Manipulation.

I walked away. I had gotten into this whole thing running away, and I was planning to do it again. At least I came to an understanding of myself. I didn’t want to go back to New York. I still needed a break from the noise, but I couldn’t let myself sit in silence like I had when I tried to avoid him. I had to make a decision that was right for me, and what scared me was that I think I knew what that was.

It was pretty easy logistically, considering that I had already given notice at work and left a few months’ worth of rent with my landlord. At the same time, it wasn’t easy at all. It was the hardest thing that I’d ever done.

I stopped at the diner on my way out of town. Ray was there, and I sat and ate with him. I knew that he knew, but it didn’t change anything. There wasn’t anything to say, and he knew that. He knew that nothing was going to change my mind.

“So you’re leaving, then, Charlie?”

I nodded. “Do me a favor and come visit some day, alright?”

And he didn’t say it, but it told me that he cared. There was someone who knew, and understood, and cared, and it didn’t have to be Chris.

“I’ll try, Ray. And thanks, for, well, all of it.” And I meant it. I wanted to run away, and I was going to, but it didn’t mean that I couldn’t come back some day when it didn’t hurt so much. Because I felt everything - I knew pain. I knew the pain of the entire world, and I knew that it faded with time.