Belonging to Lust

An irate cry left Zaiyia’s lips when Heath successfully dislodged the knife block that she planned to chuck at his head from of her clutches with an expeditious whack of his hand. The block and knife set clattered to the floor but Heath didn’t seem to notice as he reached out to seize a hold of her upper arms so he could pin her against the counter to stall her from flinging anything else at him. Scuffling in his impervious restraint, Zaiyia screamed at him. “GET YOUR GODDAMN HANDS OFF OF ME!” But he wouldn't listen. Try as she might, she couldn’t escape his clutches on her own. He even made kicking him in the balls an unattainable feat by pinning her legs under his. There was no doubt in her mind that he had predicted that to be her next move.

With no other weapon but her voice, Zaiyia ignored the tears streaming down her face to take to shrieking up at his stone cold face with as many insults as she could think of. “YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING SONOFABITCH! I SAID LET ME GO RIGHT NOW! I DON’T WANT YOUR FUCKING HANDS TOUCHING UP ON ME! IT FUCKING MAKES ME SICK JUST TO FUCKING LOOK AT YOUR FUCKING FACE! YOU HAVE NO MOTHERFUCKING HEART, YOU COLD ASS PIECE OF SHIT!”

Heath didn’t counter back. He couldn’t when his heart was breaking in his chest from the discomfort he was causing her. His flesh scalded with every drop of tears that fell from her cheeks and splashed onto him. Despite that, he wouldn’t release his grip on her. He simply stood there and let her verbally go off on him. It was the least she could do to him now when he’d already done the most to punish them both. With his face still as stone, his dim green eyes bore down on her face as her voice finally began to break. Zaiyia’s screams converted into sobs. Her coherent words became incoherent. She was crumpling under the swelling pain and was losing the fight. Taking this advantage of her waning state, Heath freed his grip on her upper arms and dropped them to her hips to keep her from sinking to the kitchen floor. Lowering his head over hers, he whispered tenderly. “It’s okay, Zai. It’s okay. Just let it all out. You’ll feel better once you do and then...then you’ll see that I’m only doing what’s best for you.”

Not having the strength to hold her head up, Zaiyia allowed it to drop against his chest. Squeezing her eyes shut, she bawled for the battle she’d lost. A battle not only for his heart, but her own as well. She was barely alive when she met this man, she was just meandering through life like a dead leaf in the wind. From the first moment she laid eyes on him, she started seeing the world in color for the first time. She had taken her first breath of life and now he was snuffing it out and suffocating her. Shaking her head intensely, she drew up as much strength within her reach to batter him with two balled up fists. Only they ricochet off of his chest like styrofoam balls, leaving him unharmed. “You’re a...hideous person, Heath. Humankind has been killing each other for centuries, but all you needed was an hour and those dispicable words to slash a person down so you can watch them bleed themselves dry at your fucking feet. You’ve killed me, Heath...that’s the only thing you succeeded in doing...killing me.” Gritting her teeth, she let out a growl of self-loathing. She had been so stupid to have allowed him to lead her along like a puppy this entire time! “God, I hate you so fucking much right now! I hate that I could care so much for a man I wish I could hack into pieces as smoothly as you did me.”

Shutting his eyes, Heath felt his throat constrict with emotions he never allowed himself to sit back and analyze. It was the kind of deep profound emotion an adult was legally authorized to feel for one another adult. Not with a child. Tentatively, he swathed his gigantic arms around her trembling frame, needing her to also keep himself standing somehow. Unfortunately, holding her like this only gave him frailty. Clearing his throat, he lowered his cheek to rest it upon her head and grumbled out. “Feel what you must, Zai. Just know this is for the best. You may not understand it now, but one day you will.”

Zaiyia shook her head in protest, her fingers uncurling to fist a handful of his shirt instead like it was the only thing keeping her from falling over the edge of a cliff into the dark unknown below. “Y-You know nothing!”

“I do, baby.” Heath whispered against her dark braids, lifting his cheek to press a kiss to the top of her head. “Trust me, I do.”

Catching them both by surprise, Zaiyia reaped a sudden shot of adrenaline that gave her the strength to shove him off of her. Bloodshot eyes honing in on his astonished face, she growled at him. “Oh, what the fuck do you know!? You don’t know shit, Heath! You have never in your life been rejected by the people around you like I have! You’ve always been surrounded by love your entire life! You have no idea what it’s like to never taste love on the tip of your tongue, to live a cold life without it!” Zaiyia couldn’t control herself now that she started. With her braids swinging everywhere due to her brisk heated gestures, she ruptured. “You don’t have a single fucking clue what it’s like to be tossed outside like yesterday’s garbage by everyone you’ve ever come across!”

“What the hell are you talking about, Zaiyia!? That isn’t at all what this is!” Heath disputed, his face twisted in bewilderment. He had no idea what she was going on about. “I’m not throwing you away like you’re fucking trash! You’ve never been trash to me!”

How in all this pandemonium could this man still make himself credible? It only incensed Zaiyia more that her heart was evidently still weak to him, but her mouth didn’t care, it just kept on yapping. “Being here with you has been the happiest moment of my life, Heath. And now you’re trying to take it all away from me!”

“Damnit, Zaiyia, open your fucking eyes!” Heath contended, running both of his hands through his short dark hair as he began to pace the kitchen floor. “You CANNOT remain here in this house when no matter how hard we try we can’t stop having sex with each other! Don’t you get it!?”

“Don’t you get that I want you to fuck me!” Zaiyia feuded back.

“Well, you shouldn’t!” Heath snapped, swiveling around to face her, his eyes back to the fiery green shade it gets when he’s pissed. “Jesus Christ, why am I even wasting my time trying to explain this to you? You’re a 16 year old girl! Of course you don’t fucking understand anything!”

“I do fucking understand, you prick!” Zaiyia shouted at him, her hands balling back into fists she wished could cause him harm.

“No, clearly you fucking don’t!” Heath rebuffed.

“I know that I fucking love you!” Zaiyia divulged unknowingly at first. But then she blinked, appalled that she had broadcasted her deepest darkest secret to him.

Not fully understanding what she meant by that, Heath rolled his eyes and shook his head apathetically. “Yes, I know! You love me like a father figure. I get all that!”

Abhorred by his claim, Zaiyia’s face contorted in repulsion that he would think her naive enough to fall in love with any father figure and plunge right into bed with him. Sickened, her body shuddered as she placed a hand on her stomach. “Are you fucking serious, man?! You think I see you like a father figure? News flash, asshole, I don’t fuck my fucking father figures! That’s borderline fucking incest, you fucking pervert!” Pausing for a minute, she battled on whether or not she should disclose the truth. Would declaring her love make anything worse than it already was? No. Taking a deep breath, she looked him in the eyes. “I don’t fuck father figures, I fuck the people I’m in love with, you idiot!”

Having been on the verge of bickering back with her, Heath was paralyzed by her declaration of love. The fire in his eyes was doused as they gaped at her like her skin just turned as blue as a Smurf right before his very eyes. His lips parted when he felt a burst of warmth emitting from his heart, ballooning it in size to rejoice of her statement She loved him? Heath shook his head to himself so he wouldn’t give in and fall into this insanity all over again. “Zaiyia, you’re...you’re too young to even know what love is. So how can you say you love me as a woman can love a man?”

Staggering back, Zaiyia’s hand traveled from her stomach to her heart where she swore she could feel it splinter within her ribcage. She should have seen this coming, but she hadn’t. She always imagined her confession of love would make him joyful, but instead he caught it, ripped it to shreds, and flung the pieces right back in her face. Perishing before her eyes, she closed the distance between them to slap him across the face with what she prayed was a quarter of the strength of Hercules himself.

Now, Heath hadn’t seen that coming and so found himself frozen in place in disbelief. The slap hadn’t hurt, but it carried enough sting to leave him paralyzed again.

Panting heavily with bristling rage, Zaiyia advised him tightly. “Never tell me what I can and cannot feel. I’ve been in love with your sorry ass from the moment you took my virginity. But you can take what you will from that and believe what you want. I don’t care.” Backing away, Zaiyia turned to exit the kitchen.

Before she could reach the entryway, Heath finally regained himself again. “Hey, where the hell do you think you’re going? We’re not finished here!”

“I’m doing exactly what you want me to do. Getting the fuck out of here.” Zaiyia informed him coldly, not turning her back to face him again.