Home, Sweet Home

Dan uploaded a new video for me. I was so excited that I could barely wait to get home from work. It was such a good video until the end. I watched all the way through with love in my eyes until the after video bit.

“Hhhh…I just. Want. To pee! Ugh.”

The video ended and my blood was boiling. He told me she wasn’t going to be in any of the
videos unless it was an accident. I could tell that Dan put this in on purpose. I bet she made him do it. My hate for this whore was growing at an alarming rate.

I took to twitter to see what Dan was replying. There was nothing. He just tweeted the video and still hadn’t replied to anyone. I refreshed a couple of times and still nothing.

I went to Tumblr to see what people were saying. Tumblr is my least favorite way to find out things about Dan. It’s where all of his fangirls that write fanfiction are and I hate fanfiction. Dan is mine. He is with me, not any of their characters or that Y/N shit. Plus he’s straight so he can’t be with Phil.

What I found was that everyone was confused and shocked that she was American. To be honest so was I. Dan would never go for an American. I know for a fact he would want someone from the UK. Me, duh.

Things I’ve learned so far is that she’s fat, ugly, and American. I knew Dan would never go for her and that made me feel a little bit better. I still hate her for making them let her live with them. Dan is mine and there is nothing she can do to change that.

My doorbell rang so I closed my computer to go and answer it. I needed to do something about this slut.



I walked around the house looking for things to do. First I went up and got dressed. I just chose a black pair of skinny jeans and decided to try a t-shirt that may or may not be a Dan and Phil one. It didn’t hurt too badly. I stuck my phone in my pocket and went down stairs. I did a load of laundry then went to go and tidy the lounge. I got a text from Dan just as I started to tidy the room.

Hey just got to the airport. I’ll tell you when we are boarding and I’ll text you when we land. Have fun.

I texted back a quick okay and then went back to tidying the lounge. It didn’t take as long as I hoped it would. I decided I should go and have some breakfast. I felt like having an egg and toast. I cooked and ate almost like I was on autopilot. Grabbing my clean laundry, I made my way up to my room so I could put it away.

I laid on the bed but felt restless so I got up and put away the clothes. Again it didn’t take as long and I had hoped it would so I started to adjust things in my room. Soon my room looked like the room of someone with severe OCD. I tried to listen to music but I didn’t even make it through the first song before I had to take off the headphones because I wouldn’t be able to hear if an intruder came in.

Finally I decided on a walk. I changed my shirt to a tank top and grabbed my jacket, wallet, phone and keys, putting on my converse at the door. I walked aimlessly and before long I realized I walked to work. I entered the coffee shop and walked up to the counter.

“Hey Sam.” said the girl behind the counter.

“Hey Emily.” I replied.

“I’m surprised to see you in here. What can I get you?” I ordered a coffee and waited patiently.

“Here you go.” Emily said, putting my drink on the counter.

“Thank you.” I said reaching for my wallet.

“Oh no. Don’t worry about it. I go on break soon. Can I come hangout with you?” She asked.

“Yeah.” I said with a smile. I took my coffee and walked over to one of the window tables and sat. Emily joined me with her own drink a few minutes later.

“So how have your days off been?” Emily asked taking a sip of her Frappe.

“Good, me and my roommates went to the park and had a picnic and then yesterday I was dying. Did you know the sun can burn you?” I said making Emily laugh.

“Yeah I heard that can happen sometimes.” said Emily once her laughter subsided. We were then plunged into silence.

“So what’s your work schedule this week?” Emily asked.

“Um I work tomorrow starting at like ten and then I work the evening shifts for the next two days. After that I have nothing really.” I replied to her.

“Oh well I was going to ask if you would work Wednesday for me. It’s my boyfriend’s birthday and we wanted to celebrate together.” Emily explained.

“Oh yeah I’ll work for you. Is it an evening shift?” I asked.

She nodded.

I asked about what her and her boyfriend had planned to do.

She talked for the rest of her break about their plans. She showed me a couple picture of them together. I have to say that they really were very cute together. Eventually she had to go back to work.

I checked my phone for any messages and I had one from Dan.

Hey we’re boarding the plane. I’ll let you know when we land.

I sat there and thought about what it would be like to be with Dan. I thought about how Dan and I could take cute picture together and I would be able to show them off like Emily and her boyfriend. It would be kind of different because we probably still wouldn’t post the pictures anywhere. But then again I don’t really know.

I asked myself, if I were to end up dating Dan, would I ever willingly be in a video. The answer to that came more quickly that I thought it would. If I was dating Dan I would do anything for him. I would totally be in one of his videos.

I then asked myself, would I be in a video if Dan asked me and we weren’t dating. What surprised me was my answer was different than it used to be: maybe. I thought about how Dan told me that everyone like his newest video. Would it really be so bad being in a video or two? No, I don’t think it would be. But I would want to be eased into it and not just thrown in.

I thought about how I absolutely love living with these guys. The fun times we’ve had since I moved in. How close I’ve gotten with Phil. None of these things would have ever happened if I didn’t move in. Was I ready to give up any future memories with them just because I was scared? Of my feelings and the camera.

Slowly all of those cons didn’t matter anymore but in the back of my brain, I heard a little voice. Don’t get too ahead of yourself. I felt like I was trying to talk myself into staying purely because it would make the guys happy. But would it make me happy?

I couldn’t stay sitting any longer. I felt like I just needed to move. I left my seat and started to walk aimlessly. Then a thought came to mind. In high school, something Lily and I used to do was stress run. When we were feeling particularly stressed or we couldn’t think clearly we would run. I really didn’t want to run by myself nor did I know any good places to run but I knew the perfect person to run with. I texted Niomi.

“Hey what are you up to today?”

“Nothing really. Marcus is working on a video. And we have to pack for Vidcon. We don’t leave till tonight. Why?”

“Oh I was just wondering if you wanted to go for a run or something but you don’t have to if you’re busy.”

“I would love to. Do you know how to get to our flat?”

Niomi gave me directions and I started for their flat. I got there quicker than I thought I would. Niomi let me in.

“Hey, how have you been?” She asked pulling me into a hug. We hadn’t seen each other since I moved in with Dan and Phil.

“Good. I moved house about a month and a half ago.” I said.

“Oh, are you Dan and Phil’s new roommate?” She asked already knowing what my answer would be.

“Yup.” I said popping the “p”.

We hadn’t really told many of our friends that I was living with the guys. It just kind of felt safer to have less people know about it. Of course I told Zoe and Louise because they are my closest friends here behind Dan and Phil, but most of the other YouTubers had no clue except for ones that had met me. They could have easily recognized my voice.

“Do you need to borrow some running gear?” asked Niomi looking at my current attire.

I nodded.

“Yeah, please.” I said with a smile. I was a little bit bigger than Niomi but some of her older clothes fit me. We both changed and made our way out of the house but not before Niomi let Marcus know she was leaving. They are such a cute couple.

We made our way to a place that Niomi liked to run. When we got there, we sat in the grass and stretched out.

“You know, I was kind of surprised that you texted me. I know you’re much closer to Zoe and Louise. Why did you text me?” Niomi asked.

“Louise and Zoe don’t run and neither of them are in London. Plus you and I have never hung out just us. I’ve never really gotten to know you, and I kind of want to.” I said. Niomi seemed to accept the answer.

“I didn’t think that you ran either.” said Niomi.

“I don’t normally but I do stress run.” I said.

“Okay what is stress running?” Niomi asked.

“When I get really stressed out or need to clear my head, I run. It’s the only thing I’ve found to work. I knew you ran so I asked if you wanted to come.” I explained.

Niomi nodded.

I also realized another reason I wanted to talk to Niomi. Her experience with Marcus doing YouTube when she didn’t.

We started our run but I quickly found out just how out of shape I was, but I powered though. I let the burning feeling in my legs and lungs become the only thoughts in my mind. I loved the feeling of pushing myself to see just how fast I could go. It got easier but after a mile my endurance was failing fast. We made it two miles before I had to stop. Niomi walked with me the last half mile. When we made it to the grass we both laid on it and properly caught our breath.

“That was a good run. Next time we’ll try to go the whole way, yeah?” said Niomi seeming to have already caught her breath.

“Yeah. We definitely need to do this again.” I said still sounding a bit winded. I figured now would be the best time to ask about how she was handled the times when Marcus did YouTube when she didn’t. Hearing about her experience with it didn’t really help me but that was because my situation is a little different than hers.

She didn’t live with him at first so therefore she didn’t have the joys of a tripod obstacle course. That and she ended up making her own channel eventually. I had no plans of making a channel. Ever. I am content with my blog.

Running with Niomi made me realize just how much I loved to run. Niomi and I decided to race back to her flat. She won but just barely. She let us into her flat and led the way to the kitchen grabbing us both a glass and filling it with water. I thanked her before downing it.

“Hey Nims.” Said Marcus coming in and opening up the refrigerator.

“Hey Marbob.” She replied.

“How was your run?” Marcus asked.

“Good but Sam here slowed me down.” She said giving me a half smile.

“Sorry. I told you I haven’t run in a while.” I said.

“No it was fun. Next time you should come with us.” said Niomi turning to Marcus. I nodded.

“Yeah I will next time.” He said.

Once my water was finished I escaped into the bathroom where I freshened up and changed back into my clothes.

“Thanks Niomi. I had a really good time and I feel like I can think clearly now.” I said pulling Niomi into a hug.

“Yeah, I’ll let you know when we get back and you can text me and let me know when we can go for another run.” She replied hugging me back.

“Will do but it may not be until the afternoon if I have to work. Unless I get an evening shift.” I explained.

“Oh right. I keep forgetting that you have a normal job. We’ll just wait.” She said. “Marbob are you coming with us?”

“Yeah if you want me to.” He replied.

“I do have one request,” I said making them both look at me. “Can you not vlog around me?” I said looking at Marcus.

“Why?” he asked.

I explained that I was living with Dan and Phil and that we were keeping who I was a secret from the viewers and if I was seen in a vlog or someone heard me talk in a vlog, they might know who I was. Marcus understood and promised not to vlog me. I thanked him and left.

They were leaving for Vidcon also but they had a flight later on. So I didn’t stay for long so that they could get to packing.

I made my way back to the flat…home. I was still unsure what to call it. The place was completely quiet and I didn’t like it. I missed the guys and they hadn’t even been gone for a whole 24 hours yet.

When I got to my room I looked over at my dresser where I kept the pictures of my loved ones and my eyes instantly went to the picture of me and Lily. I need to call her. I did a quick calculation of what time it would be over there and then found myself dialing her number.

“About time you called me. I thought you had died or something.” I heard through the phone after only a couple of rings.

“A simple hello would have been sufficient.” I said back into the phone.

“Damn I miss you.”

I giggled thinking back to the conversation I had with Phil about ship names.

“I miss you too. How is everybody at home?” I asked.

“Good but we wish you would call more often.” said Lily.

I could see her now. Lips pursed and hand on her hip.

“I’ll get right on that.” I said. “So how are my parents?”

“Good I guess. They are both working a lot. I see your mom all the time at the diner. It’s nice
for her to be doing something now that you and Ian moved out.” I couldn’t picture my mom in a diner. She was always a stay at home mother while my dad worked at the hospital.

“It’s so weird thinking of my mom not at home. What about Dad?” I asked.

“Your dad is busy at the hospital a lot. He’s picked up more shifts because Dr. O’Riley retired.” Lily told me. Dr. O’Riley was one of the only other Doctors that would work anywhere in the hospital. I knew that he was getting old and his kids were begging for him to retire.

“I can’t believe he finally retired. I’m pretty sure there was a bet going around that he would never retire and just die at the hospital.” I said causing Lily to snort.

“I know. He looked like his heart was going to give out any minute.” said Lily causing me to laugh along with her.

“What about my pain in the ass?” I asked feeling like Lily and I were picking up our friendship right where we left off.

“Um, Alexa broke up with Ian.” Said Lily hesitating a little before she spoke.

“What?!” I asked shocked.

“Yeah Alexa dumped him. She left him for some guy she met at college.” said Lily.

“You have to be kidding me. I knew she was a bitch but I didn’t know she could do something like this.” I said.

I never really liked Alexa the couple of time that I had met her. She was snobby and stuck up. I could tell she didn’t like me from the start. I didn’t even get what her problem was with me. I never did anything to her.

“Your brother is kind of depressed. You should really call him, Sammie.” said Lily.

Her voice sounded strained.

“How are you doing?” I asked.

I knew she must have been helping Ian get through this. The two have gotten closer since I moved to London. It was almost like Lily was a better sister to my brother than I am.

“Your brother was going to propose to Alexa. I even helped him pick out the ring. He’s heartbroken.” She said avoiding my question.

“Aww Lily, you helped the love of your life pick out an engagement ring for another girl?” I said not passing up on the change to tease Lily about the crush she has had on my brother since she became my friend. I could never do this in person because she would probably punch me.

“Oh shut up you.” said Lily.

I could just imagine how red her face was right now.

“Ian can do better and by better I me you. He could do you. Wait…that sounded wrong. No I don’t want my brother to do my best friend. That would be weird. Nor would I want to hear about it. Okay…I’m going to stop now. ” I said not being able to stop the word vomit that was escaping my mouth.

“Okay have you gotten more awkward since you moved to London or is that just me?” said Lily laughing at me.

I stuck my tongue out at her and then remembered that she couldn’t see it over the phone.

“You just stuck you tongue out at me didn’t you?” said Lily sounding smug.

She knew me way too well.

“So what if I did. You can’t see me.” I said sassing her.

“Yeah but I can still kick your ass, even though the phone.” said Lily.

I wanted to stick my tongue out again but I held myself back.

“Fine you win.” I said sounding defeated.

“Yeah so what’s new with you?” Lily asked.

“I, um, moved.” I said.

“Cool. Where?” I knew she wasn’t really interested but she would be soon enough.

“With Dan and Phil.” I said.

“What? You moved in with…the boys.” She said the boys quietly.

“Lily why are you whispering?” I whispered back.

“Your brother just walked in.” she whispered again.

“Okay.” I whispered causing Lily to laugh. One thing that I love about Lily is that her laugh is infectious. When she started laughing I couldn’t help but laugh along.

“Yeah I moved in with Dan and Phil. It was only temporary but they’ve asked me to stay.” I said.

“Yeah I saw Dan’s new video. It was hilarious. What did you tell them?” Lily questioned.

“I told them I would think about it. When they are filming, it gets kind of crazy here. That and the stupid crush I have on Dan.” I said.

“Oh my goodness, I forgot all about that. How are you holding up?” she asked.

“Fine. Phil knows so I can talk to him. He and I have gotten really close actually.” I said laying down on my bed and staring at the ceiling.

“I’m glad you have someone to talk to. So are going to live with them?” she asked making me assume my brother had left the room.

“I don’t know. Is it really a good idea to live with someone who you’re falling in love with?” I said instantly regretting it.

“Sammie you love him! You have to tell him. Oh my God. You have to tell him.” said Lily getting a little more excited that she normally would.

“Lily, I can’t. He doesn’t like me back.” I said with a sigh.

“How do you know? Did you ask him?” she asked already knowing what my answer would be.

“No I didn’t ask him.” I said my voice flat.

“Then how would you know. Dan could be totally in love with you and think that you don’t like him back.” Said Lily.

“Yeah Phil already tried that one but he and I decided that Dan would probably tell Phil if he liked me. He still thinks I should say something though.” I said thinking back to one of the many conversation I had with Phil.

“Yeah well I agree with your British replacement of me.” She said with fake hurt in her voice.

“He gives better hugs so…” I said playing along with her.

We talked for what felt like hours. She filled me in on the latest drama with her parents and at her school. She told me about cheering and how she landed some really difficult move I don’t remember the name of. Talking with her felt like we had just picked up where we left off the last time we talked.

“So when are you going to come and visit me?” Lily asked just before we were going to end the call.

“When do you get out of your summer classes?” I asked wanting to spend as much time with Lily as I possibly could.

“I’m done after this week.” She replied.

“I’ll look into flights and how much they cost and I’ll get back to you.” I said.

“Okay talk to you later. Bye.”

“Bye.” I hung up the phone and felt very lonely again. I double checked to make sure the door was locked and then went to the lounge. Everything reminded me of Dan and Phil. It made me realize how much I missed them already.

I watched TV for a little while but I was opening the store in the morning so I had to go to bed early but I just couldn’t fall asleep knowing I was in the flat all alone.