Little White Lies

Eli couldn’t remember the last time he and Jack had had a decent conversation. He couldn’t remember the last time they had done anything else than fuck each other’s brains out. But there he was again, the bedsheets tangled in between his legs with his black hair stuck to his sweaty forehead. Jack was sitting on the edge of the bed, inhaling slowly from the lit cigarette between his fingers. He only ever smoked after sex, at least from what Eli knew. They weren’t around each other often enough for Eli to know any different.

It wasn’t yet morning outside. The sky was still a dull gray color, but it wouldn’t be long before the sun started to creep out from behind the clouds. There was something about this time that always made Eli optimistic, depressed, and it always, always made him think too much.

“So, what’s she like?” he finally murmured.

Jack heaved a great sigh and dropped his head into his hands.

“You don’t want to know that.”

“No, really. I want to know, Jack. What’s she like?”

There was a moment of silence when Jack didn’t say anything and Eli heard the first chirping of birds outside. Jack stubbed out his cigarette on the ash tray sitting on Eli’s night table, the one that he kept there only for Jack.

“I don’t know. She’s fine, I guess. Nothing like you. ”

Eli made some small, noncommittal noise and burrowed farther into his tangled sheets. Jack was lying of course and Eli knew that. But the red-headed man sitting next to him was always trying to protect his heart with pretty promises and little white lies. He didn’t want to say anything else, but he couldn’t help it.

“Do you love her?”

Jack groaned loudly before turning around to glance back at him.

“Shit, ‘Lijah. Why’d you have to go and ask me that? Huh? Why would you ruin this?”

He had no response for Jack. He didn’t know why he kept hurting himself like this. He had no answers for why every dawn he prayed and prayed that Jack wouldn’t leave him to go back to her.

“I think I should go.”

“No, wait.”

Eli’s hand flew out from under the covers and grabbed Jack’s wrist to stop him from getting up.

“Please, I’m sorry. Just, stay. Don’t go. Don’t leave me yet,” Eli whispered.

He didn’t know what it was but he couldn’t handle it. He couldn’t handle watching Jack leave one more time after all the wild things they did together. He couldn’t handle sleeping alone one more time in the bed in which they did those things. He couldn’t handle the tears that were about to fall from his crystalline blue eyes and all he could think was just one more time, stay with me one more time.

“Okay. I’ll stay with you,” Jack finally relented. “But only until you fall asleep.”

He climbed back into the bed and pulled Eli into his arms. The black-haired boy curled into him, laid
his head on Jack’s chest and pressed a little kiss against his neck.

“J, you know I love you right?”

“Of course, ‘Lijah. I love you too. I always have and I always will. Now go to sleep.”

Eli got one last look of the sun just as it started to peek behind the clouds, closed his eyes, and tried to believe in those little white lies.