Home, Sweet Home

“Damn it, the radio is broken again. Should we have Dil fix it or should we just replace it, Phil?” Dan said.

I loved how he got so worried about Dil. I knew that in the future when we had kids he would be just the same.

“He’s been really good with fixing things lately, I think we should let him fix it.” Phil replied.

“Remember that if he dies this is over.” Dan countered stopping Phil from making the next move.

“I have faith in him.”

There was suddenly a loud bang and the camera moved a little. Dan and Phil looked at each other then there was a jump cut.

“Well it turns out Roomie is just as clumsy as I am, if not worse.” Said Dan looking into my eyes.

Her clumsiness makes her more appealing to Dan because they have that in common. I felt my previous anger arise again. I started my chant of I’m prettier than her. I said it over and over until I started to feel better.

There was no other mention of the whore in the rest of the video. When it was over I went on Dan’s twitter. A few people mentioned her and Dan only answered one. It asked what her name was.

Like we have already said, she wants no part in our YouTube business so if she is mentioned we just call her Roomie. She wants to maintain her privacy as much as possible.

So she’s fat too. I felt even better because Dan would never go for someone who is fat and ugly. I went on to Tumblr next. A lot of people are really going crazy about the whole roommate thing so I’ve tried to stay off of here for a while but I want to know what people think about her.

Everyone was theorizing about her being in a relationship with one of the boy. I literally snorted to myself when I read something about the whore and Phil being together. I mean come on, we all know Phil is gay. I laughed to myself and put my computer away.



As you can assume, the week went just as the boys had told me it would. It seemed like every time I was home they were filming something but I managed to be out of the house a lot. I wouldn’t be surprised if I had an ever growing pile of dirty laundry on my floor that I was never home long enough to actually do. I’ve also gotten a lot of really weird text from Dan and Phil this past week.

I was at work and I felt my phone ring in my pocket. It was quite slow at the moment so I decided it
would be okay to check it. It was a message from Dan.

Hey can I borrow one of your bras?

I have to confess that I laughed so hard I had tears streaming down my face at that one and my co-workers and a few customers looked at me like I sprouted a second head. I could only imagine Dan in my pink, lacy bra for the rest of the day. Every time I did I couldn’t help but laugh to myself. I wouldn’t be surprised if people thought I was crazy.

Another time I got a call from Phil asking me how to get lipstick out of the carpet and you can only imagine my reaction to that one. The video was posted later that day and on my break I watched it. Phil should never have a cleaver in his hand, he looked very dangerous.

When I was home I couldn’t even go to get a drink without having to carefully climb around a camera tripod or waiting for Dan to stop having an existential crisis in the hall. I usually just stepped over him though, and I may or may not have accidentally stepped on him. It was an accident! I even watched him run screaming down the hall a couple of times, let’s just say I didn’t know Dan’s voice could go that high. I mean I knew it could get really high, but I didn’t know it went that high. You could say that I was thankful that this week was coming to an end. Until…

“Hey Sam?” Said Dan peaking his head in my door.

“Yeah?” I replied.

“So um, Phil and I have a few more videos to film, we’re going away next week so we want to have something to post while were gone.” Said Dan with an awkward apologetic smile.

He could tell that I was getting kind of fed up with having to deal with the constant filming. I understood that this was their job but it was annoying as fuck, especially when you need to survive an obstacle course just to get a drink of water.

“Okay but I’m only working one shift this week.” I said letting Dan know that I would be at the flat a lot. That means I would be home a lot of the time.

Dan nodded and then left my room. I was seriously not looking forward to the following week, guess who is going to be holed up in their room for the foreseeable future. That’s right, it’s me.

I was writing a blog post about a product I really wanting to try out when Dan had interrupting me. I was almost done so I finished it and then published it. I had to put my computer down so I wouldn’t constantly keep refreshing my browser to see if I had any comments. Yeah I’m weird and I do that. Instead I decided to go and see what Phil was doing.

I made my way to Phil’s room and was just about to knock when I heard him talking. I figured he was filming a video so I went to the lounge instead. I found Dan sitting on the couch so I sat next to him.

“Whatcha doin’?” I asked.

“Uploading,” said Dan with a sigh.

“Okay, you need a break from the internet and filming and anything to do with YouTube. As soon as Phil is done doing whatever he’s doing in his room, we are getting takeaway and watching movies until we pass out.” I said suddenly.

“Okay, sounds good to me. Wanna look at comments with me until he is done?” Dan asked.

I nodded and leaned up against him, putting my head on his shoulder so I could see the computer. We were scrolling though the comments of the latest Dil video, you know the one where I injure myself, when we came across a comment that both Dan and I seemed to get quite a kick out of.

Your roommate has been living with you for over a month. I’m honestly surprised she hasn’t been caught in more videos. It was so true. I guess I have just always been out or not trying to kill my brain cells while they were filming.

Then under it the same person added on a comment to the comment.

I actually kind of like the idea that we don’t know what she looks like or anything about her and it would be really cool if you put her in some of your videos. Like just her voice or seeing her from the back to tease the Phandom. I would find it hilarious, especially all of the “Phangirls” flipping their shit over a girl living with you. I understand that she probably doesn’t want to be in videos and it’s an accident when she is but it would be really funny to fuck with your “Phans”/ subscribers.

I thought that the idea would actually be really funny but I didn’t know how I would feel about purposely being in one of the videos. Apparently Dan liked the idea too because as if he heard my thoughts he turned to me.

“It would be totally hilarious if we did this,” Said Dan with a wide smile.

“It would be really funny.” I replied but I didn’t take it any further than that.

“Is this something you would want to do eventually?” asked Dan cautiously.

“I don’t know. I understand that a lot of your subscribers don’t mind me but I don’t want to somehow be attacked by your phangirls. Ya know what I mean?” I said with a slight laugh. Yes, Dan’s constant
“Ya know what I mean” has rubbed off on me.

“Yeah but I literally haven’t come across a negative comment about you being in our videos.” Said Dan.

I knew he was lying, I had seen a few on Tumblr. One of my Tumblr followers even tried to talk to me about Dan and Phil’s roommate because I have followed/reblogged some funny things about them. She said a few rude things about Roomie not knowing that fact that Roomie was me.

“I really don’t know.” I said.

Dan looked sad but I knew he understood. We had the whole heartfelt conversation quite early on into our friendship.

Phil finished a little while after that and Dan told him about how we are having a movie marathon. Phil agreed as long as he could pick the movies. I knew it was going to be a bad idea but Dan and I said yes anyway. Of course Phil picked one of the worst movies of all time, “Hostel”. I had in fact seen before but I had been hiding under a blanket the whole time with head phones, so Phil didn’t count that as seeing it.

This time, instead of hiding under a blanket, I hid behind Dan’s shoulder the whole movie. The entire thing was blood and gore and Phil made me look at the TV every time a “good part” came on. I felt like I was going to hydro-pump all over everything. Dan found it quite comical but I literally felt like I was going to sick.

I was so relieved when the movie was over but the relief was short lived. The next movie Phil chose was Paranormal Activity. I wouldn’t have to cover my eyes for this one but I felt like it was going to traumatize me more that the last movie did. Dan and I both screamed at all the scary parts and when the movie was over I had Phil turn the lights on.

“Okay I think I’m going to go to bed now.” Phil said putting the movie away.

“Okay.” Said Dan as he got up and went into the bathroom. I guess the movie scared the piss out of him.

I made my way up to my room but I didn’t stay for long. I grabbed my fuzzy, comfy, black throw blanket and one of my pillows off my bed before ran all the way back to the lounge. When I got there, I found Dan sitting on the couch.

“What’s that?” asked Dan pointing to the blanket and pillow I held in my hands.

“What’s it look like?” I said turning on my sarcasm. I didn’t want to tell Dan just how terrified I was after those movies even though he already knew. I sat on the couch next to him.

“So should I turn the lights off then?” said Dan going to stand.

“No!” I exclaimed. Dan started to laugh. I gave him a glare.

“Okay I won’t turn them off. I didn’t really want to anyway.” Said Dan not making eye contact.

“So the movie got to you too then?” I asked. When he didn’t continue I fessed up.
“I’m afraid if I close my eyes I’ll see all of that blood and gore. I swear can hear noises in my
room and I am convinced it’s ghosts.” I said.

Dan didn’t laugh like I figured he would. “I know how you feel about the ghost thing. I think that the clothes around my room are demon goats and I’ll probably have a horrific nightmares if I attempt to sleep tonight.” Said Dan trying to make me feel better.

“Well I guess then we will just have to have a camp out in here and protect each other from all those demon goats.” I said to Dan with a hint of sarcasm seeping into my voice causing Dan to chuckle.

Dan stretched out on the couch. I stretched out with my head at the opposite end of the sofa and tucked my feet in between Dan and the back of the couch. Dan took the blanket I brought out and threw it over the both of us.

“Goodnight Dan.” I said all tucked up and already drifting off.

“Goodnight Sammie.” Dan said as I drifted out of consciousness.

I slept through the night with no nightmares and I woke feeling better than I had in a while. When I opened my eyes I saw that Dan was still fast asleep at the other end of the couch. Next I noticed Phil sitting in the chair looking at me with a smirk on his face. I covered my face with the blanket hoping he would just go away. Of course he didn’t.

“So you slept with Dan last night?” If I wasn’t afraid of waking Dan, I would have gotten up and
hit him. I was also just too lazy.

“Shh,” I said putting my finger to my mouth and then pointing towards Dan. I then mouthed, “Don’t wake him.”

Phil left with a wink. I knew telling him about my stupid crush on Dan was a bad idea. I stared at Dan while he slept but not in a creepy way. When he slept he looked so much more innocent than I knew he was. He looked almost vulnerable. He started to mumble in his sleep. I figured this would be the best time to screw with him.

“What did you say, Dan?” I said in a soothing voice. He mumbled a little louder but I still couldn’t hear him.

“Come again?” I said attempting to keep my laughter in.

“I said, stop staring at me you weirdo.” Dan finally said loud enough for me to hear. I felt all of the color drain from my face.

“Twat.” I said, getting up taking my pillow and blanket with me, leaving Dan uncovered still on the couch. I heard him groan as I walked out of the lounge. Today was the one day that all three of us had time off so we decided to go to a movie. I grabbed a change of clothes and made my way to the bathroom to go and shower.

I turned on the shower and the water started pelting down. When it was warm I climbed in. As the water fell, I let my thoughts wander and they found Dan. I was embarrassed that Dan caught me looking at him, but it’s wasn’t the first time and I knew it wouldn’t be the last. I thought back to when I started to realize that the feelings I have for Dan was a little more than friendly. I sat on the floor of the shower as the memories overtook my brain.

I sat on the floor of my old apartment with Dan. He was on the phone with someone and I was watching him talk. I watched the way his mouth formed the words he spoke. I noticed that when he would smirk, a dimple would appear. I looked at his chapped and cracked lips and started wondering how it would feel to place my soft smooth ones against his. I literally shook myself when that thought ran through my brain.

Dan looked at me weirdly when he saw me shake my head. I told him I had hair in my face. When he looked away, my eyes instantly went back to his mouth before I could stop myself. Dan noticed and turned to me.

“Do I have something on my face?” Dan asked quietly.

I was caught off guard. I met his warm brown eyes with my gray ones. It took me a second to answer because for the first time in the almost year and a half that I had known Dan, I was realizing just how amazingly beautiful he was.

“What? Uh…no. I, um, just noticed that your lips are really chapped. They look sore. Do you want come Chapstick?” I mentally slapped myself. I sounded so awkward.

“That would be great actually.”

I hurried off to get my most hydrating one. His lips really did look sore. I came and handed it to him without a word. He hung up the phone then applied the Chapstick.

“Really? Watermelon?” Dan laughed. I couldn’t help but smile.

“Hey, it’s the most hydrating one I had and by the looks of your lips, they need it.”

Now Dan is always stealing my Chapstick and always losing them. I smiled to myself at the memory. It was before I even really figured out that I liked Dan. Random thoughts like wondering what his hair would feel like if I were to run my fingers through it and how would it feel to have him lace his fingers with mine, were running though my head all of the time. I was pulled from thought by a banging on the door.

“What?” I yelled so whoever was on the other side of the door could hear me.

“If you don’t hurry up, we’ll miss the movie. Oh, and can I steal some Chapstick.” I heard from the other side of the door.

Holy shit! Can Dan read mind?

“Yeah and I’ll be out in a sec.” I yelled back.

I shut off the water and climbed out wrapping a towel around me. I started to dry myself off
and then I grabbed another towel for my hair. I dressed in dark gray skinny jeans and black tank top that had a white lace skull that took up most of the back. I loved this shirt because you could see little bits of skin though the lace. It made me feel like a badass and kind of sexy. Which is totally not something I felt often, if ever. I towel dried my hair and just wrapped it up in a messy bun until I got to my room where I kept most of my hair stuff. I grabbed all the dirty clothes and put them in the basket before exiting that bathroom.

Once in my room, I took my hair down and grabbed my leave-in heat protectant conditioner and ran it though my hair. Then I started up the hair dryer. It takes forever to dry my hair because it’s so long, so I wasn’t surprised when I turned around and found Dan sitting on my bed watching me.

“Now who’s staring at who?” I said to Dan before flipping my hair over my face to dry the underside.

I heard Dan snort in laughter. I decided to just give up on my hair. I would let it stay half wet. Dan left my room telling me he and Phil would be downstairs waiting. I still needed to start on my makeup. I just put some powder in my oily spots and did a little neutral colored eyeshadow with a semi-thick liquid liner flicked out a little, and some mascara. I went light on my eyes so I decided on a dark red lip. I grabbed my favorite Rimmel Kate Moss 107 and cautiously applied it to my lips.

When I looked at myself in the mirror, I didn’t recognize myself at first. I really did look like the rocker chick I sometimes felt like. Instead of my normal converse I went for my chunky combat boots. For jewelry I grabbed a few of dainty silver bracelets and paired it with a chunky spike bracelet I stole from Dan. I added a few of my bigger rings to the two small ones I already wore.

I looked in the mirror and still felt like something was missing. Then I remembered the statement necklace I had been saving. It had big silver triangles and it just went perfectly with the rest of the outfit. I put on my leather jacket I had brought up earlier. I grabbed my phone and my wallet, slipping my lipstick into my jacket pocket and left my room.

“We ready?” I said, walking into the lounge. Both boys looked at me. I swear Phil’s mouth opened a little in shock.

“Sam?” said Dan.

“What?” I asked looking at Dan like he grew a second head.

“You look,” Dan was at a loss for words.

“I look what Dan? Like a girl? Well I guess you’re just going to have to tell your subscribers I’m
a really, really good cross dresser.” I said turning my sarcasm on. Dan seemed to recover from his
shock quickly.

“No you’re just a really clumsy one.” Dan retorted. I stuck my tongue out at him. Dan and Phil both stood.

“Oh shit, Dan can you take a couple of pictures of my outfit. I have a really good idea for a blog post.” I said before we left.

“Yeah sure.” He said taking my camera that was sitting on the table. The picture took only a second. And then we were out the door.

Going out with Dan and Phil was always kind of hard because they would get recognized and no one ever knew who I was, plus we didn’t want rumors that one of the boys were dating me. We would normally walk together until we made it to a more populated area and then Dan and Phil would fall behind about six feet and follow me.

We have only been caught walking together a couple of times. The first was just me and Dan and we were going to get flu stuff for Phil. The girl came up to Dan and asked for a picture. Then she asked who I was. I made up some lie about being lost and Dan was helping me. It worked because of my painfully American accent. The other time was much like this one. The three of us were headed to a movie. It was just when Dan and Phil started to get recognized in public. This time I had been following the guys. Apparently a fan saw them and then noticed that I was following behind. She went up to a cop nearby and told him I was stalking the boys.

The cop apparently agreed with the fan that I looked dodgy. He stopped me. I had to call Dan and Phil and tell them to come back and save me. They showed up and stood about five feet away. When I saw them I pointed them out to the cop. He looked and Dan waved with the hand that wasn’t holding the phone to his ear.

It was awkward and the three of us never wanted to live through that again. Now they followed me. They were better at looking like they weren’t actually following someone. Plus, if a fan saw them, they would just run at them and not even notice me.

We made our way to the theater and met up in the lobby. Phil was designated to get drinks and popcorn and Dan and I went to find seats. I walked into the theater our movie was going to be and found three seats right in the middle. Dan sat to my right and put his coat in the seat to his right to save it for Phil.

There weren’t many people but there were a few. Dan and I were talking about which kind of popcorn was better, salty or sweet, when we were interrupted by a high pitched voice.

“Oh my god, Dan. Can I have a picture with you?” The girl said not noticing me yet.

“Oh yeah.” Said Dan taking the phone from the girl and then taking a picture with her and
handing it back.

“Thank you. Oh I’m sorry. Are you on a date or something?” she said noticing me. I couldn’t help but snort a little. Dan gave me a look.

“Oh no, She’s just a friend, Phil is getting popcorn.”

The girl looked me over, eyeing me up and down. She totally thought Dan and I were on a date. I had to hold back my laughter when she walked away.

“Well that was eventful.” I mumbled.

“Sorry I couldn’t think of anything else.” Said Dan with a frown.

“No it’s okay.” I said just as Phil walked in the theater. He came over to us and handed us both
our drinks. I passed on popcorn this time. We settled in as the movie started.

I was hyper aware of Dan’s arm pressed up against mine and how his knee kept bumping mine. Even if he moved slightly, I could feel it. I felt almost like I was suffocated in the darkness. More than once I thought about putting my hand on Dan’s knee to stop him from moving but I decided against it.

Also the thought of grabbing ahold of his hand crossed my mind quite a few times. I pushed away the urge before it had the chance to take over. I was so relieved when the movie was over. The lights turned on and it was like the electricity between Dan’s arm and mine was turned off.

Dan, Phil and I have a tradition to always stay for the whole credits. Sometimes movies have little bits at the end. Also by the time the credits are over, most everyone is gone. We would usually walk home and I would just leave a few minutes before them. I couldn’t stay for the credits this time, I just got up and left taking refuge in the ladies toilets.

This crush on Dan was really getting to be too much. It was getting harder and harder to ignore the feelings I had for him and more difficult to control my urges. For instance when his knee kept touching mine over and over, I just wanted to put my hand on his knee. Dan took the arm rest between us and more than once I thought about grabbing ahold of his hand. And what was that weird feeling I had when my arm was against Dan’s?

I took a few deep breaths trying to calm myself and decided to re-apply my lipstick. I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket. I looked at it to see a text from Dan.

Hey where are you?

I’m in the ladies room. I typed back.

Okay we are going to start heading home. See you when you get there.

I sighed at my phone. I was not looking forward to seeing Dan again.