Tripping Eyes and Flooded Lungs
1/1
Dear John,
It is, admittedly, difficult not seeing you anymore. How long has it been since we spoke face to face?
It's been two years since I last saw you. At least, I think it's been two years. I don't really know much about what's going on around me anymore; I try to block it out. It's too painful to think about everything I've seen here in Afghanistan.
Two goddamned years have passed, yet I still see your face everywhere I go. I can't wait to see it again in person, baby. Just another week and I'll be home. We can do everything I promised we would before. I heard that the Supreme Court just passed gay marriage. I think I'd like to marry you. That's for another day, though. I feel like I've missed out on so much, being gone so long. I wish I were with you.
I miss you every day. I love you so much.
Love,
Alex
Dear John,
I was so upset when I got home. I got off of the plane and went straight to our apartment, but it was pretty clear when I got there that it's just your apartment now. Well, yours and his. I saw you through the little window in the door.
Remember when you promised that I was the only one who would ever get to see you naked?
I guess you don't, but it's okay. I promise I won't hold it against you, baby. Can I even call you that anymore? I probably can't, but it doesn't matter. You'll never see this anyway. I kept wondering why I never got any letters back from you. I just thought you were busy. I guess you were, but in a different sense. I'm crying now like I haven't in months, so I won't be able to continue this.
God, where did I go wrong, John? All I ever did was love you.
I love you so much. I'm here if you want me. I'll always be here.
Love,
Alex
Dear John,
Today, I had to watch you marry him.
When you invited me, I couldn't help but wonder how the hell you could be so cruel. We were so in love before I left.
The ceremony was nice enough. Your vows were sweet, but I wished they were for me. I wished the whole wedding was for me and you. I left ten minutes or so into the reception. I couldn't stand watching you dance with him. I couldn't stand thinking of you as John Barakat. Sorry.
I came here, to Rian's house, but he's not here. I think he's on a date with Cass.
I love you so much, John. I miss you.
Love,
Alex
Dear John,
I can't do this anymore. It's been months, but I still can't get you off of my mind. You're the only person I've ever been truly crazy about. Rian keeps telling me that I should get over you. I'm sure he's right; he always is, but how can I get over you when I never got any closure? You just pretended that we never even happened in the first place.
That's all I want. I just want you to apologize, then maybe I can get over you. On second thought, maybe not. I'm too in love with you. Now that I've got that figured out, and now that I realize that you're never going to apologize, I'm gonna try to move on. I'll try to listen to Rian. Maybe it'll fix everything.
Love,
Alex
Dear John,
This isn't the way that Rian wanted me to move on, but I don't know what else to do anymore. Everything feels broken; it's like nothing is real, if that even makes sense. Who even cares anymore? I miss you, baby.
Love,
Alex
Desr Jhn,
Jphn i miss uyo. Fukc! i jst swallowd s botle of zanax nd eberuthing is fyzzy. I dnt thumk i'm msking sense btu I misd uyo i miss ouy so mucj do uyo evre miss me? i frel sleepy si I'm gnna go tp bed i dont thin im gpnna wakr up i love you
Lpve,
Akex
It is, admittedly, difficult not seeing you anymore. How long has it been since we spoke face to face?
It's been two years since I last saw you. At least, I think it's been two years. I don't really know much about what's going on around me anymore; I try to block it out. It's too painful to think about everything I've seen here in Afghanistan.
Two goddamned years have passed, yet I still see your face everywhere I go. I can't wait to see it again in person, baby. Just another week and I'll be home. We can do everything I promised we would before. I heard that the Supreme Court just passed gay marriage. I think I'd like to marry you. That's for another day, though. I feel like I've missed out on so much, being gone so long. I wish I were with you.
I miss you every day. I love you so much.
Love,
Alex
Dear John,
I was so upset when I got home. I got off of the plane and went straight to our apartment, but it was pretty clear when I got there that it's just your apartment now. Well, yours and his. I saw you through the little window in the door.
Remember when you promised that I was the only one who would ever get to see you naked?
I guess you don't, but it's okay. I promise I won't hold it against you, baby. Can I even call you that anymore? I probably can't, but it doesn't matter. You'll never see this anyway. I kept wondering why I never got any letters back from you. I just thought you were busy. I guess you were, but in a different sense. I'm crying now like I haven't in months, so I won't be able to continue this.
God, where did I go wrong, John? All I ever did was love you.
I love you so much. I'm here if you want me. I'll always be here.
Love,
Alex
Dear John,
Today, I had to watch you marry him.
When you invited me, I couldn't help but wonder how the hell you could be so cruel. We were so in love before I left.
The ceremony was nice enough. Your vows were sweet, but I wished they were for me. I wished the whole wedding was for me and you. I left ten minutes or so into the reception. I couldn't stand watching you dance with him. I couldn't stand thinking of you as John Barakat. Sorry.
I came here, to Rian's house, but he's not here. I think he's on a date with Cass.
I love you so much, John. I miss you.
Love,
Alex
Dear John,
I can't do this anymore. It's been months, but I still can't get you off of my mind. You're the only person I've ever been truly crazy about. Rian keeps telling me that I should get over you. I'm sure he's right; he always is, but how can I get over you when I never got any closure? You just pretended that we never even happened in the first place.
That's all I want. I just want you to apologize, then maybe I can get over you. On second thought, maybe not. I'm too in love with you. Now that I've got that figured out, and now that I realize that you're never going to apologize, I'm gonna try to move on. I'll try to listen to Rian. Maybe it'll fix everything.
Love,
Alex
Dear John,
This isn't the way that Rian wanted me to move on, but I don't know what else to do anymore. Everything feels broken; it's like nothing is real, if that even makes sense. Who even cares anymore? I miss you, baby.
Love,
Alex
Desr Jhn,
Jphn i miss uyo. Fukc! i jst swallowd s botle of zanax nd eberuthing is fyzzy. I dnt thumk i'm msking sense btu I misd uyo i miss ouy so mucj do uyo evre miss me? i frel sleepy si I'm gnna go tp bed i dont thin im gpnna wakr up i love you
Lpve,
Akex