Stronger

Kellin sat cross-legged in the middle of his bed with his phone pressed against his ear. He’s palms were sweaty and heart was beating quickly. It was just a phone call. Why is this hard? It went to voicemail.

With a sigh, Kellin hung up and let himself fall backwards. He stared at his ceiling, thinking that some glow in the dark stars would be cool to add. Maybe he can change up his room. That’d be a good distraction from his current life crisis.

Getting with an undetermined sigh, Kellin left his room and walked downstairs, looking for his mom. He walked into the kitchen, stopping in his position. Well this was unexpected. And gross. Ew.

“Can you guys not do that in the kitchen? I eat in here sometimes.”

“Kellin!” his mom yelled in shock. “What are you doing home? I thought you were with Vic.”

“When did I make plans with Vic and when did I tell you I had plans with Vic?” Kellin asked as he opened the fridge, and pulling out a yogurt that came with crushed Oreos to add in.

“Um, anyways, is there something you need?” his father said.

“Yes. I need the car keys.”

“Why?”

“I want some glow in the dark stars for my room.” Kellin answered nonchalantly.

“You’re such a child.” He father whispered as he looked for the keys.

“Says you. Why were you peopling all kissy-kissy? have you guys finally, finally, grown a pair and talked about your obvious love?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“But that’s where you’re wrong Richard.” Kellin said, taking the keys from his father’s hand. “I am your child and I need to know these things because it affects me in the end.”

“Since when did you become deep?”

“Since I learned how to give proper head. Bye!” Kellin shouted as he ran out the house and into the car.

Once Kellin was in the store, he went to the kid’s toys, looking for what he needed in order to have the coolest room in the world probably. As he looked, his phone went off. Pulling it out, he saw an unknown number and being the idiot he is, he answered it.

“David’s sex shop, where out special for the day is rent two for the price of one, how may I help you?”

“You’re still an idiot you know that right?”

“Matty!” Kellin screeched. “Oh my god, how are you?”

“Fine, but we haven’t talked since … Jesse’s funeral.” He whispered.

“I know.” Kellin whispered back.

“You know his parents don’t blame you right?”

“Not even five minutes into the conversation and this is where it led to.” Kellin replied absentmindedly, as he continued to look for his stickers.

“Kellin, c’mon, you have to talk about it some time.”

“When I’m on my deathbed. Anyways, how’d you get my number?”

“Is that important?”

“Yes because I have like, ten people on my phone and all except one kn- she gave it to you, didn’t she?”

“Yup.” He could hear the smirk in his voice. Asshat.

“Ok, now that we found the culprit, what’s up? Why are you calling me?”

“Where are you at the mo’?”

“The store.”

“No need to be a smartass Kells, I meant where do you live because Norman the doorman said you moved and I want to see you because we haven’t talked in six years and because you’re still my friend.”

“Well, if you wanna see me, buy a plane ticket to San Diego.”

“What are you doing all the way there?”

“I apparently came to live here.”

“Well, you can tell me about it when I come over next week.”

“So soon?” Kellin groaned. “There’s a reason I stopped talking to you. Because you’re just too ugly to be around.” Matty laughed, missing Kellin’s smart remarks. “I’m serious!”

“Just for that, I’m not telling you when I get there.”

“How will you know where to find me? how will you be able to find? How wi- found them! How will we be able to hang out? you need to think before you speak Matthew.”

“Oh shut up. Anyways, I’ll be there on Friday so we can fuck shit up right off the bat.”

“Ok, what time are you supposed to land though?”

“Let me buy the ticket first and then I’ll tell you.”

Kellin hung up the phone. What is that mess? A few minutes later, he got a message from Matty, saying he would be there around four p.m., Western time. Kellin made a mental note about it and walked off to the check out. Once he was out of the store, he walked back to the car but bumped into someone on the way there.

“Oh shit, sorry.” Kellin said, helping the person pick up the things that fell.

“It’s fine.” The guy, really cute guy, replied. “I’m new here and I’m looking for a friend. Can you tell me where the Taco Bell is? They said it’s supposed to be around here but I can’t find it.”

“Yeah, just go around the corner, that way,” Kellin, said motioning down the road and pointing left. “The Taco Bell will be in front of you.”

“Ok, thank you.” Kellin smiled and continued to the car. Getting in, he turned up the radio and drove home.

When he got home, he saw a car in the driveway. It was a familiar car and nope. Kellin doesn’t want to deal with him at the moment. He was about to reverse but the door opened and there he stood. Kellin sighed. He was caught. He placed his forehead against the steering wheel and a few minutes later, he heard the passenger door open then close. Kellin pulled out, and began driving around.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

“I’m busy.”

“With?”

“Stuff.”

Vic sighed and scooted further down the seat. This was going to be harder than he originally though. Sometimes he wished Kellin would just act his age, but then he’d remember that he acted worse.

“You can’t avoid me forever.”

“I mean, obviously.” Kellin said with an eye roll.

“We’re gonna have to talk sometime.”

Kellin’s shoulders slumped forward a bit and he sighed. “There’s actually something I have to tell you and we shouldn’t’ve driven around.” He got a curious look from Vic as he parked in front of a park. “Please know that this isn’t easy for me and I tried telling you over the phone but you didn’t answer.”

“Why’d you wanna tell me over the phone?” Vic asked, interrupting.

“Because I don’t wanna see how you’d react.” Kellin said softly as he twisted his fingers.

“Is it bad?” Kellin nodded weakly. “Then get it over with.” Vic said with a sigh.

“We can’t … we shouldn’t no, we don’t belong together.” Kellin mumbled as he stared out the window. He saw a couple with a baby, laughing and smiling. Tears began collecting in the corner of his eyes. “That’s why I’ve been ignoring you for the past few days. You know what I want, and I know what you want and they don’t mix. I can see why you want a housewife because you’re getting older but I’m only twenty and I want to live my life.” Kellin wiped the tears that fell. “You’ll always be important to me Vic. I’ll always love you but I want some adventures right now. Not … not, get married and have kids or being a homemaker. That isn’t me.”

“So you expect me to wait for you when you feel ready?” Vic asked, his voice cracking because he was ready to cry. When he saw Kellin shake his head, the tears fell. “So what, you want me to forget everything and be happy with someone else?”

“No, but if that’s what it takes for you to get what you want then it’ll be ok.”

“Kellin all I want is you. You’ve been the only person I’ve ever felt something for other than anger or hate. You made me feel happiness and pain and everything in between.”

“Vic that’s not the point!” Kellin shouted.

“Then what is?” Vic said as calmly as he could with tears streaming down his face. “You say you love me but you hurt me.”

“The point is that we can’t be together. I don’t want kids, I don’t want to become a housewife, and I don’t want to be married. I will never want those things, not even with you. I’m trying not to hurt you but that’s all that seems to happen lately. I love you but I don’t think I love you enough to do those things.” Kellin turned to look at Vic for the first time since he got in the car and saw the tears falling down his face. It hurt him to do this, but it had to be done. “We should’ve never started messing around five years ago. It … it was a mistake. A mistake that I regret. I regret being with you Vic.”

“You don’t mean that. You love me. No.” Vic said as he stared at Kellin. He looked into his eyes and saw the pain and sadness in them. “Please tell me you don’t mean that Kellin.” When Kellin didn’t answer, Vic cried harder. “Then why’d you do it?” he shouted, watching the younger boy flinch back. “Why’d you fucking play me like this Kellin?”

“Because I was young Vic!” Kellin shouted back. “I used you and I feel bad for it ok? I don’t … don’t love you. I never have.” Vic stepped out the car, slamming the door after him. Kellin turned off the car then followed Vic. “Vic! Come back!”

“Why? So you can continue to break my heart?” When he saw Kellin coming closer, he shouted again, “Stop following me! You’re dead to me Kellin! You used me!” people nearby turned to look at the commotion but Vic didn’t care. “You were fucking sixteen for god sake!”

“Vic I’m sorry! I didn’t want it to be this way!”

“Then why lead me on? Why play with my feelings? I trusted you and you pull this shit on me? Don’t fucking call me, text me or look for me!” Vic turned around and walked to get his car from Kellin’s house.

Kellin stood there, hugging himself as he watched Vic walk away. He felt the eyes of bystanders on him but what did they matter. He slowly walked back to the car and sat in the driver seat, not bothering to turn on the car. He took out his phone and looked at the home screen. It was a picture of him and Vic the day before he left the hospital. His mom secretly took it with her phone while they cuddled on the hard hospital bed.

Vic was kissing the top of Kellin’s head and Kellin was blushing, biting his lower lip to keep from smiling too hard.

He threw his phone on the passenger seat and started the car. On his way, he saw Vic walking with his head down. Kellin continued, but then pulled over a few feet down. He got out the car and waited for Vic to get closer.

“At least let me take you to get the car.” Kellin said quietly.

Vic ignored him and continued to walk. How dare Kellin utter a word to him! Kellin is nothing but a self-absorbed, hypocrite of a bitch. Vic gave him in heart and soul only for it to be thrown in his face. He should’ve trusted Danielle; she was always right about Kellin and now, because of Vic, she was in a hospital because they thought she was crazy. She wasn’t crazy, she was always right. Maybe he should give her a call when he gets home to apologize.

After another thirty minutes, Vic made it to the house and saw that the lights were on and the car pulling up. He quickly hopped into the truck and pulled out of the driveway. Vic looked in the rearview mirror and saw Kellin standing there, staring at him. The older male turned down the window and drove off, not daring to look back.

When he got home, he walked inside and into his room, locking the door behind him. He stripped down to his underwear and climbed into bed. Into the very bed he’s fucked Kellin in countless of times. The bed where he let himself be played. Vic pulled his blankets and pillows onto the floor, making a bed to sleep on. It wasn’t as comfortable as the bed but at least it wasn’t as painful.