Belonging to Lust

Heath got dressed as fast as he could before he ran back out the front door, and jumped into his truck. In a desperate haste, he shoved his keys into the ignition to turn it on and reversed out of the driveway before speeding down the road in the same direction that Zaiyia was last seen walking. He was so certain that he would be able to catch up to her in no time, but unfortunately that never happened. On he drove, and not once did he catch a glimpse of his Zaiyia walking along the sidewalk. The panic that had formed within him began to increase in size, and spread through every corner of his mind and body, making him break into a cold sweat. His frantic green eyes darted from the left and right as he slowly drove down the street, ignoring the series of car horns going off behind him, urging him to pick up his pace. As impossible as it may seem for him to comprehend, Zaiyia was somehow gone from sight and nowhere to be seen. It didn’t make sense to him at all considering how quickly he dressed and got into his car. There was no way she could have just vanished into thin air, unless…unless she was grabbed off the street by some perverted rapist and was dragged into his van somewhere in a dark alley.

Heath could feel his racing heart pound even harder than before at the horrifying thought, and knew now that the sick idea that had just been introduced into him his mind will now torment him into a state of paranoia for the rest of the night until he found her. Letting out a curse, Heath continued to scour the streets for Zaiyia even as the sun began its slow descent, taking it’s light with it. As the darkness entered the picture, Heath became even more frantic behind the wheel of his truck. “God-fucking-damnit, this is all my fucking fault! If I hadn’t fucking yelled at her she’d still be upstairs in her room wishing death upon me.”

But instead, Heath was now forced to take his punishment in the form of vivid images pertaining to Zaiyia fighting for her lie from a bunch of perverts that refuse to keep their hands off her. Squeezing his eyes shut for short five second periods, he fought to keep himself as calm as he could make himself at the moment, but after a while the only thing that had actually helped was him sending a few random punches directly into his dashboard, eventually forming a dent in it. It wasn’t a pretty sight, but he had to do it to keep his sanity in check, or else he’d jump out of his truck and snap the necks of every last person walking on the same side of the street as him. Heath continued his search for as long as he could, but when the clock struck 2AM, he decided to head back home to see if Zaiyia had made her way safely back home while he was out looking for her. He was pretty certain he didn’t close his front door all the way when he had left in a hurry, and so she could easily slip back inside without a key in case she forgot hers. Making an illegal U-turn, Heath sped back home well over the speed limit until he ended up right back in his driveway. Jumping out of the car, he slammed the door shut and jogged over to his front porch only to find his front door still cracked open the exact same way he left it a few hours ago. Hesitating, Heath chose to ignore that simple sign and still continued to hope that he would find her somewhere inside…only he didn’t. Searching high, searching low, Zaiyia was nowhere in sight, and nothing else had not been put out of place which also meant she hadn’t returned home.

“FUCK!!!” Heath roared as he sent his fist flying into the nearest wall. He felt the wall give way to the force of his knuckles and knew he left a nice big hole in the wall. “Shit…” He mumbled to himself as he leaned his back up against that same wall, before sliding down to the floor. He rested his arms on his knees as he stared down at a spot on the hardwood and focused on catching his breathe. Heath didn’t know how much more he can take of this. First Yovela ran out on him without a word for no real reason, and now Zaiyia! He remembered being hurt when Yovela left him, but this time it was so different, it was more intense, penetrating and just downright painful. The emotions running through him could drive any man insane, and it would tonight if he didn’t get up and find Zaiyia soon. Yet he couldn’t help but feel miserable at the moment. He missed her. He missed Zaiyia. God, he missed her more than her damn mother! He knew he shouldn’t feel that way about her, but it was the truth. Shaking his head, Heath finally lifted his head to stare at the crack front door in exhaustion. He was tired as hell, but he knew he had to keep looking for her. He would keep looking even if it went well throughout the next day. He couldn’t give up, his heart wouldn’t let him.

Running his hands through his short dark hair with a deep breathe, Heath quickly jumped back onto his feet and headed out the front door. Before he could head down the steps of his porch, he notices something at the corner of his eye that had him turning his head to the left and seeing…Zaiyia? Heath’s eyes widened in shock at the familiar deep skin, long black braids and gorgeous petite form that was indeed his beloved Zaiyia. She didn’t seem to know he was there as she sat on the bench bed on the porch and stared out across the dark lawn in silence, but he didn’t care. A rush of relief flooded through him so intensely he couldn’t help but smile in happiness at the sight of her until the memories of the anger and pain that she put him through while she was away took that same smile away. Clenching his fists, Heath steps closer to her with the intention of confronting her. What he didn’t expect was to watch himself put his hands on her by pulling her roughly to her feet so that he could check her body over, looking underneath here, and moving her limbs around there.

Zaiyia, taken by surprised, immediately tried to fight him off even when she realized what he was doing. “HEY! Hey, get your fucking hands off of me, now!”

Heath didn’t acknowledge that he even heard her, he continued to search for any signs that she had indeed been into a scuffle much his paranoid thoughts showed him she had. “WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, ZAIYIA!? I’VE BEEN WORRIED SICK LOOKING FOR YOU ALL DAY! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GO!?” Reaching up, he grabbed both of her arms in his big hands and finally looked her in the eyes, trying to hide the fire of anger in his so as not to scare her away again. “DID SOMEONE FUCKING TOUCH YOU!? HUH? DID SOMEONE FUCKING FORCE THEMSELVES ON YOU!?”

Zaiyia wouldn’t answer him. Instead she shoved his hands off of her before taking a seat back down onto the bench bed again in silence, staring off into the front lawn and leaving him without answers. At this point Heath’s panic is about to go overload, but before he start yelling all over again in desperation for answers, he suddenly noticed from the glistening streaks on her cheeks that she’d been crying. The thought of her in such sadness instantly diminished his anger like water to flames. Running his hands over his face and letting out a weary sigh, Heath gave himself a moment to compose himself before taking a seat next to her. He waited patiently for her to say something first, but she remained silent. Turning his head, he looked her over at her and studied her side profile in adoration. She was still so unbelievably beautiful even when she cried through her makeup. Other than having shed a few tears, Zaiyia continued to remain withdrawn. He couldn’t read her eyes, or her emotions. She completely closed herself off from him. Heath carefully reached his hands out to her, expecting a rejection. “Zaiyia…”

She didn’t look him in the eyes, but her head did snap in his direction to show fear, and a bit of anger in her brown eyes as her body flinched away from his. “DON’T you fucking touch me!”

It was clear to him that she didn’t want him touching her at the moment. Hiding his hurt, he slowly lowered his hands from her and turned his attention to his lawn as well. He gave them a few minutes more of silence before speaking to her in a low and harmless voice. He wanted to apologize for his reaction when he saw that she had returned, for starters. “I’m sorry….for grabbing you like that before. I didn’t mean to scare you or…hurt you. I just…I just wanted to make sure no one had harmed you out there on your own. I wanted to make sure you didn’t have any cuts, or bruises. I’m sorry, ok? I should’ve asked your permission first.” He paused for her to say something, anything, but she still refused to speak. In an even lower voice, he continued on with his apology those this last part felt more like a lie compared to all the truth he spoke before. “And I’m sorry for…everything. Everything that I…did to you I’m…truly sorry for, Zaiyia.”

Zaiyia closed her eyes as she shook her head, willing her tears away. “Nobody touched me out there. I can handle myself. I was fine the whole time.” Slowly opening her eyes, she turned her head towards him and gave him the glare of a lifetime. “And fuck your apology too, I don’t want it nor do I fucking need it.” Her gaze softened slightly as she remembered what happened between them a few hours ago, and at her realization that she was in fact in love with him in the most deepening and maddening way possible. “Unlike you…I don’t regret a second of it.”

Heath stares right back at her, touched by her speech. He felt bad for leading her on to believe that he still regretted what happened between them in the guest house, especially because he didn’t. He couldn’t. Instead of trying to convince her and himself that they shouldn’t have enjoyed what they did together and should be ashamed of it, all Heath wanted to do was feel her in his arms again. He needed to feel her warm breathing body next to his much more than he needed to take his next breath. Boldly reaching out to her again despite her last reaction, he gently grabbed ahold her hand delicate hand and tugged on it as he beckoned her over with a soft whisper. “Come over here.”

For the first time tonight, Zaiyia didn’t fight him on this one. She easily slid into his arms, and wrapped her arms around his waist almost as tightly as he held her back. She cuddled into his side and closed her eyes peacefully as she felt him press a kiss to her head. She let out a sigh before finally deciding to accept defeat and give him the most fakest apology that she’ll ever give him. “I’m…I’m sorry about my behavior to you earlier, Heath. I uh…” She squeezed her eyes shut in internal pain. “I now understand what you were trying to tell me before, you know, about us being wrong together. I think I get it now.”

Heath closes his eyes as he felt his heart drop into the pit of his stomach. He lowered his lips to press even more kisses to her head and tightened his hold on her, but they weren’t at all bestowed for being appreciative or thankful for her sudden change in mind. True, he should be ecstatic that he wouldn’t have to fight over his point with her anymore that their relationship was wrong and illegal, but he wasn’t. In fact, it truly disturbed him to hear her agree with him. He had already tried to condemn what they had done, and even went as far as to feel a little guilty over it, but now she was the one trying to condemn it?! The sight made him feel even more miserable than before, because he was the adult, so he was expected to react this way about their relationship even though that wasn’t how he truly felt inside. Zaiyia was still young which meant, unlike him, she could still be naïve all she wanted and believe what had between them was amazing. She was free to feel, but he wasn’t. Her agreeing with him truly felt like she was burying what they had done together, and how they’ve felt towards each other long before it could develop into something official…not that it would ever.

Heath continued to hold her for a half an hour longer until his exhaustion became too much for him to fight. Zaiyia had fallen asleep on him already, and as much as it bothered him, he was forced to rouse her from it. “Hey, we’re both pretty tired, we should head to bed before we catch hyperthermia.”

Zaiyia was too tired to say otherwise, and with his help was escorted into her guest house and up the stairs. He bid her goodnight but she gave him a careless wave, not wishing to give him any more attention that that incase he’d reject her again. Lord knows she can’t handle another one.

Heath went back down the stairs, but wouldn’t go any further. The question of ‘what if she tries to run again sometime in the night while he’s asleep’ kept popping into his head and making his ears ring in alarm. Not giving it some time to contemplate over, Heath made himself comfortable on her couch where he quickly fell asleep, dreaming that was he sleeping upstairs with her in his arms instead.