One Sweet Day

“There is so much I wanted to say to you. I just don’t understand. We JUST talked when you told me to meet you in Winnipeg tomorrow like we agreed. I know you’re up there with Luc playing hockey and looking down on us.” I said to him, in tears.

“He came by before he left for Winnipeg supposedly. There was nothing you, me or anyone could have done. Em, he wanted me to check up on you. Rypper isn’t suffering anymore. He asked me to give you this.” Kevin Bieksa sat beside me and handed me a envelope with his handwriting on it.

"My Dearest Emmy,
I love you more than anything in this world. I don’t want you blaming yourself for what I’ve done. This is no way your fault. There were things I was battling inside that I couldn’t face. I know you were always there for me, and I appreciate that. I cherish every moment we have had together. I know it’ll take some time, and yes it may be selfish of me to ask this of you, but you must move on. I want you to be happy, and to have the life you wanted with me. I’ve wanted to give you more than I ever could with the life I was leading, playing pro hockey and being gone all of the time. I didn’t want to do that to you or our future kids. I have written letters for specific dates, of which Kevin will give to you when the time is right. Please know that I’ll be watching over you. I love you Always Emerson.

Love Always,
Rick”

I was shaking after I read this. “How can I not think this is my fault? No matter what I’m the bad guy. I am miserable without him, if I show it then they will say it’s my fault, and if I am happy he isn’t suffering then they will say I don’t care.” I cried on Kevin’s shoulder.

“Em it isn’t your fault and you’re not the bad guy. Before he passed, he said some things that didn’t make sense. He used to call me at 3 AM, wanting to talk.”

I knew I had to get ready for his funeral. Believe me, it was the last thing I wanted to do. It was like he was guiding me to get ready, and I knew what I had to do. Of course I made sure it was okay with his family first.

“As many of you know I’m Emerson Rypien, Rick’s wife. This came to a shock for all of us, and I wasn’t prepared to speak at his funeral. It’s been a crazy few days as you can imagine. I can’t put into words how much I loved Rick and what the right words are to do him justice. I was working on this speech this morning and it was like a lightbulb went off. It was like he was guiding me, telling me he wanted me to do this today. I choreographed this also this morning, but the song it perfect.” I was tearing up already. I turned on “One Sweet Day” by Boyz II Men featuring Mariah Carey.

Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say
Now it's too late to hold you
'Cause you've flown away
So far away
Never had I imagined
Living without your smile
Feeling and knowing you hear me
It keeps me alive
Alive

And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

Darling I never showed you
Assumed you'd always be there
I, I took your presence for granted
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared

And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

Although the sun will never shine the same
I'll always look to a brighter day
Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen as I pray

And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day
Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say

“Heaven gained another angel today. Rick is smiling down on us and guiding us from here on out. He may be gone but he is still with us. I know we will see Rick again, whether it’s through little things in our lives or in heaven. He wants us to remember the good times we had with him, and not dwell on what was or what could have been.”

After the funeral, I knew I couldn’t sulk, so I went to the Bieksa’s for a while.

“We should start a program. I don’t want anyone passing away because they felt they had no one to talk to. I know Rick didn’t think he could come to me or you for fear of us hating him. I would never hate him, or leave him.”

“I know Em. I think that’s a great idea. We could spread awareness around the community. He would like that.”

"We could follow through with what Rick wanted to do. Make it happen. He didn't want younger kids feeling like he did. Kevin I need your help with it. I wouldn't even know where to start."

One thing that Rick was adamant about was that he wanted a program that helped kids with anxiety, depression, etc; a place where they could talk to an adult who wouldn't judge them and who could help them. I knew that this was what Rick wanted me to do, weather then sulk for months. He would want me helping others and spreading the word that mental health is real, and not just in professional athletes. I couldn't wait to make Mindcheck, my late husband's vision come true with the help of his best friend.