Belonging to Lust

A stunned Alice gaped at Zaiyia as if she had just grown a third eye right in the center of her forehead. She jerked her head back and searched her two brown eyes to see if she was messing around with her. Everyone in the school had seen Alan walk up to Alice as soon as she got off her school bus. He intercepted her when she was headed toward the school building. LITERALLY, everyone saw it! Yet, here Zaiyia was standing before Alice acting as if she hadn’t witnessed a thing.

Now, how was that possible?

Narrowing her blue on a clueless Zaiyia, Alice gave her another scrutiny for deception only to find ingenuousness. She truly had no idea what happened between her and Alan! This only stunned Alice even more as she grilled Zaiyia further. “Seriously? You didn’t see what happened this morning in front of the school? Between me and Alan?”

Having successfully duped Alice into believing her obliviousness to their reunion, Zaiyia frowned and shrugged her shoulder, feigning cluelessness. “Nope, I don’t remember seeing anything, nothing was out of the ordinary. Like I said it was a rough night, cats having WW3 outside my window and shit.”

“Holy crap, you really don’t know anything!” Alice gasped before shaking her head to disband the wonder altogether. Zaiyia needed to know what happened. Lowering her gaze to the linoleum tiles of the girl’s bathroom in the Science hall, Alice disclosed everything. “Alan…spoke to me this morning.”

Faking a gasp of disbelief, Zaiyia gaped at Alice with wide eyes. “Are you serious? What the hell for?”

“He was…he was trying to apologize to me for breaking things off.” Alice tried to expound further but found it difficult with her throat constricting back up again. Nevertheless, she kept pushing on. “But I didn’t exactly let him finish. I just…I just couldn’t do it, you know?”

“Why not?” Zaiyia asked Alice with curiosity that quickly changed into anger. “Hold on! Did that motherfucker try to put the blame solely on you for splitting up? Is that why you didn’t let him finish?”

“No, no not at all! I just…couldn’t stand there anymore and listen.” Alice was swift to answer in defense of Alan. And because she loathed herself for shielding the boy who broke her heart, she began to pace the bathroom floor. She was frustrated with herself for how she handled Alan and how her mind was all discombobulated all the time. She literally couldn’t make heads or tails of her own actions anymore what with all the conflicting emotions overtaking her one after the other. “Jesus Christ, Zaiyia! You of all people know I’ve been waiting for this very day! For Alan to apologize for what he did to me, to US!”

“Pretty much since the moment he broke up with you.” Zaiyyia surmised quite accurately.

“Exactly!” Alice verified without slowing down. “And now that I was FINALLY gonna get that sweet victory…it only made me wanna cry my guts out and run for the hills at the same time!”

“I see.” Zaiyia nodded. Watching Alice hastily pace back and forth was making Zaiyia dizzy, so she glanced elsewhere as she leaned back against the porcelain sink with her arms crossed over her chest in thought.

Reducing her pace in half now that her confession was coming to a close, Alice sighed in discontent because she was always stuck in a whirlpool of emotions whenever anything had to do with Alan. “That’s actually why I’m here. I came here to throw up and then bawl my eyes out like a big fucking baby!”

“Damn girl, I’m sorry you had to go through that avalanche of emotions on your own.” Zaiyia expressed with sincerity. Hoping that talking it out would mitigate some of the pain, she asked Alice. “Now that you’re in here alone and Alan is gone, how’s your mental state doing? Are feeling any better or worse?”

“Better after I cried. But damnit I don’t know what to make of this all!” Alice exclaimed in distress, coming to a stop to whirl around to face Zaiyia with her arms splayed wide open, her face red with emotions, and eyes glazed with unshed tears. “Why here, and why now, Zaiyia!? I need answers! All those times before he couldn’t be bothered to apologize to me, but now all of a sudden and far out of the blue he wants to ask me for forgiveness!?”

From Alice’s perspective, Zaiyia could agree that the timing was peculiar especially because there was no signal that this day was ever going to come. But because she’s been in cahoots with Alan behind her friend’s back, it wasn’t at all bizarre to her that he would randomly come out of nowhere to make amends with her. That was information that Alice didn’t know though, so Zaiyia nodded along to what her girl was saying. “I feel you there, honey. I’m just as clueless as you. But…considering that you know him better than me, well at least the old Alan…why do you think he wanted to apologize to you now? Do you think he’s up to something?”

Leaning her head back with a groan of displeasure, Alice lamented with a long whine. “I’ve already tried to figure that out, Zaiyia! I’ve gotten literally nowhere with him.”

“How about when he apologized to you? Did you find it to be believable?” Zaiyia asked next, tilting her head to the side as she eyed the frustrated blonde who looked about ready to have a screaming tantrum and rip her hair right out of her scalp.

Remorse washed over Alice and lingered so heavily on her shoulders that she had to cover her face with both hands to try to hide from it. “Ugh, I HATE to admit it even after everything that’s happened, but…he pretty much had me the moment I saw him.”

Zaiyia resisted as hard as she could from openly rolling her eyes at Alice’s weakness. When it came to Alan, she’s always been such a pushover. It could be viewed as utterly adorable and irksome at the same time, it all depended on the situation. Right now it was irksome, but because she was supposed to be on Alice’s side, she was gonna be on her side. Keeping the therapy conversation going, Zaiyia asked. “Okay so…why didn’t you hear him out then? Was it because you were gonna start crying right then and there, or was it because of something else?”

“It was something else…” Alice admitted in a small voice, her eyes dropping to the floor again. This time it was due to embarrassment. “I was…kinda scared to accept Alan’s apology because…because…”

Waiting patiently for Alice to finish, she realized that her emotions were getting the best of her when the girl covered her face once again with her hands and began to whimper. She was about to go back to crying. Feeling bad she was putting her through these paces, Zaiyia closed the distance between them to give Alice a supportive hug. “Shh, it’s okay, girl. We can stop here. You don’t need to explain yourself any further if it’s only gonna make things worse.”

Hugging Zaiyia back tightly to steal some of her strength, Alice rested her cheek on her shoulder and closed her eyes. She felt so grateful to have this insightful girl as her friend and no longer an enemy. This was what she needed all along, someone patient she could open up to. Now that they were friends, she never wanted to lose Zaiyia Halifax. “Zai, thank you for being here for me again. And for being a true friend. I don’t know how I ever made it without you before when we hated each other.”

“That’s your fault. I would’ve totally been a dope-ass friend to you before had you not tried to jump me in the locker room those many months ago.” Zaiyia jested before laughing aloud to her own joke. She never stopped to consider if Alice would be offended that she was bringing up their dark beginnings.

Luckily for Zaiyia, Alice thought Zaiyia’s joke was quite comical too. Laughing back, she stepped back from her to wholeheartedly agree. “Yeaaah, that’s true!”

The school bell suddenly rang in the hallway, signalizing it was time for them to head to their first class.

“Oh c’mon!” Alice whined, throwing her head back like a disgruntled child.

“Goddamnit.” Zaiyia groaned, rolling her eyes. Of course, the school couldn’t wait until they finished their moment. She didn’t get a chance to make sure Alice left the bathroom in a better mental state.

Helping herself to linking her arm through Zaiyia’s, Alice pouted childishly at her dear friend. “Gotta head to stupid class I guess. God, I wish we weren’t at school today.”

“You know what? I think school is just what you need, girl.” Zaiyia differed. “If I were in your shoes I’d take advantage of going to class and learning something. It’ll be a great break for your mind to not think about this whole Alan thing all day long. You’ll drive yourself up the wall if you do, trust me! At the end of the day when you find yourself nice and calm, you can revisit Alan’s apology if you want to and see how you feel about it then with a much clearer head.”

“Hmm, I never thought of school as a distraction before.” Alice pondered on the idea. It sounded ingenious when Zaiyia clarified it so she figured she’d give it a shot. It couldn’t hurt. Smiling at Zaiyia, Alice accepted. “You know what, I’ll do it. If it doesn’t work, I can always fill your inbox with complaints.”