Belonging to Lust

Chapter 71: I Want To Feel Pain

That night, upstairs in her room, Zaiyia sat on her window seat in the dark…watching Heath soak in his hot tub. She had excused herself soon after to dinner with the intention of keeping her distance by heading to bed early, and yet…here she was, watching the man she loved relax half-naked in his hot tub. She wished she was there with him, and in another world where he didn’t care about the law so damn much, he’d touch her boldly, not caring who’d see. Zaiyia closed her eyes at that image and smiled softly to herself. His hands on her skin…what did that feel like before? It felt like centuries since she had felt it…centuries. Zaiyia opened her eyes, her smile no longer there, and a heavy emptiness in her heart. A century was a long time for a mortal like herself.

Her eyes drifted down to stare longingly at Heath in the hot tub. She let out a mix between a whine that ended into a groan at the realization that not only was it hell watching him from a distance half-naked and not being able to touch him, but it was also hell that he was walking around this property in swimming trousers and nothing else. Damn swimming trunks. Why couldn’t he be naked? “Sonofabitch!” She hissed to herself in the darkness of her room, glancing away from the hot tub to look up at the night sky where humans believed an almighty God resided. Zaiyia’s eyes narrowed into murderous slit at this very God. “Motherfucker…you’re enjoying aren’t you, you piece of shit?”

Reaching out beside her, she picked up her cellphone and roamed down through her short list of contacts. She stopped on Chasity’s name and just stared at it, recalling the last time they spoke to each other. Zaiyia had been jumped in the bathroom by Elizabeth and Laura, and much like Betty and Camille, they had the same police baton as their weapon of choice, and they had attempted to use it on her too. She supposed if it hadn’t been for Chasity luckily needing to use the restroom at that time, she might have been hit again with it. After Laura and Elizabeth were sent off with their tails between their legs, she found out that the police baton had actually belonged to Chasity. At first, she thought this red headed savior of hers had turned her back on her and joined her club of hating idiots, but after much discussion, Zaiyai believed she was used specifically for her arsenal of weapons given to her by her beloved FBI daddy. Sometime throughout their conversation, Chasity went from her once red headed savior to her now trying to become her permanent protector. Zaiyia didn’t have the time to listen to all her reasoning then because she was so overwhelmed she was close to breaking down right in front of her. Luckily, Chasity was understanding and gave her her number instead to call when she wanted to talk about a way to end all of the bullying she was subjected through in school.

Zaiyia still didn’t want to talk about it. In fact, she didn’t care to stop the problem now, or never. She needed another pain to counteract the daily pain from her broken heart. But that didn’t mean she didn’t want someone to talk to in the meantime. What with her mother gone and everything, she didn’t have anyone to chat with on this property except for that very man who continued to break her heart every day.

Sighing, Zaiyia pressed the call button and held the phone up to her ear, waiting for Chasity to pick up. When she did she cut her off before she could get a greeting out. “Hey, there Chasity. It’s me, Zaiyia.”

“Oh, hey, Zaiyia!” Chasity greeted warmly before cutting to the chase. “So um, have you thought anymore about we said.”

Zaiyia changed the subject, not wishing to go into any more of that drama that was going on in school. “Yeah, how about we just cruise on over that subject and come back to it later.”

“Wait, what?” Chasity asked, confusion clear in her voice. “Did you just say we’ll come back to that later?”

“Oh, yeah. I called you for a much better reason.” Zaiyia informed her as she lifted her eyes to watch Heath in the hot tub. “So, there is a house party happening on Friday night and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me.”

Chasity found this invite to be strange, not because she’s never received one before, but because she’s never received one from Zaiyia before. She and Zaiyia didn’t meet up at all, even in school. Hell, the only reason they met was because of the fight in the locker room and she happily defended her because people thought it would be funny to abuse their power and brutally attack the poor girl. The second time they met was not too long ago during another fight that included her many police batons being used against Zaiyia. Why all of a sudden does she want me to come to a party with her, Chasity wondered to herself before asking out loud. “Um, no offense, Zaiyia, but…why?”

“Why what? Why ask you out to a house party?” Zaiyia asked her before shrugging to herself. “I don’t know, I guess because Alan invited me to go so I thought I’d invite you too to make up for dragging you into another fight at school.”

There was a long moment of silence on Chasity’s end as she sat in hesitation in what felt like forever before asking her what she dared hope wouldn’t be right. “…you don’t mean…Alice’s Alan, right? You’re talking about a totally different Alan.”

Zaiyia got the feeling she was about to be scolded like a parent would to their child and that alone made her hesitate for a minute. “…uh, the very same.”

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” Chasity mumbled to herself over the phone, but it was loud enough for Zaiyia to hear. In her own bedroom, Chasity was now pacing the floor and running one hand through her tousled hair. “Oh my god, you’ve got to be kidding me!”

Zaiyia sighed before attempting to break Chasity out of her rant. “Sweetie, I’m right here. If you got a problem, say it through the phone. Don’t worry, I can take it.”

“Good.” Chasity muttered to her before exclaiming through her phone. “Have you lost your damn mind, Zaiyia Halifax!? You’re playing with fire here, I hope you know that!”

“I know that.” Zaiyia assured her with a heavy sigh.

“Well if you know you’re playing with fire and that this could potentially put you in the clutches of danger then why in the world are you doing it?” Chasity demanded to know as she paced furiously in her bedroom. “Why put yourself at risk like this!? Do you like the guy or something?”

“Of course not!” Zaiyia spat, shuddering in disgust. “Look, I’ll admit Alan is a good looking-guy that means well. He’s done nothing but treat me with respect so far, but no matter how hard I try I cannot find an attraction to him, romantically or sexually.”

“Then why? Why go to this house party with him?” Chasity continue to question. “Everyone is gonna think you two are item after this which means Alice will definitely find out and send her goons after you!”

Zaiyia had meant to answer her straight away, but her breath caught in her throat as Heath stood up in the hot tub. The hot water cascaded down his abs in slow motion, making her ache between her legs for him. That ache quickly turned into a throbbing pain followed by one drenched panty when he stepped out and strolled towards the main house, the droplets on his muscular back glistening like diamonds. Her lips parted as she whispered in a voice that sounded dazed and distant, unaware what she was revealing. “I want to feel pain…”

“You want to feel pain?” Chasity repeated in question. “What do you mean you want to feel pain?”

“And it’s better suffering that then the pain I have to live with every day when I come home.” Zaiyia finished softly off after realizing what she had let slip. She had said too much already, but…she’s gone this far so she might as well continue since she already started.

The tone in Zaiyia’s voice made her feel like there was something else going on in her life that she hadn’t let on about before. Chasity was aware she was suffering from being bullied daily but…it seems that might not be the only trouble she’s in. Extremely curious as to what else Zaiyia could be going through, Chasity sat down on the edge of her bed and began to question her. “…and what exactly are you feeling right now?”

“Fuck it.” Zaiyia muttered to herself with a careless shrug. She didn’t care about what repercussions that might come out from opening her mouth. She was too dead inside to care, but surprisingly not too dead inside to feed Chasity the whole truth. “Sexual frustrations, Chasity. I’m feeling sexually frustrations and I swear to motherfucking god and all that is holy in this fucked up world that this sexual frustration is going to kill me dead! Anyway, goodnight.” Before Chasity could reply, Zaiyia pressed the end button and hung up on her. She didn’t want to hear what she had to say or be goaded into confessing her sins to the young girl. Zaiyia was sure Chasity would have wanted to know the juicy details out of the kindness of her own heart, but her heart and soul still wanted to protect Heath.

Her Heath.