Belonging to Lust
Chapter 149: Her Approaching Suicide
Heath wasn’t going just to stand there and listen to Zaiyia’s threat of leaving his property on her own. No, he was going to DO something about it. Besides, words were fruitless right now considering how hurt and bitter she was with him at the moment. It wouldn’t matter what he said, she was steadfast in discounting his words and walking away. Taking a resolute step forward, Heath opened his mouth to counter back her threat only for her next words to still him in place. Spinning around to face him, Zaiyia forewarned him with tears spilling down her cheeks. “DON’T YOU DARE COME ANY CLOSER!” She shouted before lowering her tone into lethal depths. “I swear to god if you take one more step I’m gonna scream as loud as I can for the neighbors and before you know it the cops will have you booked on charges of pedophilia.”
Her threat did the trick. Heath froze like a statue, his eyes magnifying in size to gape at her in horror. His mouth opened and closed several times as he fought to muster out any words. “N-No.” He whispered out with a shake of his head. Remaining in denial, he believed that she was only lying to make him docile to her demands. She would never turn him into the police. Never. He’d bet his life on it. Yet and still, his heart had plummeted into his stomach when she said it. “You...you wouldn’t.”
“Try me, Sullivan.” Zaiyia growled as she glared at him. At that moment, she was dead serious. This man was kicking her to the curb any damn way, so what did it matter to him if she walked out the front door and never returned again? He didn’t want her here, he’d made that perfectly clear! “If I were you, I would sit here like a good little boy and let me go. If not, then I’ll make it my life’s purpose to make sure you rot in prison for the rest of your pathetic life!”
Heath stumbled back then, her words hacking into every muscle like a sharpened machete. His heart wanted to still believe she was talking absurdity, but her tone and the darkness in her brown eyes were palpable. Breaking their gaze, his green eyes darted across his kitchen, dubious of what to do or think. He was speechless. He shook his head to himself as he mumbled out faintly. “You don’t mean it.”
“I swear on my mother that I do.” Zaiyia cruelly reassured him. She was hurting him, but she didn’t care. How can she when he delivered the final blow to her fractured heart and shattered it with a sledgehammer? He demolished her happily ever after and there was nothing she could do to win it back. If she left behind a fragmented man tonight then it was only fair in her mind. “If it helps, look at it this way...when I leave I’ll finally be out of your hair once and for all. You would have finally gotten rid of me like you wanted to. All you have to do is to remain here.”
Heath didn’t respond back. He merely stood there, staring at her with this lost look on his face. He was a man being torn into two different directions. He always has been since he first touched her. This had to end at some point, but...he was beginning to realize he didn’t want it to. He’d been in denial this entire time. In his mind they had a plethora of time to rebuild this and so if he yearned to give in to a few kisses he could in the meantime. But now she was threatening to go to the police if he came anywhere near her, and he was starting to believe that she’ll stick true to that threat.
With tears pouring down her face, Zaiyia felt her outrage diminish to be replaced by a hopelessness so robust it tainted the air she breathed. She took him in through a vision fogging with tears as she whispered brokenly. “Goddamnit, Heath, I loved you! I still fucking do. I know now...I always will. I’m gonna leave it at that. Goodbye, you prick.”
Incapable of stopping her, Heath deteriorated from the inside because of her departure. However, he didn’t move from his position. He only glared in grief at the same spot she stood only moments before. He needed to go after her, but for a long time there was a ball and chain shackled to his ankle holding him there. That ball and shackle was her echoing threat.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Zaiyia stopped wiping her tears away ages ago as she meandered through the dark on her own with a vision murky by her tears. Their conflict had taken up the last of the sun and so the town had now descended into pitch darkness. Normally, she’d be terrified walking about at night lost, but tonight she was plagued by her loss that she couldn’t be bothered with her surroundings. Her feet led her to no familiar direction. She just walked without a destination. If anyone had spoken to her or trailed her, she hadn’t a recollection. Her broken heart was delivering such splintering pangs to her body that she couldn’t surface from it even if a semi-truck was charging straight at her blaring its horn.
Zaiyia had no clue when the suburbans street lamps turned into a dismal forest. When she finally managed to finally breach through the thick ice sheet of pain and had emerged into the dreary barren shell that was now her body, she realized she was standing on the center of a bridge erected on a paved road that didn’t seem to see too many cars. Turning her head to her left, her ears picked up the sound of rushing water below her feet. Veering in that direction, she peered over the edge of the cold stone rail to the inky black river below. Hours seemed to pass of her just staring impassively down at the moonlit shimmering body of water until something quite depressing dawned on her.
She had no one left.
She had no mother to rescue her, no father to track her down, no family to ransack the whole town to discover her whereabouts...and no Heath to love her the way she needed him to.
When she considered her life that way, she submerged back into a much deeper misery than she had been in before. She was the walking dead, but now she wondered what was the point in existing that way any longer. There was nothing for her to be living for. Literally, nothing. She never had anything but nothing!
Her mother, Yovela could show up right now out of nowhere and beckon her to return to her side again like the old days, and Zaiyia wouldn't accept that farce to save her own life. She was 16 years old and never knew stability until her mother left her with Heath. For the first time she had someone that cared about her, but now that was over. Hell, it probably wouldn’t have lasted anyway. Her mother would have eventually showed up and ripped her away only to thrust her into another completely new life, expecting her to acclimate to it like it was okay.
No more.
Zaiyia wasn’t going to stand her mother’s farce anymore. It was a conversation she needed to have with her the next time she saw her again, but for now she was alone by herself in the dark on a bridge somewhere in town. Even if she could retrace her steps, she couldn't go back to Heath ever again. Even if her broken heart could be revived again somehow, she knew it wouldn’t survive any more of his heartbreaking rejections. She’d die right there on the spot from it.
And so that meant she was all alone and homeless once again.
With her shoulders beginning to shake, Zaiyia began to weep silently to herself as her hands gripped onto the top of the cold stone rail of the bridge that safeguarded cars and pedestrians from falling over the side and into the river below.
Screw it. What did she have to live for?
Attempting to see if she had the physical strength to, Zaiyia began to heave herself up by her hands over the rail. A bit surprised that she did indeed have a portion left, she closed her eyes and carefully hoisted the rest of herself over the protective stone rail until her body now stood on the other side of it, extending over the river below. She stood there for a long time, her hands clutching onto the rail behind her to keep her from tumbling forward as she leaned out over the water inch by inch until the tips of her long braids swayed over it. Devoid of emotion, she stared down into the dark waters.
Truthfully, she wanted to go back in time, back to the guest house in the backyard of Heath’s property. She just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up until the desire for death left her for good. She was tired of everything. The bullying, fighting her haters, the endless tears she shedded over Heath, and the pain of falling in love. My god, she wanted to close her eyes and never wake up again.
Hovering over the flowing body of water, Zaiyia couldn’t be certain if she let go and fell into the cold waves below if she’d make it. Would this height be enough to kill her instantly the second she hit the water? She couldn't measure it properly. If it didn’t then maybe it’ll knock her unconscious so she could drown while completely unaware. But if not, she’d have to be the one to let the water into her lungs and not fight it. She heard drowning was excruciating...but how could the pain come even close to measuring up to the pain of being unloved by everyone? It simply couldn’t.
Ignoring the probability of the resulting pain of her approaching suicide, Zaiyia chalked it all up as it’s been a long time coming. Hell, it was a wonder she lasted this long in her unstable life. Closing her eyes and holding her breath, she shifted one foot off the ledge to dangle it over the water as she began to take her own life.
“ZAIYIA!”
Her threat did the trick. Heath froze like a statue, his eyes magnifying in size to gape at her in horror. His mouth opened and closed several times as he fought to muster out any words. “N-No.” He whispered out with a shake of his head. Remaining in denial, he believed that she was only lying to make him docile to her demands. She would never turn him into the police. Never. He’d bet his life on it. Yet and still, his heart had plummeted into his stomach when she said it. “You...you wouldn’t.”
“Try me, Sullivan.” Zaiyia growled as she glared at him. At that moment, she was dead serious. This man was kicking her to the curb any damn way, so what did it matter to him if she walked out the front door and never returned again? He didn’t want her here, he’d made that perfectly clear! “If I were you, I would sit here like a good little boy and let me go. If not, then I’ll make it my life’s purpose to make sure you rot in prison for the rest of your pathetic life!”
Heath stumbled back then, her words hacking into every muscle like a sharpened machete. His heart wanted to still believe she was talking absurdity, but her tone and the darkness in her brown eyes were palpable. Breaking their gaze, his green eyes darted across his kitchen, dubious of what to do or think. He was speechless. He shook his head to himself as he mumbled out faintly. “You don’t mean it.”
“I swear on my mother that I do.” Zaiyia cruelly reassured him. She was hurting him, but she didn’t care. How can she when he delivered the final blow to her fractured heart and shattered it with a sledgehammer? He demolished her happily ever after and there was nothing she could do to win it back. If she left behind a fragmented man tonight then it was only fair in her mind. “If it helps, look at it this way...when I leave I’ll finally be out of your hair once and for all. You would have finally gotten rid of me like you wanted to. All you have to do is to remain here.”
Heath didn’t respond back. He merely stood there, staring at her with this lost look on his face. He was a man being torn into two different directions. He always has been since he first touched her. This had to end at some point, but...he was beginning to realize he didn’t want it to. He’d been in denial this entire time. In his mind they had a plethora of time to rebuild this and so if he yearned to give in to a few kisses he could in the meantime. But now she was threatening to go to the police if he came anywhere near her, and he was starting to believe that she’ll stick true to that threat.
With tears pouring down her face, Zaiyia felt her outrage diminish to be replaced by a hopelessness so robust it tainted the air she breathed. She took him in through a vision fogging with tears as she whispered brokenly. “Goddamnit, Heath, I loved you! I still fucking do. I know now...I always will. I’m gonna leave it at that. Goodbye, you prick.”
Incapable of stopping her, Heath deteriorated from the inside because of her departure. However, he didn’t move from his position. He only glared in grief at the same spot she stood only moments before. He needed to go after her, but for a long time there was a ball and chain shackled to his ankle holding him there. That ball and shackle was her echoing threat.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Zaiyia stopped wiping her tears away ages ago as she meandered through the dark on her own with a vision murky by her tears. Their conflict had taken up the last of the sun and so the town had now descended into pitch darkness. Normally, she’d be terrified walking about at night lost, but tonight she was plagued by her loss that she couldn’t be bothered with her surroundings. Her feet led her to no familiar direction. She just walked without a destination. If anyone had spoken to her or trailed her, she hadn’t a recollection. Her broken heart was delivering such splintering pangs to her body that she couldn’t surface from it even if a semi-truck was charging straight at her blaring its horn.
Zaiyia had no clue when the suburbans street lamps turned into a dismal forest. When she finally managed to finally breach through the thick ice sheet of pain and had emerged into the dreary barren shell that was now her body, she realized she was standing on the center of a bridge erected on a paved road that didn’t seem to see too many cars. Turning her head to her left, her ears picked up the sound of rushing water below her feet. Veering in that direction, she peered over the edge of the cold stone rail to the inky black river below. Hours seemed to pass of her just staring impassively down at the moonlit shimmering body of water until something quite depressing dawned on her.
She had no one left.
She had no mother to rescue her, no father to track her down, no family to ransack the whole town to discover her whereabouts...and no Heath to love her the way she needed him to.
When she considered her life that way, she submerged back into a much deeper misery than she had been in before. She was the walking dead, but now she wondered what was the point in existing that way any longer. There was nothing for her to be living for. Literally, nothing. She never had anything but nothing!
Her mother, Yovela could show up right now out of nowhere and beckon her to return to her side again like the old days, and Zaiyia wouldn't accept that farce to save her own life. She was 16 years old and never knew stability until her mother left her with Heath. For the first time she had someone that cared about her, but now that was over. Hell, it probably wouldn’t have lasted anyway. Her mother would have eventually showed up and ripped her away only to thrust her into another completely new life, expecting her to acclimate to it like it was okay.
No more.
Zaiyia wasn’t going to stand her mother’s farce anymore. It was a conversation she needed to have with her the next time she saw her again, but for now she was alone by herself in the dark on a bridge somewhere in town. Even if she could retrace her steps, she couldn't go back to Heath ever again. Even if her broken heart could be revived again somehow, she knew it wouldn’t survive any more of his heartbreaking rejections. She’d die right there on the spot from it.
And so that meant she was all alone and homeless once again.
With her shoulders beginning to shake, Zaiyia began to weep silently to herself as her hands gripped onto the top of the cold stone rail of the bridge that safeguarded cars and pedestrians from falling over the side and into the river below.
Screw it. What did she have to live for?
Attempting to see if she had the physical strength to, Zaiyia began to heave herself up by her hands over the rail. A bit surprised that she did indeed have a portion left, she closed her eyes and carefully hoisted the rest of herself over the protective stone rail until her body now stood on the other side of it, extending over the river below. She stood there for a long time, her hands clutching onto the rail behind her to keep her from tumbling forward as she leaned out over the water inch by inch until the tips of her long braids swayed over it. Devoid of emotion, she stared down into the dark waters.
Truthfully, she wanted to go back in time, back to the guest house in the backyard of Heath’s property. She just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up until the desire for death left her for good. She was tired of everything. The bullying, fighting her haters, the endless tears she shedded over Heath, and the pain of falling in love. My god, she wanted to close her eyes and never wake up again.
Hovering over the flowing body of water, Zaiyia couldn’t be certain if she let go and fell into the cold waves below if she’d make it. Would this height be enough to kill her instantly the second she hit the water? She couldn't measure it properly. If it didn’t then maybe it’ll knock her unconscious so she could drown while completely unaware. But if not, she’d have to be the one to let the water into her lungs and not fight it. She heard drowning was excruciating...but how could the pain come even close to measuring up to the pain of being unloved by everyone? It simply couldn’t.
Ignoring the probability of the resulting pain of her approaching suicide, Zaiyia chalked it all up as it’s been a long time coming. Hell, it was a wonder she lasted this long in her unstable life. Closing her eyes and holding her breath, she shifted one foot off the ledge to dangle it over the water as she began to take her own life.
“ZAIYIA!”