Under the Tall Waves

If there’s one thing Kellin knows for sure, it’s that he should not be feeling this. He should not be sad that there is a young man on the dock debating on whether or not to kill himself.

This should be exhilarating, his heart pounding with excitement instead of fear. That’s usually how he feels whenever humans are swimming in the water. That’s the moment when he attacks, his hands dragging his victims down to the bottom of the sea and holding them there until their chests have collapsed and their last breaths have long escaped their fragile lungs. He usually revels in the feeling of their bodies growing colder with every second, enjoying this brief moment of power. He lives for that feeling.

This time, though, something is different. Perhaps it’s the fact that Kellin knows that this guy is about to try to drown himself. He can see the unsteadiness of the young man’s feet that hints at drugs or alcohol coming into play, leading to impulsive decisions. Kellin can also see it in the expression on the person’s face: uncertain, desperate, scared and compelled at the same time. It takes away some of the excitement, knowing that if Kellin drowns this guy, he’ll just be giving him what he wants. There won’t be any struggle or fight, and Kellin loves the fight, because he knows he’ll win.

It might also be the fact that Kellin has seen this guy before while swimming closer to the shore. He’s seen this human’s smile, overheard conversations, bits and pieces of a family and a life. It’s an almost scary thought. When Kellin is killing someone, he doesn’t think about their family or who will mourn over them. He doesn’t think about what sort of life they’ll be leaving behind. He can’t allow himself to see them as anything other than animals. He sees them the way that humans see the deer they hunt for fun. It’s the only way he can keep himself sane.

Part of him wishes that his morals were sound, that he had a reasonable explanation for killing the swimmers of the ocean, but that is not the case. It’s just what merpeople do. Long ago it was for survival, and part of that reasoning has stuck with them today, but they’re not hunted the way that they were fifty years ago. Still, they all learn how to kill a human from a young age, but now it’s less for survival and more for leisure. It’s second nature at this point. Kellin usually doesn’t question why.

Usually.

Now, though, he’s starting to think about it while he observes the guy on the dock, which sits on the beach and stretches far out into the ocean. It’s the middle of the night, and the world is dark and windy and cold, and the waves are crashing against Kellin’s slick form as he pops his head up above the surface to watch from far away. When the young man takes a step forward, now only inches from the edge of the dock, Kellin has to hold himself back with every muscle in his body. He’s not sure if his plan involves killing or saving, but if this guy ends up jumping into the rough ocean water, Kellin will definitely be doing something.

It’s so casual, the way the guy does it. He doesn’t dive or leap or get a running start or anything; he just steps forward, as if he were simply walking down the street, and lets himself disappear into the water with a quiet splash that’s only slightly louder than the sound of the waves crashing against the shore. It’s not dramatic by any means, but it’s enough to set Kellin off, and in a flash, he’s back under the water, propelling himself toward the human, the waves pushing him forward instead of holding him back. The water is murky and dark, but he’s a merman. He’s built for this. It doesn’t hinder him in the slightest.

His heart is beating fast in his chest as he catches a glimpse of the human, and a split second later, he’s snatching the guy by the wrists. Kellin’s body moves faster than his mind, and while he knows that this is the part where he’s supposed to drown this person, he instead finds himself pulling the human back up to the surface.

The guy coughs and gasps, and Kellin holds his body up, speaking quickly: “Are you okay? Can you breathe?” For all he knows, this person could’ve been sucking in water, trying to fill his lungs as quickly as possible.

The human makes some sort of horrible retching sounds, though nothing comes out of his mouth other than water, and he squeezes his eyes shut, wincing and instinctively leaning against Kellin’s body. His breath is shallow, but it’s there. “Yeah,” he replies. “Unfortunately.”

Slowly, Kellin pulls the guy closer to the dock and lets him latch onto one of its legs (for lack of a better term), anchoring himself in the shallower water. Kellin stays a bit to the side while still being quite close, treading water with ease.

“What’s your name?” he asks, trying to be casual, as if he is not a merman who just saved a random human’s life.

“V-Vic,” the guy responds, his teeth chattering slightly—the water is pretty cold for a human, especially since it’s a windy night in mid-September. “Who’re you?”

“Call me Kellin,” Kellin says, staring long and hard at this human who probably would’ve been dead by morning if he hadn’t been here. He can’t believe he just saved this guy, and he’s not sure what to do now.

“Kellin,” Vic repeats, nodding slowly, his gaze unfocused and lazy. “Okay. So, Kellin, why the fuck did you just save my life?”

The thing is, Kellin’s been asking himself the same thing. He’s just as clueless as Vic is. He never expected to be put in this position. He never expected to have any sort of urge to save a human, let alone act on it. This is completely new territory for him.

“I didn’t want you to die,” he says finally, and it’s not even a lie. “I just—consider this a sign from God or whatever. I don’t know. I didn’t want you to do that to yourself. So this is me giving you a second chance.”

“A second chance?” Vic says, a weird sort of grin crossing his lips, and, yeah, he’s definitely got some sort of humanly substance in him (and a lot of it). “So, what? Are you my guardian angel or something?”

Kellin thinks about the fact that the lower half of his body is that of a fish’s, and he smiles to himself, shaking his head. “Not exactly. But, I mean, I’m not really human, either.” With that, he switches his position in the water so that he’s lying on his back, flapping his tail. He figures it’s safe to mention being a merman, considering that this guy will probably just forget it all in the morning.

Vic just stares at him. “Holy shit,” he breathes. “I am fucking smashed.”

“Yes, you are,” Kellin agrees. “And you’re probably going to forget all of this, but if you remember anything about this night, anything at all, I want you to remember that I told you to keep living. Which might not mean much, but I’m saying it anyway.” These are words that he never imagined coming out of his mouth, but he doesn’t really regret them. He doesn’t want to see this human dead anytime soon. He feels like there’s potential somewhere inside of Vic. Potential for what, he isn’t quite sure. But it’s potential. It’s a light.

“You should be getting back home now,” Kellin adds, glancing up at the shore. Vic just nods again, too tired and intoxicated to argue.

—

When Vic wakes up the next morning, it’s to a severe hangover and fleeting memories of the night before. He can just barely solve the mystery of why he’s woken up naked (the clothes he was wearing yesterday are damp and in the hamper; he must’ve taken them off before he went to bed, though he can’t figure out why they’re damp). It’s going to be be a hell of an adventure trying to piece together what happened last night.

The memories come back to him gradually while he’s treating his hangover—memories of getting heavily drunk at a bar, followed by memories of the ocean. He can vaguely remember where he was, but he can’t remember any of his thoughts.

By late morning, Vic drags himself out of the house to go for a walk down the beach like he usually does, one of the advantages of living so close to it. He figures that maybe it’ll clear his head and even bring back some more memories that are currently buried somewhere in the haze of his mind.

Sure enough, they start to come back when he walks down the less crowded area of the beach, the waves lapping at his feet, and now he kind of wishes that he was still ignorant. Now he can remember getting the news that his younger brother is dead, and he can remember that in that moment, he wanted to be dead, too. He can remember drowning his sorrows in alcohol at a bar, and he can remember when he stood on the edge of the same dock that he’s walking toward and considered actually drowning himself. These are all brief flashes of memory, but they’re enough.

And then…well, he can remember something else after that. He can faintly recall the feeling of the cold water surrounding him, followed by the feeling of cold hands pulling him back up to the surface. He can recall a soft, unfamiliar voice, telling him to keep living. The name “Kellin” sticks out in his mind.

That’s when it gets a little strange, mostly because he can very briefly remember this Kellin person having a tail, like some sort of merman. He knew that alcohol could cause hallucinations sometimes, but he never expected it to happen to him. That’s the only explanation, though, unless some of these memories are actually memories from a dream and he’s just mixing them up with reality. He’s not quite sure, and it’s fucking with his mind. He can definitely remember a merman-type-thing named Kellin from somewhere, though.

At this point, Vic decides to give up on his memory analysis for now, letting his mind drift (and intentionally trying to distract himself from thoughts of his brother). It works for the most part until he gets closer to the dock, because that’s when he hears a splash in the water.

This normally wouldn’t catch his attention—people play in the ocean all the time—but he can sense something in the water, especially in this area where there aren’t as many people swimming. When he turns to look out into the ocean, he doesn’t see anything at first, but then someone’s head pops up out of the water. The person is fairly far away from where he’s standing, but Vic already knows that this is the Kellin guy from last night, and his heart stops momentarily at the sight.

For a split second, the two make eye contact, memories of the night before passing between the two of them. Then Kellin dives back down underneath the surface, and maybe it’s just an effect of the hangover, but Vic swears that he sees the flash of a fish’s tail before Kellin disappears into the water.