Belonging to Lust

As Zaiyia sat at the lovely fountain at the edge of the Town Square’s Public Park, she listened closely to every word Alan had to say. It was a stunning Saturday, and the medley of the scrumptious unhealthy McDonald's meal he bought her along with the thousands of people walking about on their cheery way put her in an exceptionally pleasing mood. Which was excellent considering it was time to get down to business and help this poor idiot get his woman back!

The only problem now is that all his brainstorming has led to crappy ideas on how to get in Alice’s good graces. Buying someone flowers, stuffed animals and candies wasn’t gonna do anything when the person called into question was the one that left them brokenhearted in the first place. Hating to rain on his parade, but needing to, Zaiyia frowned. “Dude, I’m sorry to break it to you, but…this ain’t no Valentine’s Day gift exchanging we got going on here, you hear me?”

“Yeah, I know.” Alan sighed in defeat, running a hand through his short hair, his eyes descending to the ground.

“Need I remind you, you left Alice for another girl. That’s the main point here, right?” Zaiyia reminded him before she took a quick sip of her iced coffee and moved on. “Forget about the part where you realized you made the biggest mistake of your life and now plan to win her back. YOU. LEFT. ALICE.”

Becoming frustrated from having to always be reminded of the worst day of his life and still failing at coming up with an infallible plan to win Alice back, Alan impatiently demanded. “Well, then how the hell would you go about apologizing if you were in my shoes?”

Giving herself some time to mull over it, Zaiyia reached into her McDonald's bag to recover the 10pcs Chicken Nugget box and handed it over to Alan while she went fishing for the sweet and sour packs. She nodded to it to mean that she would share the nuggets with him before her brown eyes scoured their public surroundings. Her eyes took in the immaculate Main Square and all its occupants and shoppers. Instead of putting herself in Alan’s sleazy shoes, she felt it best to try and hop into Alice’s besotted shoes, that way she’d get a more suitable understanding of what the girl would want to see and hear from her stance. “If I was in Alice’s shoes…I think I’d be terrified at the idea of you altogether, because you hurt me tremendously, Alan.”

Alan felt his stomach drop at Zaiyia’s premise, petrified it might be true when it came to Alice. His mouth opened and closed as he squirmed in his seat beside her. The right words wouldn’t come, his brain was all scrambled with a string of emotions coming and going. It was only when he felt he had a better grip on himself that he turned in his seat to face her, unable to feel the rejuvenating light mist coming off of the fountain every time a breeze passed by. “Do you…do you think Alice will ever get over it? Or is she gonna hate me forever for what I did?”

“I don’t believe any of this is something Alice should be getting over, rather I think it’s an opportunity for you to learn from this and utilize it to your advantage by becoming the better person Alice needs and proving to her that you can change.” Zaiyia disagreed with a faraway tone as her fingers reached out to take a nugget from the box in Alan’s hand and then dip it into the sweet and sour pack cupped in her hand. Her eyes flicked to him, taking in the terrified uncertainty all over his face. “Let me ask you this, and I want you to be dead-ass honest with me. No lying to make yourself look good.”

“Okay, what is it?” Alan spurred her to question him, eager to answer her.

“Do you feel like you’ve changed at all since Alice has been out of your life? I’m talking about your feelings towards her?” Zaiyia asked him, slightly arching a brow with interest. She knew he was miserable without Alice but she wanted to know if there was more. How profound has her loss been for him?

“Yes! I have changed!” Alan upheld confidently, not a sliver of doubt found in him. “Zaiyia…I don’t wanna live another fucking day without her, that’s how bad it is! If all Alice demands of me is not to EVER look at another female ever again the same way I had looked at you, then I can do that! There isn’t a doubt in my mind, in my soul that I can’t! Whatever the fuck she needs me to become, I will become that for her!”

Well, damn. Zaiyia nodded to him, believing him. She not only heard the certainty weighing thick in his voice, but she also saw it with her own two eyes branded all over his face. Alan was speaking the gospel truth. “Alan, I need you to take what Imma about to tell, and ingrain it deep within that head of yours just in case. Despite what you told me, despite how much you claim to love her, there is a chance that Alice White might not accept you back into her life even with your many apologies. It might take a helluva lot more to win her back or maybe not at all.”

Alan’s face went pale when Zaiyia told him that Alice might not take him back. The possibility couldn’t be a possibility! But if it had to be, he hoped the negative result had a small probability of ensuing. When Zaiyia told him next that it could take a lot more to win Alice back, he frowned at that. He had no idea what it would take to get her back, and it made him feel sick to his stomach. “I gotta be honest, Zaiyia, I don’t like the idea that it might take my entire life to finally get to love her again.”

“That’s the thing. You’re not seeing it from her perspective, only yours. Would you be able to accept Alice back if she was the one that dumped you like a sack of shit for some hot new boo thang at school?” Zaiyia presented, submitting some reverse psychology. The guy really needed to get out of his head and see the things around him that he was clearly missing. “I seriously want you to visualize this right now, my dude. Go ahead. Take your time with it.”

Taking Zaiyia’s recommendation, Alan took a deep breath and tried to imagine if the roles had been reversed. As they both munched on the Chicken Nuggets dipped in sweet and sour together, the unsettled footballer stared off across the street where thousands of people were shopping among the dozens of small stores that made up the Main Square. Family, and friends alike were smiling, laughing, and having a terrific Saturday outing. It dawned on him then what he couldn’t see before. Alan stopped chewing on his nugget, and his handsome features sank into a downcast expression.

Having been observing Alan the whole time, Zaiyia saw when it finally hit him. She knew then he understood where she was getting at this whole time. “See it now?”

Unable to form words, Alan merely nodded. Chewing the rest of his nugget, he tried to swallow it down past the lump now constricting his throat. A tear formed in the corner of his eye at how much pain he felt from visualizing Alice leaving him for another guy. Soon another formed, and then another to the point where he couldn’t pretend they weren’t there and had to wipe them with the back of his hand. Clearing his tight throat, he muttered. “Yeah…I see it now.”

Zaiyia felt awful when she saw Alan brush the tears from his eyes. My god, she didn't wanna hurt him like this, but how else was he gonna understand the full ramifications of what he had done?

“I don’t understand how…how I could’ve fucked things up between me and Alice so damn bad.” Alan mourned, his glazed eyes staring down at the ground. “Especially after all we’ve been through…”

“Dude, sometimes people make mistakes. Some of those mistakes ultimately destroy their lives in the end. And some people will go as far as to make that same mistake over and over again, never learning from them.” Zaiyia explained with a shrug, before gently nudging him in his side with her elbow. “So tell me, which one are you gonna turn out to be?”

“The person who learns from their mistakes.” Alan answered without thought.

“BINGO!” Zaiyia exclaimed, grinning at him with pride. If his words hold true, he’s made it far from the pencil-dick moron she met long ago.

For the first time since the two met up to have this discussion, Alan smiled at her before reevaluating everything they’d gone through thus far. “Okay, so no flowers, stuffed animals, and chocolates are gonna do. I have to do something bigger, better! BUT also keep in mind it might take several tries until she forgives me…if she decides to forgive me at all. Either way, I have to try and apologize and prove to her that I’m a changed man and I will NEVER hurt her again.”

“You got it.” Zaiyia nodded, giving him a thumbs-up sign before frowning. “Also, make sure you don’t get all stalkerish on her either, or assertive when she rejects you and tells you to go take a hike. The bottom line is that none of this shit we’ve been talking about is about YOU and what YOU want. Everything is about what is best for Alice! If you believe that you are what’s best for her, then you need to act like it, you feel me?”

“Right. Kinda like being a football player. You can’t just put on a jersey and call yourself one, you have to prove that you are!” Alan said, explaining her words in a way that would be better for him to understand. “But what about you? What will you do in the meantime? Will you still help me?”

“As long as you do right by her, I’ll put in a good word for you.” Zaiyia vowed to him with a smile.