. He’s good looking, I’ll give him that, but that still doesn’t make me want him. I never will.”

“It’s okay, Zaiyia. I think I’m finally wrapping my mind around that.” Alice assured her with a feeble smile, her blues swelled with tears. “You made it pretty easy by the way you’ve been insulting him left and right. I don’t believe at all that you’d be able to bring yourself to speak so harshly of him if you loved him as much as I do. It would kill you to.”

“Honey, I feel as healthy as a newborn baby as you can clearly see.” Zaiyia supported with a grin, opening her arms to strike a pose. “Alan ain’t shit.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that.” Alice resisted, a fanciful smile stretching the corners of her lips. “He’s...he’s more like perfection.”

Zaiyia didn’t care if Alice saw her roll her eyes this time. With an amused smile, she shook her head and ran her fingers through her braids. “Sure, whatever you say, sweetie.”

The two fell into a long silence that was much more comfortable than the first. It gave them both time to think privately. Alice’s mind was cemented on Alan and everything they’d been through. What they had was real. She knew it. He knew it. But then why? Why had he ended it? Alice shook her head to herself. She no longer believed Zaiyia had deliberately broken them up, and so she felt complacent asking her that very question. “Zaiyia...if the reason Alan left me hadn’t anything to do with you seducing him then w-why did he...leave me?” Swallowing past the re-forming lump in her throat, Alice went on as she frantically blinked past the tears. “He was happy with me. I’d bet my life on it.”

Zaiyia considered her words and the honesty laced within each one. First she went to feeling bad for poor Alice, and now she was starting to believe that the girl wasn’t as naive as she previously thought when it came to her love for Alan. No, she was beginning to sound like a mature woman in love with a man. She was on her grown business, but still pining over Alan like nothing had changed since day one. It could be because she genuinely loved him with the same depths that Zaiyia loved Heath and if so...my god.

To be in her shoes, and to watch the man she loved not only break her heart but give it to another like her love for him meant nothing!? Zaiyia swore she’d murder Heath. The fury hit her so distinctly she nearly flinched from it. To see him day by day with some sleazy tramp and brandishing her around for the world to see...all Zaiyia knew was that somebody better call the cops cause she would have them diced into tiny bite size Reese’s Pieces before they got to her. Shaking herself from her reverie that was beginning to run berserk with visions of barrels filled with acid and hungry sharks, Zaiyia sighed and relaxed back in her chair then shrugged. “I don’t know, Alice. I have no clue why he broke up with you. I would suggest when you’re READY to face him then you should ask him one on one. He’ll tell you then.”