Belonging to Lust

“Zaiyia, I…” Alan stared off, not wanting to believe what she was telling him. He’d never lay his hand on a woman without her permission, and certainly would never try and force himself upon anyone. And yet, Zaiyia was informing him that that wasn’t the case. Apparently, what he didn’t remember that Saturday night at Cameron’s house was that he had gotten so damn drunk he had in fact forced himself on Zaiyia before one of her friends came outside in search for her and kicked him in the balls…which also explained the pain in his groin the following morning.

Alan shook his head in denial, not wanting to believe that he almost raped her. He’d never do something like that but…when hard alcohol was involved who knows what anyone was capable of. In his case, it turned out he became a monster. Shaking his head again, he lifted his eyes from the picnic table he sat on across from Zaiyia outside of the school. It was lunchtime, and instead of eating he was receiving such awful new pertaining to himself. Without thinking, he reached out a hand to touch hers resting on the table top. “I’m sorry, Zaiyia. I’d nev-”

“DON’T!” Zaiyia threatened loudly, swiping her hands off the table and onto her lap before he could reach her. Her brown eyes hardened as they remained on the table top. “Don’t you dare touch me after last night.”

“But…w-why not?” Alan demanded to know from where he sat clinging with denial. It was easier to be ignorant of the truth than face it in this case. Who wants to find out they had almost raped someone they cared about while under the influence?! No one, that’s who! And he wasn’t any different. If he remained in denial, he can still be the same kind footballer Alan. If he accepted the truth, he’d be a…possible rapist.

“Because I fucking said so, dude!” Zaiyia clarified, not wishing to feel his touch ever again. So far throughout this conversation she’s kept her emotions in check with Alan and preferred it to remain that way. If he made any physical contact with her however, she might suffer some catastrophic breakdown that would just crumble her strong demeanor and leave her a sniffling mess.

“I’m not just a fucking dude to you though!” Alan tried irritably to point out while deciding to take the boyfriend stance to give him some backbone. He shoved his hands stubbornly into his pockets and clenched them into fists. “I’m your boyfriend, and a boyfriend is allowed to touch his girl!”

That reminder of his ridiculous fantasy of them as a couple hit the right nerve and immediately set her off. Lifting her blazing brown eyes from the tabletop, Zaiyia viciously snapped at him. “YOU MOTHERFUCKING IDIOT! WHEN THE FUCK DID I EVER BECOME YOUR FUCKING GIRL?!”

Alan was taken aback for a minute by her outcry before his own emotions got the best of him and formed a rage he happily shouted back at her. “THAT DAY YOU TOOK MY JACKET ON THE BLEACHERS!”

“ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? THAT'S YOUR ANSWER!? THAT WAS WHEN I BECAME YOUR FUCKING GIRL!?” Zaiyia was emotionally besides herself and so was her foe. She knew she should get a hold of herself and be the bigger person by calming herself down and lowering her voice but goddamnit she couldn’t right now. “MOTHERFUCKER, A BITCH WAS FUCKING COLD OUTSIDE! THAT’S WHY I TOOK YOUR DUMBASS JACKET!”

“SONOFABITCH!” Painfully slamming his hands down on the concrete table top, Alan managed to lower his voice to a more seething level when he spoke again. “Once and for fucking all, Zaiyia, are you my goddamn girl or not!?”

Since he managed to cool himself down, Zaiyia took the initiative to do the same. She let out a sigh as she looked away for a minute and then back to him again. She was planning to be completely honest with him, and not hold back this time. “Look, Alan, you’re a very attractive kid. In fact you’re probably one of the most attractive kid in this godforsaken school if not THE most attractive! In the time I’ve known you, you’ve been genuinely considerate and charitable to me. Any girl in this school would be lucky to call you theirs and would proudly wear the ‘Alan’s girlfriend’ title proudly for everyone to see. But that bitch ain’t this bitch.” Zaiyia pointed to herself before admitting. “What I’m trying to say is that I’m not…attracted to you.”

Alan was beyond shocked, and it show. His mouth open and closed like a fish as he fought hard to accept that he met the one girl on this planet that doesn’t find him attractive. “Y-You aren’t?”

Zaiyia shook her head before trying to explain further, guilt clouding her anger in that moment. “No, and believe me, a bitch tried HARD to gain an attraction to your fine ass but, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t. I’m sorry, Alan, but…I’ve never been attracted to you. Not once. And it was absolutely fucked up of me to lead you on in the way I did and so for that I’m am sincerely fucking sorry. You’re a great guy and you didn’t deserve that from me, or from anyone else.”

Hurt by her confession and believing it 100%, Alan fell into a long stretch of silence. He thought of their relationship, or at least what he thought had been a relationship albeit a strange one. All the things he had done for Zaiyia Halifax to win her over, and all the effort he’d put in to try and impress her, it was all for nothing. Hell, he’d even went as far as to cause a great shift in his life by breaking up with his first and only long-term girlfriend Alice White for her! That was a major alteration in his life, one he’d never been dealt with before. Alice had always been a constant in his life and the closest to a living breathing angel that anyone in their lifetime could ever find walking on this damned planet, and yet the moment he got a good look at the new girl Zaiyia Halifax and became ensnared in her spell, he dropped the girl he loved like she was nothing but a candy wrapper! He’d royally messed up his own life! No wait, that's all wrong. Correction, ZAIYIA messed up his whole life! If it wasn’t for her, he’d still be with Alice.

Alan’s demeanor changed right before he opened his mouth to talk crap. He went from shocked, empty, and dumbfounded, to all of a sudden all hard and badass. Lifting his chin, his now cold eyes glared at her from across the table as he shrugged his shoulders carelessly. “Well, I guess it’s all whatever now, isn’t it?” He let our a snort of laughter as he casually relaxed himself in his seat. “I mean, it’s not like I ever really gave a shit about you or nothing. From the beginning, you were always just some bitch I wanted to get my dick wet, that’s all.”

Zaiyia was astounded by his cold attitude for a second as she stared at him with wide eyes. When she realized what he was doing, she simply arched an eyebrow at him and glared straight back. “Excuse me? Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to, little boy?”

Alan leaned forward and grinned maliciously, not the least bit intimidated by her. “You.” His smile fell as he became serious, his emotions rising back to the surface to reveal his vulnerability. “It’s your fucking fault I broke up with Alice to be with you! How could you do something so horrendous to a guy already in love with his girl? Look what you made me do with just a single glance my way? You made me dump the woman I love to waste my time carrying your books and shit to and from your classes, drive you to and from school as well as to eat free food that was paid for out of my wallet, and take you out to the best party spot in town almost every weekend!”

Zaiyia was sat back with her arms crossed over her chest as she watched him act like a fool as he went off on his tantrum. She listened closely up into the point where he began to blame everything on her which…turns out to be the entire tantrum itself. Yes, it was true she did him wrong in some ways, but she wasn’t going to take the blame for ruining his life. She never made him do anything, most of those decisions were all by him! She never once held a gun to his head and demand him to destroy his long-term relationship with Alice, that was all him!

“YOU RUINED MY FUCKING LIFE, ZAIYIA!” Alan shouted, ending his tantrum. When she only sat there staring at him blankly and unfazed, he decided to throw in the towel and call it quits for good. With a furious shake of his head, he abruptly stood up. “I hope you rot in hell, Halifax, for all you’ve done.”

Watching him turn and leave, Zaiyia finally allowed the eye roll she had been holding back go. She couldn’t believe him! How the hell was he gonna put all that on her? “Just like a typical teenage boy.”

“Oh my god, Zaiyia!” A familiar voice called to her before Chasity appeared with Monique on her heel. They both had watched the fight go off from the windows, much like everyone else in the cafeteria. “Are you okay?”

“Did that fucker hurt your feelings or something?” Monique demanded to know, immediately taking his seat while Chasity sat beside her. “I mean we passed right by him on our way out, but I figured we should give him some space because y'all just got done fighting before I go kick his ass for insulting you.”

“Nah, I’m good ladies, in fact, better than ever!” Zaiyia confessed honestly before giving them the gossip they clearly sought. “I finally told him the truth, that I didn’t feel the way he felt about me. He got pissed and blamed all of his life’s misgivings on me!”

“He did!?” Monique asked incredulously before laughing. “Man, what a little weak ass bitch!”

“Well, I for one am proud that you cut Alan off for good. He wasn’t doing you any favors nor you him.” Chasity reassured her with a proud smile.

“And you were right from the very beginning about that. I was just too stubborn to see it, I guess.” Zaiyia thanked her.

“And you were stuck in your own personal issues to care.” Monique suspected, looking her up and down.

Zaiyia nodded in agreement. “Yeah, that too. But still, I wish I had done this sooner…much sooner.”

“Hey, it’s better late than never.” Chasity comforted her.

Before Zaiyia could agree, the bell went off signally that lunch was over. “Well, back to class.”

Monique rolled her eyes with a groan and voiced what almost ever student feels during school hours. “Goddamnit, how much longer until our asses can go home!? I wanna go back to bed, man.”