Like I Would

It was like somebody had put a clip on replay in my head all night. I laid there, staring at the ceiling and tossing and turning while the rest of the Staal house was quiet. Marc had admitted he still felt the same way he had when he asked me to go to New York with him. It was something I’d dreamed of hearing for almost as long as we’d been friends, and yet it scared me in a way I’d never experienced. It made my throat constrict, my stomach clench, and I didn’t know what to do about it.

I couldn’t be the reason that he and Angie broke up. It would kill me, and that would follow me for the rest of my life. I’d always tried to do what was right, and this definitely did not fall into that category. Giving Marc advice as a friend was one thing, but giving him that advice when he had feelings for me was a whole other thing. It was basically sabotaging his engagement to Angie, and as much as I couldn’t stand the girl I couldn’t do that to anyone.

By the time there was movement upstairs I realized I’d only got about two hours worth of sleep. My mind was still running in overdrive, and I knew it was absolutely futile to even keep trying. Instead I re-dressed in the clothes Jordan had lent me yesterday, and made my way upstairs.

That didn’t help – I heard Marc talking quietly on the phone, and immediately knew he was speaking with Angie. I wanted to retreat down the stairs; I knew Linda wouldn’t let anyone come and ‘bother’ me because she knew I would be exhausted, but I couldn’t just hide away after everything they’d done for me either. So instead I slunk past Marc in the porch, only giving him a quick nod before continuing on through the kitchen to the living room. Henry and Linda were nowhere to be found – which meant they were likely out at the sod farm – and instead Jordan had stretched across the couch and had the retro channel on with cartoons from when we were kids. Immediately his cheeks turned pink at being caught watching cartoons, before he lifted his feet up to make rom for me.

“Did you get any sleep last night?” he quietly asked. I shook my head, only pretending to pay attention to the television, as badly as I wanted to become lost in it.

“Sorry Carly, wish I could have helped,” he mumbled, sounding nearly as miserable over such a simple fact as I was over this whole mess.

“It’s all right Jordan, don’t worry too much about it, okay?” I asked. He nodded, letting out a long sigh as he did so. He’d rather let you know how he felt with sounds or his movements and expression rather than words.

We sat for a few more minutes, before Jordan realized I was in the clothes I’d borrowed from him last night.

“Oh, uh, did you want to shower or change or anything?”

I didn’t know how to ask, but as much as I loved being around them, I almost wanted the solitude of my father’s house for a bit.

“Um, if it’s not a huge bother…”

Immediately recognition lit up his blue eyes, and with a sad sort of smile he nodded. Jordan was really good at reading people, even if sometimes his attention span didn’t stretch far enough for him to put what he saw and read into use. He’d always been amazing at figuring out what was really going on with people. “Of course. Come on, my keys are by the door.”

“Thanks Jordan, I just need a little time to myself is all. I’ll probably be back later if it’s okay,” I sheepishly admitted. Jordan nodded eagerly, a hand gently guiding me from the middle of my back out the door and to his truck. I made my way around to the passenger side while he stepped into the front seat, no running boards necessary at his six foot four height. He looked effortless, I knew without even having to look. Jordan hadn’t really had an awkward teenage phase; he’d had about six months of getting his limbs in order and he’d always been almost graceful after that. It was strange, but no other words could describe the fluid way he always seemed to move.

“And I’ll wash these for you – thanks again for letting me borrow them Jordan,” I mumbled, my dress and shoes from yesterday in hand as I easily slid into the passenger seat of his truck, lacking the grace that he’d had even though I was more than tall enough to get in without difficulty. Jordan just chuckled, before raising an eyebrow at me and returning his gaze to the stretch of gravel behind the vehicle as he backed up.

“Don’t worry about it – you’re lucky they were clean when I lent them to you,” he teased, and I let out a groan and shook my head as he laughed at me, blue eyes sparkling. He always did like to tease the hell out of me.

“Seriously though – it’s not like I’ll die without them, or that mom wouldn’t wash them for me,” his grin turned sheepish for a second as he maneuvered around his mother’s SUV, before putting the vehicle into gear and turning to look at me.

“Besides, they look better on you,” he raised his eyebrows and then started to laugh, letting me know he was teasing once again.

“You’re a big goof, you know that right?”

“So I’ve been told, but I got you laughing, that has to count for something right?” he asked, and I shrugged before chancing one more glance back at the house where I knew Marc was speaking with Angie.

“But yeah, I’ll come back this afternoon to see everyone and return your stuff, as long as it’s still alright,”

“Duh – mom’ll probably be upset you aren’t here when she gets back, of course she’s gonna want you back,” he rolled his eyes, before waiting for me to get all buckled in and then leaving the Staal’s yard.