Belonging to Lust

Chapter 60: All Out Done

Naked, sated, and finally complete in the universe, Zaiyia couldn’t feel more weightless and free. After all those not so platonic fleeting kisses on the cheeks, the ‘friendly’ hugs, and ‘innocent’ cuddling teasing the hell out of her and nearly driving her insane, Zaiyia’s mind and body are now at peace. The negatives, and toxins from her mind had been flushed out to be replaced with flowers, cupcakes and cute soft baby bunnies. It was butterflies, rainbows and world peace from here on out, she was sure of it. Smiling to herself, Zaiyia laid next to Heath in a world of tranquility where no one else could touch them and tell them that what they had just done, what they had in general, was wrong.

Unfortunately, a third party didn’t need to step in and remind them, because already the guilt, and shame was seeping into Heath’s equally sated conscious to tear him away from her for what already felt like was the billionth time. Green eyes snapped open to stare up at his ceiling for a minute before he sat himself up, the used condom still on him being an evident reminder that this did indeed happen, that he did sleep with Zaiyia, and should once again suffer for it.

“Jesus.” Heath mumbled to himself as he scooted himself to the edge of the bed and disposed of the used rubber in his trash bin. He shook his head to himself in disgust before leaning over to cover his face with his hands. The voices in his head swirled around him, telling him that he’s a second-time pedophile and should be arrested for raping the same minor twice. It was all becoming too overwhelming for him to just sit there, and listen to them pick him apart over his actions. When he finally spoke up, it came out hoarse due to all his loud moaning and almost screaming when he spilled into her. “I…I’m sorry.”

Turning her head to the right to look at his back, Zaiyia frowned at him. Was he talking to her, or was she now hearing God’s voice as a result for how high Heath’s dick game got her? Her heart told her that his apology was indeed for her, and her mind was telling her to hurry up and come to grips with reality as fast as she can, or else she’ll find herself getting hurt much like last time Only, she didn’t. She was stuck on stupid, or denial, choose your pick. “S-Sorry? What do you have to be sorry about, baby?”

“Don’t call me that!” Heath hissed at her in warning, avoiding turning around or even looking over his shoulder at her. He couldn’t look at her, couldn’t bring himself to do. He knew exactly what he would see if he did. A beautiful deep melanin Queen draped across his bed, honoring him with the many moments he’s had thus far to be in her presence, but in reality she was just a simple sassy little 16 year old teenager, nothing more, nothing less.

Heath let out a groan as his hands slide up to weave into his short hair. “Fuck, Heath, what the hell are you doing to yourself? How fucking stupid can you fucking be!?”

Zaiyia didn’t need a therapist to understand what was going on with Heath right now. As her heart dropped into the acid pit of her stomach to be dissolved for a second damn time, she knew that he was going right back to convincing himself that what they had just done, what they had as a whole, wasn’t right and that it was all just another big old mistake on his part. She let out a sigh as she continued to listen to him curse himself out for basically sleeping with her. It irritated her, this constant self-loathing he developed towards himself for doing something that was so much more beautiful than just a meaningless fuck.

Feeling the pain in her heart intensify, Zaiyia rolled over to bury her face in his pillow for a short moment, taking in his scent that always made her already dripping folds quiver with anticipation whenever he was around. She was certain it would take her a long time before she could get him right back in this bed with her again, and so she took an extra 5 minutes to savor his smell trapped in his pillow…then again this could also be their last time together for all she knew. Lifting her head and closing her eyes, Zaiyia was finally through with this and all the pain it brought. She was through with the passion, and then the following regret, the incredible sex and then the stupid apologies, the cries of ecstasy followed by the ‘this was a mistake’ speech. She was just all out done for the day.

Sitting herself up on the opposite edge of the bed of his, Zaiyia gave herself a second before getting up to gather up her clothes. She knew she had missed her school bus and had no other means of transportation other than the city bus to get her to school. Sighing at the irritation of that, she began to put on her underwear, pants, shoes, and socks on while deciding to give up on taking on the day as she originally intended and to stay home instead. She avoided Heath’s eyes as she asked for his permission considering that he’s her guardian still. “Can I stay home today?”

Heath didn’t look at her either from where he still sat on the edge of his bed, naked, and hanging his head in shame and regret.

“I…I don’t feel so good.” Zaiyia lied, feeling like she needed to give him an excuse as to why she wanted to skip school today.

Nodding in acceptance even though he didn’t care whether she stayed home at the moment, Heath grumbled his answer. “Yeah, sure.”

“Yeah.” Zaiyia repeated quietly back before covering her bare breasts and leaving his bedroom. She had previously taken her top and bra off in the living room when they started out getting busy on the couch and so she headed there to retrieve them. Hurriedly, she slipped them on before grabbing her backpack and heading out through the kitchen’s back door. She held back the tears that were surely coming and entered the guest house that had become hers. Locking the door behind her, she hurried up the stairs, tossed her backpack aside and ran into the shower. She tore her clothes back off and set the water temperature in her shower.

In the shower she allowed her tears to fall. She scrubbed her body softly at first as if it would still preserve some remnant of their love making, but then as her frustration at his rejection set in, she began to scrub harder and harder. She wanted to erase him. Erase their relationship in a nutshell. Maybe living life out on the street with the hobos wouldn’t be so bad after all. It’d probably be better than this torture, that’s for sure. “That sonofabitch!” Zaiyia sobbed as the hot water hit her shower cap and then ran down her body.

How could he keep doing this to her?

Why does he keep touching her like he wants her, and then switching it up by claiming it was all a mistake?

Which was it, a mistake, or not?

Zaiyia got out of the shower, her skin feeling a bit raw. She wrapped herself in a towel robe and left the steaming bathroom to collapse down onto her bed. There, she continued to cry her eyes out. After awhile when tears were gone from her eyes, and there was no more left to spare, her crying became more like a wailing. She didn’t try to hold back, or keep her volume down. It’s not like anyone would hear her from all the way in the back of the property anyway.

When her crying had stopped she had walked over to sit on her window seat and stare out the window. She knew Heath was no longer in the main house and had left for work. She wondered to herself how he could pretend like nothing happen in front of his boys after all that’s happened between them. Was that just a guy thing, or could women do it too? Zaiyia wished she could.

This was the second time they had sex and Heath rejected her. When was she going to get the hint? If they fall in bed again for a third time in the future all he’s gonna do is what? That’s right, reject her again! Now that she wasn’t going to school she had time to think it through, and after two hours of running all this information through her mind she realized something. “I’m tired of this.” She said to herself. “I’m so sick of creating something so fucking beautiful and yet so impeccable with this blind ass idiot only to have him turn around afterwards and call it a mistake!? I mean, how the fuck can he keep standing there and repeatedly call this shit a mistake!? How long does he plan on playing this stupid fucking charade for? There’s no way he can’t feel what I feel when we be fucking each other like that!”

Or maybe he can do that, because he doesn’t feel it. Maybe the passion isn’t theirs, but more like hers alone. Zaiyia frowned to herself as she stood up and walked around her room with her hands on her hips. She shook her head to herself. “It doesn’t fucking matter. Either way this shit goes, I need to stop this. I can’t keep expecting to make love with the guy, and not get a rejection afterwards…”

Then, it finally came to her. Spinning back around, she face a couple of stuffed animals on her shelves and made her finally decision in an announcement. “Mark my words, you fuzzy motherfuckers! From here on out, I will NOT be looking like a damn fool for this man one minute longer. From now on, I’m gonna keep my distance from that sexy ass piece of good-for-nothing shit! I ain’t gonna be there to keep him company anymore, to listen to his fucking woes, or to fucking make his ass any goddamn food when before or after work…”

She stopped the think about that last promise for a second. “Never mind, I’ll still make him breakfast and dinner, but I ain’t gonna be hugging on the motherfucker, or trying to kiss his gorgeous ugly ass face anymore! I’m gonna keep my distance, but remain cordial to him, because despite all this fuckery we got going on between us, he still takes care of me.”

He still takes care of me.

She tossed herself back onto her bed, getting lost in her thoughts again as she continues to talk to no one in particular. “And that man is getting just as overwhelmed by me as I am of him…I could see it in his eyes the first time we had made love.” She shook her head to herself. “This time he wouldn’t even look at me, but I know he was suffering again like me...maybe it would be best for him, and I to just…stop” She frowned in disapproval at the idea of never having sex with him again. “Then again I do like fucking with him so maybe not be so hasty and stop completely? Maybe just until next time it happens again…that is if it’s gonna happen again.” Zaiyia let out a whine at the thought of it never happening again before burying her face in her comforter.

Zaiyia spent the rest of the day in her room wallowing in her own self-pity over her situation, trying to figure out what was the best thing to do now.
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