Falling Stars

About an hour later, Rian came downstairs. He looked upset. He looked defeated. He just didn’t look like himself at all. Everyone else left so Rian and I could have some privacy. He sat opposite me and looked me in the eyes.

“They want to meet you.” He said, almost as if he was asking himself if that was true. I couldn’t believe it myself.

“They want to meet me?” I questioned astonishingly. He shook his head in disbelief.

“Yeah. They wanna meet you.” He answered.

“Why?” I asked. He shrugged.

“No idea. But listen, you can do whatever you want. I don’t mind either way.” He said. I nodded my head and wiped a few stray tears from my face.

“When do they want to meet me?” I asked.

“As soon as possible apparently. And they don’t want me to be in the same room when they talk to you.” He warned.

“Oh.” I said.

“Listen, it doesn’t matter what they say to you. You’re not gonna get rid of me, okay?” I smiled weakly at him and nodded.

“Okay.” I answered. “I’ll think about it.” I added a few seconds later. He nodded his head at me.

“Listen; do you want a drink or anything? I’m going to the kitchen anyway.” He said. I shook my head.

“I’m fine.” I answered. He nodded his head sympathetically and got up to the kitchen. Clearly Rian didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t come back into the room. But Jack did.

“Hey. What’s up?” He asked. I shrugged.

“They wanna meet me.” I answered. He nodded his head.

“Is that a good thing then?” He asked. I shrugged again.

“I have no idea. But right now it seems like whatever way the conversation’s going to go I’m gonna be doomed.” I said while smiling a little, trying to make the mood a little lighter.

“You don’t know that. It could go great.” He said optimistically, but I shook my head.

“I very much doubt that. I mean, who’d want me as anything in their life, let alone a daughter?” I asked rhetorically.

“Well, I’d like you to be someone in my life.” He answered.

“Like what? A friend, a girlfriend?” I asked, slightly joking.

“Maybe someday.” He said, taking a sip of some beer that he had in his hand when he came to see me.

“Wait, what?” I asked incredulously. He just shrugged like it was obvious.

“Well, you’re an attractive young woman; you’ve got an awesome personality. We could go on a date if you like?” He suggested. He totally caught me off guard that it took me a moment to think it over. Ultimately I decided it could be worth a shot.

“Would Rian be okay with it?” I asked, just making sure.

“Probably. You’re a grown woman anyway. You can do what you want.” He said. I nodded my head.

“Sure. I’d actually really like that.” I said. Nobody’s ever asked me out on a date before. It was kind of exciting. He smiled at me.

“Great. Well, we have a day off in two days. We could go out for lunch then? I know this great Italian place if you like that.” He offered. I smiled at him.

“I love Italian food.” I answered.

“Well then, it’s a date.” He said. He gave me a peck on the cheek and waltzed confidently into the lounge with the other guys. I shook my head at his cockiness, but I also found it somewhat endearing. I never really thought of Jack in that way since I met him, but now all those celebrity crush feelings came rushing back to me. I was going on a date with Jack Barakat for crying out loud! Who wouldn’t be excited? I casually strolled upstairs and closed my bunk curtain so I could write in my diary about this. Once I was finished, I crawled out with a big smile on my face.

“What’s got you so happy?” Rian asked. I didn’t know if the guys told him, so I just tried to gradually ease my smile down.

“Oh, just thinking about this thing that happened to me in school a couple of years ago.” I lied. Rian smiled knowingly.

“So you’re not getting smitten about your date with Jack?” He asked. My cheeks turned bright red. I don’t care that he knows; I honestly don’t. I just don’t want Jack to think I’m too keen. He laughed at my face. “Don’t worry. It’s okay. Honestly, Jack feels the same way. I’m rooting for you two.” He said. I smiled awkwardly, and then made my way past him down the stairs.

When it was time to leave the bus, Vinny and I grabbed as many boxes as we could. I obviously carried less than him, and then we headed into the arena where we heard Rian shouting. I gulped from my nerves. I could only guess that this had to do with my mum and dad. Sure enough, when we entered the dressing room, Kathi and Dennis were standing there looking very angry. I put the boxes down awkwardly and waited for them to notice me. When they did, I got very scared. If looks could kill, I’d be dead on the floor.

“Boys, if you’d excuse us. I’d like to have a word with Ms Raz.” Kathi ordered sternly, saying my name as if it was a dirty word. The boys all gingerly left the room and I was left alone with her and Dennis. I had tears already welling up in my eyes, but I quickly blinked them away. “What the hell have you done? Just storming into my boy’s life like that and ruining his career? I ought to call your real parents.” She said. Her words stung like ice, but it’s still exactly what I expected.

“You can’t.” I told her with my eyes closed. I didn’t want to look at her as I said that.

“What on earth are you talking about? Of course I can. Just let me ring them from your phone.” She said. I complied. It’s not like they’d answer anyway. So I gave her my phone. “Why aren’t they answering?” She asked.

“Because, I made one mistake one time when I found out my biological parents didn’t want me, so they kicked me out. I’ve sort of got nowhere to go.” I explained.

“That’s preposterous! Kathi and Robert made sure you went to a good home.” Dennis spat at me.

“Evidently they didn’t.” I challenged. The whole atmosphere in the room was awful. I wanted something to happen. Anything. But we just stayed in an awkward silence until Kathi spoke up again.

“What did you do?” She asked. I looked down at my thumbs and began twiddling them. “What did you do?” She repeated in an angrier tone.

“I can’t say, alright? I just can’t.” I said. Tears began falling again. I wiped my eyes and sat down on one of the sofas.

“Well, if you’re too corrupt for your own parents, there’s no way I’m letting you stay with Rian.” She said. I nodded my head in understanding. Obviously my life was just too fucked up to have any hint of good in it. So instead of saying anything else, I walked out of the room and went back onto the bus. I started packing up everything. My bandages, my journal, even some odd bits and pieces I had lying around the place. Even after a day I really thought of this bus as home. Alex came rushing in as he saw me pick up my bag.

“Whoa there, take it easy.” He said, taking the bag off me. It was pretty heavy. “Now just where do you think you’re going missy?” He asked. I shrugged.

“Anywhere. Samuel at the support group said they have rooms available as long as you help work there, so maybe I could live there.” I said, sniffling.

“What are you talking about? Is this cause of Kathi and Dennis?” He asked. I shrugged.

“Maybe a little bit.” I answered; then shook my head. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I’ve caused enough trouble for you lot as it is and I need to leave before I cause even more for you guys because it’s not fair.” I continued.

“Raz, you haven’t caused us any trouble.” He said. I looked up at him.

“Really?” I asked. He smiled and nodded his head.

“Really. And I know Rian isn’t gonna stand for them making you cry. You’re gonna be okay, kid.” He said. I nodded my head and gave him a quick hug.

“Thank you!” I breathed out.

He led me back to the venue and to the room everyone else was in. Except Rian, Kathi and Dennis. I’m assuming they were having another fight. I hate being the cause for family drama. I sat in the corner of the room fiddling with my necklace. I just gazed into the air and waited for something to actually happen. The rest of the boys were talking amongst themselves. Midsentence, they all looked at me. I wasn’t actually listening to what they were saying, so I looked at them with confusion written all over my features.

“What?” I asked.

“You look really pale. You feel okay?” Vinny asked. I nodded my head.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” I answered. Sometimes when I get really stressed and anxious I get pale. It’s almost like I was having an anxiety attack but I’m good at keeping those things under control. I just get a few symptoms of it, like the fiddling of my necklace and stuff like that.

“Really? Cause you sure as hell don’t look it. No offence.” Zack said. I touched my stomach just to be sure I wasn’t bleeding. When I was sure I wasn’t, I nodded my head.

“I’m fine.” I answered. Everyone stopped talking after that. Then 5 minutes later, Rian stormed in.

“What’s up?” Jack asked. I turned my head to face Rian. He looked so fuming. I can’t believe the disaster I struck upon this family.

“My stupid parents want me to give Raz up. But I said no. God. What the hell is the matter with them? A couple of weeks ago they gave me no grief, and suddenly I have this amazing little sister, they want nothing to do with either of us as long as I have her.” He said. I instantly felt guilty. This whole situation is my fault.

“Sorry, dude.” Alex said, patting his shoulder sympathetically before grabbing a beer from the mini-fridge. I looked down at my hands and began picking at my skin. Everything hurt inside. I can’t believe I caused so many people so much pain.

“Oh wait, it gets worse. If I don’t give her up, they’re gonna go tell journalists that she exists.” He said. I had to speak up as soon as he said that.

“No.” I gasped. “No, this has gone on far too long. I’m sorry Rian. I’m sorry about all the pain I’ve caused you, but I need to leave.” I said.

Before he could stop me, I ran out the door and to the bus, beginning where I left off packing-wise. I took a look at the bus one last time. I know I’m gonna miss it, and I know that this is probably going to be a huge mistake, but I’d rather I left now before the pain of being kicked out. I then started crying. Hysterically. Nothing in my life is going okay right now. When I finished packing, I picked up my bag. It was heavy, sure, but I needed everything in there. I had no clue where my life was going to lead. Nobody came to stop me. That just goes to show how dispensable I was here. Not that it was entirely surprising. It was very much the norm in my life. When I left the bus I took one last look at it. As bad as the ending here was, I’m sure gonna miss this place.

That’s when it started. After just 5 minutes of walking I felt really lightheaded. Like, unbelievably lightheaded. Something just didn’t feel right. I changed my bandage only an hour ago, but the wound can bleed at any given time. Especially if I’m carrying heavy stuff. I still tried to carry on, which was a big mistake. Because all of a sudden my legs and consciousness gave up on me. It was very weird. It was... well it was awful. I don’t really know how to describe it. Then I started to have a very weird dream.

“I’m sorry. I just can’t keep you here. Actually, you know what? After all the confusion and damage you caused, I’m not sorry. I’m very happy you’re leaving to be honest.” Rian snapped at me.

“Look at you! You’re broken. God. And to think you could’ve stayed with us!” Alex said in disgust. Then it was Zack’s turn. He just tutted at me. Next was Matt.

“You do realise we all laugh at your medical form, right? It’s hilarious. It’s like a short joke book or something.” He laughed.

“You’re so useless for crying out loud! After you worked with me I had to beg the guys to make sure that wasn’t the case again.” Vinny said. I then turned to Jack. It was a very weird set up. The guys all came up to me one at a time, but Jack was different. He was behind me. When I turned to face him, he looked upset.

“I love you. Or at least I thought I did. The whole thing with Rian never bothered me. But how could you not tell me about that?” He asked, pointing at my wound. I was bleeding more than ever. In fact, more blood was coming out of me than I thought was possible. Soon enough we were drowning in my blood. When I couldn’t breathe anymore I suddenly woke up gasping for breath.

“She’s awake...” A doctor said before mumbling something to everyone in the room. I didn’t quite hear it, but it was something along the lines of what the time was.

“What happened?” I asked. A nurse turned to face me.

“You collapsed in the middle of the street. Luckily somebody found you and called the ambulance. You gave us all quite a scare there. It was pretty touch and go for a second.” She said, patting my hand. Then I remembered everything about why I left in the first place.

“Is anyone here for me?” I asked. Hoping and praying that maybe Rian was here.

“Yeah, a whole group of boys and a couple of women too. You’re under strict bed rest though.” She answered. I smiled a little. I’m so glad that they’re here. Then I realised what must’ve happened. Kathi must’ve said something to the press.

“Can I see one of them?” I begged. She looked at the other nurses and the doctor who just shrugged then left the room.

“Which one?” She asked.

“Can you ask for Rian Dawson?” I asked. She nodded her head and left the room. It only seemed like seconds before he came bursting through the door.

“Raz! Thank god you’re okay!” He exclaimed with tears in his eyes. He gave me a quick hug, then handed me a teddy bear. It was a really cute one too. It was made of patches purposefully and it was holding a heart saying ‘Get Well Soon!’

“Thank you.” I said, giving it a squeeze.

“Listen, I want to say how sorry I am. I shouldn’t have let you seen those stupid people, and I certainly shouldn’t have let you be alone in a room with them. Did they hurt you? The doctors said you had quite a fresh scar.” He asked. I smiled weakly at him and shook my head.

“No. But, did they go to the press about me?” I asked. He shook his head.

“No. We talked some sense into them. Well, Zack did. For a quiet man he certainly does a lot of talking when need be.” He answered.

“Really? What did he say?” I asked with a big smile on my face.

“I don’t know. I wasn’t in the room. So, what’s the scar from?” He asked. I then frowned again.

“Um...” I began. I was about to tell him. I honestly was. But then the nurse said visiting hours were over. So he’d come back in the morning. I supposed I’d tell him then.