Status: fin.
Manipulation.
Let's Try and Act Like this Didn't Happen
I wasn’t in love with Chris, and I knew that. It didn’t change that I desperately wanted to spend the time that I would spend with people with the one person who it didn’t drive me crazy to be around. All of my emotions were ramped up, and that wouldn’t mean anything good.
For the past few weeks, we had just been spending as much time as possible together, when neither one of us were working. So I didn’t think twice when I knocked on his apartment door, knowing that he wasn’t busy and expecting that he would be happy to see me. I regretted that the second the door opened and one of the largest floods of tension that I had ever felt washed over us immediately - all three of us.
I couldn’t explain why finding out that he had a girlfriend bothered me so much. Rather, I didn’t want to recognize the explanation I already had. I searched his eyes for a hint that he felt the same way that I did, but I stopped looking before I could find anything. I didn’t want to give myself too much hope. For that moment, I kind of wanted to be able to manipulate him.
Chris closed the door behind him when he came out into the hall, an apologetic smile on his face. “Hey, Charlie, I’m sorry. I should’ve texted you or something…”
“No, I shouldn’t have shown up unannounced. Uh, I’ll see you around, okay?”
I didn’t wait for a response as I fled his apartment building, and he didn’t call after me. I didn’t expect him to, but I think it hurt anyway. I had come to terms with so many things, but I didn’t see a solution to this one.
At the same time, I couldn’t run. I had obligations here in Bloomsburg, like my job, that I couldn’t just abandon. I could plan to run, but I had never been particularly good with making plans. They tended to fall through, and I liked to pretend that I could prevent overwhelming disappointment in my life.
I had just finished talking to my manager when my phone buzzed with a message from Chris. I didn’t even bother to read it - I just went to where I knew he’d be, and prepared myself to fall on my face again.
For the past few weeks, we had just been spending as much time as possible together, when neither one of us were working. So I didn’t think twice when I knocked on his apartment door, knowing that he wasn’t busy and expecting that he would be happy to see me. I regretted that the second the door opened and one of the largest floods of tension that I had ever felt washed over us immediately - all three of us.
I couldn’t explain why finding out that he had a girlfriend bothered me so much. Rather, I didn’t want to recognize the explanation I already had. I searched his eyes for a hint that he felt the same way that I did, but I stopped looking before I could find anything. I didn’t want to give myself too much hope. For that moment, I kind of wanted to be able to manipulate him.
Chris closed the door behind him when he came out into the hall, an apologetic smile on his face. “Hey, Charlie, I’m sorry. I should’ve texted you or something…”
“No, I shouldn’t have shown up unannounced. Uh, I’ll see you around, okay?”
I didn’t wait for a response as I fled his apartment building, and he didn’t call after me. I didn’t expect him to, but I think it hurt anyway. I had come to terms with so many things, but I didn’t see a solution to this one.
At the same time, I couldn’t run. I had obligations here in Bloomsburg, like my job, that I couldn’t just abandon. I could plan to run, but I had never been particularly good with making plans. They tended to fall through, and I liked to pretend that I could prevent overwhelming disappointment in my life.
I had just finished talking to my manager when my phone buzzed with a message from Chris. I didn’t even bother to read it - I just went to where I knew he’d be, and prepared myself to fall on my face again.
♠ ♠ ♠
Eh? I don't even know anymore. Sorry this didn't turn out how it was supposed to.