Braves

“Get out of my face.” Gwen said in a dangerously calm voice. Her eyes deadpan, her face grim; Every night goes the same way. She should have known better than to ever think it was going to change. She wrinkled her nose in disgust; she could practically taste the beer on him. Why did he have to drink? Gwen thought in dismay, Why can’t he just be a Father?

Her father looked at her coldly, and that was what killed her the most, the looks of hatred he shot her way. “I don’t know how I ended up with a thing like you as a daughter!” He said with all the hatred in those cold dark eyes. He advanced on her his eyes boring into her as though he wished he could set her ablaze.

Gwen’s breath caught in her throat but instead of crying like she wanted to she just narrowed her eyes at him and repeated, “I said, ‘get out of my face’.” She took a calming breath, desperate to keep from letting her tears fall. Next thing she knew he had her pinned against the wall and all she could think was, This is gonna hurt. As she realized he was going to hit her again, something started snapping inside of her, her thoughts started rushing so quickly her mind seemed almost silent.

“What are you gonna do?” She spoke quietly glaring at him in disgust even drawing her lips up in a vicious snarl. “Hit me? Go ahead hit your daughter as if I’d care. You’ll probably miss you worthless, miserable, spineless, shit ass, DRUNK!!!” Her voice reaching a deafening pitch, she leaned forward daring him with her eyes. After a few agonizing seconds where she was actually starting to hope he would hit her, to give her the excuse she needed to let loose; her father took a step back. He looked at her one last time before turning away with a look that always turned all the blame to her. She let out a shaky breath, Am I insane? Why would I want him to hit me?

Then her father paused, his back to her. She looked at him curiously, did he hear her? She tensed her body preparing for the worst and as she suspected, he let out a curse and rushed back throwing her against her door. Gwen snarled up at him in defiance as he raised his fist and brought it down with a resounding crunch. Gwen gasped and fell to the floor holding her face in her hands. She braced herself and took a slow breath as she lifted her head to glare at him. A moment later she found herself soaring towards him knocking him to the floor.

She howled and screamed, bringing her fisted hands down to his face, neck and chest until her arms were starting to get tired and she feared that she might kill him. She stood up trembling with unspent rage, she looked down at her father and saw him bleeding and crying; she could only feel contempt. Her body screamed at her to finish him, to end the threat to her life. She smiled slightly as she toyed with the idea before her body froze and her mind went still, Kill him? What the actual fuck is wrong with me tonight. Gwen gave her father a terrified glance before she ran to the bathroom, locked it and threw the drawers open to block the door more effectively. Whether she was protecting herself or him, she wasn’t quite sure.

She heard him get up and head outside, her mind raced through what just happened. She looked in the mirror and tried to understand how she could want to kill her father so badly. Sure, he was a fucking asshole, a drunk that never showed her any kindness, and that never failed to go out of his way to prove how much he despised her; but to kill him? She leaned into the mirror and looked into her eyes. Could she see her soul? Would she see the black stain left by the desire to kill? She only saw despair and rage in her eyes, how they always looked to her.

She sighed and took stock to the damage done to her face, she could already see the bruising beginning to form around her eyes and nose. She noted some blood flowing from her left nostril and she wouldn’t be surprised to find out that her nose had been broken. She looked in the mirror and felt an empty shadow cross her heart. Her eyes widened in shock and fear as her mind took note of the hatred her father held for her. Suddenly, something broke inside of her and her chest exploded with all the withdrawn anger and hurt that monster had caused.

Gwen shut her eyes against the sudden burst of pain, her body clenched, she felt the air leave her body, and she slowly sank to her knees. She wrapped her arms around her body as she tried to keep herself in one piece. She brought then to her head as all the quietness suddenly left and she was attacked by all the arguments, slammed doors, and fists hitting flesh and walls. The terror in her mind was overwhelming as she watched it happen all over again in her mind. Once it was over her mind quieted and one thought stood out, echoing alone in her mind It’s never going to end; he is never going to change towards me.

Her fearful gaze shot up to the mirror as her eyes pierced through her soul, I can’t do this again. She ran into the kitchen grabbing her water bottle from the fridge. She ran from the kitchen to her room and locking the door; she pressed her back against the solid surface while she tried to catch her breath. She steadied herself and grabbed the pills she had been saving up; a bubble of nervous laughter escaped her lips. Free, was the desperate thought that floated past her senses as she opened the bottle. Slowly with a strange calmness Gwen started to swallow pill after pill, running out of water after only 36. She considered the pills left in the bottle and tilted her head in a detached way as she thought, What a waste.

Gwen walked slowly to her bed marveling at how her muscles could still obey her after her betrayal. Too shocked to truly think, she just stared at her room recognizing this would be the last time; taking in the broken water fountain by her bed, the stuffed bear she still slept with even at 17 years old, and the dust that had collected over her bookshelves. She spent her time merely observing her surroundings as the truth dawned on her. Guilt ridden pain flashed through her as her mind drifted toward wondering who would find her and what they would think. True despair crushed her heart as she realized she would never grow up, never have children, and never be free. Regret and reluctance followed her as she passed out on her bed.