Home, Sweet Home

I woke up cuddling a dead phone in my hand and Lily curled up next to me. She must have climbed into bed after I fell asleep. I reached over and plugged my phone it just in case Dan or anyone else tried to get ahold of me. I knew it must have been early because it was just starting to get light out. I tried to roll over and go back to sleep but I just couldn’t. I did the math and it was about ten at home. I wonder if the guys are up yet.

I stayed in bed for a while. I didn’t want to move, but when Lily kneed me in the stomach I decided I really needed to pee. After making a trip to the bathroom, I laid on the couch until I heard Lily’s alarm go off at around seven. I sat up knowing Lily would be out soon.

“Hey, what are we gonna do for breakfast?” Lily asked sitting on the back of the couch and flipping over it so her legs were hanging off the back and her head was on the cushion.

“I don’t know but I don’t want eggs or pancakes.” I said. The idea of having pancakes was sickening after having them so many times.

“But my pancakes are the best.” said Lily with a pout.

“I know, but all the guys ever want for breakfast is pancakes. I’m sick of them. How about yogurt or fruit or something like that?” I suggested.

“I would but I only have the stuff for pancakes.” said Lily.

I pouted at her.

“Ugh fine get dressed. We’ll go to the store.”

It took us about twenty minutes to get dressed. Neither of us really felt like doing our makeup so we just skipped it for today. Of course I’d have to do it later on for diner. Lily had on a pair of light washed jeans that fit her perfectly and a tank top.

I chose a black pair of skinny jeans and I stole one of Lily’s t-shirts. It was dark purple with white lettering saying “I’m secretly a mermaid”. We both pulled our hair back into loose ponytails. I wanted to go barefoot but Lily wouldn’t let me so I settled for some flip flops.

We got in the car and drove to the closest store. I got yogurt and a fruit salad and Lily got the same. I decided the fruit wasn’t going to be enough so we went to our favorite café. It was the kind of place where you could sit outside and enjoy your coffee and a bit of people watching. I grabbed a table while Lily went in to get us coffee. I had only been sitting there for a few minutes when I heard a voice from the past.

“Is that Samantha Daven I see?” I turned and saw someone I thought I’d never get to see again.

“Gloria?” I said jumping up and pulling the older woman into a hug.

Gloria was my voice instructor and piano teacher. She was actually the reason Lily and I ever met. When I was seven, I was chosen to do a duet in the upcoming recital with a fellow seven year old. It just happened to be Lily. She and I have been friends ever since.

“I was told you had moved out of the country?” she said making it sound like a question. The surprise was evident on her face. I had always been a home body.

“I have. I’m only visiting for a bit. How is Italy?” I asked.

“Absolutely beautiful. If you ever get the chance, you need to visit. Now tell me, which exciting country are you having your adventures?” she asked sitting in one of the seat at the table.

“I studied a year abroad in London and I loved it so much I decided to stay.” I said.

“Ah did Lilian join you in your journeys?” she asked.

Ever since she paired us for the recital, Lily and I have been inseparable. It was a shock to everyone when I was studying abroad in London. They expected Lily to go to but she had no interest in it.

“No. She’s finishing out school in the US. I’m not sure what her plans are afterwards. Probably teaching. I’ll be returning to London in a few weeks.” I said.

She looked just as shocked as my family did when I told them Lily and I would be living on different continents.

“Gloria?” I heard Lily say join us at the table.

“Lilian, so wonderful to see you.” Said Gloria standing and pulling Lily into a hug.

“It’s good to see you too. What are you doing here?” asked Lily.

She looked as shocked to see Gloria as Gloria did to see me.

“Reminiscing.” She said with a wave.

They both sat at the table.

“Samantha here was telling me about her English adventure. So Dear tell me, how many strapping young men do you have swooning at your feet?” Said Gloria turning back to me.

Lily and I exchanged a look. I knew Gloria wanted some kind of romantic story, but I had none to tell.

“They definitely are not swooning, but I do have a couple of friends. I live with them actually.” I said with a sweet smile.

“What are these “friends” names?” she asked.

It’s almost like she knew they were both guys.

“Um, Dan and Phil. I’m almost as close with the guys as I am with Lily.” I said.

“Well if they aren’t swooning over you, they are imbeciles. Those names do sound familiar though. Did you meet them here before you went abroad?” She asked.

“No, I actually met Dan on the underground and he introduced me to Phil. They were roommates before I moved in with them which is actually a recent thing.” I explained.

“Do you happen to have any picture of these young men?” She asked me.

Most of the pictures in my phone were of them to be honest. I take a lot of candid pictures in hopes to get a derpy one so that I can set it as the contact picture. I do have quite a few good ones thought. I also have a few of the three of us just goofing off.

I scrolled through my phone and found a picture of the three of us covered in flour, one where Dan had stuck gummy bears on my face and Phil looked like he was going to bite me, and another from when we went on the London Eye. I wanted a picture of the guys but they would only agree to it if it was one with the three of us. This is the one I showed her.

“That one is very handsome.” She said pointing to Dan.

I couldn’t stop the blush that spread across my face. I’m almost positive Gloria noticed but she didn’t get a chance to say anything about it.”

“Grandma! There you are. I’ve been looking everywhere. Oh hey Lily and… Sam?” It was Sophie, Gloria’s granddaughter.

I recognized her from the picture Gloria had in the piano room. We had met a few times. Last I remembered, she had moved to Massachusetts to live with her husband, but I did remember hearing something about not wanting her daughter in the public school system down there.

“Hi, how are you?” I asked politely.

“I’m good. It’s good to see you. I thought you were living out of the country?” She said.

“Just visiting.” I told her.

“Okay grandma, we have to go and get Clare from school. She has a doctor’s appointment.” Said Sophie.

“Ah, it was Clare. I heard those names from Clare. Clare is Sophie’s step-daughter. I could have sworn I head those names before. Dan and Phil, Clare talks about a couple of English boys that make videos. That’s why they sounded familiar.” Said Gloria.

I felt the color drain from my face.

“Oh really? There are a pair of boys that make videos named Dan and Phil. What a coincidence. That’s funny.” Said Lily with a nervous laugh.

“Okay well I’m going to go to the car. Meet me there.” Said Sophie turning and crossing the road to her car.

“Lilian Dear, you are a terrible liar. I would have never been the wiser if you hadn’t opened your mouth. You know I don’t believe in coincidence.” Said Gloria putting a hand on Lily’s shoulder and standing. “It was nice seeing you again Samantha. Promise me you’ll come and visit me before you go back to London?”

“Of course.” I said standing to give her another hug.

“And I won’t be telling my step-great-granddaughter, that you know the two boys that she is absolutely obsessed with. Your secret is safe with me. Lilian on the other hand needs to be taught to keep a secret.”

With that Gloria crossed the road and climbed into Sophie’s car.

“Why do I always feel like that woman doesn’t like me?” said Lily with a sigh.

“Because you can never be as good as me.” I said with a wide smile.

“Believe me I know. You were always her favorite.” Said Lily kicking me under the table once I was sat back down.

“Ow.” I said rubbing my shin and pouting at her.

We ate our fruit before the coffee was even brought out. We were so hungry we didn’t even bother to talk. I do have to say that yogurt was a welcome change from pancakes. When I went home I was going to have to start running with Niomi frequently in order to not gain a million pound from eating pancakes every day.

“Seeing Gloria sure does bring back some memories. I was wondering, have you played since you moved?” Lily asked once she was done with her breakfast.

“I didn’t have a piano at my old flat but Dan has one in his room. The guys don’t know I can play so the week they were gone I messed around on it a bit but it’s so out of tune, I could barely managed to hold on to the melody. I have been thinking about getting a keyboard though.” I said not looking up from my fruit.

“Wait they don’t know you can play?” Lily asked.

I shook my head.

“Well why not? You could teach Dan a few things.”

“The problem is, when it came up with Dan, I told him I didn’t know how to play. He attempted to teach me but gave up because the piano was so out of tune.” I said thinking back to that night.

I had been over at Dan and Phil’s while Phil was away on vacation. I had realized that I did in fact have a crush on Dan at this point but I was still kind of in denial. We had been sitting next to each other on the couch. Dan was listening to music on his phone and I had plugged in my headphones so I could listen too.

In the song there was a really beautiful piano piece and I couldn’t help but move my fingers along with the notes. Dan noticed me doing this on my laptop. He then asked me if I knew how to play. I of course lied and told him no because I it was my automatic reaction when asked if I could sing or play any instrument.

Dan offered to teach me. I didn’t want to be rude and say no so I agreed. He led me into his room and had me sit in the chair at the piano. He didn’t have another chair so he stood behind me. My heart was racing and I could feel my hands go sweaty. I remember thinking that I really hoped Dan didn’t touch my hands.

Of course, he reached around and had me place my hands over his so when he pressed a key, the finger I was supposed to use moved with his, and he started to teach me to play. About half way through teaching me one song, he gave up, telling me that the piano was so out of tune it was painful to listen to. When in actuality it was because Dan was getting annoyed with himself because he didn’t really play all that well and he didn’t feel like he should be teaching me. I overheard him telling that to Phil.

“Well do they at least know you can sing?” Lily asked pulling me out of the memory.

“Um…” I didn’t make eye contact with her.

“Samantha!” said Lily in her, what I like to call, Mom Voice. I didn’t make eye contact.

“Does this mean you don’t sing along with the radio or do you just purposely do it badly?” she asked knowing I could never not sing along to a song I know.

“You know I can’t not sing along to the radio.” I mumbled.

“I thought you said that Dan is your best friend back home and Phil came in close behind him. If they are really your friends, don’t you think they wouldn’t care if you could sing or not. You’re lying to them.” said Lily, her Mom Voice intensifying.

“It’s not like I meant it as I don’t want them to get to know me. I just wanted to, I don’t know, in that moment, I didn’t want Dan to know I could play the piano better than he could, and I don’t think I would do it differently if I had the chance. One of my favorite memories with Dan is the night he tried to teach me to play piano.” I said thinking back to that night again.

“But Sammie, what happens if they find out you can play piano and sing. Do they know about the other instruments that you play? I mean really.” said Lily.

“I know. I fucked up. Can we please not talk about it?” I said going back to my food.

I didn’t want to have this conversation with her right now. Yes I did miss playing especially seeing at there was a piano right downstairs, but what I love most is when Dan is messing around on the piano when he’s bored. Even though the piano is painfully out of tune and Dan isn’t the best I’ve heard, it’s one of my favorite sounds in the whole world. He would never play around on it again if he knew I know how to play.

Once we were done with our coffee and I was done eating, we walked around town a bit. I really wanted to check out the book store. They featured a company that made beautiful, handmade journals. I had managed to fill up my last one and I needed more. I also wanted to pick one up for Dan. He commented on one of mine that it was really cool.

I ended up finding a few that I liked. One was big and dark brown leather with stamp patterns that made me think of a spell book. It had a strip of leather that wrapped around it to keep it closed. The other two were smaller. One was a deep red color and the other was the same brown as the bigger one.

The red one had a little clasp to keep it closed and it reminded me of some of the things Dan got when he went to India. I got that one for him. The other little one had a leather wrap too but on the front of this one there was an opal set into the middle. I had to practically pry it from Lily’s hands when I showed it to her. She loved opals.

We window shopped at a few of the other stores around town not really finding much. Although we may or may not have spent over an hour at the music store. Every time we go in, I have to drool at the grand piano they have in there. I also may have drooled all over a really beautiful acoustic guitar that I may have possibly put on hold.

Lily tried to talk me out of putting it on hold but it was only on hold for three days. Her argument was that I couldn’t even really play it all that well, I couldn’t afford it, and I wouldn’t even be able to get it home on the plane unless I wanted to pay extra for baggage. It made sense, but it was just so pretty that I couldn’t help it.

Lily had to drag me out before I tried to buy something else I couldn’t afford. I totally intended to go back and look at the piano music though. Maybe I could pick a couple of things up for Dan. I also made a mental note to ask him what the cord was that he was missing for his keyboard.

By the time we got home it was almost two in the afternoon. Lily and I had grabbed a quick lunch from another little café. We didn’t like that one as much because you couldn’t sit outside but they had premade sandwiches that you could just grab and go. We sat at her little breakfast bar and ate the food before going to get changed and ready for the diner at my parents.

We planned to go a little early so that we could help my mom cook even though she normally would just kick us out after ten minutes. Lily picked out clothes for us while I took a shower. Lily had a knack for putting together outfits that were perfect for me. I don’t know how she did it. Once out I took one look at the dress and called for Lily.

“What is this?” I asked when she came into the bathroom. I was in just underwear and a strapless bra with a towel on my head holding the dress by its straps. Lily took one look at me and laughed.

“It’s a dress.” said Lily trying to hide her residual smile.

“I know that, but it’s blue. Why are you putting me in a blue dress?” I asked.

I had never really felt that blue looked good on me. It looked amazing on Lily, making her eyes look purple instead of her normal blueish-purple.

“Your skin color looks amazing with this color and it’ll make your eyes look cool.” Lily explained taking the dress from me. She always told me how jealous she was that I never actually had to tan, but in the summer she was always managed to get darker than me.

“Please just humor me.”

I sighed and took the dress from Lily’s hands. Once it was on, I realized what she meant about it complementing my skin. The lighter color made me look darker. The dress was a really light blue, lace dress. The straps were about an inch thick and then went down into a scoop neck that just covered my cleavage. It hugged my body nicely until it hit the bottom of my ribcage where it flowed outward. It ended just above the knee.

The dress was paired with a dark brown leather belt and a pair of dark brown strappy leather sandals. I looked at myself in the full length mirror on the back of the bathroom door and felt like I wanted to do a little spin. I was thankful that Lily picked something that was modest enough to be around my parents but still made me look good. I still would have preferred the dress to be black but that never really was Lily’s thing. I walked into Lily’s bedroom where she sat on her bed straightening her hair.

“That dress looks better on you than it ever did on me. I told you it would look good on you.” She said looking up at me.

“Ugh, whatever.” I said not wanting to give her the satisfaction of her being right.

“Can I do your hair?” she asked from the bed while I bent over to towel dry my hair.

“I guess. What do you want to do?” I asked.

“It’s a surprise.” said Lily with a straight, very serious face. I couldn’t help but laugh at the look on her face.

“Okay.” I said with a smile.

Lily was very good at hair so I knew she wouldn’t make me look bad. I walked over and sat in front of the bed. I don’t know why, but Lily always insisted on straightening my hair before she did anything with it. My hair is pin straight so I just couldn’t imagine why she did it but it did mean I didn’t have to blow dry my hair so I didn’t argue, this time.

I let my mind wander while I let Lily do my hair, and once again my mind went straight to Dan.

I had stayed at the guys flat for the first time ever. Dan gave me his bed. I had tried to refuse but he said he was sleeping on the couch either way. That morning Dan had to shower. I was lying awake in bed staring at the ceiling. Dan came in in just pajama bottoms and his full on hobbit hair which was wrapped in a towel. He had been straightening his hair for a few minutes before he noticed that I was watching him.

“What, it’s not like you don’t do this.” He said over his shoulder.

“Actually I don’t. I don’t need to.” I said to him.

He just looked at me like “really you have to be kidding”.

“Lies.” He said.

“Nope. Never have.” I said.

“I hate you. I hope you know that.” He said to me going back to doing his hair.

I couldn’t help but laugh. I know how Dan felt about his hobbit hair but I actually didn’t mind it. He actually didn’t believe me until we went on our swimming adventure. We spent the whole day in Dan’s room listening to music. This was also the first time we had our music days where we laid on the floor of a dark room and listened to music really loudly.

“Okay. I’m done.” said Lily pulling me out of my memory. “Go in the bathroom and tell me what you think.”

I did what I was told and got up off the floor and went to the bathroom to see Lily’s creation. What I saw shocked me a little. It was still my face, but Lily had managed to curl my hair, which I didn’t even notice she was doing by the way, and pin the front bits so it looked like I had a fringe without her chopping off my hair. The hair coupled with the dress cause me to barely be able to recognize myself.

“Wow, give me your hair magic!” I exclaimed from the bathroom.

I could hear Lily on the bed laughing.

She came in and had me do her makeup for her. I chose to do a pretty natural look but I worked some blue into her eye shadow and then lined her water line with a blue liner making her eyes look almost violet.

“You have to teach me how to do this.” She said looking at herself in the mirror before leaving to get dressed.

I did my makeup in the bathroom while Lily got dressed in her bedroom. I decided to do I light smoky eye and a bronzy glow. I played with the idea of a red lip, but in the end decided it wouldn’t go very well with the rest of the outfit and just decided on Chapstick.

Once I was done I made my way out of the bathroom. Lily was standing at her book shelf where she kept all of her jewelry, putting in a pair of earrings. She had chosen to wear a dress too. Hers was a darker shade of blue than mine but still a light blue color. The top was cut in a similar fashion as mine but instead of a scoop neck it had two flaps that crossed over the bust of the dress.

The dress was slightly pleated at the bottom whereas mine just flowed out, and it also ended just above the knee but it was a little shorter than mine. She was wearing black heals with her dress making her almost as tall as me.

“Okay I feel kind of weird wearing almost the same color, but you look amazing.” I said getting her attention.

“Thanks but you look better.” She said coming over and standing next to me so we could both see ourselves in the mirror on the bathroom door.

I didn’t agree with her but I wasn’t going to argue. She knew how I felt being compared to her. I’m plain and ordinary and she is absolutely gorgeous.

“Is Ian picking us up or is he just going to meet us there?” I asked changing the subject.

“Meeting us. You ready to go?”

I nodded and we were out the door but not before I grabbed the purse Lily told me to use that went with my dress that contained my phone Chapstick and some money just in case. This is why I don’t Let Lily pack for me. I mean what will I need money for at my parents.

“Are you excited to see your Dad?” Lily asked once we were on the road to my childhood home.

“I am. I’ve missed him so much.” My relationship with my father had always been a good one. He even secretly called me Sam, but not in front of my mom. He and I have talked a couple of times since the last time I visited, but I knew that he really wants me to move home and go back to school. He’s just not as pushy as my mother.

Silence engulfed the car. The rest of the very short ride was silent as I stared out the window at the familiar roads I’ve traveled so many times in my childhood. Before I knew it we were pulling up to a white house that I knew very well.

It was a relatively modest two story white house with black shutters on the windows. You could see my parent’s vegetable garden off to the left and the close line all the way in the back of the back yard.

Lily and I climbed out of the car and walked up the familiar steps to my parent’s front door. Almost instantly memories of the last time I was here came flooding back. I had been having a conversation with my mom about one of her friend’s children that had gotten into a very good college. I knew where the conversation was going but I didn’t know it would be going this far.

“Speaking of college, this came in the mail for you a couple of weeks ago.” Said my mother holding out an envelope with my name on it.

It had the official crest of the university that I had dreamed of going to when I was still in high school. I opened it and inside was an acceptance letter.

“Why have I been accepted to a college I haven’t even applied to?” I asked my mom with a frown.

“Well I know how much you wanted to go to that school so I took the liberty of applying for you. I told you that you would be able to get into any school you wanted.” She said as if it didn’t matter that she had applied for college for me without my permission.

“So you filled out the application and wrote an essay just to prove that I could get into the college eighteen year old me wanted to get into.” I asked incredulously.

“No I took the essay you wrote for the last college you applied to. I found it in your room when I was cleaning it out.”

I was fuming.

“You can’t do that. I can’t go now even if I wanted to. I can’t believe you did that. What if I did go and they found out I didn’t even actually apply myself. It’s an invasion of privacy. How could you do this?” I said my voice volume going up with each sentence.

“I thought you would be happy to know that your first chose college would jump at the chance to have you.” She said not getting why I was so mad.

“Well they can’t have me. I’m not going. I can’t believe you. Why can’t you just except that I don’t want to go to college? I’m going to live in London and figure out what I want to do with my life.” I said throwing the acceptance letter in the trash.

“Well you can’t make a living out of the internet. I want you to do something useful with your life.”

Her words hurt especially seeing as I had just started my blog. I knew she had looked up the guys when I said that they make videos on YouTube.

I left before she could say anything else about her disappointment in me. I held back the tears not wanting her to know just how much her words affected me.

I got on a plane that night back to London, cutting my visit short but three days. When I landed I texted Dan letting him know I was back in the country then curled myself in a ball and finally let the tears escape and cried myself to sleep. Dan showed up later that night waking me by rubbing my face with a wet cloth.

He knew I had been crying and was wiping away the tear tracks. When I realized what he was doing, the tears started to flow again and even harder this time. Dan hugged me and told me that whatever it was, everything would be okay. That was the night that I realized that my real home was London, England not Nowhere, Maine.