A Daydream Away

Alex's POV

My mind went into overdrive when I woke up and realized that I was lying on my back, in my own bed, with Jack's arm draped across my waist and his face nuzzled in my neck.

How did we end up here? I mean, the last thing I remembered from last night was passing out on the sofa after waiting up for Jack and freaking out about him finding me- fuck. He knows where I am at.

Shit, what am I going to do? What if he comes for me? What if he finds Jack and does something to him? I wouldn't be able to live with myself if he got hurt because of me.

Speaking of Jack, he probably hates my guts now, even though, technically, with the fact that I can't seem to bring myself to tell him about my past, I don't have any guts.

But, thinking about it, if he hated me, then why would he be cuddling with me in my own bed? He must have gotten drunk last night and decided my body is what his alcohol filled veins needed, though that still doesn't explain how we got to my bed. Wouldn't he have just, like, flopped down on me when he got in? Why would he go to the trouble of bringing me to my bed, and then staying with me? I've seen the guy drunk before, and I know he doesn't have the capacity to even sit in a chair properly, let alone carry a grown man to another room.

God, way too much was running through my poor head right now. I raised my arms, using the palms of my hands to apply pressure to my eyes in an attempt to calm my frantic mind down.

The small movement caused Jack to stir beside me, his eyelids fluttering opened to reveal dream clouded eyes. He blinked a few times, looking like he was lost and was trying to wake up. Even in times like these, I couldn't help but think how adorable he looked sometimes.

"Um... morning?" I awkwardly whispered, scared of what his reaction was going to be.

He gave me a bit of a confused look, opening his mouth up to yawn and retracting his limbs from my body so he could stretch. His actions were cut short as his eyes shot opened and he scrambled to sit up. I braced myself, waiting for him to freak out, call me out for making a move on him, and demand that I leave and never come back.

What he did, however, was pull me up to him and into a hug.

"God, Lex, I am so sorry for running out on you. I feel like a huge dick."

To say I was taken aback would be an incredible understatement. "It's, uh, it's okay?" I said, unsure if that was the proper response. I pulled back, hesitant to touch him.

"Um... sorry," he muttered, swinging his legs out of the bed and gripping his head. I could practically feel his hangover radiating off of him.

I just shook my head, mimicking his movements on the opposite side of the bed. "C'mon," I spoke, walking around the bed and out the door, never making eye contact with him, "I'll make you some coffee. We should probably talk.

I didn't wait to see if he would follow me or not. As I walked into the kitchen, I heard him his bare feet padding across the linoleum. We didn't say a word to each other, me prepping the coffee and him sliding down the wall and on to the floor.

What was I going to talk to him about, exactly? This whole situation could have been completely looked over if I had just kept my feelings, and my lips, to myself.

Once the water had successfully turned black, I poured us both a mug and joined Jack on the floor across from him, not at all questioning why we weren't at the table. This seemed more comfortable, anyway.

"Do you, uh, know what day it is?" I asked him, trying to spark up conversation.

He looked off in front of him, scrunching his eyebrows and saying, "Tuesday?" in a very unsure voice.

I nodded and fell silent again. After neither of us uttered a word for a good few minutes, I raised my eyes to his face, noticing he was looking at me. It was so out of the ordinary to see his face looking so thoughtful, the typical mischievous glint non existent at the moment.

I tried figuring out what was going through that head of his but, contrary to popular belief, he was a difficult individual to figure out. Yeah, I picked up on his immaturity, but I've realized that something more was hiding behind that.

"Ya know," I said into my coffee cup, "I should be the one apologizing, for, like, kissing you all of a sudden. Your reaction was only natural, me being gay and you being... being straight."

I knew what May had told me, but I knew Jack didn't know.

"That's the thing, though, Lex, I don't think I am," Maybe he does then, "The headaches? They bring memories, I think, memories of what happened in the past, and when I kissed you, because I did kiss you back, that's when they all came crashing down on me. It was unexpected and just, so sudden, that's why I left. And, Jesus, holy fuck, I just don't know," he finished, gripping his hair in frustration, his mug forgotten about.

"Would it help you if you did know?" I tested.

Jack lifted his head, unkept hair falling into his eyes that held such... sorrow. He looked truly lost, not like when he woke up. No, that was more of a disoriented look. This, he looked broken. And that broke me.

He nodded his head, his hair flopping gently with his movement. He then shook it, leaning back against the wall and letting out a breath.

"It would probably help connect the pieces, man. But, how am I going to learn what actually went on?" he huffed.

"Um, May told me. She told me what happened." I said unsurely.

His eyes shot back to me, his eyes looking like they've found a potential path to lead them home.

"You know? You know? What happened? I mean, do I want to know? I want to know. Yes, please, please tell me," he pleaded, jumping onto his knees and grabbing me by the shoulders, a wild look on his face. His face went from hopeless to hopeful in a matter of a few seconds.

"U-uh," I stuttered.

"Please," he whispered, "please."

I sighed, almost too easily giving in to him. Damn him and his puppy eyes.

"She said that, in high school, Zack admitted his feelings for you and you guys came out together." I began. I waited a moment and he nodded, willing me to go on, "You're parents, family, friends, they were all perfectly okay with it. Happy, even," I said with some jealousy, but remembered this is about Jack, and continued, "They accepted you without batting a single eye. Everyone else, though, when you made it public, people started, like, bullying you to a harsh extent. They didn't do that to Zack since they were afraid of him, but, uh, they saw you as an easy target." I relayed, keeping my eyes on his facial expressions, which were still unreadable.

"She said it, like, seriously fucked you up. Depression, seclusion, attempted suicide... Your parent's found this therapist who could supress thoughts and stuff, and that's why you don't remember. You were fixed, apparently, but you didn't remember any of the bullying, you and Zack, or being gay altogether."

We sat in silence, and I could tell the gears in his head were spinning. Should I have told him?

"Damn..." was all he said. It looked like he was about to say something when rapid knocking sounded from the door, causing both of us to jump.

"Hey, Jack, ya dead, man?" Rian's muffled voice passed through the wood, "What the fuck are you doing? It's late afternoon, it's New Years Eve, and people are starting to show up at the bar."

"Shit!" Jack yelled back, scrambling off of the ground and running to the door, swinging it open. There stood an irritated Rian, arms crossed and eyebrows raised. Right behind him stood a worried Zack.

"Jack?" Rian questioned, face softening a bit, "You look like shit."

Jack didn't respond. He pushed past Rian and threw his arms around Zack's torso, a constant stream of "sorry"s flowing out of his mouth.

"Hey," Zack said softly, "It's okay, what's wrong? You're only, like, an hour late." He looked at me for an answer. I shrugged my shoulders, having a strong feeling why he did that, though, and damn did it make me feel a bit jealous.

"The past," Jack said as he pushed himself away from the other, "The past, man, I am so fucking sorry I forgot. I am so, so sorry."

Both Zack's and Rian's eyes widened.

"How?" They both asked at the same time. He shook his head and walked past them and into the living room. They shut the door and followed him, as I sat in the kitchen, forgotten about.

"It's all so, just, it's complicated. I don't even know what's going on in my head right now." Jack admitted as he sat down on the sofa.

Rian and Zack took a spot on either side of him. As I got up from the tiled floor and made my way over to the couches, Jack said, "Alex told me."

I froze as all eyes landed on me. Zack actually looked like he was going to kill me. He got up from his seat and started making his way towards me, yelling, "Why the fuck would you tell him. Do you know what he went through? He went through shit, there is a reason we didn't tell hi-"

"Zack," Rian said, tone serious, "Sit down. How about we figure out how he found out, first."

He continued to glare at me, but heeded Rian's instructions and sat back down. I hesitantly took a place on the arm chair, bringing my knees to my chest as sort of a defence mechanism. I didn't intend to make Zack angry with me. I've never seen him so... genuinely angry.

"So," Rian spoke, "Tell us what happened Alex."

"It's not his fault." Jack said. Now it was his turn to have everyone stare at him. "May told him, and I had him tell me. I was beginning to remember, anyway. I just needed the confirmation to fit the pieces together."

"What? You were starting to remember? How?" Rian asked, turning his attention to him, clearly baffled.

I noticed that Zack didn't say anything. He just looked down, but not before I was able to catch a flash of pain cross his eyes.

"It's kind of hard to explain. I think it started when I met Alex. Whenever I'd feel these weird feelings for him, my head would hurt, and when we kissed-"

"You kissed?!" Rian exclaimed, "When?"

"Let me finish," Jack snapped, "Like I was saying, when we kissed, all the memories came rushing back. I was having a mental break down, so that's why I had him tell me. I couldn't deal with having an idea but not knowing."

"It's him, isn't it." Zack stated, finally speaking. He lifted his head to look at me, the hurt more evident in his eyes. "It's you."

"I-I don't," I stuttered.

"I think it is," Rian agreed.

I had a feeling I knew what they were talking about, but I didn't want to say a word. I really do wish I had the guts to say anything.

"What? What's him?" Jack asked, looking between the two.

Rian, completely ignoring Jack's question, asked him, "Jack, when was the last time you liked someone, like, in a romantic way?"

Jack sat and contemplated that for a moment, before saying, "Um, I don't think since that huge middle school crush I had on Holly."

"Alright," Rian nodded, "And when did these headaches start, again?"

"I think the first time was when Alex told me he was gay. I had this happy feeling, I guess, and then, right after, my head began to hurt for a short moment."

"And did that happen a lot?" he asked.

Jack sat quietly for a moment before slowly nodding. "Yeah, whenever I'd feel an... attraction towards him, the pain would come back."

An attraction? He felt an attraction towards me? I couldn't help a small smile creeping across my face, but I quickly hid it in case anyone saw.

Rian nodded again, reminding me of an interrogator putting together the pieces to a murder instead of Jack's mind.

The buzzcut man clapped his hands together, announcing, "Well, from what I can tell, when Alex came into your life, you started liking him, and that reminded your body of when you used to be gay, bringing that recessed part of you into the light. With that, the memories came back, and when you kissed, to officialize your feelings, bam, there ya go."

We all sat there in silence. So, it was because he was developing feelings for me that he remembered? Was that really the reason? I was really hoping

"But," Jack piped, "Why didn't I remember with being around Zack? I mean, he was the reason I came out, why didn't he spark the memories?"

"You never actually liked me that way," Zack said in a shaky voice. I looked over to see tears rolling down his face. Of, fuck, he's still got feelings for him and he was pretty much just told that the beginning never meant anything.

"I'm going back to the bar," he announced, getting up and leaving, ignoring the protests from Jack and Rian.

"Dammit," Rian whispered, getting up also, "I'm going to go talk to him. And I'll cover for you until you're able to make it, man." He quickly looked between the two of us and followed Zack's movements out the door.

I guess now was the time to talk things over. The thing is. though, I don't think I really wanted to. Too much drama has been going on these past few days that I don't believe I could handle much more. Too much of anything is just too much. I looked to Jack, and he seemed to have been thinking the same thing.

"So," Jack said, "Wanna go to one of the wildest New Years Eve parties you've ever been to?"