Home, Sweet Home

I exited the theater, being momentarily shocked by the fact that it was still day light out. I waited a minute to let my eyes adjust to the brightness.

I tried to take my time walking back to the flat. I couldn’t stop thinking about everything that happened while we were in the theater. The electric feeling between us.

I decided to take a little detour. Instead of taking the underground like I did with Dan and Phil, I just decided to walk. They were probably already home and I was not taking the underground by myself ever again.

Walking around London reminded me a lot of when I first moved here. When I was at school, I never really left campus but once I got a flat, I wandered a lot. I just kind of walked around and got lost. I would always make it home though, usually with sore feet. Thank god the boots I’m wearing are comfortable.

Before long I was standing outside the flat. So much for taking my time. I almost didn’t want to go in but at the same time I really wanted to be in my room. I could hear my bed calling my name.

I took a deep breath and then opened the door to the flat. I kicked my shoes off by the door then picked them up and carried them up the stairs with me. I managed to make it up to my room without running into Dan or Phil.

I didn’t leave my room for the rest of the day. I just needed a little space from Dan. Maybe that would help to calm down the crush. I started writing my new blog post I had thought of earlier.

I watched a few YouTube videos as a break from writing. I may or may not have watched Zoe’s videos for an hour. Sometimes I can’t help but be so amazed by my friends. I’m so proud of their success but it also makes me feel like I’m not doing enough with my life. I mean I’m in my twenties like most of my friends and they have accomplished more than I ever dreamed of. I went back to writing before the anxiety sunk in.

I didn’t feel like I was typing for that long but when I looked up, the sky was starting to darken. I checked the time on my computer and noticed that it was almost eight. I still had my makeup on from earlier and I really needed to take it off. I grabbed a pair of shorts and an oversized t-shirt and made my way to the bathroom where I changed and removed my makeup.

When I was done I realized how thirsty I was. I made my way to the kitchen for a drink. I stopped when I noticed a figure standing in the dark kitchen. I thought about turning around in case it was Dan, but then I decided that I was so thirsty I didn’t care. I walked in and turned on the light. What I found was Phil with his had in Dan’s cereal. He looked up at me scared.

“Oh I thought you were Dan. He almost always catches me with my hand in the cereal box.” Said Phil with a nervous giggle.

“I won’t tell. Promise.” I said holding out my pinky. Phil took it with the hand that wasn’t full of cereal. I grabbed a glass and filled it with water from the fridge and leaned up against the counter.

“Why did you disappear after the movie?” Phil asked.

“Not here. Let go up and talk in my room.” I said turning and leaving the kitchen only half hoping Phil was following me. When we got to my room, I turned around and Phil was shutting the door. We sat on my bed. I sat at the end with my back against the wall and Phil sat beside me on the edge of the bed.

“Okay why did you disappear?” Phil asked looking into my eyes.

“Dan.” I whispered not making eye contact. Since I last talked to Phil like this about the crush on Dan, it was mild. I don’t think he realized just how serious this thing was getting.

“What happened?” Phil asked. I knew what he was hoping for but sadly he would be disappointed. He for some reason, really wants Dan and me to get together. He ships it.

“Throughout the whole movie, I was so aware of every movement Dan made. His arm was pressed against mine the whole time and his knee kept bumping me. I almost grabbed his hand. Sitting that close to him and in the dark theater turned my senses on high alert.” I explained to Phil.
“I just needed to get out of there and get some air.”
“Sam you need to tell him. It’s the only way you’ll find out if he likes you or not.” Said Phil wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “You may be surprised.”

“I’d rather keep him in my life and suffer than lose him and suffer.” I said looking away from Phil. I had put a lot of thought into it. Dan was my best friend here in London. Did I really want to risk losing him because of a stupid crush?

“And what if he likes you back?” countered Phil.

I laughed dryly.

“Yeah right and I’m going to win a Grammy and sprout a magical horn out of my forehead.” I said feeling just a little hysterical. Also I pictured a unicorn horn coming out of my forehead and laughed internally at the picture.

“Okay, spouting the horn isn’t that impossible but the Grammy is stretching it a bit. You and I both know you will never win a Grammy.” Said Phil trying to lighten the mood. It was not very effective.

“And I know I will never be with Dan… hey I’m not that bad.” I retorted realizing what Phil had said. Without thinking I pushed Phil’s shoulder causing him to fall off the bed and onto the floor. I couldn’t help but laugh but Phil was laughing too so it was okay. Now that lightened the mood.

“Sam you sing almost as badly as Dan does.” Said Phil climbing up and sitting on the bed again. For a whole second I thought of pushing him off again but I decided once was enough for tonight. If only they knew about all of the voice lessons I took while I lived in the US.

“Dan liking you back isn’t that impossible.” Said Phil wrapping his arm around my shoulders again.

“I beg to differ.” Was all I said as a reply. Phil changed the subject after that.

I felt a lot better after taking to Phil. We talked about the movie a bit. I thought it was good but it wasn’t really my kind of movie. Phil would have rather we go and see a horror movie but I had put my foot down about that. No more scary movies for a while. I don’t think my body could handle the lack of sleep

I had a hard time going to sleep that night because of the scary movie we had watched the previous night. I just felt like something was watching me and I was afraid to close my eyes.

The nights following were just as rough. It was like every time the sun went down, everything in my room turned into some kind of ghost or ghoul that was coming to get me. It was not enjoyable and I kept sleeping with the light on making it extra difficult to fall asleep.

Plus I couldn’t get any sleep during the day because of the constant filming. I mean could you sleep with a screaming Dan in the next room. Yes he played a scary game in the middle of the day. That and they filmed another Sims video. Dan can get very carried away with the loudness.

This week was worse than last week in terms of filming. Mostly because of the sleep I wasn’t getting. I kept getting so frustrated and I almost snapped when I found out Phil had drank the last of my orange juice. It’s not like it ever bother me that much so I don’t know why I had that reaction.

You could say I was happy to be going to work this morning. It would give me a welcome break from the boys.

The work day went smoothly up until around ten when I was working the register. Two girls who looked to be about fifteen came up to the counter.

The first thing I noticed was the t-shirts. It was one I recognized instantly. One of the girls was wearing a llama hat, the other had purple in the ends of her hair and they both had purple AmazingPhil and Danisnotonfire shirts. I had the same one in black.

When they came up, they were in a deep conversation. About me. I took a deep breath.

“Yeah I know, I just wish they would tell us her name.” The one with a llama hat stated.

“But I totally understand why they don’t. She wants privacy. She’s not a YouTuber to our knowledge and it seems that she doesn’t want to be one with the way Dan and Phil have put it.” Said Purple Hair.

“True, but I still want to know about her. I wonder which one she’s dating.” Said Llama Hat girl.

“What if she’s not dating either of them and why would it matter if she was dating one of them?” Purple hair questioned. Llama Hat shrugged. I wasn’t really liking Llama hat at the moment.

“What did you think of Dan’s latest video?” Llama Hat said changing the subject. Before Purple Hair could answer, I interrupted.

“What would you like to order?” I said a little louder that I meant to. They both gave me a funny look and their order and then went on to talk about Dan’s latest video. That I thankfully didn’t have a part in.

While making their drinks I couldn’t help but get more and more frustrated at their conversation. It was mostly about Dan. You know, the guy I don’t want to think about right now. Llama hat was definitely a Phangirl.

By the time I had finished their drinks I had my teeth clenched together and I was having all I could do to not clench my hands around the drinks too hard. That would just make then have to be
around longer.

I put the drinks on the counter a tad more forcefully than I meant to but they just continued to talk. I thanked every higher being I could think of for not letting me spill their drinks.

“That’ll be eight fifty.” I said after taking a deep breath. They ignored me and continued talking.

“I know I like the Reasons Why Dan’s a Fail better than his Internet Support Groups. They tell us more about Dan and who he is. Whereas the Internet Support Groups focus on people’s problems. I’m not saying I don’t like them, I’m just saying they aren’t my favorite.” Said Llama Hat.

“Here are your drinks. That will be eight fifty.” I said punctuating every word. It finally got their attention and earned me another weird look. They finally paid for their drinks and left.

I tried my best to not be annoyed with them but I feel like I didn’t do that good of a job hiding it. It’s not their fault I have a crush on my best friend who just happens to be internet famous.

When they left I turned around and exclaimed:

“I can’t even escape them while I’m at work for Christ sake.” I maybe said it a little louder than I meant to. When I turned around again the next customer was looking at me like I had three heads and one of my co-workers was giving me worried looks. I smiled in apology at the customer. She gave me her order but didn’t stop looking at me warily. I think she thought I was crazy. Maybe I am.

And to make it worse, Llama Hat and Purple Hair didn’t leave the coffee shop. Instead they sat at a table closest to the counter and continued their conversation. I had to listen to them discuss
Dan’s and Phil’s new videos and their past videos for two hours. The sad thing was I knew exactly which videos they were talking about without them saying the title.

I did a happy dance when they finally left. Mary caught me in the middle of it and gave me a weird look. She laughed at my reaction to when I noticed her. She knew how weird I could get because of the amount of times I had opened with her. I’m weird before caffeine… and after. So she wasn’t too surprised to see me dancing around to nothing.

The rest of my work day seemed to fly by. I almost thought about asking if I could stay and close but I knew they wouldn’t want to pay me overtime. I did however sit and have a cup of coffee before leaving just to kill time.

After an hour I decided I should probably get to the flat before the guys noticed I was late.

I walked back to the flat slowly. I was dreading having to go through whatever obstacle course the boys had set up today. I was pleasantly surprised to see that all of the halls were clear of tripods and no Dan lying on the carpet. The entire flat seemed really quiet. I was suspicious. Had the guys left or something?

I made my way up to my room. Yesterday I was so fed up with everything that I had finally gotten around to looking at apartments. I found a couple but I needed to look over them some more. The tabs were still open on my computer so I could look over them better. I noticed that it was open and on my bed so I made a mental note to look through them after I went and got something to eat.

I had just changed my shirt when there was a knock on the door. It was Phil.

“Hey Sam, can you come down to the lounge, Dan and I want to talk to you.” I felt a sudden wave of anxiety. What did they need to talk to me about? Were they going to kick me out? Did I do something wrong?

I took a few deep breaths to try and calm myself down. With a shaky hand I opened my
bedroom door and made my way down to the lounge. Dan was sitting in his normal spot and Phil was sitting in the chair. I took a seat at the opposite end of the sofa as Dan. I wiped my sweaty hands on my jeans then pulled the sleeves of my long sleeve shirt down over my hands.

“So how is the flat hunting going?” asked Phil. I knew they were going to ask me to leave. I just knew it. My heart started pounding. They must have seen the tabs on my laptop.

“Um I’ve found a couple that I like but I haven’t gotten the chance to look at them thoroughly.” I replied to Phil. From the corner of my eye I saw Dan’s face fall into a frown.

“Oh well what are you looking for exactly?” asked Phil.

“One that’s close to work, so in this area. Fully furnished because I can’t afford to furnish it right now. And a bathtub.” I told him.

“Oh really? I know the perfect place for you then.” Said Dan. I looked at him surprised and kind of sad. They really did want me to leave. My heart pounded harder.

“Where is that then?” I felt like my voice was getting smaller and smaller. I know living with Dan and Phil was temporary and I am looking for a flat but I really didn’t want them to ask me to leave. I wanted to leave on good terms not have them kick me out.

“Here, Sam.” Said Dan with a small smile. It took me a minute to process his words.

“So you don’t want me to move out?” I asked slowly. My heart was slowing and my hands were no longer shaking.

“Sam we love having you here, and not just because you make us pancakes all of the time. I feel like the three of us have grown closer with you here and we don’t want you to leave.” Said Phil. I just sat there dumbfounded. Dan and Phil wanted me to move in with them for good. I couldn’t believe it.

“We do need you to sign some papers, if you want to stay that is.” Said Dan looking slightly worried.

“Why wouldn’t I want to stay?” I said. Without warning Dan pulled me into a hug and when Dan finally let go, not that I wanted him to, Phil came over and pulled me into another hug. I was so happy and relieved that the boys actually wanted me to stay.

“It’s not a yes. I just want to think things over and I’ll give you a definite answer when you get back from California.” I said pulling out of the hug. After I said it I realized why I wouldn’t want to stay, but did my want to stay with them out weigh the constant filming and the other reason?

“Seems reasonable to me.” Said Dan. Phil nodded his head.

“Wait, this isn’t just so that the house will be clean when you come back is it?” I asked shoving away my unsure thoughts of moving in. Both Dan and Phil laughed.

“Only a little.” Said Dan wrapping his arm around my shoulder and giving me a one arm hug. I hadn’t really given them an answer so it wasn’t a celebration like they planned but we had pizza and an anime marathon anyways. I would have preferred we watch a movie to anime but who cares. I was just happy they weren’t kicking me out.

The boys told me that they were done filming for the rest of the week and that I wouldn’t have to worry about going through that tripod obstacle course, until they were back from California at least.

I had worked my only shift and now I had three days to spend with the guys before they left. I was thankful that they were done filming because that meant Dan would be holed up in his room editing for a couple of those days. But staying away this past week seemed to make me think about Dan even more.

I needed to get Dan off my mind and soon because if I didn’t, I felt like I was going to have a mental breakdown and kiss him the next time he did something cute. I had a whole week to think about what I was going to do about the whole crush thing. I just had to hang in there for a few more days.

The three of us all passed out on the couch. Too much excitement. Plus we ate so much pizza I’m surprised the food coma didn’t set in sooner.

Phil was the first one out. Dan and I decided to change to a movie so Phil didn’t miss any of the
show. Within fifteen minutes Dan was nodding off too. I continued to watch the movie but I never made it to the end.

The last thing I saw before passing out was Dan’s face pressed against the couch in a very derpy looking way. If I wasn’t passing out myself, I would have taken a picture of that.