A Daydream Away

Alex's POV

The way he was talking, the way he was looking at me, made me feel something I haven't felt in a long time.

It made me feel hopeful.

He made me feel loved.

I was getting praise from a man I've only known for a few months, yet it felt more meaningful than all those times my parents would tell me "good job" when I received high marks on my report cards or when I'd do good with a sports team.

I watched those lips form words, words that were aimed towards me, words that were meant for me and only me. There was a warmth growing in my chest, shooting the temperature throughout my tired limbs and sparking my mind. Inside, it felt like I was boiling over with affection that I've been craving for years, and it was him who was doing all of this, just by saying that I was worth something.

My head was screaming at me for being a fucking idiot but I did what I've wanted to do since I met him.

I took my opportunity when he stopped to take a breath, leaning in and planting my lips on his.

His lips were slightly chapped due to the winter, but they felt amazing all the same. It wasn't anything heated or passionate, it was just a small peck, two pairs of lips pressed together, but it made fireworks explode in my gut.

I kept my lips on his for a few more seconds before pulling away. Upon doing so, I was met with wide, brown eyes.

"A-Alex," he stumbled out, not moving. I couldn't quite make out what emotions were flitting across his face, and, for a moment, I was afraid he was going to push me away and call me a freak.

Despite my inner battle with myself, I could feel his hot breath on my face and it took all of my control to not lean in and kiss him one more time. He was still so close, all I had to do was move forward a few inches. It turns out I didn't have to move at all, because he was leaning back in and connecting our lips again.

This time, neither of us stayed still. Our mouths slid together with ease, passionately molding against one another.

I felt one rough hand snake around my waist while the other clamped around the back of my neck. I reached my hands up and gripped the back of his shirt, pulling him impossibly close.

I have been waiting for this for a long time, and my mind was swimming with happiness. I never wanted this moment to end. He felt so perfect.

Just as I was feeling the dizziness from loss of air, I was being pushed into the arm of the couch and Jack was scooting as far away from me as possible.

I blinked at him, curiosity filling my head, but then I looked at his face.

He looked terrified.

"Jack?" I questioned, breathless voice full of concern, "Jack, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Are you okay? I didn't mean to, I just- I got caught up in the moment."

He didn't say anything. Instead, he continued to stare at me with horror in his eyes. I couldn't tell if it was due to me or the kiss. I didn't have a whole lot of time to decipher when a flash of pain crossed his face as his hands flew up, gripping the sides of his head as he began to scream in agony.

"Jack!" I screeched, moving closer to him, but he just retreated further into the couch.

"Make it stop!" he wailed, tears running down his face, "God, make them stop!"

"Make who stop, Jacky, who-" I was cut off by a broken sob that ripped through Jack's body.

"I am not a freak! I am not a freak!" he choked out.

"You're not! Jack! Calm down!" I tried to reason with him, but he just kept yelling about how he was not a freak.

I moved over to him and grabbed his shoulders before he could react. His eyes snapped open, wide and full of panic.

He whispered, "I'm can't, I'm sorry," before shrugging out of my grip and locking himself in his room.

I sat slumped on the plush couch, staring at the wall and wondering what the hell had just happened. I needed someone to talk to who knows what the hell may be going on.

My mind wandered to the conversations I've had, when Rian told me Zack was gay and almost told me what happened to him and Jack in high school, and May hinting that Jack may have feelings- Wait. Connecting all the pieces together, I began getting a slight premonition of what could possibly be going on, but I needed confirmation.

I don't know how I felt about my assumption, so, remembering the number in my back pocket, I pulled out the slip of paper and dialed the number.

"Hello Alex." May's chipper voice rang through the phone. I was about to ask how she knew it was me, but she answered before I could get the question out, "I know it's you. I stole your phone and got your number while you were shamelessly flirting with my brother over Christmas. So, anything happen? Am I getting gay-made nieces and nephews from your behind?"

I stared incredulously at the phone, then shook my head when I remembered she couldn't see me. She was so fucking confusing.

"No, May, shit, I need your help," I rushed out.

"What happened?" she asked, no evidence of her previous playful tone in the question.

"I, fuck, I kissed him and he freaked out and, May, what do I do?" I asked, gripping my hair with my free hand as I felt the frustration rise in me.

"Hey, hey, calm down," she said in a soothing voice, "I'm still in the area. We can meet up. I've got some things I need to tell you," she paused, "What time is it?"

"Um.." I glanced at the clock, which read 3:30pm, "It's, like, half past three. Why?"

"Okay, good, meet me at that little hipster coffee place, The Blend I think?"

"The Grind," I corrected, remembering the comforting building, "I'll meet you there in about thirty."

"Good deal, see you then, dear," she said, before I heard a click of the other line.

I shoved my phone in my jean's pocket, walking over to Jack's door and knocking lightly on it.

"Hey," I softly spoke, "I'm heading out for a bit. If you, uh, need me... you know my number..."

There was no response from the other side of the wood. I let out a sigh and left the apartment, jacket and wallet in hand.

Roughly forty minutes later (even in times of despair, when I see a cute dog, I am going to fuss over it), I was passing through the doorway, the sound of a bell following my entrance. My eyes scanned the small space and rested upon the very familiar Barakat face.

Her eyes looked up from her drink and she gave me a small wave, eyes almost apologetic. This was going to take awhile, wasn't it.

I ordered my coffee and slid myself into the seat right across from May, hands wrapping around the warm ceramic and eyes looking at the center of the table.

"Hey," May spoke, her voice soft. I hummed in acknowledgement and took a sip of my coffee, not wanting to look her in the eyes. I heard her sigh and cough a little bit, causing me to look up. She gave me a smile, "So, now that you are looking at me, want to know what's going on?"

"Of course I do," I said quickly, probably sounding rude. I didn't apologize, though, because I genuinely wanted to know what the fuck was up.

She didn't seem to think much of it, because she let out a soft chuckle-turned-sad sigh.

"Um, I really don't know where to start," May said, confidence lacking in the statement.

"Well," I said, scratching the back of my neck, "Rian said something about Zack being gay and something happening to Jack in high school. How 'bout start there?" I suggested.

"Probably, uh, probably a good place to start, huh," she laughed, "Well, I guess I should probably come out and say this. Jack was, and still is, gay."

I had assumed such, but I still felt my heart thump faster hearing my thoughts confirmed. I nodded for her to continue.

"Like, I've always known, since I am his older sister, but, yeah, in high school he decided it was time to come out of the closet. It probably had to do with the fact that he was dating Zack-"

"Wait," I choked out, "He dated Zack?!"

She shushed me, mentally telling me to shut up. I clamped my mouth shut and waited for her to go on.

"So, as I was saying," she shot me a glare, "Yes, they dated. Apparently, Zack had had a crush on Jack for a long time, and they decided to try it out after Zack confessed to him. They'd been together for quite a while before they made it public. Now, you've noticed how big of a guy Zack is, he was like that back then, too, so, when they came out, people were slightly afraid to make fun of him because he's kind of intimidating," 'no shit', "It was Jack who got the brunt of everything because, really, he's a scrawny bitch. Bullying, mental and physical trauma, all of that. Jack's always been a bit emotionally unstable, and, one day, he just couldn't take it."

I nodded, feeling sadness fill me up. I knew what she was getting at. But, Jack? Mr. I-Will-Walk-Around-Naked-And-Not-Feel-Shame Jack? It just didn't connect.

"Okay," I slowly spoke, "So, is this the reason why he freaked out now then?"

"I am getting to that, don't interrupt, " she scolded, straightening herself out, "The bullies were severely punished for pushing him that far, but not even that helped. Our parents looked for help, and found some promising therapists. I don't know how psychology works, and I'm surprised it was able to work on Jack since the process is supposedly more aimed for children, but those therapists worked on memory suppression to get him to forget about the whole situation. He ended up forgetting about all of the bullying, but, at the same time, forgot about coming out and dating Zack. It's heartbreaking, really. Our whole family accepted him, and, knowing he had to forget some of who he was, it makes us sad."

She paused, and I took the opportunity to begin talking again, "Okay, so, did kissing me bring those memories back then? And, like, what about Zack?"

"I don't know," she confessed, looking into her mug, "Maybe you made more of an impression on him? I really just," she looked up, "Go talk to him about it."

"I can't," I slumped in my seat, resigned tone in my voice, "He locked himself in his room."

"Jump 'im when he leaves it. He can't stay in there forever," she grabbed my hand and looked me in the eye, "Bring our happy little Jack-o back, please. Make beautiful butt babies together."

I let out a laugh and finished off my coffee, giving May a hug goodbye and heading off on my way back home.

So, Jack was gay, dated Zack, got bullied, forgot about it, and remembered when I kissed him? It seemed a little... strange.

As I came up to the door, I barely even noticed the slip of paper taped to the front. As I looked up, I felt every nerve in my body freeze.

"Having fun playing house, Lexy?"

I tore the note from the door and almost hurt myself opening the door and getting it shut, locking every lock that it had on it. How the fuck did he find me? I knew who it was, even without him signing his god awful name.

"Jack," I called out frantically, "Jack, please, come out," I sprinted towards his room, only to find it open and empty. I checked every single crevice in there to see if he was hiding or not. I noticed that his wallet and his phone were both gone.

"Shit, Jack, where the fuck are you!" I ran around the apartment, desperately trying to find him, tears falling from my eyes, breathing becoming erratic, and hands shaking more than a drug addicts. He had to be in here, he had to be. He was nowhere to be seen.

Jack, where are you?