Don't Look Down

“You don’t know that this wouldn’t work out.” Thomas states as we both stand outside of his family home; packing up a moving truck that’ll take him far away from here. To a school that he’s dreamed of going to; a school that wouldn’t even think about accepting me.

A weak smile appears on my lips as I begin to fiddle with the collar of his polo shirt; a nervous habit of mine, “Both of us know you’re going to find some amazing girl in Connecticut and you’ll forget about me.”

“I highly doubt that.” He assures me before quickly kissing me, “it’ll take a century for me to ever forget about you.” My arms wrap themselves around his neck; pushing his head down until our lips crash together. His arms go around my waist, deepening the kiss as he pulls me closer to him. We only part at the sound of his mother clearing her throat.

His mother briefly looks at me -with disgust- before looking at her son with a smile on her lips, “Thomas it’s time to go. Harvard is waiting. You’ll talk to Dinah on the phone later, I’m sure.”

Thomas looks at me as his mother walks over to the moving van; his father already is sitting in the driver seat, “Dinah, I love you. We’ll be together again, nothing can tear you away from me.” Tears form in my eyes prompting Thomas to quickly pull me into a hug. “I’m going to miss you so much.” His voice whispers in my ear before he pulls away. He gives me a quick and final kiss on the lips before walking to the moving van and gets in.

Marilyn, his mother, walks over to me. A proud smile appears on her lips; hidden behind it is victory. “Thomas moving out of here is what’s best for him, even someone like you can see that. He comes from a long line of Harvard graduates and he almost didn’t go because of you. I’m glad you brought him to his senses.”

“I love Thomas and I do want him to succeed.” I tell her, “even if I’m not by his side. I didn’t want him to regret not going down the line and resent me for it. I’m not the bitch you think I am, Marilyn. Thomas is going to be a great lawyer and he’s going to marry someone that deserves him.”

“You got that right and you’ll be a distant, foolish memory.” She sneers before walking into the house, closing the door behind her. A sigh escapes my lips as I walk towards my beat up Camero that’s parked behind Marilyn’s sleek Beemer. I pull out of the driveway and drive away from the nice homes and manicured lawns.

I drive through town, everyone seems to be going on with their lives. Summer’s end is looming in the air and kids are taking advantage of their last days of freedom. Usually the end of summer brings delight to me but this year, it brings dread. I’m no longer a high school student yet I’m not heading off to some far away college. I’m stuck in the small New Mexico town; the same town I was born in and my mother before me and her mother before her. That’s the curse of the Danvers. Being stuck.

I pull into the trailer park I call home and pull up to the double wide I can finally say is mine. My mother moved in with her latest boyfriend and I’m happy that I can get away from their constant bickering. The trailer is silent, maybe a little too silent.

I find myself walking over to the pictures I have on my bedroom wall. They vary from pictures with my friends to many pictures of me and Thomas. Homecomings, Proms, dates that always ended too soon. He was my escape and now he’s gone. Now I have to face the facts; I’m never going to amount to anything. I’m going to be stuck in this trailer spending my nights wallowing in cheap beer waiting for my life to mean something. I’m not smart enough for college or pretty enough to be an actress or a model. I’m as average as you can get.

I’m going to be stuck on the ground while Thomas is high up in a tower being the powerful lawyer I know he can become. He’s going to be king and he’s going to have a beautiful queen and princes and princesses running around him. And he’s going to forget about me.

This is something I’ve accepted long ago. Now I just have to face the facts; it’s really happening...